A/N: I suppose I'm being lazy again. Dang, this happens a lot. Usually I write for about a week or two, then I start to get sidetracked and the next update is a week or two later. Anyway, let's move on to the next chapter, then...

Oh, by the way, AR makes a good point with his review. I did think about that, and, well... I don't actually have a good reason. I guess they just weren't ready to acknowledge the fact that she was dead (even though she's not) and they were trying to avoid it. As for the Pokemon, I have absolutely no explanation that will work at all. Sorry.

The Metal Gear reference I was talking about last time was at the very end of the chapter. The Producer shouts, "Shiraishi? SHIRAAAAAAAAAISHI?" similar to how when Snake dies in a Metal Gear game, in which case Otacon shouts, "Snake? SNAAAAAAAAAAAKE?" Just wanted to clarify that.


Chapter Five: Titanic
There was a huge hole in the roof. Sunlight poked through, revealing a shining figure floating above. Tsukasa glanced at it, was instantly blinded by the light, and fell backwards, possibly passing out. I found it hard to get a good look at it without having to squint. The metal behemoth fired a floating fist down through the roof, smashing through both floors at once.

I heard Tomo shout from below, "OH SHI-" and get cut off by the fist colliding with her, a feeble, "I'm okay..." followed.

The creature descended into the house. Miyuki shielded her eyes, and I had to squint to get a good look at it. It was bulky, wearing a huge suit of armor, with a tiny horned head on top. Four metalic fists floated around it.

Konata and Kagami came from the other room. "That's Mega Titan!" shouted Konata.

"Mega Titan?" I asked.


BOSS: MEGA TITAN
Mega Titan's fists circled around it, firing into anything it could get at. Such as, say, me, these odd people, the floor, the people under the floor (which, seeing as it was only Tomo, I wasn't too concerned about) etc. We hid behind a block of... well, something. I didn't know, it was Chiyo's block.

Konata spoke up. "Yuki-chan, use Scan!" she called to Miyuki.

"Yuki-chan" turned. "Scan?" she asked.

"Yeah!" cheered Konata. "You know, like, you flip down your glasses? And little laser beams come out?"

"Konata, shut up!" shouted Kagami, stuffing Konata into a corner.

"Miyuki's a chargin her laza!" encouraged Konata, limbs flying from her corner.

Anyway, Mega Titan fired a few fists into the ground, forcing more screams of pain from the wildcat below. I felt a pang of sympathy for her, but it was artificial. As in, I'm only doing it because I'm bored. I took the stairs four at a time, and eventually met up with Tomo, unfazed by the barrage of fists and still managing to hold a crazy grin on her face.

Setting Tomo aside, Mega Titan descended to our floor, and I began fighting it off with fists and such. It didn't quite do the trick, as Mega Titan was unscathed, each blow mocking me with a hollow "donk". Nothing was working.

The others had rushed down here, trying to fight off the thing as well. Kagami and Konata were doing most of the fighting, while Miyuki sat in the corner with Tsukasa, who was charging her cell phone. Distraction. Now I could think about how the heck I was supposed to fight this thing off.

"Konata, how do we fight this thing?" I asked.

She paused, leaving Kagami to fight alone. "Well, in Kirby and the Amazing Mirror, you need to hit it, and it hits the wall of electricity, and it gets shocked! It's so awesome!"

"Electricity..." I said to myself. "Yes, that's it. Metal conducts electricity."

"Odd that Electric moves aren't super-effective against Steel-types in Pokemon," mused Konata, jumping back into the fray.

That reminded me of something. Of a memory a few weeks ago. When we were trying to get into Chiyo's place...

-FLASHBACK-

Chiyo was returning. She was to be in Japan in a week, and we were going to visit the summer home to celebrate.

It was only about three or four years, and she already insisted on a reunion. Heh. She was missing us already. I imagined the look on Tomo's face if she realized that, so I decided not to tell her.

It was summer, so we didn't have to worry about missing classes or anything. Not that the classes were very informal. I went to this school to become a gym teacher, there wasn't a whole lot of information the so-called teachers told us that was exactly new. Osaka was drifting away into lapses of imagination I'd heard during lectures, and Sakaki, despite the fact that she was working like hell to get the job as a vet was still bitten by just about any animal who was within a few feet of her, or otherwise flee. And the others... I wasn't sure. Chiyo went to study abroad, Tomo might've tried to become ICPO but I doubted it, and Yomi never actually shared any of her choices with us. Anyway, Tomo, Osaka and I met up at the high school the day Chiyo was due back here. We talked for a bit, then Osaka and I had to endure a long and very annoying road to Chiyo's mansion as Tomo sang anime songs at the tops of her lungs. I swear, several of the cars must've been tempted pretty badly to deliberately start driving on the sidewalk to silence the wildcat. Eventually, we made it there with no fatalities whatsoever, and-

"The gate is locked," I said, annoyed.

