The Great Romantic
Chapter 11
"We're closing in on him, I know it!"
"How can you be so sure? The trail looks the exact same to me as it has for the rest of the chase."
"Because there's a pattern! See, the first couple dozen shoes he dropped were clearly running shoes, and then he progressed into athletic shoes, and now he's dropping walking shoes! I bet he's up at that lake up there!"
"... The shoes all look the same to me... Heck, I didn't even know they MADE 'walking shoes'. Who needs special shoes for walking, anyway?"
Tenten rolled her eyes at Naruto. It must be a guy thing, because Neji and Lee both tried to pull the same thing, acting like every type of Shinobi Sandal was the same.
Naruto slowed down a tad to consider what Tenten had just said. He ignored her rambling about shoes, instead focusing on his surroundings. He wasn't quite nervous, per se... But something about this whole situation seemed off to him. Why would someone kidnap Gaara's sister? If they were strong enough to deter Gaara, wouldn't they just kidnap HIM? Why go after his sister and then tell Gaara that only he wasn't allowed to give chase?
'Psh, whatever. There's a girl who needs saving, and thats the perfect job for me!'
Naruto glanced again at Tenten, who was still lecturing him on the subtleties of footwear that justified her assertion.
'Man, I guess she can be a girly-girl about some things... Not like that's bad or anything, though! I just hope that this Tobi fella doesn't try and kidnap her, too. I mean, I know I can rescue her and all, but it would be... troublesome.'
The thought of Tenten getting kidnapped (again) gave Naruto a cold feeling in his stomach. He wasn't sure if it was worry or indigestion, though. He knew Tenten could take care of herself in a fight, heck, Tenten owned the crap outta him when they sparred! But still... If it was indigestion, well, that was a bad thing to go into a fight with. He still had nightmares about that bad milk he drank oh so long ago.
Naruto shook his head. 'Even if someone tries to get her, I'll stop them, 'tebayo!'
Hiashi's words were still fresh in Naruto's mind, and after sneaking another sidelong glance at Tenten as they ran (and she rambled on about footwear), Naruto decided being multifaceted and enjoying multiple things in life was a good sign for a potential partner. Maybe he should take some time to learn about shoes so they could talk about something she enjoys?
"... And I mean, just look at the height at the ankle! Clearly they offer different types of support. Anyway, we should be a little bit more careful from here on out... Who knows what sort of traps the kidnapper may be laying?"
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Kisame whistled as he walked. The sun was shining, the grass was green, and all was right in the world! He had on his lucky fishing hat, he had his lucky fishing pole, and he was ready to fish! He had made sure all his work was done yesterday, so there'd be nothing to interfere with his day of relaxing fishing. Heck, he'd even written his mother back to tell her how he was doing!
And like a good son, he lied his ass off, assuring her that he had been steering well clear of that sword-thief-boy. The poor woman was besides herself with worry over the thought of that despicable criminal stealing her family's legacy, almost to the point that she would request of Kisame send the sword back to her, for safe-keeping. Just until the thief was caught, mind you.
Kisame shuddered. No, he needed his weapon now more then ever! He couldn't let it be hidden away, even if it would assure that no grubby little thief got his hands on it. Especially with how his mother would occasionally hint about how his younger cousin was training so hard, and was probably a match for Kisame in swordsmanship now, and that maybe he deserved a turn with the family heirloom.
Kisame growled. Not if he had any say about it! Luckily, Kisame had already gotten it approved to allow his mother to visit the base and so he could assure her that all was right in the world of S-Ranked missing-nin, and that the sword was very safe with him, still. He was sure she'd be delighted about that.
He exhaled, realizing his tension. No, today was not a day for worry, or for work. Kisame stood at the edge of the lake, looking for a prime spot to fish from. Noting a large silvery pot, he vowed to bring up again with Pain the problem of campers leaving a mess behind after they returned home from some time in the wild.
Finding a nice tree, Kisame sat down, baited his hook, and cast out his rod. He propped his rod up in his lap, leaned Samehada on the tree next to him, tucked his hat down over his eyes, and began to take a nap.
