It's been a good time. Never in my life did I think my second fic would garner so many reviews and so much attention.

I'm considering a sequel.

You'll probably want one, right?

Lyrics in this are Turn My Way by New Order/Billy Corgan. I don't have permission to use them, but I did so anyway. I heard Billy Corgan sing it and fell in love with the song.

Thank you to Tiff for all her help and especially her guidance and patience (I Love You!), to my reviewers for making me feel special and to Amber for jumping into my head at what seemed like an opportune moment.

I am so, so proud of this chapter. I've worked so hard on it.

I've just seen that Candice won Diva of the Year&Most Improved and I'm spitting mad. It gave me an idea though. One-shot that I'll probably write on the plane.

So, for the last time, please review this.

Thank you.

Charlie xoxo

Chapter 20-Turn My Way, Baby.

I did what I could only think of doing. I screamed my lungs out. Turning away from Jeff, I tried to calm myself down, but to no avail.

Suddenly a strong pair of arms came around me, comforting and familiar.

"Now do you know what it feels like to lose someone you love?" Jeff's voice asked me. I faced him once more, our eyes locking.

"Don't you EVER do that to me again."

"Don't ever leave me again" Jeff said, quickly and put his head down after

"I didn't leave you" I cocked my left eyebrow and bent my head under his to look at him.

"You did. You ran off when Randy announced about his wife and future kid. Everbody was staring at me, like it was obvious you loved him and not me"

"Oh, God. I'm so sorry...I couldn't even be around either of them." I muttered and took a deep breath "Did everybody else know he was married?"

"Yes. Why do think you got so much shit when he was parading you around as his girl?"

"I presumed that it was jealousy on their part" I shrugged "Why did nobody tell me he was married?"

"We all thought he'd already told you. Evidently he hadn't."

I stared at him "Did you just say 'evidently'? What on earth has gotten into you?"

"Perhaps, my darling" He stood up and scooped me off the floor with him "It's that I'm with your classy ass again"

I simply laughed at him and held his hand as we walked to catering.

Tiff damn near jumped on me as soon as I walked through the door "Are you okay?"

"Fine, thank you. I went to see Estelle, then came back to see Jeff"

Tiff smiled "Good. You deserve a good guy, Ams"

I simply nodded as my SK3 bleeped from inside my bag:

Amber? It's Brit, obviously. I have Randy with me...he's a fucking mess babe.

Sam went crazy because he followed you to the back and came back crying.

What did you say to him?

His hand is broken and all his arm is cut up because he punched a wall and then the window.

I suggest you come and see him.

I still love you though.

Brit xoxox

"I'll be back soon guys. I need to go talk to Brittany" Most of the group acknowledged my parting sentence with a nod and a smile.

"I'll leave you guys alone" Brit smiled. I thanked her as she left and turned my attention to Randy;

"You're an idiot, babe"

He laughed "I am, aren't I? Brit's told me I'm acting like a child"

"You are a child, Randy" I laughed along with him and sighed "All this stuff with us is complete shit, isn't it? One, you're fucking married. Two, you're having a kid and three I know you're sleeping with one of my friends. One of the writers, in fact."

He paled "You know about Dom?"

"Umm, duh?" I rolled my eyes and kissed him gently "I loved you. Dom loved you. I hope your wife loves you, because she's all you've got now. Goodbye."

You know, I think I might start being nice to everyone. Most of the bad stuff has been thrown at me as a result of something I've done.
This year has been crazy.
I started off with Jeff-him cheating on Beth with me-until he caught me with Randy.
He still doesn't know about Shannon. I hope he never does find out. That'd be the end of me-he'd side with Shannon, of course. Bro's over Ho's and all that.

I'm sat now in a park, after I wandered off down the road with not much intention of returning. I need to be alone with my memories, with pictures, words and songs.

Maybe I should invest in T-Mobile. This Sidekick has gotten me through the year.

I never delete my emails, ever. I never know when I might need them, for one. I suppose now is one of those times.

