What up? You know who it is, you know what it is, so let's get this party started!

XXXX

(Konoha General Hospital, 6:00pm)

There had been a time, not long ago at all, when Naruto allowed himself to think the most important mission of his life so far would be fun. It didn't take long for him to start kicking himself for his naiveté. He knew better. He knew what the reality would certainly be, but he still let his excitement get the better of him. But soon that excitement was replaced by stress and it hadn't let up since.

And that was just the planning stage. Now that the time was coming to put those plans into action, things were already off to a fairly messy start. Other Jinchūriki, possessed meat puppets, Kushina's minions, a mysterious escape artist, and that was just his own team's report! The others had their own encounters, including one team who'd been slacking off in a café when a woman came in who creeped them out so much, they bailed as soon as she looked at them. In their report they swore up and down that the woman was wearing bracelets made of human teeth.

Kyuubi could only apologize for taunting Murphy.

The debriefing was the tipping point where Naruto decided he'd had enough. He needed a reprieve before his head exploded, and figured he'd kill two birds with one stone by checking in on Anko.

When he arrived, it was business as usual. Anko's injuries had mostly healed thanks to the efforts of Mirano and his staff, though her hands were probably going to be an issue for a while. That said, she still hadn't awakened. Not uncommon for someone who'd suffered that kind of brutality, as Naruto knew very well, but that didn't make it any less worrying.

What was going on in her head? He knew it couldn't have been like his own bouts of unconsciousness, which were usually little more than waiting for his brain to "reboot" once his body healed enough to function, so what was it like for her? Did she have her own Mindscape? Was she handling her own, metaphorical, demons? Or was she trapped in her own hell, reliving her torture over and over again?

At some point in his vigil he'd nodded off into the first bit of true sleep he'd had in a while. Though he had asked Kyuubi to wake him up if it happened, she didn't have the heart to do it. Her mate both needed and deserved some rest.

But then fate forced her hand.

Naruto jolted awake, head whipping around a few times before his eyes settled on the hospital bed. The empty bed.

"Well, isn't this familiar?" he looked up at the raspy voice to see Anko looking back at him with a small smile. She was holding a small paper cup in her right hand, which was visibly shaking from the strain of doing so.

"Ank-" Naruto got up from his chair just as Anko lost her grip.

"…Fuck." the woman huffed as the cup hit the floor, splashing its contents all over her right foot. "Physical therapy. Joy of joys."

"Anko, are you…" Naruto trailed off, realizing how dumb a question that was. Of course she wasn't alright, and of course she wouldn't admit it.

"I'm fine, Naruto. All healed up, just gimme a few days and I'll be out kickin' ass like always!" she flashed a crooked smile.

"…"

"Okay, two weeks tops." Anko shrugged stiffly. "But enough about me; I've got a question for YOU."

"Okay..."

"Were you writing a speech in here? Because there were times when I would, I dunno, come up to the surface while I was out, and I'd hear you talking. Sounded like you were testing out words; fancy, flowery shit I've never heard you say."

"Yeah, I was writing a speech." Naruto confirmed with a sigh.

"How the hell'd you get conned into that?" Anko snickered.

It didn't sound quite right to Naruto's ears, but he chose to ignore it. "It's…a long story."

"That's…a cop out." Anko rolled her eyes.

"Says the woman who claims she's alright, but can barely stand?" Naruto countered.

"I'm standing just fine, thank you very mu-!" as if on cue her legs buckled beneath her, though she managed to catch herself on the nightstand.

Naruto was by her side in an instant, and in that same instant she jerked away so violently that she slammed her hip into the nightstand hard enough to knock over the cheap vase sitting on it.

They both stood frozen for what felt like an eternity, staring into each other's eyes with bated breath. In that moment, they would both later swear even their hearts stopped as they both waited for…something. Anything.

"D-Damn, floor's all slippery now 'cause of the water. My fault." Anko said, a smile spreading across her face that didn't at all reach her eyes.

"…Water, yeah. I…I see." Naruto stood rigidly, doing his best to ignore the painful tightening in his chest. "What do, uh…Do you remember anything?"

"Not much." she replied far too quickly. "I mean, I remember talking to Yūhi, then looking for Hinata and the Aburame kid in the forest, but after that…"

"Ank-"

"I told you, I don't remember." Anko cut in.

"…" Naruto actually winced, ducking his head like a scolded child.

"I…I'd like to be alone right now."

"…"

"I'm sure a nurse is on their way here. Just tell them I'll let them know when they can do their check-ups and whatever." in her efforts to sound nonchalant, Anko prayed she didn't come off as dismissive.

"I…Yes, o-of course, um…I'll let them know, and, uh, I guess we'll…Yeah." if she had anything else to say, Naruto didn't give her the chance before he was gone, dismissing the guard clones as he walked out the door.

Once in the hall he practically collapsed against the wall. His vision blurred, his heartbeat pounded in his eyes and his body refused to stop shaking. He took heaving, uneven, almost violent breaths and clutched at his head desperately. Then, after an abrupt sound somewhere between a yelp and a sob, it was over. His pulse slowed, his breathing returned to normal, he let go of his head and pushed off the wall. And with a deep breath and forceful exhale, he marched down the hall without another sound.

(Naruto's Apartment – 6:30pm)

Haku sighed for what had to be the tenth time in the last hour, since Zabuza had called for yet another "cooldown" session. He'd been doing that a lot lately, and always for the same reason.

"I know she lost one of her best friends, but she needs to get over it!" Haku grumbled to herself as she plopped down on the stairs to the building's second floor walkway.

Losing loved ones sucked, something Haku knew better than many, but it didn't give someone the right to lash out at those who had nothing to do with what happened. Haku didn't ask to be the Inuzuka boy's replacement; she had been asked, by the Hokage himself no less. And Hinata had agreed to it, if only for the sake of the Exams. But now it seemed she couldn't keep her resentment in check and the resulting attitude was doing nothing but hampering their progress.

To make matters worse, Haku didn't even know where that resentment was coming from. She was simply the third fighter on the team, that's as far as it went in terms of replacing Hinata's friend. Otherwise, she went out of her way to avoid stepping on any toes. She gave them their space, didn't bring up anything personal and left questions about the team's history to Zabuza. All she wanted was to see the team through the Exams and represent Konoha on the world stage. After that Team Eight would get a real replacement, and Haku would be picking up her Chūnin vest and looking forward to joining her surrogate father on the Jōnin roster soon after.

This was all temporary, but no matter how much she stressed that, the younger girl continued with the blatant hostility that popped up seemingly at random. There was no rhyme or reason to the angry outbursts and baleful glares; apparently Haku's existence was enough to set her off after a time.

Though there was another possibility, but it was too laughable to even consider, even with the Hyūga's rampant insecurities…

The wind shifted and she perked up, a familiar scent catching her attention. Cooked meat, a hint of the telltale metallic smell that tended to cling to those with a body count, and something else that Haku still couldn't put her finger on. Sure enough Naruto turned the corner down the street seconds later. Her spirits were momentarily lifted, until she noticed his body language.

Straight-backed, head high, arms held stiffly at his sides and legs eating up ground as he walked with a purpose. This was different from his "angry walk" or the "relaxed" one that was becoming more and more common.

