AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi there. Before you read, you should be warned that this contains MAJOR spoilers for the Deathly Hallows. If you have not read that book, I suggest you TURN BACK NOW. If you have, continue, please.

This is my take on what's really going on. For those of you who are still in denial, this may appeal to you as well. You know they're really laughing at us.

"Fred," called George over his shoulder, looking away from the papers he'd been intently reading, "don't you think you're going a bit too far? Killing yourself off like that?"

"Nah," was his answer as the other man came back around to sit at the typewriter, pulling the manuscript from his brother's hands. "It's drama. The fans'll eat it up. Besides, they can't get too busted up over it 'cause they know you can't kill just one of us off."

"That's what I'm saying," argued George, hands on the back of his brother's chair. "I don't think you know exactly what you're doing. They'll be ravenous."

"Ah, you worry too much Georgie," Fred answered nonchalantly, fingers flying over the keys. "I mean, yeah other people died, but let's be honest, we know the fans like the main characters the best. That's how we're going to get them. In fact…" he turned in his seat to call to another man seated reading in a large armchair. "Remus, mind if we off you too?"

"Hmm?" Lupin answered, looking up from his book. "Oh…I suppose. As long as it's not something horribly nasty," he said with a grin.

"Hang on, how are you gonna kill him and not me?" interjected Tonks, setting down the sandwiches onto the coffee table and perching herself on one of the arms of Remus' chair. "He ain't leavin' me all alone. Not on your life. Not after I worked so hard to get him," she added with a wink.

"But who's gonna look after Teddy?" asked George, beating Fred to the question. When he was met with confused looks from both Lupins, he continued, "The baby you two have in the book."

"You gave us kids?" asked Remus incredulously, his previous reading material forgotten in his lap.

"Just one," Fred answered.

"Dunno how you managed that," said Tonks wryly, "I'm still working on it."

"I've told you before, Nymph, children would be dangerous as there's a great likelihood…"

The twins turned away from Remus' oft-repeated explanation and Tonks's oft-repeated arguments with smiles, Fred moving back to the story. "Alright, so we off them both. That'll get a lot of attention."

"I still don't know if this is a good idea, Fred," George cautioned. "I mean, we lost enough people without you adding more. What if there are complaints?"

"We never cared about complaints before," countered Fred, "and besides, it's supposed to tear people's hearts out. That's a good book. We'll explain it in the epilogue…or not," he gave a mischievous grin.

George rolled his eyes but consented, waving his wand to summon an extra chair from the kitchen. As the piece of furniture flew up the stairs a corresponding grunt and swear was heard from the kitchen of Grimmauld Place. "Sounds like someone was using that," said Fred airily.

It was a moment's considering when angry footsteps sounded up the stairs and an angry figure entered the Drawing Room.

"Sorry Sirius," said George, "you know how spells are. They don't really care who they hurt and all." "Sure sure," grunted Sirius with a smile, "but next time try not to aim for the one I'm sitting in, eh? You owe me that much for an undignified death." He leaned on the desk over Fred's shoulder, earning him a glare from the latter. "How's it coming?"

"It'll be even better when you're not hanging over my shoulder," Fred answered, turning to push against Sirius, "how about not breathing down my neck, huh?"

"As you like," consented Sirius, standing back up with his arms crossed. "I guess I'm not coming back in, am I?"

"We were going to, honestly. It just doesn't work," George said, trying to placate the almost-angry ex-convict behind them, much to Tonks' amusement. "There's really not a good time for it. It just won't-"

"Yeah yeah, I know," Sirius said, waving his hands in surrender. "Are you at least explaining where I went? I mean, it was kind of…sudden."

"Well," grimaced Fred, joining the conversation. "Kind of… Harry gets to see you in the end!"

"Wonderful," his answer was accompanied by an eye roll in tandem with half-concealed laughter from both Tonks and Remus. "Have you asked Harry about these changes to a rather personal event in his life? Considering you are writing the biography of Harry Potter, seems like you'd want to keep it fairly accurate."

"He said we could edit for effect, so long as we didn't change anything major."

"Somehow I think killing Remus and me is going to be considered a major change," Tonks said with a smirk, half on the arm of the chair and half in her husband's lap. "Not that I'm complaining. You're the ones telling the story."

"Just to clear it up for me," Remus began, one of Tonks' fingers wrapped in a lock of his hair, "why are you killing us off? We don't do anything important for Harry later. The battle with Voldemort is all him."

"Dramatic effect, my dear Remus," answered Fred as inch after inch of black text flew up from the machine at his fingertips. "Two memories in the forest just aren't enough."