"Ok, so…. Talk to me"

"I don't want to talk about it…" He sighed sadly, his hair flopping over his eyes pathetically

"Of course you don't, she just bitch slapped you! But as much as you don't, I am incredibly capable of forcing it out of you!" Once again his friend sighed, what a loser thought Sirius, who once again was playing the agony uncle, the father hen, the salt witch needed the pepper, the hammer to help the nail, as he had to every fucking day!

"Consider it into your calculations that I can actually beat you at wrestling… if you remember" Sirius shuddered at the memory, which yes, he did have trouble remembering, the stupid twat had beaten him to a pulp, note to self, never, ever, ever, tell James that his hair is worse than Snapes, never!

"Its just that, every day, I put on that dashing smile just for her, every day, my heart beats just that bit faster because she walks into the room, every day, I tie my tie because she might notice that I look a tad bit smarter…" He sighed again and shuffled about on the squashy sofa,

"But James, you have about ten fillings in that dashing smile of yours, your heart beats faster because of your cholesterol, and your ties been ripped in half…so there might be, just might be a reason why shes never really looked twice at you..." Lupin butted in

James sighed, again, and Sirius rolled his eyes, this happened pretty much twice a week, James being incapable of breathing properly, Sirius eyes aching at the end of the day, Peter twitching and sweaking stupid suggestions, and Remus just reading (nothing really new there)

"James, look at me, what am I?" Sirius stood up and turned around so that he could take a look at him

"a prat?" Sirius sighed and then smiled, streaching his arms out

"No James... . .god, thats what, or at least, thats what the pretty little girls in the Sirius Black fan club says, they also may have mentioned, my toned chiselled body, my fantastic complexion, and how my hair goes, but never mind all that, .god, those three words, so heres my opinion James,whether you want it or not, you get a couple of girls, three, maybe four, and have a threesome in the broom closet,the third floor ones the best, because the fifth floor one rattles, and Mrs Norris hangs around the second floor one, god the amount of time I used to get caught!" Sirius stared into space for a second, reminising , and then blinked hard, trying to come out of his trance

"James, can't you just give her a love potion?" Peter twittered

"No, I can't, Lily is already in love with me, shes just very unwilling to show it, and if i did give her one-"

"Well, because they're illegal, Wormy" Lupin finished of James' sentence, before he could say, "it would be like fake love" Sirius groaned, they really weren't getting very far on the tactics side of things

"Fine then, James, you leave everything to your fantastic, clever and romantic friends, got it? because I have a plan!" Sirius' eyes turned into slit evilly, and he cackled under his breath

"So what is this fantastic plan then" Lupin asked, with the feeling of terror, Sirius' plans usually included blowing something up,

"Muahaha... I- what?" Sirius clearly wasn't listening to his friends, and was making all sorts of ideas up in his head

"James has gone, i said, whats the plan, you dope?!" Lupin cried out, exasperated

"We, my dearest friends, are going to get James and Lily together, officially, got it?"

Please R & R!