Rating: T

Spoilers: School Reunion, S3, S4 and some Torchwood

Summary: Five women are really pissed off with the Doctor, Jack, Owen and Ianto, they decide they want to be treated properly for a change so they hijack the Tardis and head for the French Riviera in the 1950's.

Disclaimer: I own none of it unfortunately; if I did, I'd tell my boss where to stick her job.

Authors Notes: This idea came about after reading I'm in Ur Hallway and Stealin' your Tardis (Go and Read) and Firesoulslayer very kindly let me borrow the idea. I've taken many liberties with history here so please don't tell me where I went wrong, call it artistic licence.

Things hadn't been going well with Torchwood's latest attempt to save the Earth from alien-technology-in-the-wrong-hands so they had called for the Doctor, when he'd arrived things had really started to go down hill. As was his wont he'd taken over and made the situation a lot worse, due to his fiddling with equipment he'd managed to lose half of the Hub's database, something that had had Toshiko Sato screaming obscenities at him in five languages, all expertly translated by the Tardis. Even after all the data had been retrieved by Donna and Sarah-Jane she'd still refused to talk to him. Martha and Gwen had tried to point out the flaws in the Doctor's plan but he'd lectured them on how he was a nine hundred year old Timelord who had been there, done that and got the T-shirt and they were the children of apes who had no idea how the universe worked. This had led to more obscenities translated by the Tardis. By then calls had started coming in to the hub from the government, UNIT and other agencies, Gwen, Toshiko and Martha had all tried to calm the agencies and Donna and Sarah-Jane had tried to talk sense into the Doctor, Jack, Owen and even Ianto who was usually the voice of reason, all to no avail. This had led to a stand up argument between the men and the women after which the women downed tools and went to the nearest bar to bitch about male pride. Their pride was restored a few hours later when Jack and the Doctor had practically begged on their knees for them to come back to the hub and help. The women had done in twenty minutes what it had take the men eight hours of bickering to attempt, at least they had been gracious in defeat and taken the women out to celebrate saving Earth again. However, as was the way of things, it had turning into a celebration of how they had saved Earth, the women's contribution had all but been forgotten, and now Gwen, Tosh, Martha, Donna and Sarah-Jane were sat at a table in the corner muttering venomously.

"So much for 'We'll take you out to say thanks for saving the world' and here we are in their favourite bar, paying for our own drinks so they can watch the bloody Rugby," complained Tosh

"Just be thankful you didn't want something to eat, it would have been bloody chips, which is all the Doctor eats". Donna put her hands around her waist "God knows how much I've put on since travelling with him, I've even got salad in the fridge now as I can't face another chip," she said in exasperation

"I know what you mean, I've gone right off chips since I've been back, I tried to get him to eat healthily but no he wants chips and sulks worse than a two year old when he doesn't get what he wants" retorted Martha. Sarah-Jane chuckled

"Mine lived on Jelly Babies, everywhere we went he'd always have a bag of Jelly Babies in his coat pocket, if we got stuck anywhere that's all we had to eat". She too put her hands around her waist "I lived on salad for a year when I got back, the sight of a Jelly Baby still makes me feel queasy" she said with a grin.

"We thought that now Jack had found the Doctor again he'd get over himself but if anything he's worse, if I hear 'If the Doctor was here...' once more so help me, immortal or not, I'm going to kill him again and again" said Gwen. "We've all got to live up to the Doctor's standard and he can't seem to understand that it's pretty much impossible". The others murmured in agreement

"Being independent women and all that why do we have to wait for them to treat us, why don't we go and celebrate the way we want to" said Tosh suddenly "any ideas", the others came up with a few suggestions and the conversation switched to ideal men and girlish fantasies.

"You know what, I'd like to be spoiled, to dress up smartly, be taken out to a really swanky restaurant and be made a fuss of, be treated like a lady for once" said Sarah-Jane

"Like one of those old British-stiff-upper-lip films like Brief Encounter, something like that?" asked Tosh, Sarah-Jane smiled

"That kind of thing yes, someone who knows how to treat women well" she replied.

"I used to like old American films of the fifties, ones that had someone like Marilyn Monroe or Audrey Hepburn in them where she'd be in the South of France or Rome or something like that and she'd meet a playboy or some down on his luck Prince. He'd turn out to be a rat but he'd mend his ways just so they could be together," said Martha. The others stared at her "What? We always watched films like that at my Gran's house on a Sunday afternoon when we were kids, me and Tish anyway"

"I'd like to do that, go to Monaco, get picked up by a millionaire and live the life of luxury for a few months," said Gwen with a dreamy look on her face

"The only types you get in Monaco now are racing drivers," remarked Donna. Gwen grinned

"As long as he's got money and a yacht," she said

"Gwen" admonished Tosh

"Well why not, it'll be nice to have a bit of fun and not to have to go running when Jack calls, when was the last time we had some time off?" Gwen asked Tosh. Tosh thought and came to the conclusion it had been far too long

"I'm up for a week in the South of France, I'm up for a week anywhere away from Mr I'm-too-good-for-the-likes-of-you" said Donna draining her drink. Sarah-Jane slapped her hands on the table, making the others jump

"We've got a time machine why don't we go to the French Riviera in the fifties and find ourselves a rich playboy to spoil us for a while," she said. The others gaped at her

"Steal the Tardis?" said Martha

"Why not? You, me and Donna have watched the Doctor fly it often enough and with Tosh's expertise and a quick look through the manual we can do it" Sarah-Jane gave a laugh "we can't be any worse than the Doctor" she replied.

"Can we really get away with it?" asked Gwen

"Why not, they bloody owe us," said Donna. Sarah-Jane downed the rest of her drink

"Come on, somewhere out there a Greek Shipping tycoon is waiting for me," she said, the other women looked at each other, shrugged and followed her.

Owen was looking around the bar, something wasn't right but it suddenly it dawned on him

"Where are the girls?" he asked, The Doctor, Jack and Ianto looked but couldn't see any of them, Jack got up and wandered around the bar, to see if they'd just moved to another part,

"There was a group of women on sitting over there". Jack waved towards the corner table "did you see where they went?" he asked the barman

"They left about ten minutes ago, looked like they were going back to someone's home because the dark skinned woman had a key in her hand, I remember because the light hit it and it...kind of glowed...yeah glowed with a golden light, anyway that's what happened to them" the barman replied. Jack thanked him and tried to squash the feeling of foreboding

"They've gone back to the Tardis, the barman said they had a key that glowed," he said to the others, the Doctor noticed the look on Jack's face

"What's up?" he asked

"I've got a bad feeling about this" Jack replied. The Doctor grinned

"Don't worry it's not like they're going..." he stopped as a familiar whirring and grinding noise could be heard faintly in the distance "... to steal the Tardis, I don't believe it, those bloody women have hijacked my Tardis," he said as he ran out of the bar. Jack burst out laughing as he motioned Owen and Ianto to follow

"I'm surprised this hasn't happened before" he said

"Don't look so pleased with yourself sir, I suspect that Gwen and Tosh are also on board," said Ianto smugly, Jack's face fell

"What? I'll bloody kill them for leaving me in the lurch" he said as he ran after the Doctor. Owen rolled his eyes and muttered something about bloody women mucking up his evening as he and Ianto ran after Jack.


Next time: In 1955, we meet three cursed brothers and two racing drivers dogged by tragedy.