"Hello, Naruto-kun." Haku greeted, he enthusiasm no tempered with caution. "Do you have time to talk?"

"Hinata again?" Naruto said flatly, more of a statement than a question.

"…Yeah." Haku confirmed, deflating slightly at the indifference in his tone.

"Then I've already done all I can do." Naruto drawled. "This is something you two have to work out for yourselves. And just so you know, coming to me about it doesn't exactly make her more receptive to you."

"I…I know, it's just…you know her, and…" the girl trailed off as her excuses sounded flimsy to her own ears.

"I'm not the only one. You could know her, too, if you stopped walking on eggshells around her. Stop wondering what her problem is and get it from the source. Ask her, confront her, don't back down just because she gives you a mean look."

"I feel like being so…aggressive isn't the right way to go." Haku said, her voice getting lower and weaker as she shrank under Naruto's stare.

"Because being passive is working so well for you?"

"…"

"Figure it out, Haku." and with that, Naruto walked by the girl and ascended the stairs without another word.

'Well…there goes that plan.' Haku thought as she sat back down and sighed once more. She should've expected it, seeing as how this was the third time she'd gone to him for the same thing. 'He's right, though; her and I need to hash this out ourselves.'

She was about to get up and head back to the training ground when she heard Naruto's voice again from the second floor.

"This has gotten ridiculous. I told you the last time, and the time before that, AND the time before that; I'm done. I can't help you. I won't help you."

Haku rose an eyebrow at the sound of a high-pitched canine whine.

"You know why. Now go home, leave me alone and stop trying to squander the second chance that I gave you." the next sound she heard was that of a door opening and closing, ending the conversation.

Unable to contain her curiosity, Haku climbed the stairs just enough to peek over the top step and see the walkway. He ears hadn't deceived her; there really was a small, white-furred puppy sitting in front of Naruto's door. It stared at the door for several seconds, lifting its right foreleg up and putting it back down hesitantly, as if debating on whether or not to paw at the door. Then it seemed to lose its energy all at once and sank onto its belly with a pitiful whine.

It was a heartbreaking thing to watch and before she even knew what she was doing, Haku found herself slowly moving towards the tiny dog. It was only then she realized she'd seen it before, if only briefly. Akamaru, one of many friends Hinata's former teammate had left behind with his selfish actions.

"Hey there, little guy." Haku greeted with a gentle smile as she kneeled next to the puppy.

(Two Days Later, 8:40am)

"Are you two ready for this?" Naruto asked as he glanced back to see Sakura fiddling with her supply pouch for the fifth time in the last ten minutes.

"Probably not, but that's what you're here for." Sasuke replied flippantly, without a touch of sarcasm or bitterness.

"Mm. Sakura?"

"Y-Yeah, what he said…" the pinkette stammered, wishing she had pockets just so she'd have somewhere the put her hands.

"Right. Just remember the first stage is nothing. In stage two, do what I say, when I say it, and you'll live."

"And in the finals?" Sasuke ventured.

"…"

"…Stay out of your way?"

"…"

"Stay out of your way."

The rest of their trip continued in silence until they were on the Academy grounds, where they found a familiar face waiting for them.

"Kaka-sensei!" Sakura chirped as she broke from the group to practically skip up to the man.

Both boys stopped for a moment, Naruto with his head cocked slightly and Sasuke with a raised eyebrow. Neither of them knew just when Sakura started calling their sensei that, but the sudden brightening of his expression showed that he was all for it.

For Kakashi, it was one of the single most adorable things he'd ever heard and solidified Sakura as his all-time favorite student. Not that she had much competition, but still. She was a treasure, a bright spot in a world that seemed to be getting gloomier by the day, and he needed all the light he could get right now.

"Ah, my cute little student! And the other two!" Kakashi beamed, chuckling at the one-finger salutes he got back.

"Pep-talk time?" Sasuke asked, having already gotten one from Genma before heading out to meet his teammates.

"Yep!" Kakashi nodded, clapping his hands together. "First one I've ever given, so don't expect motivational gold here, but here goes. I won't bother sugarcoating this; you're walking into the lion's den, and the odds of you walking out unscathed are slim to none. But I believe in you, ALL of you. if you remember your training, use your brains, trust your instincts and your teammates, you WILL walk out. Put your egos to the side; you're entering these Exams as a team, so you'd better do your damnedest to make sure you finish it was a team!" the silver-haired Jōnin finished his speech with his eye firmly on Naruto.

"That IS part of the job, isn't it?" Naruto grunted, not bothering to hide his impatience.

"…Sakura, Sasuke, go on ahead." Kakashi ordered, eye narrowing slightly. "The team leader and I need to have a chat."

Sakura couldn't get through the Academy door fast enough, but Sasuke lagged behind like he wanted to say something. A single sidelong glance from Kakashi made him think better of it.

"What is it?" Naruto asked flatly.

"Is that all this is to you? A job?" Kakashi demanded with uncharacteristic intensity, stepping right into Naruto's personal space.

"Should it be more?"

"They're your friends." Naruto's right hand twitched ever so slightly. "Deny it all you want, but I've seen how you are with them. The things you tell and show them, the things you let them get away with; maybe you didn't notice it yourself, but somewhere along the way you let them in. Maybe they're just in the foyer, but they're still IN. And at the same time they've come to look up to you and see you as a leader, a teacher and, yes, even a friend." there it was again; same word, same twitch. "They have willingly put their lives in your hands, Naruto. They've put their trust in you. They've put their faith in you. Not your power, not your speed: YOU." Kakashi all but sneered as he poked the boy in the chest. "So you tell me, is this really just a 'job' to you? Because if it is, maybe it shouldn't be yours."

"…Are you done?" Naruto drawled.

Now it was Kakashi's turn to twitch as he physically restrained himself from slugging his most…difficult "student".

"Yeah, I'm done. Get in there; you've got about ten minutes before the Exams start. I suggest you use that time to do some soul searching. And maybe pull your head out of your ass if you've still got a minute or two to spare." and with an agitated snort that one would normally expect from Naruto himself, Kakashi brushed passed the masked terror and went on his way.

Naruto remained standing in front of the door for a few seconds before finally opening it and walking into the building. Sakura and Sasuke weren't far away, leaning against the wall about fifteen feet down the hall.

"Anything we should know about?" the black-haired boy asked.

"Don't you think Kaka-sensei would've told us if there was?" the reply came from Sakura, to her own surprise judging from the look on her face after the words left her mouth.

"Fair point." the Uchiha shrugged.

"Nothing you two need to concern yourselves with." Naruto said. "Just another reminder of what's on the line, as if I needed it."

"Well there IS a lot on the line…" Sakura commented sheepishly.

"You quite literally don't know the half of it." Naruto replied, then walked passed them. "Let's get this over with."

The other members of Team Seven shared a look before following along. Whether it was his way of dealing with the stress of such a massive undertaking, or just him putting on his "game face", the last couple days had been a not-to-pleasant trip down memory lane. It was like they had suddenly been transported back to the team's early days, when Naruto was so apathetic and disinterested that he often left a clone behind to deal with them and Kakashi while he fucked off to…wherever he fucked off to.

Gone were the surprisingly funny jokes, witty banter and interactivity. Back were the cold stares, single-sentence replies and dismissive attitude.