"So open it," snapped Tomo.

"Sata Andagi!" said Osaka, holding the donut in her hands.

"Osaka, clap it," I demanded, cranky from Tomo's singing.

"Sata Andagi!" she responded.

"Osaka, stop-"

"Sata Andagi!"

"Shut up!"

"Sata Andagi!"

I clapped a hand over her mouth, but Tomo had picked up and was also repeating the phrase. After a while I managed to get them settled down, and we waited in silence for Chiyo to unlock the gate.

"This is boring!" whined Tomo. I nodded, pretending to be interested. She reached into a matter-defying pocket and whipped out something that looked like a BAZOOKA. "Screw waiting, I'ma bustin in!" She pulled the trigger and fired a single laser burst, burning a hole in the gate.

A slightly crispy Yomi and Chiyo were waiting on the other side.

"Tomo?" asked Yomi, concealing her anger.

"Yeah?" responded Tomo brightly.

"Did it ever occur to you to just ring the doorbell?" she asked.

"Not at all!" she laughed.

It took the combined efforts of Chiyo, Sakaki and myself to stop Yomi from tearing Tomo's head clean off.

-END FLASHBACK-

The bazooka. Tomo wouldn't have left something like that at home. Chiyo's home. Whatever. It'd be plenty powerful enough to fight off something like Mega Titan.

"Tomo, where is it?!" I demanded.

"Where's what?" she asked through a mouthful of sugar.

"The bazooka," I told her. "Where is the bazooka?"

"Oh, that old thing?"

"Yes, that old thing!" I sighed, getting impatient.

"I sold it for a couple thousand bucks a pawn shop somewhere," she said, having devoured the five pound bag of sugar. Tomo then cut open about thirty Pixy Stix and chugged them all down at once.

"Sold it?" I asked, unable to believe what I was hearing.

"Yeah, I sold it," she said, annoyed. "What, did you need it?"

"...Yes," I said in a choked voice.

"Oh," said Tomo, Pixy dust spraying out her mouth.

Silence. Then a fist lashed out and hit me in the face.


Chiyo, Osaka, Yomi, and Yukari
Chiyo, Osaka and Yomi were grouped together in front of a stone shrine. The shrine was about a foot tall, in the shape of a stone needle. Yukari was somewhere near the summer house, trying to look like she was actually doing something. She wasn't doing a very good job of it.

"She was... a great person," began Yomi melodramtically. She glanced over to her side. Chiyo was choking on her own tears. Deciding she'd probably be alright, Yomi continued. "I'll never meet another person like her. She was... amazing. It was a noble sacrifice. She risked her life for ours. We honor her now." Yomi put away her pocket "Funerals for Dummies" and kneeled down. Chiyo was shaking so much she couldn't kneel, but rather, she tripped on her own feet, falling face-first into the shrine's pointed tip.

"Owwies..." sniffled Chiyo, rubbing her head gingerly.

There was silence as the girls prayed quietly. Finally, Osaka broke the silence, uttering "So long... Sata Andagi."

Chiyo didn't have enough bodily fluids left to properly sweatdrop, so Yomi had to sweatdrop twice.

"What are you talking about?" asked Yomi ludicrously.

"Well we're honoring my dead Andagi, aren't we?" she asked.

"...No," said Yomi, gawking. "We're honoring Nyamo."

"Oh," said Osaka. "Well, my Andagi gave its life for mine. If I didn't eat at least one roll of bread a day, I'd die of depression."

"...What," said Yomi.

"Osaka-san, get a hold of yourself," said Chiyo. "We're honoring Kurosawa-sensei, not bread."

"Okay," she said, not sounding convinced.

Yukari didn't exactly hear the entire conversation, but she sweatdropped anyway through pure instinct. If Osaka was saying it, then it was probably made no sense anyway. No good trying to make sense of it.


Sakaki
Sakaki was sitting, cross-legged, on a hill. Maya was curled up in her lap, sleeping soundly. She was thinking. About... him. Chiyo's father. She'd seen him before, and now she had seen him again.

A month ago, the night Chiyo had declared her return to Japan, Sakaki had seen him. She was walking along, in a perfectly normal dream, then, out of nowhere, he'd appeared, uttered two words, and vanished, waking the girl up. Sakaki didn't know what the words meant, but regardless, they were affixed in her mind. Burned. As if a giant Yukarimobile had crashed into her brain, and those words were the scars. Those words were: Anime Rebirth.

What did it mean? Anime Rebirth. It sounded like the name of some fanfiction writer. Sakaki ignored the dream, until she'd recieved another one like it two weeks later. Once again she was walking along, and once again he'd popped out of nowhere and said, "Star Warrior". Sakaki regarded them as strange, but continued with her life until he'd once again invaded her dreams, this time actually saying something in a complete sentence.