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'Oh god why are you doing this to me?! What did I ever do to deserve this? And what the heck does defenestrate mean, anyway?'
Sasuke followed behind Sakura and Hinata, scared out of his pants at the sheer aura the two were occasionally putting out. Jumping at high speed from tree to tree doesn't make conversation as difficult as you'd imagine, but all the two girls would do is mutter to themselves. Most of it was incoherent... But the stuff Sasuke could understand?
He shuddered. There was a reason he stayed aloof from all the girls who chased after him. It was because girls were batshit crazy. And Sasuke had enough batshit crazy to deal with in his life in the form of Itachi, thank you very much. He hoped the Crazy was just a phase girls went through, and grew out of when they got older.
Sadly, deep in his heart he knew they probably didn't.
As the three blazed forward at speeds far beyond what one might expect from a swift land mammal, much less 12 year old humans, they cut the distance between themselves and the other pursuers quite rapidly. It was entirely reasonable, after all, that Gaara would not be the swiftest tree-jumper around. He did carry around several hundred pounds of sand on his back. The fact he could jump at all, much less move, was something akin to a miracle.
But Jiraiya and Tsunade COULD move faster. Jiraiya was tempted to. Cutting his losses and letting the Suna girl stay kidnapped would be a risky political maneuver, but he was willing to deal with the fall out. He wasn't quite in Rain yet, sure... But he could see the storm clouds on the horizon. And Rain meant Hanzo. And Hanzo was fricken' scary.
Tsunade... Tsunade was sure she didn't want another run in with Hanzo. She figured she'd be able to survive it, but it wasn't worth the risk. Tsunade fully planned on making sure Naruto didn't get killed by Hanzo, but she was willing to let him rescue the kidnapped Sand Princess if they stayed in Fire Country. Rescuing girls (and the daughter of a Kage was pretty dern close to being a princess, if you thought about it) WAS part of the ninja job description, after all. Or so Jiraiya and Orochimaru had repeatedly insisted in her youth.
Gaara was less nervous. Maybe a tad bit apprehensive, but that was it. He was sure he could take care of most anyone himself, and with the other back up he'd have, he didn't really expect there to be many people that could beat them. However, just to be on the safe side, he was currently devising a new technique, just in case.
'Hmm... yes, then after I sneak some sand behind them, I'll point off to the side, and shout 'Look over there!' And when they look, I will use the sand from behind them to grab and crush them.'
And as Gaara put the finishing touches on his new Surprise-Sand-Crush jutsu, Naruto and Tenten touched down by the lake.
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"Naruto! No! Don't touch that!"
"Aww, but Tenten, can't you see the sign?! It says 'Free Ramen' on it!"
"... Naruto, it's clearly a trap."
Arriving at the far end of the lake, the two didn't immediately notice the snoozing Kisame with his fishing pole. Maybe Tenten would have... if the first thing they didn't see was a silvery pot that had a sign hanging above it that read 'Free Ramen'.
There were even bowls and everything!
"What kind of evil monster would turn ramen into a trap?! That's gotta be illegal... Look! See, I told you it isn't a trap!"
While Naruto had been talking, the first sign was pulled back up into the tree it was hanging from, and a new one dropped, that read 'Free Ramen- Not a trap'.
"... Naruto... You can't be seriously believing this..."
"Ramen would never lie to me, Tenten! Cake, maybe, but not Ramen! Look! See!"
Once more the sign was pulled up into the tree, with a new one falling down. 'Super Awesome Free Non-Trap Ramen. Guaranteed to not be a lie!'
Tenten peered up into the tree, completely unable to see who or what was changing the signs.
Of course, as she did that, Naruto bounded forward to pour himself delicious broth.
And only he was surprised when a round bamboo cage dropped down from the tree on top of him.
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"No! Ramen, why would you lie to me like this?! How could you betray me? I thought you... loved me..."
l
Naruto fell on his knees, weeping. That didn't stop him from eating the ramen, of course.
Tenten rolled her eyes, pulling out the Kusanagi Sword to cut open the cage. It just looked like regular old bamboo, though for some reason the bottom half was painted white, and the top half was painted red. Heck, she wasn't sure why Naruto wasn't breaking out of it himself, seeing how flimsy the whole thing looked.
