Doug's Worst Halloween
Doug Funnie wakes up one Halloween morning, wearing nothing but a pair of Strawberry Shortcake panties. He doesn't wake up with morning wood, because his penis is so small that it's practically hidden. The other day in the locker room showers, he noticed that all the other boys have longer penises and even have hair on their balls. His balls never dropped either. He gets dressed in his usual gay-ass green sweater vest and walks out the door for the bus to pick him up. He forgot to take his Ritalin, but that shit never works anyway.
At school, Doug was putting his Barbie backpack and liverwurst sandwich in his locker, when Skeeter made his honking noise, scaring the shit out of Doug.
"Yo, Doug!" said Skeeter. "Honk honk. We got to get to class. We're showing your Amazon video today."
When they went to class, Doug popped in the video and the TV screen showed Doug's dad sucking Patti's dad's dick.
Meanwhile, at Doug's house, Doug's dad was putting in a video and the TV screen showed a rainforest.
"What the fuck!" shouted Doug's dad. "That's not my sex tape."
Back at school, Mrs. Wingo confiscated Doug's tape which read "Phil sucks wheelchair man's dick."
"Okay, Mr. Funnie!" said Mrs. Wingo. "You lose your Halloween cookie. You also have detention."
"But Mrs. Wingo," protested Doug.
"Nigga, please," said Mrs. Wingo. "I've had enough. You get your ass down to detention. You too, Mr. Valentine. Because I don't like blue people."
"Fuck dat, Nigga!" shouted Skeeter.
Since it was Halloween, there was no homework. Doug had homework as punishment, though.
Doug didn't get home until it was almost dark out, and his mom went to buy his Halloween costume. He couldn't wait for Patti's reaction to his Superman costume.
"Oh Doug!" Patti would moan. "You're sooo super! I want to suck your dick!"
Doug smiled at the thought. When his mom got back from the costume shop, they were all out of Superman costumes.
"Where's my costume?" asked Doug.
"Here you are, Doug! A superhero costume, just like you wanted!" said Mrs. Funnie, pulling out a Wonder Woman costume.
"But that's a girl's costume," complained Doug.
"Don't be silly," said Mrs. Funnie.
The doorbell rings.
"Oh shit!" exclaimed Doug. "My friends are here!" Doug comes back from his room wearing his Wonder Woman costume.
Skeeter was dressed as a pimp. Patti and Beebe were dressed as prostitutes and smoking cigarettes. Connie was dressed as a sandwich. Chalky Studebaker was dressed as a giant wiener with a bun, ketchup, mustard, relish and everything.
They see Doug and started laughing.
"You're Elton John this year?" said Skeeter. "Cool, man! Honk honk!"
"Mom, I need a trick-or-treat bag!" yelled Doug.
"Well, I'm all out of shopping bags," said Mrs. Funnie, who gave Doug her purse. His friends laugh even harder.
When Doug and his friends went trick-or-treating, his friends all received candy when all he got was used makeup. One house gave his friends beer, joints, and condoms, when all they Doug was a used deodorant stick.
Roger's car came by and Roger, mistaking Doug for a girl, forced him in the passenger seat and drove off.
At make-out point, Roger was spilling out all his problems to Doug.
"No one ever really understands me," sobbed Roger. "I try to fit in, but I can't hold my anger! And what my scout master did to me..." Roger wept uncontrollably on Doug's shoulder when a cop shines his flashlight into Roger's car.
"Doug Funnie?" questioned the cop.
"Oh, thank God you're here," said Doug.
"Funnie?! I'm gonna fucking kill you!" said Roger. He tried to run over Doug, but ended up driving off a cliff. There was an explosion.
"Doug," said the cop. "I'm afraid that your mom died."
"What?!" exclaimed Doug.
"There was a fire," explained thee cop. "All she had time to do was write a note saying she never loved you."
"What?" said Doug.
"Before she shot your dog," said the cop.
"Oh shit," said Doug.
"Well, try and have a happy Halloween, okay?" said the cop, and he drove off.
The next day at school, he got caught pirating porn videos and got arrested. He eventually died in jail because he kept picking up the soap.