Sure, I have Jeff and yes, I love him, I've fought for him, cried for him...drank after he left me without his love.

Gone in to a coma after he left me...all that fun stuff.

I'm killing myself over the life I lead now.

Drinking, fighting, bitching, smoking, my life is a vicious circle.

I'll end up dead or broken.

The good thing about mistakes is that you learn from them.

Or you're supposed to. I never have and I don't suppose I ever will.

I pressed play on a random song as I began to scroll through my old emails. Fuck it, I'm going read every single one of . 357? I'll just read the ones from people I like.

Alright, I just got word from J.R that they want to interview you tomorrow night at the RAW taping. Want me to drop by?
I'll get one of the boys to show you around. Give Jeff Hardy a damn good reason to be on time for once.
That boy'll end up off the rails again soon.
Careful not to make him fall in love with you, Amber. I know what you're like with your commitment phobia.
Maybe you should marry Randy? Hahaha. I'll see you soon girl.
Glen xxx

I smiled. I remember that night so well. Everybody was nice to me, Jeff was on time and I got the job. I was Glen&Mark's girl, though, nobody was going to mess with me.

I'm bored of this song now. I hope a good one comes on next.

Take my hand
And don't let go
Trust this man
And let it flow

Oh fantastic. It would be this. I remember Jeff singing this to me the first night we were together, if you catch my drift. He wanted me to jsu be with him, trust him, forget things that had happened in my past. I did, he helped me get over the hurt, betrayal...but not over losing my sister because of a stupid event. Not that I'm blaming Estelle for everything I've done wrong since then but...

It was great meeting you last night. You're awesome, you really are. I'll have to be careful around you, my lady.
Or that's what people are telling me hahah.
I never listen to them anyway...
Jeff xxxxxxx

Do you know what? I was glad he never listened. I had my taregts set on him from the moment I clapped my eyes on his hair in 2003. Usually, every target of mine has an obstacle I must overcome. Jeff sure as hell did, as I found out on an MSN conversation one night.

Mooreon: Amber? I don't know if you remember me, but it's Shannon Moore.
AmBamWHAM: Of course I do! You're the one that used to be Hurricane, right?
Mooreon: No...I'm Shannon Moore.
AmBamWHAM: I know. I was having a joke at your expense. What do you want?
AmBamWHAM: Sorry, I don't mean to be rude...but I'm going to meet Mark soon, so...

Mooreon: Jeff just got engaged to Beth, his girlfriend.
AmBamWHAM: WHAT? Bye Shannon.
AmBamWHAM is offline.

Don't take me down
Cause I'm not done
Don't steal my crown
Before it's won
The wide expanse
The wheel of chance
Will turn my way
The sky will not be gray

That damn song again. Jeff like a crown to me? Hey look, I'm dating Jeff Hardy, one of the greatest superstars ever? Maybe so. i'd never thought about it like that before. Randy...Shannon...Dave...John they were all like crowning glories. 'Look what I can get up to without Jeff knowing!'

He broke off his engagement after two months. I stayed away from him during those months, by the way. He told me that he couldn't handle never seeing me again, never talking to me again.
Hey, maybe one day I'll write a book on how to get what you want...

I don't wanna be like other people are
Don't wanna own a key, don't wanna wash my car
Don't wanna have to work like other people do
I want it to be free, I want it to be true

Take my hand
And don't let go
Trust this man
And let it flow

And so we did. We let our relationship flow. It was great...until I got caught cheating. My bad.
Things are pretty much a blur up until waking up in hospital with Jeff looking over me. What in the hell even happened so that I felt the need to drink myself into a coma?

Oh yes.

"It's been two days and I'm messed up, man. Thankfully, I have a really great friend who's helping me get over Am...Electra." he smiled as Candice walzted next to him and kissed him lightly "My life could be better, but without Candy? It'd be a whole lot worse." he nodded to the camera and walked off.

That fucking video. I swear to God if I ever have to watch that again...ever have to see him with Candice again...