Whatever the case was, they both hoped it blew over soon, because the person they were following now was a far cry from the one who'd invited them to dinner at his apartment not even a week ago(1).

"Y'know, I heard that, in past Exams, they had really young Chūnin posing as participants posted at the doors." Sakura said as they approached the end of the hall.

"Yeah, they tried to bully other teams into quitting before they even started." Sasuke nodded.

"And not once did it actually work." Naruto snorted as they came to the last classroom on the floor. "Here we go."

The first thing they noticed upon Naruto opening the classroom door was just how good the soundproofing was. With the door closed there was absolutely no hint as to the din of noise inside. The second thing they noticed was the cause of the noise: dozens and dozens of voices overlapping each other.

Even Naruto paused at the sheer number of people in the room. A quick headcount had at least two-hundred individuals, making for sixty-seven three-person teams, minimum, and shattering all previous participation records in Konoha's history. Not only that, but Naruto spied several teams wearing the symbols of villages that had never sent anyone to an Exam.

"Holy shit…" Sasuke muttered after swallowing the lump in his throat. This was overwhelming in a way he wasn't quite prepared for.

He was still doing better than Sakura, however, who couldn't even form words anymore. Maybe she'd seen too many movies, but she'd expected at least a bit of the classic cliché, where someone enters a crowded room and everyone inside instantly drops whatever they're doing to silently stare at them. That would've been bad enough, but the reality was an altogether more terrifying experience. Nothing stopped. Conversations kept going, those content to ignore everything continued to ignore everything, and the guy napping in the top row didn't so much as twitch. But Sakura could tell they were watching. She could feel their eyes on her, coming from everywhere she wasn't looking.

She had been warned, they all had, but that didn't make the experience any less distressing. These aren't the kind of Genin she was used to. They acted the part, joking around and carrying on like they didn't have a care, but that's all it was: an act. They were watching, listening, analyzing, and Sakura had no doubt in her mind they had already picked her out was the weakest link.

"You want to keep that hand?" Naruto's voice brought the pinkette out of her paranoid thoughts and she noticed that several conversations actually had stopped and people were blatantly watching her team.

She looked to Sasuke for an explanation, only to see him glaring hard at something behind her. Following his gaze, she found some brown-haired boy from Suna sitting frozen in his seat next to the aisle, with his right hand just inches away from her rear.

The Suna Genin quickly pulled back and righted himself in his seat, head hung low in embarrassment.

"Good boy." Naruto said, then made his way over to the cluster of Konoha teams, his teammates following after sending twin glares at the delinquent.

They never saw the boy look over towards the back corner of the room and start sweating bullets as he met the disapproving stare of the Kazekage's redheaded son.

"Good morning." Hinata and Haku greeted in unison when Team Seven reached them.

"Morning." Naruto didn't miss the brief look the girls gave each other, but chose to ignore it. "What's all this?" he asked, gesturing to the other Konoha Genin.

Konoha had sixteen teams participating in the event, fewer than any previous Exam, where they usually had a significant numbers advantage even in foreign villages. Typically that advantage was used as a safety measure, with the teams forming loose groups to watch each other's backs. That was supposed to have been the plan here, too; loose groups spread out to cover all angles.

"It just kind of happened." Hinata answered in the lowest whisper she could manage, knowing Naruto would have no trouble hearing her. "We were one of the first home teams to get here, but then the foreigners started flooding in. By the time the next Konoha team got here, there were already nearly a hundred people in the room. They panicked and came over here."

"It was the same for every other team that came in after." Haku continued just as lowly, getting an odd, almost bewildered look from Hinata that she didn't seem to notice. "We tried to get them to spread out, but no one wanted to be the first to wade into the shark tank, so…here we are."

"I see…" Naruto grunted. 'It's already starting.' he groaned mentally. Given, he hadn't had much faith in the other Genin teams' abilities to follow instructions, but still.

"Don't judge them too harshly just yet." Kyuubi chimed in. "It's pure survival instinct; prey animals herding together."

'That'll be fun out in the forest…'

"They know your clones will be out there with them, so hopefully that'll calm them down."

'Something tells me it won't.'

"So, is this something we shouldn't concern ourselves with either?" Sasuke asked sarcastically, not at all appreciating the deliberate effort to keep him and Sakura out of the loop.

"Yes, as a matter of fact." Naruto answered. "There's nothing we can do about it now, unfortunately."

"That doesn't exactly make me feel better."

"Fine."

"…'Fine' wha-" Sasuke paused when he felt a cool breeze by his right ear like a breath, and with it came a voice.

"As you can see, our 'peers' have all clustered up around each other, which wasn't part of the plan." it was a Wind-based voice projection technique, and judging Sakura's full-body shudder, she was most likely getting it as well. "The idea was to at least try to pretend it was business as usual for us, don't let them see us sweat. But that's all out the window now. They've given in to fear and painted even bigger targets on all of our backs as a result. Do you feel better now?"

"…No." Sasuke muttered.

The next few minutes passed in silence for the Konoha teams, with them either not knowing what to say to each other, or having nothing to say period.

Then, at precisely 9:00am, a book snapped shut and a tall, scarred man in a long, black trench coat stood up behind the desk at the front of the room. All conversations stopped and every pair of eyes snapped forward, with some of their owners staring slack-jawed at the man. Not because of his carved-up face, or because they knew who he was; but because he hadn't been there just seconds ago.

"Alright, little birds, it's time to get started." the large man set his book down and walked around to the front of the desk. "My name is Morino Ibiki, and I will be overseeing this first stage of the Chūnin Selection Exams." Ibiki introduced himself and looked over the room, making a point to make eye-contact with every single one of them. He didn't need some test to tell him who the problems were going to be, but perhaps there were some who were much better at hiding it.

'I think he's found some people he doesn't like.' Naruto thought. Ibiki had no tells under normal circumstances, and prided himself on that fact. But even so Naruto noticed several instances where his gaze lingered just a fraction of a second longer that it should've.

"You should probably compare notes with him later." Kyuubi suggested.

"I'm sure you're all wondering just what this first stage will be. Well, observe your surroundings." Ibiki suddenly pointed to a green-haired girl from Amegakure. "You there, where are we?"

"Uh…" the girl stammered for a second, caught completely off-guard. "A classroom?"

"Are you asking me?" Ibiki inquired with a raised eyebrow.

"No, uh, sir, um, we're in a classroom. Definitely." she replied, shrinking down in her seat at the sound of snickers all around her.

"That we are. And what is a classroom?" Ibiki pointed at the blue-eyed ginger from Suna.

"A place of learning." Gaara answered without missing a beat, flashing a little self-satisfied smile.

"Exactly. It's a place where knowledge is passed down from teachers, to students. But it's also a place where your retention and understanding of that knowledge is tested. How?" he finished with a finger pointed at a boy from Kiri with way too much hardware on his face.

"With, like, tests an' shit." the boy shrugged, his speech surprisingly clear considering the five different piercings in his lips. "Y'know, written exa…Oh, you gotta be fuckin' with me."

"If I was, those papers in front of you all wouldn't be there." Ibiki said.

On cue everyone looked down and more than a few momentarily freaked out upon seeing the papers, and pencils, that most definitely hadn't been there before.

