I've failed you.

I love you. I know it's been 17 years since you died but I am still as madly in love with you now as I was back then. And I can't seem to move on. And I know that I should, because you were never mine. But I have loved you all my life.

I killed them, the bastards that took your life. It didn't make me feel any better. I'm still in love, still sad that you are gone, and still pissed off at those fucking excuses for human beings.

I'm looking forward to joining you someday, but I have got to be strong for him, like you made me promise.

Death will be a good thing for me, as I stopped living the moment you fell in love with another. And the only reason I am still alive, is because I made a promise to look after him for you. Your child, you'd be proud of him.

I'm rambling. But it felt good to get that off my chest finally. It took seventeen years to visit your grave, and my only excuse is that it wasn't safe, but even that's bullshit; I just didn't want to accept the fact that you had died. I couldn't go to your funeral either. But you know why. No my real excuse is that I didn't want to acknowledge that you're gone and that there is nothing I can do about it. But maybe, maybe now that I have come, maybe I will start to move on.

But we all know that that is not to be. When have I ever given up on something, acknowledged defeat? And moving on is exactly what that would be. Heaven will be torture, because even though I'll be near you, I won't be able to have you. I fell in love with another man's soul mate and the only thing I know is that there is no one else for me.

I know that at one point you truly loved me, but I had to let you go. I could have had a million lifetimes with you and you still wouldn't have been as happy with me as you would have been in a minute with him. So I let you go. I loved you so much that I let you go. And now, I am doing just that, oh, it will still be there. But I know that I hold a special place in your heart, after all first loves are always the sweetest. Just know that I will always love you. But for you and whatever love you have left for me, I am going to let you go once again.

Goodbye, my love.