Disclaimer I do not ownRugrats. If I did, I'd be making a lot more money than the readers of this fanfic.
The Real Rugrats
One day at the Pickles Residence, Stu is in the basement with his gay friends Chaz and Howard. Stu is giving them ass-rapings. Usually, Stu's extremely gay brother Drew does it, but he took off weeks ago. Everybody knows that Charlotte has been having sexual affairs with Jonathan. Jonathan is probably Angelica's biological father, since Drew has never done it with Charlotte. Anyway, back to the story.
Tommy and his friends found a shotgun and accidentally killed Angelica with it. He didn't know what a shotgun does. The doorbell rang.
Grandpa Pickles wakes up and answers it to find a man in a cowboy hat.
"Are you Stu Pickles?" asked the strange dude in the cowboy hat.
"No, I'm Grandpa Pickles," said Grandpa. "Stu Pickles is out working. Don't ask me what he does."
"I'm from child services," stated the man from child services. "I been getting complaints from the neighbors and-"
"We have neighbors?" asked Grandpa. "I can't notice these things because of my Alzheimer's."
"I have received complaints of a gunshot and frequent neglects of the child," said the Child Service dude.
"Back in my day, we wiped our asses with sandpaper," said Grandpa, who always made random outbursts like that.
The Child Services man walked into the house and took away Tommy, Chuckie, Phil, and Lil. Angelica was lying dead in the kitchen. Stu was actually the one who made the call. He hated kids. Tommy wasn't even his. Stu was one day tripping on LSD and woke up married to Didi, who was eight months pregnant with Tommy at the time.
Chas and Howard went home. Howard with the gay-ass purple hair got raped in the ass by his mega-lesbian wife, Betty.
When Didi came home from work, Stu shot her and dug a hole in the backyard. After dumping Didi in the hole, he took a big dump on her. Stu realized that Spike witnessed everything so he shot Spike and buried him too.
Later that night, Stu went across the street to the Carmichaels house and put a burning cross on their lawn. He also put two mannequins in Ku Klux Klan uniforms next to it. The Carmichaels are so scared by it, that they moved out immediately. Stu laughed to himself because he hates black people.
The next day, Stu did his Pop a 'favor' by killing him to end the pain of his Alzheimer's. Then Stu took so much PCP that he ran out into the street and got hit by a semi.
A week later, Drew came back and moved into Stu's old house with his wife, Barney the Dinosaur. Since they had the whole house to themselves, they decided to throw a crack party. And they lived happily ever after.