"Go to Hokkaido," was all he said. Then he vanished.

Sakaki was now trying to link the dreams. For as far as she knew Hokkaido had no traces to the stars, unless they were doing astronomy or something. And anime was never real in the first place, so it would be impossible to bring it back to life again if it was never alive in the first place. There was no connection. None at all.

She stood, accidentally waking Maya as he slipped from her lap and collided with the ground. Sakaki apologized, picked him up, and hugged him close to her.

And saw them. The blue metal dragon and the pink dinosaur. They were back.


Kagura and Tomo
Crap! Mega Titan wasn't getting any weaker. There had to be some way to kill this thing. There always was. Electricity was its weakness, so I needed electricity, but damn... where the heck was I supposed to get it?

I racked my memories again. There had to be something here... Ah! There's something. Tomo said she was going to join the ICPO. Which meant something along the lines of "International Police" or something. The "Police" part was important.

"Do you have a tazer?" I asked her.

"Course I do!" snapped Tomo. "What do you expect from a police lady?"

"Give it to me," I demanded.

"But-"

"GIVE IT TO ME."

"Fine, fine," whined the wildcat, chucking the tazer. "You owe me a 20 million yen rental fee later, though."

I ignored her, switching the device on. I moved forward, pushing Konata away, and stabbed. The cyborg vibrated violently, shaking madly. It fell, creating a large hole in the flooring, then rose ominously, fists flying. Each one was intercepted by a swing of the blade, causing them to fall to the ground. Kagami, wanting to join in on the fun, searched for some kind of weapon.

"All charged!" exclaimed Tsukasa happily, holding her fully charged cell phone. Kagami ran up to, kicked her aside, and snapped the phone in half. Tsukasa screamed in horror, then retreated to a corner, crying quietly.

The phone halves had sparks playing about the broken ends, which could serve as a weapon. Twin daggers. Nice.

Konata was feeling a bit left out, so she opened the door and left. We ignored her, constantly beating on the machine. In all it took about twelve seconds. Mega Titan fell for the final time, and shut down entirely.


LUCKY CHANNEL!
Akira: OHA LUCKY! Welcome back to Lucky Channel! I'll be your navigator, Akira Kogami! Da-da-da-daaaa!

Shiraishi: I-I'm Shiriashi.

Akira: Alright! Let's get to checking our fan mail! Shiraishi, bring in the mail!

Shiraishi: Uh, yes, about the mail...

Akira: -glare- You DID tell them to send the letters, right?

Shiraishi: Yes, but, um... -holds up a single letter-

Akira: ...What is this?

Shiraishi: That was all our mail.

Akira: ...All of it?

Shiraishi: Yes. -begins to pray for a quick and clean death-

Akira: -loses it- YOU LOUSY INGRATES! YOU JUST HAD TO DO THIS TO US, DIDN'T YOU?! JUST HAD TO MOCK US WITH YOUR SINGLE LETTER, ISN'T THAT RIGHT? WELL, LEMME TELL YA SOMETHING! YOU BETTER SEND MORE LETTERS NEXT TIME OR I MAY JUST HAVE TO SEND SOME LETTERS TO YOU!

Shiraishi: Uh, anyway... to the letter?

Akira: Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. -opens letter-

What would you do for a Klondike Bar? Ooh I wanna ask that at the Help Desk.
-Yukon

Shiraishi: Hmm, a Klondike Bar you say? Well, I suppose I'd-

Akira: SHUT UP! -slaps Shiraishi- Can't you see this is all a conspiracy? This person must have stolen all our mail, then given us this single crappy letter asking us this stupid question! And what is the question?! A question from a commericial!

Shiraishi: -rubs cheek- Your point?

Akira: They're setting us up, is my point! They want to make sure we answered this particular question, and they're going to tape us once we actually do something stupid for this so called "Klondike Bar"! They'll make millions at our expense! We can't let that happen! ...Oh sure, you can go ahead and act like an idiot, I don't care about you, but I WILL STAND MY GROUND! Who is this person, anyway?

Shiraishi (while acting like a monkey): Someone called "Yukon". Possibly an alias?

Akira: We shall see... -pulls out a laptop from under the desk and begins searching-

Akira: Hmm... Apparently Yukon is short for... Pfft... BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Shiraishi: What, wha- WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Akira (stiffling laughter): Looks like this plan backfired on you! Now we've humilated you on public television, Yukon Wild A- HAHAHAHAHAHA! -fanfare plays-

Akira and Shiraishi: AHAHAHAHAHAHA! -signs falls over screen-


A/N: This was supposed to be one super long chapter at first, but I had to shorten it because I really wanted to get this in. The rest should come in around Chapter 6. Remember, send some more questions! So we can laugh at more people! XD