"A Chūnin's greatest asset isn't their speed, strength, a fancy weapon or special technique; it's their mind. You can be as powerful as you want, but it's what's up here," Ibiki tapped his right temple, "that will determine if you're truly worthy of being a Chūnin."

"Tch, whatever." the Kiri Genin with the strange, featureless full helmet scoffed and reached for the paper in front of him.

"Not so fast, little birds." Ibiki said. "This is a test of your minds as individuals; copying from your bookworm friends or the resident 'genius' on your team would defeat the purpose. So I hope you haven't gotten comfortable in the seats you've chosen."

Over the next two minutes the Genin were dispersed around the room in such a way that no one had anybody from the same team or even the same village immediately beside, behind or in front of them. The arrangement was met with surprisingly little complaint, and even most of that was from Konoha teams. Understandable, considering it left each and every one of them literally surrounded by potential enemies.

It baffled Naruto at first. The idea was to keep the home teams safe, right? So why the hell would Ibiki intentionally isolate them like that? Most of them looked about ready to piss themselves!

But he soon realized that was the point. The weak and unprepared would be so scared that they were likely to either quit outright or fail the test. Either way they would be protected by staying out of the second stage. Surrounded by hostiles though they were, in this room they were about as safe as they'd ever be. But out in the forest, all bets were off, and fewer Konoha teams meant less work for Naruto.

But that didn't mean Sakura's terrified face as she was directed to a spot ten seats to his right was a pleasant sight. In fact, it was so unpleasant that he felt the need to say something before they were separated.

"You got this." Naruto whispered as she walked by him. "And we've got you."

That seemed to do the trick, if her squared shoulders and purposeful stride were anything to go by.

"Everyone comfortable?" Ibiki looked around the room with a deadpan stare. "Good. You will have one hour to complete the test, which consists of thirty questions. Each one is worth ten points, allowing for a maximum score of three-hundred. To pass this test you will need a minimum score of one-eighty. Sounds simple enough, but here's the kicker: while not answering a question will yield no points, incorrect answers will deduct ten points. And for any of you thinking about cheating, go for it. Just know that if I or any of my associates catch any one person three times, it's an automatic failure for your entire team."

The pandemonium that followed his statement brought the smallest of smiles to Ibiki's lips.

"Think he'll let the home teams slide on that one?"

'He has to, at least for us, Eight, Ten and Team Guy.' Naruto replied. 'Unfortunately, we all have people with abilities that are perfect for cheating, but incredibly obvious.'

The bulging veins on Hinata and Neji's faces would be dead giveaways. Ino collapsing in her seat would be the exact opposite of inconspicuous, nevermind the risk of using her family techniques on people who may be orders of magnitude stronger than her. And unless Sasuke had been mastering some subtle illusions in his free time, he wouldn't be able to hide his eyes changing colors when the Sharingan activated. Even if Ibiki and his crew let them do it, if the other participants noticed and ratted them out, that would force their hand.

"Hopefully they'll play it smarter than that. But you're assuming that they'll need to cheat in the first place."

'Yam-'

"Yes, the blonde mummy might be an issue, but it hardly matters; she and her team are lightweights."

"The rules are the rules, canaries." Ibiki said, barely having to raise his voice to command silence. "If you don't like them, you're free to withdraw yourselves and your teams from these Exams. There will be others, but you probably won't like those rules, either." when there were no further outbursts, he reached into his coat to retrieve a small alarm clock and placed it on the desk. "Your hour starts now, flip your papers over and begin. Good luck."

Naruto did as instructed and knew there were going to be problems just from reading the first question.

'"In the year 310 A.N. the head of the settlement Arrowhead, Silas Dimitri, died six days after shaking hands with Yuri Nikov. Suffering from mood swings, headaches, paresthesia, skin discoloration and peeling, insomnia, tremors, muscle atrophy, memory loss, cognitive impairment, loss of coordination and slurred speech, Silas was originally thought to have succumbed to an exotic disease. But an autopsy revealed fatal levels of a deadly foreign agent in his system. What was this agent?"' Naruto barely suppressed a groan.(2)

To someone like himself, or anyone else who even dabbled in poisons, "Black Hand" Yuri was a legend. Possibly the most successful non-ninja assassin in the shinobi era, he earned his nickname through his penchant for using gloves coated in contact poisons to inflict slow, agonizing deaths on his marks with just a touch. But as historical figures went, he was hardly mainstream. He couldn't speak for the foreigners, but out of all the Konoha Genin Naruto expected maybe three of them to even know who Yuri was, and maybe four others would be able to figure it out based on the symptoms listed. If the entire test was like this, a LOT of them were going to be dead in the water.

Unless…

"Anything you could do to give them the answers yourself would be too risky here." Kyuubi said, heading off Naruto's thought process.

'Then let the chips fall where they may.' his decision made, Naruto wrote down "Dimethylmercury" to answer the first question and moved onto the next.

Meanwhile, Sakura's fear and apprehension had been replaced by excitement. Why? Because less than two minutes into the test she was already up to question seven. Between what she had learned from Kakashi, Dr. Mirano, Naruto and her own studies, she found that these questions designed to stump all but the most advanced Genin were a breeze.

'Let's see…A type of demon capable of manipulating humans by influences their emotions and subconscious desires. Hmm…' Sakura tapped the eraser of her pencil against her chin. 'I know I've read about that somewhere…Animus! That's what it's called!' she grinned as she marked down her answer.

Maybe she really did have this.

And on the other side of the room, tucked away in the top corner, Sasuke was having a fairly easy time of it as well, thanks to his secret weapon. Kakashi had shown him a trick with the standard Henge where one literally transformed into themselves to hide abnormalities. Rumor was it was something Tsunade of the Sannin had mastered it in order to look twenty-five even into her fifties. The downside was that Sasuke was hardly a Henge expert and thus couldn't do the technique without the smoke and noise that accompanied it.

So he practiced, and it was during one such session that Genma found him, asked what he was doing, and facepalmed at the answer. He then reached into one of his vest pockets and pulled out a pair of mirrored sunglasses. Sunglasses Sasuke was now wearing.

It was bold, brazen even, but it worked. Everyone who knew he was an Uchiha knew exactly what he was doing, but if they couldn't actually tell he was cheating, there wasn't a damn thing they could do about it. And judging from the look he'd gotten from the proctor when he put the shades on, he knew it.

"That boy has brass balls, I'll give him that." Kyuubi laughed as Naruto looked back at his teammate with equal parts incredulity and respect.

'He's not the only one.' Naruto replied as he caught a glimpse of Hinata five seats behind him. Turned out she hadn't been kidding about getting a Hunter mask.

"Also, I'm about ninety-percent sure he's copying off you."

'Probably decided I'm the closest thing he has to guaranteed right answers.'

"He's not wrong."

He spared one last glance at Ino, in the back row six seats to Sasuke's left, noted she hadn't used her family techniques yet since she wasn't slumped over her desk, and went back to his own test.

While Team Seven and at least some of their peers had things well in-hand, others didn't have it so good.

'Welp, I guess big sis gets to say "I told you so"; I really should read more.' Gaara thought as he found himself stumped by question five. The name of a plant species with vines that have a tensile strength similar to steel sounded like something that would've been in one of the many textbooks he had ignored in favor of training and performing his duties as the Sandman.