'He's really broken up about the ramen...'
Before she could do so, of course, a strange man wearing a strange orange mask dropped from the tree.
"Muwahahahaha! I caught you! Now you're mine! My deviously evil plan worked! You never even believed your precious Ramen could betray you!"
At the sound of Tobi's voice, Naruto's head snapped up, tears still dripping down his cheeks. His eyes went from tearful to rage-ful and almost eerily glowing as Tobi spoke. Tenten had never seen Naruto this angry before... He was even manifesting an aura of pure chakra!
"You... You corrupted the Ramen? For this crime against noodles, I'LL KILL YOU!"
Naruto grasped the bars of the cage, ripping them apart, eyes flashing red, before tearing towards Tobi. For his part, Tobi blinked confusedly, then began to cackle semi-evilishly, while running away.
Tenten followed swiftly...
Leaving behind the squirming, tied-up-and-gagged Temari, who had been plopped down on the other side of the tree. Who, unfortunately, nobody had noticed.
Poor girl.
But the chase was going around the lake... Straight towards Kisame.
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Kisame wasn't a heavy sleeper. To do so was to invite assassins attacking you in the night all the time, once that fact was known, and that was never pleasant. So he shook off his daze when he heard some shouting. 'Probably those darn campers coming back for their pot.'
Stretching, Kisame sat up straighter, before tipping his hat back off his eyes.
'What the? I thought Tobi was out... on.. ohhhh fu-!'
Kisame was remarkably tolerant to the antics of his fellow Akatsuki. Anyone as strong as he deserved to be able to do whatever the fuck they wanted. Granted, he expected them not to care about what he was doing in return, which would lead to bickering and such when someone disrespected him.
As such, it was usually easier just to let Tobi do whatever he wanted, and let himself be amused by it. Seeing Tobi barreling down on him, Kisame was quite shocked. He was also slightly stunned when Tobi proceeded to leap and use his head as a springboard to propel himself forward.
This left him ill-prepared to handle seeing the person who had been right behind Tobi.
Who also used his head as a springboard.
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Naruto completely understood Sasuke at this moment. He now understood why Sasuke always put so much emphasis on the word 'Avenger'. He would Avenge this crime of Ramen, and make everything right again. And he'd use any means to do it!
So when Tobi bounded straight towards Kisame, Naruto recognized him as that freaky fish guy who always ran away from him. Naruto also recognized the giant wrapped sword leaning on the tree next to him. Naruto remembered how much that sword hurt to be hit with. Naruto decided that if anyone deserved to be hit with that sword, it was probably the evil man in the orange mask.
So as Naruto spring boarded off Kisame's head, he also grabbed up the big ol' sword.
Naruto was cognizant of Tenten also bounding off the Blue Man's head. He was also aware of Kisame's terrified scream. He felt a slight drain on his chakra funneling out through his right hand, but it wasn't much. He could hear the word 'NOOOOOOO' wailing in the background. But none of that mattered. No, he had an evil-doer to smite!
With that, Naruto sprang forward faster then before, closing the distance between himself and Tobi, and swung Samehade down over his head as hard as he could.
Only for Tobi to spin around... And block the swing with a spoon?
Naruto continued his attack, stroke after stroke of bladed combat that had been drilled into his head in his practice with Tenten. And each and every one was stopped by the Spoon, with an almost nonchalant ease.
"Behind you, Naruto!"
Naruto swung around, sword leading... Only for it to smack directly into Kisame's hands.
And begin to drain him of his chakra.
Kisame immediately let go, shocked. Samehada wasn't supposed to drain him! It wasn't supposed to drain anyone of his bloodline! Heck, it wasn't even supposed to let anyone else hold it! That... that Thief had already corrupted his sword?!
But before Kisame could do anything else, he was cold-clocked in the back of the head by a surprisingly sturdy spoon, and knocked clean unconscious.
Fortunately, Kisame had interrupted the flow of the fight, clearing Naruto's head a bit.
"Why did you do such an evil act? Why did you defile the noodles?"
