2Hello everyone. This is my first Supernatural fanfiction, but I'm not new to fanfiction. I've been writing for about a year now and decided to try a different story. So please be a little easy on me and I hope you like it. Yes this is a song fic- but please read.
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural no matter how much I wish I did... I also don't own Hand Of Sorrow by Within Temptation, even if I love the group!
The lyrics are in italics by the way.
-This is a simple car ride, each brother taking turns driving-
-Our Sins-
-Dean's point of view-
The child without a name grew up to be the hand
To watch you, to shield you or kill on demand
I can't help but look over at Sam sleeping with his head against the window. I think he may be drooling and I laugh to myself- drooling that's so like Sam...
But- and I'll be damned if I let my thoughts turn all sappy, but he looks like the kid I use to know- to watch over and protect. Granted I still have to do that- the fights have just gotten tougher. Instead of a school yard bully, it's a werewolf- but no big, not for me at least. It's my job to watch out for Sam.
The choice he'd made he could not comprehend
His blood a grim secret they had to command
That's always been my job. Since mom was killed that became my job, my responsibility. Dad was always gone, so it was me that had to watch over and take care of Sam. I watched Sam go from being Sammy, the small chubby kid, to Sam, the man he is today. God I am such a girl...
Damn. I didn't ask for this trip down memory lane. I must be hanging around Sam a little too much.
He's torn between his honor and the true love of his life
He prayed for both but was denied
Well I better braise myself because I think this chic-flick moment is not over yet . Damn it all to hell and back. Hey that's pretty funny. At least Sam can't hear this, I think would rather die... wow that's a bad train of thought.
That always leads to thoughts of mom, dad., and Jessica. Jessica...
I can't really describe all of that, but I know that hurt Sam, far more than I can probably realize. He loved her and she was killed by the yellow eyed demon and that's why Sam's here now. If that hadn't happened he'd still be at Stanford with Jess, living a perfectly normal life. And where would I be- here, alone...
So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed
Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind?
Yet, even if I was alone, knowing Sammy was happy would be enough for me. All he ever wanted was a normal life and he deserves one. Hell he put up with me for all those years- he deserves a freakin' medal. But still doing what we do, giving up so much... I have to wonder if it's worth it at times. And when I think that way I get disgusted with myself. Of course it's worth it- all the people we save and the monsters we kill, but still I wonder if I could ever live a life like the one Sam wants. I'm done too much, seen too many things... I've killed- that doesn't really depict a normal life. Hell I made a deal with the devil for my brother's life. I've done a lot of crap hunting and not but still I don't think the clean cut picket fence life is for me.
I doubt it. I'm a hunter, that's all there is to it.
So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise?
And in the end it doesn't matter. I'm going to keep on hunting, killing every damned thing I can find until my time runs out. But I know I have to watch out for Sam. If I don't who will? I'll kill any damn thing I have to in order to do that. When this is done, and the war is over, and I die, and Sam's safe, maybe, maybe...
Will all our sins be justified?
-Sam's point of view-
Damn Dean waking me up to drive. I was sleeping so well too and he knows I don't get that often, especially in the impala. Man my back hurts.
Snore...
Great now he gets to sleep.
The curse of his powers tormented his life
Obeying the crown was a sinister price
Why does every time this happens I end up going through a bunch of flashbacks. Man this sucks because this time is no different.
Dean... He wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for me. If I didn't have this damn gift maybe things would be different, maybe Dean would still be going to live. I still can't believe Dean did that- trading his soul for mine. Actually I can- he's my brother and I'd do the same- but doesn't he know what I am. How I'm going to be evil? I'd rather be dead than that.
His soul was tortured by love and by pain
He surely would flee but the oath made him stay
Dead... why is it that everyone I care about dies- Mom, dad, Jess, and now Dean... I should be the one dead, not them. If Dean hadn't made that Deal I would be dead and he wouldn't have to suffer. I'm tired of people suffering because of me. If I had any sense I would have left Dean a long time ago.
But I couldn't do that. I could never abandon my brother like that, I couldn't do that to him. But still I can't help but think that way.
He's torn between his honor and the true love of his life
He prayed for both but was denied
All I wanted was to live a normal life, but I guess that was never going to happen. I could have tho- I could have married Jessica and went on to law school, I could have had a normal life... But then what would have happened to Dad and Dean? Would Dean have died if I didn't go with him to all those jobs- I doubt he could have done them on his own. God he would kill me if I said that, and I can't help but let out a small laugh.
So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed
Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind?
Everything that has happened has helped to bring us to where we are today. I know I gave up my only chance at a normal life that night I got into the car with Dean. I gave that up for revenge, but somewhere along the way, the revenge part became less strong. Don't get me wrong- I want to kill that son of a bitch more than anything, but Helping people... That makes this more bearable.
Funny... that's what Dean told me after I lost Jessica...
So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise?
But we keep going. It's the only thing that keeps thoughts like these at bay. But when tis is all over and we kill the yellow eyed demon, then what do we do? What will happen then...
Will all our sins be justified?
-Normal Point of view-
Please forgive me for the sorrow, for leaving you in fear
For the dreams we had to silence, that's all they'll ever be
"Hey, Dean you awake?" Sam asked as he saw his brother moving when he was supposedly asleep.
"Now I am..." Dean said groggily as he straightened himself up, trying to get rid of the kink in his back.
"Hey... when this is over what do you think you'll do?" Sam asked, before he realized what he said.
"Well... if I'm not dead..." Dean began.
"Oh. Sorry Dean. I didn't mean to bring it up." Sam quickly said.
"Relax man. I know what your asking." Dean said with a smirk. "I don't really know... probably keep hunting- I mean what else can I do. And find a girl. I know it will be a loss for all of woman kind or me not to be single, but it might be nice, but who knows... why you ask?"
Sam didn't know what to say. He wasn't going to say- hey I was lost in thought- you know thinking about death and the future- yea that would go over well...
Still I'll be the hand that serves you
Though you'll not see that it is me
"what will you do?" Dean asked, trying not to seem interested if Sam answered or not.
"I don't know. I could always finish college, but it would be weird. You know? To know what's out there and not say anything about it. But who knows." Sam replied, trying to seem optimistic.
"You really think you could go back to that life Sammy?"
"Well... I'm not really sure. I did it once, why not again?" Sam replied, not commenting on the use of his childhood name.
So many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed
Was it worth the ones we loved and had to leave behind?
"Well who knows how all this is going to turn out." Dean said, slouching back down in his seat.
"Yea. Are you going to be alright?" Sam asked, not knowing where the hell that came from.
"Sam." Dean said seriously. "Don't go all girly on me. I just woke up and can't handle it."
Sam smiled at that. He was grateful in a way, for the change in conversation, in the fact that Dean was alright.
"Hey... Are you, you know..." Dean grumbled out not looking at Sam..
"What?" Sam asked.
"You know... alright? You're asking a lot of strange questions." Dean said.
So many years have past, who are the noble and the wise?
"I'm fine Dean. And I though you said for me not to go a girly on you." Sam said with a smirk, already knowing Dean's response.
"Bitch"
"Jerk"
Sam looked back at the road. But who knows what what will happen in the end. All they could do was go forward, and maybe...
Will all our sins be justified?
-End Our Sins-
Thanks for reading. This was my first try at a supernatural fic, so please go easy on me. And please review! I beg of you! Please!