any well Known name, place, or people are not mine I am simply using them
I apologize to those who want a fluffy fic. I dont do fluffy. nothing to discriptive, lots of hints. you need to read the entire thing to understand the sorta-story. Love ya!
The Darkest rambleings and thoughts from the heart.
A series os short rambleings from the heart of one Severus Snape to the Man-Who-Catured-His-Heart, Harry Potter.
I want him to love me, I want him to touch me, I want him to care. He's allways so distant to me, so far out of my reach and yet he touchs me. Its never in the light, or in the sight, but allways swollowed by unseeing eyes, by darkness itself. When with people we know he calls out to them, he touchs them, and I yearn to be the one touched but he leaves me behind. I would do anything for him, give up everything for him, with just three little words, he could have me even more, even more completely than he allready has, for my soul, my life, and my very heart, all belong to him, no one but him. But he ignoress me, leaves me to dream, to wish, to want, something he denies me. I have given him my heart and have never asked one thing from him so no matter how painful it is, I will not ask him, to try to love me. I will take what he gives me and not complain, not dream of what I wish to be, but be content, to love him as he is all I want, he is all I need. He is my everything.
The pain has come to a level, one allmost unbearable in the cirrcumstances. I love him, I cant tell him because than he would leave me, move on to his next conquest. He doesnt understand that I do these things for him, not because of station, not out of respect, not out of some misguded sense of pity or compassion, or one of the other millions of other thing that make no sense, I do thes things because I care, I ask if he is in pain, I worry if he hasnt eaten, I try to stop the idiocy around him, I get him small things that will help relive his stress levels, I do what he asks of me, Ill leave him alone if he needs to be left alone, I dont verbalize that his constant, infuriating touching of others gets to me, and I hope that one day hell look at me, and see more than a conveninant body, more than a hanger-on, but someone who cares, someone who wants him, not as the faquade, but as he is, the good, the bad, and the everything in between, for in my eyes, he has no flaws, only quirks, each more endearing than the last, but what do you expect, He is my everything.
It has come to my attention that after allmost a year, all he sees me as is a body that he can play with, and I a many things, but I will not be his play-toy, I wont come when he beckons me, just so I can touch him because all that does is make me yearn even more. I want him, I need him, and one day if this continues, I fear I would be unable, unwilling, to live without him, in my life, in my heart, touching me. His kisses when I am granted them are soft and swee, with a tenge of violence at time, but all ways passion. His self control, Ive never seen the like, but a true kiss seams to melt, the ice around him just slightly when hes with me. His smiles are easier, and his words - less forced. I want to be by his side as long as I can, I want to stay with him, If I got nothing more in this life than a few moments of bliss with him than I could live the reast of my life without him by me, but I will allways need him, no matter how long I live. I told him once that I had, had many lovers over my lifetime but in reality, Ive only dated three girls and four males, and Ive only been with two girls and two males in my life, and one male was nonconsenual for me. I loved the other three with as much as my imature heart could, but never have I felt such pain, such a wish to die, simply from my own inability, to tell him, to tell him I love him. To tell him, I will be here if he needs a safe haven, because I will allways love him and I will allways care, and no matter how long it takes, I will wait for him, for him to tell me that he wants from me what I need from him.
Review if you will.