Tobi scratched his head. First the cage didn't work... and now this? He had thought the boy would talk about or worry about the girl he had 'kidnapped' at least a little. She was supposed to like him or something, right? Ah, well, this could work too. He was already having to alter his plan on the fly after seeing that seal light up... He could go with the flow.
"Ah, young Naruto, how do you know that it wasn't the Ramen that was evil the whole time? How do you know that it was I who corrupted the Ramen, and not the other way around?"
Naruto swung once more, and was once again spoon-parried.
"Lies! Ramen would never do that!"
"Everything is evil, foolish boy! The strong do what they like, because they can! And Ramen can turn against you as easily as anything else!"
Tenten watched, bemused. This... This was pretty bizarre. I mean, it could have been a pretty awesome moment... If not for the constant mentioning of Ramen as if it was an intelligent entity. Or if one of the fighters wasn't using a spoon for a weapon.
"People aren't strong when they're doing things like you say! They're strong when they're doing things for their precious people!"
"Naive! You're asking for all you enemies to twist your Ramen against you with that attitude!"
And once more Naruto sprang forward, swinging.
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The others were arriving as Naruto continued to fight. Jiraiya sat writing, editing the dialogue as he went. Mainly he was removing the word Ramen. Placed next to him was Temari, still tied up. He hadn't gotten around to freeing her yet.
Gaara and Tsunade were also beside Jiraiya. Tsunade watched, ready to step in in case Naruto needed help. Gaara just sighed in disappointment at how quickly Naruto had forgotten about his sister. Perhaps he should set his standards lower for her sister's mate, as it seemed she was reaching too high with her first choice?
Hinata, Sakura, and Sasuke had also just arrived, Hinata and Sakura cheering Naruto on with wildly varying degrees of volume (and happily noting that Naruto wasn't currently paying any attention to Tenten, conveniently ignoring the fact he was locked in mortal combat with some kind of psycho with a spoon), whereas Sasuke was stoicly nodding his approval at Naruto's act as an Avenger. Maybe Naruto would stop whining about Sasuke getting all in his Avenger moods whenever he thought about Itachi, now?
After another round of being shut down by a spoon, dialogue resumed.
"Naruto... Your love of the Ramen is a weakness! Its a vulnerability that Konoha will never remove from you! Instead of putting you in control of the Ramen... They will only let the Ramen control you, and keep you weak!"
"I'm... I'm not weak! I am strong! I'm strong, and I'll keep on getting stronger, to keep all my friends safe! And I'll become strong enough to become Hokage to protect everyone! And I know that I'll master the Ramen, 'tebayo!"
"Did anyone in Konoha want to train you before?! Why would that change now? They aren't willing to let you become strong... For fear of IT. But I... I can teach you! Come with me, and we can rule the Shinobi World as master and apprentice! I'll train you to become the greatest ninja ever! And all the Ramen in the world will be yours to eat!"
Naruto paled. Naruto knew that more people seemed to like him these days, and that even the civilians who used to give him the stink-eye acted like they didn't hate him as much anymore. But... The worry was still there, that maybe whatever caused the change would go away, and all of his hard work at getting acknowledged would disappear. Ruling over the Shinobi World even did have some appeal to Naruto. 'It would be like being the Super-Kage, or something...'
More worrisome, the thought that anyone could turn his Ramen against him... That was a scary thought. Would Konoha train him against that? Or would they not bother? It was a terrifying thought, to constantly have to be afraid his Ramen would betray him.
Naruto shook his head. No! He couldn't think like that! Konoha was a good place, and his precious people would ensure that such an act would never, could never happen again! Old Man Ichiraku was above such base deception!
"Never! I'd never let myself be trained by one so evil! You defile the good name of Ramen- Oh my god, look over there!"
Tobi reflexively turned to face the direction Naruto had pointed, before grimacing in shame for falling for such a ruse. Just as Tobi looked away, Naruto smacked him in the side with Samehada as hard as he could.
Surprisingly, Tobi was not broken in half. Nor was he cut, bleeding, or anything to indicate damage.
However, out of sheer dumb luck Naruto had managed to hit Tobi directly on his funny bone, causing him to drop his Spoon... Which Naruto snatched as quick as he could.