Looking ahead, the Jinchūriki saw that the next five questions were out of his grasp as well. That meant it was time to cheat, but first he needed to find someone to cheat from. Preferably someone who was flying through the test with clear confidence in their answers.

Someone like the Iwa Genin directly in front of him.

But he had to wait for a bit. With trained eyes watching from every direction, Gaara wasn't particularly confident that his methods wouldn't be seen. He only had three strikes to work with and way more than three questions that needed answering. His solution: Wait until the other boy answered at least twenty questions, then copy them all in one swoop. That way if he got caught it would only count as a single instance. He debated going for all thirty, but decided he couldn't risk the possibility that the proctor would take the papers as soon as someone was finished.

While Gaara settled on his game plan, his neighbor was on the verge of freaking out about her lack of one.

'Shit, shit, SHIT!' Ino thought frantically. Of the fifteen questions she'd looked at, she'd only been able to answer three because they had something to do with plants. 'Dammit, why didn't I study more?! I was warned about the test!' she had sacrificed studying for the sake of training, but if she failed the first stage, and dragged her whole team down by extension, it wouldn't matter.

The only way forward was to cheat, but how? Not only was her Mind-Body Switch obvious as all hell, but there was no way she was risking that with any of the people around her. For the last two weeks she and everyone else had been reminded over and over again to expect the worst. From prodigies like Sasuke, to freaks of nature like Naruto, there would be all types and she had been told to treat them all like the dangerous and unpredictable creatures they probably were.

So then what was she left with? Even if she wanted to take a strike for cheating with her family's technique, anyone she could safely use it on was at a terrible angle. There were too many people between her and Sakura, same with Sasuke, she didn't know how Hinata's prodigy cousin would react to such a thing, Shikamaru was three seats behind her, and Naruto…

'Nope, nope, nope. SO much nope.' Ino shuddered at the very thought.

Then, just as she began to lament her total lack of options, her entire body locked up. A second later it began moving on its own. Her left hand adjusted the angle of her paper and her right started scribbling. After a few seconds of sheer terror and panic, Ino realized she was being given the answers and her resistance was making the words almost illegible. She quickly relaxed and let Shikamaru do his thing while admiring his surprisingly immaculate handwriting.

But she wasn't the only one experiencing some consensual possession. Tira sat in her seat without a care in the world, perfectly happy to let her left arm write on its own. Initially she'd had some serious concerns about the test, knowing full well she was no good at things like that. As time continued to tick down and her paper remained blank, thoughts of failure, or more specifically the consequences, started dancing through her mind. Inferno was no help; he'd answered exactly eighteen questions, then promptly covered the paper with his body as he took a nap. But Jūjikei and his weirdo, voodoo body-puppet stuff came through in the end!

And then there were those who were having issues with the test for entirely different reasons.

'He's right there. He's right fucking there!' Kuishiro howled in his head. This test should've been nothing to him, but he couldn't concentrate. It was taking every single ounce of willpower he had just to keep a lid on his killing intent and not obliterate the monster sitting just to his left on the spot. So what if the Iwa scrub between them got vaporized in the process? 'One Blitz Rush could do it if I aim for the head.'

"And that's strike three for you, kid." Kuishiro was so wrapped up in his own bloodlust that he was actually startled by the voice of a Konoha Chūnin calling out the boy sitting directly behind him. "You, and your team, are out."

"What?! No way!" the scream came from the other side of the room as another Suna Genin shot out of his seat with an absolutely furious look on his face.

"Yes way." the Chūnin replied. "All of you, out."

That sobered Kuishiro right up, as he was reminded that his actions would have consequences, and getting booted from the Exams would be the least of them. His family had made plans for a reason and he had to stick to them.

That didn't mean he had to like it.

Over the next fifteen minutes, five more teams were eliminated for cheating. Two from Iwa, one more from Suna, one from Ame and one from Kusa. Then, at the half-hour mark, Ibiki suddenly stood up and pressed a button on top of the clock to stop the timer.

"Half-time, canaries. You don't have to stop, but you might want to pay attention. Now, we've been noticing a lot of blank spaces and wrong answers out there, and quite frankly I don't think another half-hour is going to help the ones I'm talking about. But I have something that just might." Ibiki walked around to the front of the desk with his arms behind his back. "You see, I told a little fib before the test began, telling you that there were thirty questions. There's actually thirty-one, and that bonus question is worth a whopping one-hundred points."

There were several gasps and a low whistle from the audience.

"Really?" a Konoha Genin asked.

"Really." Ibiki nodded. "And it's already on your papers, so you can answer it right now…provided you can figure out how to reveal it. But be careful; getting the method wrong will cause your tests to self-destruct, resulting in automatic failure. Good luck." he finished after starting the timer again.

It was an interesting risk-vs-reward proposition, though not particularly tempting for those who knew they were safe. It wasn't like getting an extra hundred points on top of an already passing score would do anything for them, so why bother? But for those who count only answer a few of the first thirty questions, and those who weren't entirely sure about some of their answers, it was an attractive idea even with the all-or-nothing factor.

It took less than a minute for the first test to go up in flames.

"Fuck!" the Takigakure Genin screamed.

"Out." the Chūnin who appeared next to him commanded, jabbing a finger towards the door.

More followed in quick succession. Three Konoha Genin had their papers explode with a flash of light and an ear-ringing crack not dissimilar to a lightning strike. A Hoshigakure Genin had his paper become so wet that it dissolved into mush before his eyes. And another Suna Genin had her paper crumble into dust.

Sakura glanced at the latest group of failures and she was baffled. Did no one understand how invisible inks worked? It was so simple! Just because the ink was reactive to chakra didn't mean you absolutely had to use it. Body heat was enough to make Fire-based ink visible enough to read. Lightning ink could be activated by a static charge or by going over it a few times with a working electronic device. Wind ink only required a steady flow of moving air. Water ink could be revealed by sweat, tears or even saliva. And the graphite from their pencils could make Earth ink show itself.

This was literally textbook stuff! Maybe not from textbooks used in the Academy, at least in Konoha, but still.

'How is that not common knowledge?' Sakura thought, suddenly feeling significantly better about the Exams as a whole. But she was quick to squash that misplaced confidence.

She knew better than most that things like these paper tests weren't everyone's forte, and that many did better in practice than in theory. That was the story of her life inside this very building. She had to keep in mind that these people weren't chosen by their villages for their book smarts or general knowledge, but for their ability to fight, kill and spy. Hell, now that she thought about it, she had to wonder how many of the eliminated teams intentionally threw the test, trying to pose as foolish rookies so no one would think twice about them.

'No, none of that.' Sakura chastised herself. Her job was simply to stay alive, not question everyone's motives and see through their acts. That was up to Naruto and others who were actually capable of doing something about it if needed.

Speaking of Naruto, he knew all about invisible inks and decided to go for the bonus question just because he could. He wouldn't get anything from a perfect score of four-hundred, but it wouldn't hurt either. He was almost disappointed when it turned out to be Fire-based ink.