I drank in every bar in town
I filled my cup when I was down
I saw the things I wanted to see
Became the man I wanted to be
But then somehow I lost my way
I've got to get back there today

I understand he took Randy and I getting back together again really badly. His problem, I guess. He was with Trandice. I wasn't involved at all with him then. I became the person I am now because he dated that stupid slut.

That argument in the hallway...I remember telling him that his new 'girlfriend' was married. I got that email from Randy...damn where is it? Oh, here it is. I always loved him for these little pick me up's;

Amzzz. This is why you hot:

1. You don't take my shit
2. You threaten to kill me every hour
3. You yell at Jeff loud enough for everybody to hear
4. You beat the shit out of Diva Search whores
5. You're pure evil :D

Love you. Ra-Ra xxx

I don't wanna be like other people are
Don't wanna own a key, don't wanna wash my car
Don't wanna have to work like other people do
I want it to be free, I want it to be true

Dinner with Steph that night, the club afterwards...yet another slanging match with Jeff and then the news of me drinking broke.

"Holy shit, you're Electra!" he exclaimed, looking at my basket he added "Careful with all of this gorgeous, we don't want a repeat of last time"

I stopped hunting for money in my bag and looked up "Excuse me?"

"Yeah, you know, like when you were hospitalised" he continued, placing a few of the bottles in a bag

" do you know that?" I asked, my brows furrowed

"The gossip websites had it on. Besides, I watched your match back and there was no chance of your shoulder getting hurt"

Big fucking's not like I'm an alcoholic or anything.

I looked down at the bottle I was clutching. Oops.

I don't wanna be like other people are
Don't wanna own a key, don't wanna wash my car
Don't wanna have to work like other people do
I want it to be free, I want it to be true

That being parents, my sister being there. Everybody I was estranged from was present but not Jeff. After breakfast by the elevators where he told me that he was probably next to me. Making up afterwards...then breaking up afterwards. We're like a fucking merry-go-round, but instead, a misery-go-round. Or a light switch, considering I ran back to his room after Tiff found out about John and I via one of those stupid sites and my damn sister.

I don't wanna be like other people are
Don't wanna own a key, don't wanna wash my car
Don't wanna have to work like other people do
I want it to be free, I want it to be true

God, Estelle coming back. That was a bloody shock and a half. She glassed Ashley for calling me names...we're no better than children. I took another swig from the bottle. Good vodka, you keep me sane. She got me fired, Mark and Glen had no idea who she was...God. I feel like an episode of Oprah.

My parents told me to always be right, no matter if I wasn't. In my mind, I had to have the confidence to be right, to control mother tought me well.
There might be a gaping hole in my childhood and indeed in Estelle's, but my mother and father tought us to be strong and stick together.
I wasn't upset when they left me at 16 and expected me to look after Estelle, who was then 14. I just left too, for London to 'find' whatever it was that fulfilled me.

Drink usually did the trick-if it didn't then drugs helped too. When I returned to Estelle, I was usually raging drunk or drugged out of my mind.

Not that it mattered, or that she cared. She'd shacked up with my boyfriend by then and a few years later, was pregnant with his baby at 17, nearly 18.

She lost it, of course. She was on the same amount of drink and drugs as I was.

After the miscarriage, I moved to the US and hadn't seen her since.

In my mind, it was good riddance.

I don't wanna be like other people are
Don't wanna own a key, don't wanna wash my car
I lie awake at night, or wait until it's light
I want it to be free, I thought that I was right

The bottle by now was empty, it was dark and I was pretty drunk.
What am I even doing tonight?

Do I even have a match?

Ho hum. I should walk back to the arena. The roads shouldn't be too busy.

At least I have Jeff. I love him. He's all I need.

Tought that I was right
Tought that I was right
Tought that I was right
Tought that I was right
Tought that I was right
Tought that I was right

On second thoughts, maybe an ambulance wouldn't go amiss.

That car just hit me pretty hard.