Sorry about the wait! I just started school again and I'm trying to get into the swing of things this year is much different from my last, so I needed a little time to adjust, so I'll just grin and bear it! As you all know...I do not own any of the Fire Emblem characters, just the Mysterious Voice who tortures them.


Victim Number Four...Artur

Artur stood on his desk chair, looking for the renegade spider that Lute had yet to retrieve. He had heard her footsteps, but they had stopped abruptly.

"LUTE? I NEED YOU NOW!"

No reply came. The humongous spider had taken refuge under his desk, trying to run from the broom Artur was trying to use to squash it. And to tell ya, the spider really didn't appreciate it. In fact, he was angry. Very angry indeed. At any chance where he thought Artur had his guard lowered, he would rush out from his hiding space, run up and down a chair leg, while avoiding the broom, and run back to where he began. Let's just say Artur stilled hadn't caught on to the spider's game.

"LUTE? ARE YOU TRYING TO BE CRUEL?"

Artur shifted a bit on his chair. Why was the spider so damn persistent? he thought.

"Maybe because you're an effing retard?"

The random reply from no where startled Artur.

"WHO SAID THAT?"

His chair began wobbling. He looked down and saw that one of the legs had been cut down to half the size of the rest.

"DAMN TERMITES!"

He screamed as he fell into a crumpled heap on the ground.

"Who do you think? You've been trying to kill a magical talking spider you dope!"

Artur slowly turned his head to the left. The spider was three feet, at least, from his face. He screamed.

"ZOMG THERE IS A CRAZY TALKING SPID-"

The spider slapped him. (Don't ask me how, he just did)

"YOU SLAPPED ME!"

Artur was absolutely dumbfounded.

"Silence you fool!"

The spider slapped him across the face again.

"Now...you shall be severely punished for trying to kill the all powerful Magical Talking Spider!"

Artur whimpered and closed his eyes, awaiting his impending doom. But nothing happened. He cracked an eye open and saw the spider...and a mysterious rope. The spider smiled (however they do that I do not know...) and pulled the rope. The floor under Artur disappeared and he fell...into oblivion. The end.

Ok maybe it wasn't the end. He just fell into a pit of impending doom. He screamed until he hit the floor, which knocked the breath out of him. When he caught his breath, he looked around, like so many of the others who had fallen into the pit had done, and spied a lone chair sitting under a spotlight.

"CHAIR..."

He was immediately attracted to the beautifulness of the chair, so he went and sat down.

"DUN DUN DUN DUN! CRINGE THY NAME IS ULTIMATE DOOM!"

Artur cringed and screamed.

"WHO ARE YOU?"

"Ummm...I am the esteemed Mysterious Voice...now onto the impending doom my spider minion talked about...know your stars, know your stars, know your stars..."

"NUUUUUUUZ NOT THE IMPENDING DOOM!"

Artur squealed and tried desperately to free himself from the chair.

"Stop being a big baby! You tried to squashie my spider! SUFFER! Artur...he believes in the Mythical Golden Gopher!"

"WHERE? WHERE DID YOU SEE IT?"

The Mysterious voice sighed.

"You really must be stupid...it is MYTHICAL. What is the definition of MYTHICAL, crowd?"

Randomly, the crowd spoke the definition.

"Imaginary!"

"Thank you! Artur...he is actually a chimpanzee wearing a mask!"

"What? I am not!"

"Well..I think this picture...and YOUR MOTHER would say otherwise..."

"NO! HOW DID YOU FIND HER?"

"Ummm...a thing called the internet? Anyway...Artur...he wears goth clothes under his robes!"

"WHO TOLD YOU? I DEMAND TO KNOW!"

"Uh...well a mysterious forboding voice never reveals her secrets!"

"YOU LIAR! LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!"

"Aww...STFU loser! Artur...he's a sex addict!"

"WHAT? HOW DO YOU KNOW?"

"Ummm...lemme see...I had a nice long chat with Lute a little while ago...let's just say she was very generous with the information..."

"LUTE? HOW COULD YOU?!"

Artur sobbed into his hands.

"Now you know Artur, the believer of the Mythical Golden Gopher, chimpanzee in a mask who wears goth clothes and is a sex addict!"

Artur continued to sob into his hands while screaming over and over, WHY ME.


Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I apologize for the long periods you must wait for me to update...it's awfully embarassing.