'Let's see…"Sokuto, Jimen and Yuuichi infiltrated the Land of Iron to assassinate a target who had taken refuge there. They were discovered by two samurai, whom Jimen and Yuuichi engaged in battle. Sokuto, the team leader, continued after the target, whom he found guarded by senior officer. Sokuto challenged the officer to a sword duel, but was quickly slain, while Jimen and Yuuichi were overwhelmed by the samurais' reinforcements. What was Sokuto's mistake?"' Naruto snorted as he finished reading. 'Can we only list one?'

"The answer to this question can tell Ibiki and his team a lot about the one who gave it, assuming they answer honestly." Kyuubi said. "If someone says, 'His mistake was sneaking into Iron Country in the first place', one might assume they're a 'by the books' kind of person who doesn't take unnecessary risks. If they say, 'Getting caught', you couldn't be blamed for thinking them arrogant and proud of their own stealth skills. Or if their first thought is, 'He left his teammates behind'…"

'…'

"Just don't make his mistake."

As his mate went silent Naruto noticed that he had actually written something down unconsciously and almost choked when he saw it. He nearly ripped the paper in his haste to erase it. But even after that, and covering it with his real answer, he swore he could still see it plain as day. It was burned into his eyes, burned into his mind. Burned into his very soul.

"I left her behind."

Twenty minutes and four more eliminations later, the shrill beeping of the clock signaled the end of the test.

"Pencils down, people, that's it." Ibiki called and looked around the room at the Chūnin hopefuls. And the wolves in sheep's clothing.

Many were clearly nervous, slower to put their pencils down than others. Some were as smug as could be, so very confident in their answers. And then there were those who showed nothing either way. They knew they had passed, but found the test so easy that it wasn't an accomplishment in their books.

"Uh, sir? I don't suppose we could get, like, three more seconds?" the Kiri Cowgirl, Marika, asked sheepishly.

"What do you think, canary?" Ibiki deadpanned.

"Then I hope you don't care about punctuation!" she replied with a grin, totally unfazed by the denial.

"…Three…Two…One."

"Done!" Marika dropped her pencil and her hands shot into the air.

"If I see so much as a single comma out of place, I will find you." Ibiki said, then picked up the stack of papers on his desk and handed them off to one of his assistants, who promptly left the room via Body Flicker.

It was about that time that the Genin noticed their papers and pencils were gone.

"Okay, did ANYONE see what just happened?" a dark-skinned boy from Kumo asked the room, seemingly more genuinely curious than freaked out.

"I did." a blonde-haired Genin from Kiri said, leaning back in his chair and staring right at the Chūnin with the wild hair and the weird strip of cloth over his nose.

Kotetsu stared right back for a couple seconds, then pointed down.

The Kiri boy looked down to see a small yellow piece of paper in front of him that read "Did you?". His eyes widened and he looked back to the Chūnin only to see the one next to him, with long brown hair covering his right eye, waggling a pack of yellow sticky notes at him.

Kotetsu and Izumo shared a fistbump as the boy let out an indignant huff and turned away.

"And now we wait to find out which little birds are ready to leave the nest." Ibiki sat down on the edge of his desk. "Won't be too much longer."

"I hope not." came a voice from behind him.

"You're early." the scarred man remarked without so much as a blink.

"It'd be weird if I wasn't." Genma replied, sitting in the chair Ibiki had vacated and reading his book.

"Oh, goddammit…" Sasuke muttered to himself and buried his head in his hands. Of course Shiranui would be the proctor for stage two.

Somehow the Jōnin heard him, evidenced by him suddenly snapping the book closed and turning towards the Uchiha with a huge, disturbingly bright grin on his face.

"Hi, son!" Genma all but yelled, waving overenthusiastically.

"…I'm gonna kill you." Sasuke said flatly, eyes twitching behind his sunglasses.

"I hope you got a perfect score; wouldn't want to bring out the hose." Genma's grin got even wider.

"You will die by my hand."

"You've been doing so well, too." Genma plowed through, shaking his head dramatically. "It really would be such a shame to go back to the hose."

"One day you're gonna go to sleep, and then wake up on fire."

"It gets a perfect score and wins, or else it gets the hose again!" Genma suddenly shouted, staring Sasuke down with wide, crazed eyes.

"…" if there was one thing Sasuke had learned since becoming a Genin, it was to know when he was beaten. He should've known better than to let himself be baited like that.

"You know I only do it because I love you." the headbutt-happy man said gently, flashing a smile and a thumbs-up that would make Guy proud.

"Alright, that's enough of that." Ibiki interjected with a sound somewhere between a growl and a sigh.

"Aw c'mon, just a few more minutes?" the orange-haired guy from Tsukigakure cackled. "This shit is great!"

"The verdicts are in, little birds." Ibiki said, ignoring the kid.

"Seriously, HOW?!" the same Kumo Genin yelled upon looking down and seeing that his test paper had been returned to him.

Most of the others had similar reactions; even some who'd been unfazed before started to look around and eye the Konoha invigilators suspiciously.

"As you can see, your scores are written at the top of your papers. Those who have anything under one-eighty, kindly see yourselves out."

In the end, eight more teams walked out, though some did it with more dignity than others.

"Huh…You might be losing your touch, Ibiki." Genma remarked. By his count, twenty-four teams had been eliminated, but that still left fifty to move on. That was more than any other Chūnin Exam in Konoha's history, perhaps even in the history of the event itself.

"Maybe." Ibiki shrugged. "Or maybe this flock will actually be worth something."

"We're about to find out." Genma grunted as he stood up. "Alright kiddies and sandbaggers, group up with your teams and follow me!"

The remaining Genin were quick to regroup and followed the man out through the door as instructed. Once outside the building, they took to the rooftops and made their way south.

"So, who should we be worried about?" Sasuke asked.

"That team from Tsukigakure most definitely." Naruto answered, watching the team in question out of the corner of his right eye.

"The ones from the barbeque place? Yeah, I get that. What about those other two Kiri teams? Did you see how that Winston guy and the cowgirl were looking at them?"

"Mm, there's definitely a story there. If Winston and his team are here representing the "new" Kiri, I'd wager the others are representing the old one. Ibiki didn't like them either; he pointed one of them out to us." Naruto said.

"So that's what that was, when he was waking people answer questions?" Chōji asked, his team as well as Team Eight and Team Guy having sort of congregated around Team Seven.

"Yes, which means that green-haired girl from Amegakure is also one to look out for." Naruto nodded.

"And the redheaded raccoon from Suna?" Sasuke asked, remembering the other person Ibiki had called out.

"Pretty sure him and his team are the Kazekage's kids." Naruto replied.

"Which means they've probably had some amazing training." Shikamaru chimed in.

"Not only that, but rumor has it that one of them is the Jinchūriki for the One-Tailed Demon Lord."

"I'm tempted to ask if you're kidding, but I know better." Sasuke sighed. "Any idea which one?"

"Well, I've read that Jinchūriki tend to take on at least one physical trait related to the demon within them, and the Ichibi is supposed to be a tanuki, so…"

"So…that's not guyliner, is it?" Ino asked with a nervous gulp as she watched the redhead far off to the right. "Yeek!" she yelped and quickly averted her gaze when he suddenly looked over and made eye-contact with her, like he could feel her eyes on him.

"Afraid not." Naruto mumbled, eyes now locked with the meat-puppet from Tsuki, who was now up ahead and blatantly staring at him while jumping backwards.

