Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by J.K. Rowling; various publishers including, but not limited to, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books; and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

A/N: Here we find some of the different mental images my brain cooked up during the Snape/Harry/Dumbledore conversation. Sometimes, I scare myself.


Outtakes for Chapter Eight of 'La Vida Muggle'

This is the scene as it is in the story:

Harry paused in the kitchen, as they had come through the back door. "If you two would wait here while I go get washed up? I ain't gonna be long."

"Certainly," said Dumbledore, conjuring a silver teapot and a couple of cups. Harry grinned at the blatant display of magic and rushed up to his room. He took a quick shower and pulled on some clean jeans and a red-and-yellow t-shirt that had a cartoon hawk emerging from a line drawing of a tornado. He glanced out his window before heading back to the kitchen. Dave, Aurilia, and Jim were still getting everything tied down and secured for the storm.

Once back in the kitchen, Harry started the preparations for dinner. He had recently earned his cooking badge in the Scouts and Aurilia allowed him to cook a couple of times a week. "Mom, Dad, and Dave are still workin'," Harry said as he poured a little oil into a frying pan to brown the hamburger for the spaghetti sauce.

"Do you need any help?" Albus offered.

"No, I've done this before. Thanks, though." While the oil in the frying pan was heating, he filled a pot with water and added some salt before setting it on another burner. A loaf of French bread was cut in half lengthwise and sat on a cookie sheet. "So… Tell me more about Hogwarts. What kinda kids go there?"

"The magical kind, Harry," Albus replied, somewhat amused. "Other than that, they are much like any other youngsters. They have their friends and games. Schoolwork, of course."

Harry sprinkled a little water in the frying pan and was rewarded with sizzling. He took the ground beef out of the refrigerator and crumbled it into the pan. "What about the classes? Is it all magic, or do y'all teach things like science, history, and math, too?"

Albus took a sip of his tea, "Though all of the classes are magic-oriented, we do offer the magical equivalents of those subjects."

"Really? Like what?" Harry constantly stirred the beef in the pan with a long wooden spoon.

"We offer History of Magic, which is rather self-explanatory, Arithmancy, which is the mathematical theory behind magic, and lots of other classes, as well."

The hamburger was finished browning, so Harry took it off the burner and set it to drain in a colander over an old coffee can – it was generally a bad idea to let grease go down the drain. While the meat was draining, he buttered the bread and dusted a liberal amount of garlic powder on it before setting it to one side. He knew it would only take a few minutes to toast the bread, so he wasn't going to start it until everything else was almost ready. Harry glanced at Snape, "You teach there, yeah?"

Snape merely nodded, he had been watching Harry's behavior ever since the boy had returned from washing up. "Yes. I teach Potions."

Harry smiled, "Kinda like what Mom does? Oh, sorry, do you know Mom runs an herbalist store over in Lovilla? She makes natural soaps and remedies and lotions and stuff." The water for the pasta was boiling, so he added the noodles. The beef was done draining, so he dumped it back into the frying pan and added two cans of tomato sauce, a can of chopped mushrooms, and a chopped onion, as well as a packet of seasoning mix from the cupboard and some water.

"We were aware of the nature of her shop," Severus confirmed. He was torn between wanting to hate Harry – the boy really looked too much like his biological father – and being impressed by him. Harry worked confidently and efficiently at preparing dinner, cleaning as he went. Severus couldn't help but wish that all children were as conscientious. If they were, accidents in his classes would be cut by half.

"So, what you teach, is it like what Mom does?" Harry stirred the sauce with the same wooden spoon from earlier and turned the heat down. He also prodded the noodles with a large fork. They still needed to cook for a while.

"I would assume it is both similar and different. The very nature of magical brewing is different than merely distilling medicinal uses from plants. If you were to make a mistake with your mother's brewing, it would merely create an unusable mess. Making a mistake with a potion can cause explosions, toxic gasses, or other undesirable effects." Severus had decided to hold off judgment of his childhood rival's offspring. At least until the boy did something stupid.

"So it's more like chemistry," Harry stirred the sauce again and tasted it. "Hmm… Needs more garlic, but Mom'd have a fit. She doesn't like garlic all that much." He sat a lid on the pan and adjusted the heat again. He then dug into the fridge and began chopping vegetables for a salad.


Here are some of the ways my brain took it whilst writing:

First Outtake

Harry paused in the kitchen, as they had come through the back door. "If you two would wait here while I go get washed up? I ain't gonna be long."

"Certainly," said Dumbledore, conjuring a silver teapot and a couple of cups. Harry grinned at the blatant display of magic and rushed up to his room, tripping on the second-to-the top stair. Careening off the banister as gravity reinforced its hold, his shoes skidding down the hardwood stairs, Albus and Severus were treated to an odd display of Harry fighting to remain standing. He was doing a good job of it until he hit the wall about halfway down. He landed on the hallway floor with a loud 'oof!' noise.

"Graceful," Snape said.

"Oh, shut it, Snape," Harry snapped back. "I'm sure you'd be graceful, too, if people were constantly writing about you, messing around with your age and height and whatnot."

"They do, Potter, yet I still manage to make it from point 'A' to point 'B' without halting the forward momentum of the fic."


Second Outtake

"Do you need any help?" Albus offered.

"No, I've done this before. Thanks, though." While the oil in the frying pan was heating, he filled a pot with water and added some salt before setting it on another burner. A loaf of French bread was cut in half lengthwise and sat on a cookie sheet. "So… Tell me more about Hogwarts. What kinda kids go there?"

"All kinds. Short ones, tall ones, fat ones, skinny ones –"

"You guess you'll go eat worms?" Harry grinned.

"Potter!"

Laughing, Harry went back to his mark and waited for Aramie to quit laughing long enough to try the scene again. "Raising Harry: La Vida Muggle, act 8, scene whatever-the-heck-number-I'm-on, take three!"


Third Outtake

Snape merely nodded, he had been watching Harry's behavior ever since the boy had returned from washing up. "Yes. I teach Potions."

Harry, having forgotten his lines again, grinned evilly, "So… Does shampoo qualify as a potion?"

Severus groaned inwardly, We are never going to finish this scene, are we?


Fourth Outtake

"So, what you teach, is it like what Mom does?" Harry stirred the sauce with the same wooden spoon from earlier and turned the heat down. He also prodded the noodles with a large fork. They still needed to cook for a while.

"I would imagine it is both similar and different…" Severus trailed off. "Blast it, I'm going to hurt you, Potter!"

"Me? What'd I do this time?"

"You got that damnable song stuck in my head!"

"So, Severus, an… earworm ate your lines?" Albus smiled.

"Not you, too!" Severus spun on his heel and strode off the set to go find his script, a large glass of firewhiskey, and a copy of Rob Zombie's latest album.


A/N2: Grin. I know, I'm not altogether sane. You don't need to point it out to me.