Disclaimer: I don't own anything/one recognizable as coming from Angel or Pirates of the Caribbean… But how cool would that be? I'd be rich!
A/N: Written for the 2007 Cross-over Fic-for-all on Twisting the Hellmouth
Pairing: Cordelia Chase/Captain Jack Sparrow (after the first PotC movie, early Ats)
Cordelia woke up with a massive headache. She sat up, with a groan, holding her head in fear that it might fall off. When she was able to move without vomiting or passing out, she opened her eyes and looked around, and then immediately wished she hadn't.
She was so never letting Angel and Doyle talk her into having another relaxation spell performed on her!
All around her, everywhere she looked, was a white sand beach. A deserted white sand beach. Where were the malls, or the exclusive spas? Or hell, a cabana boy or two right here on this beach? The spell was meant to send her someplace where she could relax and unwind, so naturally she assumed that meant somewhere luxurious, not the middle of frickin' nowhere!
"…and really bad eggs, drink up me hearties, yo ho! Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me!" Cordy jumped up and turned to face the man stumbling up the beach waving a dark bottle full of some sloshing liquid. She took one look at his appearance and backed up. What the hell was he wearing? Her movement made her notice, finally, that her own clothing had changed. The stylish jeans and v-neck top she'd been wearing had been replaced by some sort of strange dress with way too many layers. Cordy frowned, now she was officially confused.
"Yo ho, yo – ahoy there young missy! Have you, by chance, come across more bottles of this finest of drinks?" The stranger slurred as he stumbled up to her, shaking the bottle.
"Umm, what?" It was the best she could do in the face of this oddity. Cordy supposed he could have been handsome, under all that dirt, but as it was; eww.
"Rum, lass, have you seen any more rum?" Captain Jack Sparrow eyed the confused-looking young woman through bleary eyes. He wasn't entirely sure anymore how he'd ended up on this island, though he suspected it had been another mutiny. Anamaria wanting her ship back, and all that. All he remembered at this point, was being stranded, again, on a deserted island and deciding, again, to avail himself of the rum he found.
"Uh, no. And who the hell are you?" Cordy folded her arms over her chest and adopted a stance that was recognizable from her days of ruling Sunnydale High. Oddly enough, the man seemed rather put out that she apparently had no idea who he was.
"'M Captain Jack Sparrow." Why was it that nobody seemed remembered that anymore?
His senses rather dull, it took Jack a minute to catch on to the fact that there was a rather attractive woman here with him now. Cordy jumped back, almost tripping on the hem of her unfamiliar dress, as she recognized the look on Jack's face.
"Oh, so not happening. Could you be any grosser? Like, eww, what makes you think I'd be interested?"
Utterly confused by her strange speech, and completely sloshed, Jack just stared dumbly at her.
"And the teeth, and the hair. I mean dreads? Those are so not in! And when was the last time you had a shower?" She turned away and looked up at the sky. "Angel? Doyle? I've had enough of this, okay, bring me home. Hello?"
"Uh lass?" Jack put a hand on her shoulder, suddenly concerned for his young companion's sanity. She jumped away from the touch.
"Eww, don't touch me! Seriously, have you ever heard of personal hygiene?" Thoroughly worked up, she continued to list his, apparently, many faults and shortcomings. Jack, suddenly far more sober than he would prefer and beginning to wish Anamaria had left him a pistol when she marooned him, glumly sat down in the sand and contemplated the situation of a constant deficit of rum in which he seemed to keep finding himself. Anything to tune out the girl's grating voice.
As he listened to her prattle on, Jack sighed and almost wished he was back on that island with Elizabeth, anything was better than this! And for another bottle of rum.
"Do you think she'll ever forgive us for this?" Angel turned away from the orb to look at his companion. He thought about it for a minute, and then smirked a little.
"Probably not. But at least we'll get some piece and quiet until the spell wears off!"
Doyle laughed, then turned away to go find his jacket. "What say we go get a pint while we can?"
Angel cast one more glance back at the orb, where the poor pirate was now sitting with his head in his hands while Cordy ranted, then looked over at Doyle. "Sounds good."
"Excellent," the seer said as they headed for the door. "I happen to know a little demon bar that will serve the good stuff from the old country, if you know just how to ask…"
A/N: review and let me know what you think. No flames please, but constructive criticism is always welcome. This is my first time writing either Cordy or Jack… -Druid