(Forest Gates, 10:35am)

"Welcome, one and all, to the Forest of Death: Konoha's own little slice of hell on earth." Genma said almost lazily as he stood in front of the massive fence that surrounded the forest perimeter. "My name is Shiranui Genma and I'll be overseeing stage two of the Chūnin Selection Exams."

"Oooh, ominous." Inferno yawned.

"Yeah, it's a bit on the edgy side, but I think we can all agree that it's better than the alternative: 'The Forest of Oh God I'm Being Eaten Alive By Fifteen Different Things At Once!'." Genma deadpanned. When no one said anything he broke out with a smile, "I'm kidding! Buuut, I'm gonna need you all to sign these waivers, releasing Konoha from all responsibility in the event you are, in fact, eaten alive by fifteen different things at once. Or if you end up getting maimed, melted, impaled, irradiated, drowned, disemboweled, sodomized, seared or just wind up with a particularly nasty case of swamp ass." he then handed three stacks of paper to three Konoha kunoichi, who set about passing them to the Genin.

"Um…Did you say 'sodomized'?" a brown-haired boy from the last remaining Tanigakure team asked after raising his hand.

"Yes." Genma replied without hesitation or even a trace of mirth.

"…What the fuck is in there?!" the boy's voice actually cracked and his face paled.

"It'd be easier to tell you what's not in there." Genma shrugged. "Hope, joy, shampoo; it's really quite an awful place."

"Hah, this guy's awesome!" Inferno howled, nearly doubled over from laughing at the looks on some of the kids' faces.

Dozens of others were in the same boat; even Naruto wasn't immune, as evidenced by his shaking shoulders.

"Once you sign the waivers, turn 'em in over at the…paper turn-in area." Genma gestured vaguely over to the white stand set up near a section of fence marked "Gate 1".

"…Really?" the kunoichi manning the station scoffed.

"Turn your papers in at Emiko's Kissing Booth." Genma called out loudly. "First one gets tongue!"

"You sack of sh-!" Emiko's furious scream was cut off by a signed waiver being slapped down in front of her.

She expected to see some wannabe Casanova half her age making eyes at her, so imagine her surprise when she instead came face-to-face with a girl who looked like she'd walked right out of one of those boys' wet dreams.

She was tall for her apparent age, standing an easy five-foot-nine, and had the shiniest, softest-looking blonde hair cascading down around her shoulders and framing her perfectly heart-shaped face. Her eyes were the lightest, most vibrant blue Emiko had ever seen, lightly tanned skin that begged to be caressed and her full lips seemed to be stuck in a permanent pout that had the woman's mind going to places usually reserved for men like Kakashi Hatake.

Emiko actually shivered when the right corner of those lips upturned in a smirk.

"Good morning." the girl purred with an accent that fit what Emiko knew about the village that bore the symbol on the forehead protector around her neck: Shimogakure. "I am Natalia. And you are 'Emiko', yes? I hope so." she leaned in slightly and blatantly looked the woman up and down before settling on her beet-red face. "And I think you do, too."

Some thirty yards away stood the rest of her team, rolling their eyes at her antics. One was a rather large boy wearing a dark blue track suit and sporting a shaved head, save for the short blonde Mohawk right down the center. The other was a tall, rather lanky fellow with black hair, wearing a grey light jacket, a black turtleneck shirt, dark slacks and black gloves.

Of course just about every male in the vicinity was watching, hoping for a free show, but some were paying attention for different reasons.

Naruto's eyes narrowed behind his mask as he looked back and forth between the girl and the other Shimo Genin. They had gone totally under the radar, but her crossing that thirty-yard distance in a scant fraction of a second threw up some major red flags.

Once the last of the waivers were turned in, and Emiko left with a stack of papers in her hands and dirty thoughts involving hotel room numbers and open invitations in her head, Genma took center stage once again.

"Alright, boys and girls, gather 'round so Uncle Genma can tell y'all the rules." he waited until he had everyone's attention and continued. "As you can see, the fence surrounding the forest has different gates for entry and exit. There are forty-four in total, and usually that's more than enough. But this time around, somehow, someway, it's not enough. So we'll be doing a staggered release for six teams. Now for how to pass." Genma reached behind his back and produced a black cylinder with a pointed end from…somewhere. "This is a dead drop spike. You'll find hundreds of these scattered all around the forest with little colored flags tied to them. Unscrew the top and you'll find a small scroll inside with a number on it, which tells you how many points it's worth.

The minimum to pass is five-hundred, but you can grab as many as you want. Note that spikes have not been placed randomly; the higher the value, the higher the risk. Pay attention to the color of the flag. Blue is easy pickings, but you'll get jack shit out of them. Yellow means tread softly and maybe don't touch any plants in the immediate area. Orange means you should prepare to either fight or run, because something mean is known to frequent the area. And red means you should think twice about what you're doing, then think about it again and go for an orange instead."

"Excuse me, sir," Winston spoke up after clearing his throat to get the Jōnin's attention, "can we get a general breakdown of the points we can expect out of each color?"

"Sure thing. Blue will contain anything from one point, to twenty. Yellow will have anywhere from twenty-one, to fifty. Orange, fifty to a hundred. And red goes from one-oh-one to two-hundred. No matter how you slice it, unless you get damn lucky several times in a row, you're gonna be in there for a while. So you've got three days to either do what you need to do, forfeit and call for help, or die. To do what you need to do, reach the fortress at the center of the forest; look for the radio tower when you lose your way. To forfeit, each of you was given a special scroll when you turned in your waiver; unroll it and you'll be escorted out of the forest. Of course your teammates will be left behind and if they reach the fortress a man short, it's an automatic failure. And as you've probably guessed, stealing points from other participants is totally acceptable if you want to be an asshole. Any questions?"

(Forest of Death, 11:25am)

"You think we're far enough in to change?" Sakura asked as the team stopped on a massive tree branch after a solid ten minutes of leaping through the canopy, only pausing briefly to snag a few easy spikes.

"Yeah, this is fine." Naruto answered and stepped off the branch to drop to the forest floor, prompting the others to do the same. Once on the ground Naruto summoned a pair of clones. "Get to it, they'll cover you."

"Be right back." Sasuke said, then headed into the bushes with one of the clones in tow.

"No peeking!" Sakura warned, giving them all stern glares before moving through the underbrush herself.

Naruto only snorted in response and took up a position leaning against the tree they'd just come down from. It wasn't long before he felt three chakra signatures rapidly approaching. Turning slightly to face their direction, he waited silently, showing no hint of the anticipation he felt. The lambs were coming.

The first of many.

"Huh, didn't expect to run into anyone else so soon." remarked the lead Kusa Genin as the trio emerged from the foliage.

"Yeah, with such a huge forest like this." another said. "Guess they're just unlucky."

"I should hope not; we need some points!" laughed the last one as they spread out to try and corner their prey against the tree.

"True, true." the apparent leader nodded towards Naruto. "Say, kid, you find any spikes yet?"

"A few." Naruto shrugged.

"How many points?"

"Twenty-five. You?"

"Fourteen. Well, thirty-nine now."

"You don't say." Naruto drawled.

"Tch, look at Mr. Frosty here." one of the Kusa shinobi sneered as he moved in closer. "I gotta say, it's kids like you that really piss me off. The mask, the coat, the attitude; you try so hard to be so damn cool, but your head's too far up your own ass to realize that everyone can see right through you!"