"Hah! You fell for my Surprise-Sword-Swipe jutsu! Now you'll pay!"
Gaara silently cursed Naruto for stealing his new technique before he even got a chance to employ it.
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It may surprise some that Naruto would even consider Tobi's offer. One has to remember what it means to be Uzumaki Naruto to explain that answer.
First, being Super-Kage over the world would pretty much make him the coolest ninja by default. I mean, really, who could compete with THAT? Just imagine how awesome his hat would be! Heck, he'd probably even have a cape, too! All the other Kage's would be so gosh dern jealous...
The other reason is the Naruto aspect running the early part of the fight. Kyuubi-Naruto didn't come out to play a lot, but the terrible betrayal and dastardly trickery perpetrated by Tobi and the Ramen brought him into play.
Kyuubi-Naruto, fortunately, is not an evil entity. As a general principle, none of him are. They can be tricky, mischievous buggers, but they don't usually have the urge to kick babies or eat midgets.
The obvious exception, of course, is Evil Naruto, who is rather disliked by the rest of his persona for the fact he always smells like half-eaten midget.
No, Kyuubi-Naruto was a rather new fragment, that appeared the day Naruto learned about the Kyuubi within. He didn't interact much in the meetings- In point of fact, he usually sat under the table that Hokage-Naruto presided at, hiding under the tablecloth. He figured it was only fair since the Kyuubi was locked up in a seal and couldn't take part, he probably shouldn't take part either.
But when Tobi tricked him with ramen... Kyuubi-Naruto flipped the table over in his haste to make chase. Luckily, no one had noticed Naruto's eyes flashing red as he began to pursue.
So when Tobi began to speak, he was speaking to one of the generally more evil and amoral Naruto's he could. Unfortunately, making Naruto ponder such thoughts allowed his mind to calm back down a bit, and get everything back under control.
'But still... That hat would probably look AWESOME!'
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Seeing the tide of battle shift, Tsunade reached out and jerked Jiraiya to his feet, pulling him forward as she stepped out on the field behind Naruto.
Tobi was furious at the loss of the Spoon, but not to the point of being enraged. He could see that the two remaining Sannin were no longer content with him fighting just the boy, so now was probably a good time for a strategic withdrawal.
"You may have won this round, but know that I won't give up on you so quickly! If you ever want to fully control the Ninetails, you'll have to come to me! You'll never be able to be strong, much less the Hokage, with that kind of weakness. And without full mastery of it, you'll never be able to be able to trust in the Ramen again! Muwahahaahahaha!"
Tobi's maniacle cackle lasted a few seconds, before he realized that most of the children were staring at him with wide, confused eyes.
"What? Don't you all know that you need special training to fully control a biju?"
Crickets.
The various genin just gaped, putting together what the strange masked man was saying.
"Errr... They didn't know? Oh jeez, you'd think that's something people would know about, right? I mean, how do you hide the fact that you have the strongest demon around sealed into your stomach? Didn't the absurd amount of chakra he had tip you off? The fact that he can make thousands upon thousands of Kage Bunshin never seemed strange?"
Still silence.
"I... Wow, this is awkward. Um, I'm just going to be going now... Do remember my offer, Naruto... You're going to need it!"
With that, Tobi Shunshined over to Kisame, grabbed his unconscious body, then the two of them disappeared.
Everyone left behind was standing about, confused. Naruto stood in the clearing, leaning on Samehada in his right hand, and holding Tobi's Spoon in his left. Naruto didn't know what to think. He had always planned on telling his friends eventually about the Kyuubi and all... But it's not something you can just talk about!
Tenten was, unsurprisingly, the first to act. The more she thought about it, the more it made sense, what that crazy spoon-wielding freak had said. Naruto did have rather ridiculous chakra reserves, didn't he?
But nothing Tenten had ever seen had indicated anything at all to her that Naruto WAS the demon. She knew about Jinchuuriki, of course, what with Gaara being out and about... And Naruto sure didn't act nearly that crazy. Naruto was still Naruto, and that was that.
So, Tenten rushed over to him, gripping his left arm, asking him if he was OK. Naruto turned to her, smiling weakly, looked her in the eyes, searching for what she was thinking. Naruto's smile grew when he could detect no hostility, no falseness in her. He dropped the two magnificent weapons he was holding, and pulled Tenten into a hug.
Hinata and Sakura had reached the same conclusions that Tenten had. Seeing Naruto hug Tenten pulled them out of their dazed stupor, and both rushed over to assure Naruto that they still lov-believed in him. Frankly, Sakura was surprised she had never guessed something was up with Naruto's reserves before. And Hinata understood now why everyone had always looked on at Naruto so hatefully.
Sasuke was praising the lord that it was apparently just the Kyuubi that was causing Itachi to flee from Naruto, not his ridiculous orange outfits.
Gaara stood silently, next to his still-bound sister. 'It seems my sister has already lost her fight for Uzumaki... I'm sure she'll be most disappointed when I inform her that she should stop pursuing him, but what's done is done.'
Temari still continued to squirm about, confused both at how no one had bothered to help her, and how absurdly well tied the ropes were that she still couldn't escape them.
Tsunade d'awwwed, and nudged Jiraiya in the ribs. He glanced at her, before bending down to pick up and tuck away all his notes.
"When you get around to finishing that book... I think 'Icha Icha Swordplay' would make a much better name then just 'swords'."
"We need to get out of here now! Back to Konoha we go!"
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In the Secret Akatsuki lair of dastardliness and evilitude, an even secreter meeting took place.
"Madara, you're telling me you had the Ninetails captured... And you let him go? Why?!"
Tobi paced back and forth in front of Pain and Konan, running the fight over in his head to see if their was anything that he missed.
"Pain... Have you ever even looked at the seal that the Kyuubi-brat has?"
"Obviously not... When would I have had the time to do so?"
"Well, at the start of the fight he was drawing on the Kyuubi chakra, and gave me a good look at the seal on his stomach... It was the most absurd seal I've ever seen! I don't think its actually possible to extract the Ninetails and live through the process. It's got so many safeguards that I doubt both of us working in concert could survive the unsealing, and the resulting fight and capture of Kyuubi!"
Pain stared as Tobi continued to rant and wave his arms about. 'It can't be that bad...'
"I didn't get a good look at all of it, but not only would removing the seal cause the boy to actually turn into some crazy fox thingy as it went on... But there was one part of it that looked like if you pulled off too much of the seal, the freakin Yondaime himself would somehow appear and stop you! How the hell do you do that?"
"You... got all of that from looking at the seal once?"
"Pain, remember that you aren't the only one with a crazy doujutsu here..."
Pain rolled his eyes at that. As if Madara could go five minutes without mentioning his Sharingan, and how not only did he reach the highest level... But he went beyond that into an even more ridiculous level!
"Anyway, my plan to capture all the biju obviously won't work now... And I was so looking forward to catching them all... At least I can still get the Sandslash, Persian, and Lapras easily..."
Tobi wandered out of the meeting, muttering to himself.
Leaving Pain and Konan to stare at each other in confusion.
"What... What was he talking about at the end there?"
"I think some things are better left off to mystery. No, our bigger concern here now is how to succeed in our goals without the power of the Kyuubi..."
Author's Notes: The initial Pokemon reference was subtle, but it was there : ).
Anywayz, Kisame's sword issue has been revealed. I believe it was Armedlord at TFF who guessed it correctly a while back (He didn't want to lose his sword because then he'd have to deal with his crazy mom). Naruto also has Tobi's Spoon. He's also seen said spoon completely pwn Kisame's sword, so he may try to figure out what made it so special. The Pot and Spoon is a running joke of mine. If you're confused, at this point it's your own damn fault.
Tobi's evil plan to convert Naruto (because he realized the Ninetails itself was uncapturable) to his side got sidelined into something about Ramen, because thats all Naruto could talk about. The specific Biju that Tobi referenced should be obvious, as they, aside from the 8-Tailed-Pantyhose Taro that is Kirabe, are the only ones we've seen.
I also lied to Griff-Dawg, too, who had PM'd me a few days ago asking for when my next update was, and I had told him May. Sorry for lying!