"I guess I can see why you'd think that, but guess what?"

"Wha-!" the other Genin's mocking reply was interrupted by a hand wrapping around his neck in an iron grip.

Before any of them could register what was happening, Naruto pressed his glowing right hand to the boy's chest and released the attack, blowing a basketball-sized hole clear through his body.

"I can see through you, too." Naruto held the fresh corpse up and peered through the ragged portal of blood and viscera.

"What the fuck?!" the Kusa team's leader shrieked as he backed away, but not nearly fast enough. The next thing he knew, a fist was buried in his gut, causing him to heave over.

"Hold this." Naruto said as he took hold of the boy's head and rammed it through the hole in his teammate's torso.

The last one tried to run, but tripped over his own feet before the Jinchūriki could even do anything. He quickly sprang up and whirled around, launching a kunai.

Naruto snatched it out of the air in an almost casual motion, then threw it right back, hitting the boy in the right shoulder and sending him back to the ground.

The Kusa Genin got up again and started to form a set of hand seals. But the combination of a rapidly numbing right arm and his own nerves made it hopeless.

But Naruto hit him with a quick Compression Bullet to the left leg anyway, sending him right back down.

Unable to stand, the terrified Genin did the only thing he could: he reached for the scroll that would allow him forfeit and escape with his life.

"You know, if you hadn't been a bunch of dickheads, or if you'd at least put up a decent fight, I might have allowed that." Naruto swiped the scroll before it could be triggered and hauled the foreigner up with an arm around his neck.

"P-Please-"

"Don't beg." Naruto commanded. "Have some dignity in the end." he dropped the scroll and placed his right hand on top of the other boy's head.

"Let him go!" the leader demanded, having finally extricated himself from the corpse of his comrade.

"…Make me." was Naruto's somewhat juvenile reply as he turned to fully face the last Kusa Genin standing and slowly started to pull his captive's head to right.

"Stop it!" the leader's voice cracked and Naruto could clearly see the internal struggle between loyalty and self-preservation in his eyes.

"Make. Me." the masked menace repeated, the captured Genin's futile struggles going ignored as he kept pulling, bending the neck over his left forearm.

"S-Suichi!" the doomed shinobi pleaded. "Help m…" the last word faded into a death rattle when his head was jerked fully over, his temple touching his shoulder, accompanied by the popping crunch of cervical vertebrae separating.

"Kaza, no…" Suichi whimpered, watching his friend's body fall to the floor one last time.

He didn't get to dwell on it for long, for in the next moment the heel of the murderer's palm smashed into his chin from below, tilting his entire upper body back. The same arm then snapped back down, driving the point of the elbow into his sternum, crushing it in and putting him down for good.

"I gotta say, it's kids like you that really piss me off." Naruto spat as he stood over his dying "opponent". "You try so hard to look so tough, but when the chips are down you fold like origami. You couldn't have stopped me, but I would've respected you if you had tried. You're shit, 'Suichi'. And just like shit, I'll be wiping you off the bottom of my boot."

The last thing Suichi saw was that boot coming down on him.

"I didn't need to see that." Naruto looked over to see that Sakura had just returned and was now turned away from him with a hand over her mouth.

"Then why did you look?"

"I don't know. I do not know." Sakura held up a finger as she forced the bile back down her throat. "I won't give you the satisfaction."

"Should I take that as a challenge?" Naruto asked, wiping his boot off on the grass.

"Please don't." Sakura croaked.

Naruto snorted and took a moment to look at the pinkette's new attire. Straight from the R&D labs, courtesy of her father, the so-called "Tacsuit" started with fitted pants and a long-sleeved shirt made from some of the strongest synthetic fibers around. Woven into them were metal plates that covered the biceps and encircled the thighs to protect vital arteries and tendons. On top of that was a high-collar vest made of the same material and lined with overlapping ceramic/composite plates, allowing for maximum protection with no lose to mobility. The limbs were further protected by vambraces over the forearms, full gloves with reinforced knuckles, shin guards , knee pads and full boots. And though Sakura wasn't wearing hers, a metal half-mask was included with a built-in radio and respirator. It was no small wonder the suit was seen as the future of shinobi gear, and Sakura's father had even given a personal touch by maintaining his daughter's dark red color scheme.

About a minute later Sasuke returned wearing much the same thing, though his was colored in dark blue and grey. The major difference was that he was wearing his mask.

The Uchiha surveyed the scene as he stepped into the small clearing, then looked at Naruto with a raised eyebrow.

"Only three?" he asked dryly.

"For starters." Naruto shrugged.

"Why?" Sakura snapped at Sasuke. "Why must you encourage him like that?"

"Like he wasn't going to get all murder-happy out here anyway?" Sasuke scoffed.

"He's not wrong." Naruto admitted. "Ah, and we're up to thirty-nine points now."

"Oh, well then the future nightmares are totally worth it." Sakura deadpanned, then lurched slightly as she caught sight of the carnage nearby once again. "Can we go now?"

"Yeah, this place is a little…corpse-y." Sakura grimaced, though he was actually more concerned about what would be attracted to the fresh carrion.

"Then let's move." and with that the team took to the trees once more.

XXXX

And there you have it!

This thing took WAAAAAAY longer to get out than it should've. I underestimated just how long it would take for me to adapt to changing the writing style I've been using for over a decade. A LOT of the delay here was due to me writing way too damn much and having to trim it back, and back, and back, sometimes to the point where I didn't even like it anymore. At which point I'd either scrap it entirely, or try to build it back up to something I could at least tolerate and work with that.

(1): Yes, that happened, and there will be a flashback of it at some point.

(2): "A.N." stands for "After Ninshū", which is the code/philosophy laid down by the Sage of Six Paths, which was eventually interpreted into modern ninjutsu, among other things. So "A.N." basically represents the start of the shinobi era. Even though the Sage himself was far less powerful in this story, he's still been made into a legendary, god-like figure over the centuries. It's just that a lot of the things attributed to him are either blown out of proportion or just flatout made up. For reference: B.S. stands for "Before the Sage", and it is currently the year 426 A.N. in the story.

For those who care, there were 74 teams to start out the Exams, making for 222 individuals. As of stage two, 24 were eliminated, leaving 50. Well, 49.

For those who care even more:

Konoha: 16 teams, 9 remaining

Iwa: 11 teams, 7 remaining

Suna: 10 teams, 6 remaining

Amegakure: 6 teams, 4 remaining

Kusagakure: 6 teams, 2 remaining

Hoshigakure: 5 teams, 4 remaining

Kumo: 5 teams

Takigakure: 4 teams, 3 remaining

Kiri: 3 teams

Shimogakure: 2 teams, 1 remaining

Tanigakure: 2 teams, 1 remaining

Oto: 1 team

Tsukigakure: 1 team

Uzu: 1 team

Tsuchigumo: 1 team

As usual, let me know what you thought, and feel free to ask questions as long as you have an account. Now this is where I'd normally plug the forum, but let's be real, the forum on this site is dead. But it lives on in Discord, better than ever! Fire over a PM if you're interested in a link.

That's about it, people. Until next time, and here's hoping that ain't too long.

Jason Out!