41Author- 4give4get
Rated- T
Disclaimer- Don't own… rather obvious, but okay.
Serena- OMC, the last review I got for this story was harsh like an iced caramel macchiato except with no whipped cream. Aw, but that's okay, you don't all have to like me. But if there are those of you who DO like me, would you like me if I wasn't the bitchy, kind-of-a-whore, Twilight-hater than I am?
And dude, that last girl said I was a bitch like it's a bad thing.
I say embrace the bitchiness.
And do I cuss too much for a fourteen year old?
Since when was cussing bad? It's just words.
Whatever, here's another chapter.
Chapter Four…
Jacob and Edward jump off the plane and run down the runway with everyone else to meet Bella on the runway.
"OMC, the Bahamas kicked serious ASS!" Jacob shouted.
"Oh, cool, my deodorant says it's little black dress approved," Edward noted.
"Urgh, I was home all alone for the whole frickin' week reading Wuthering Heights," Bella whined, stopping her foot, except she stepped in someone's gum, "Man, why was Catherine such a bitch?"
All of the Cullens plus Jacob exchanged glances and coughed.
Carlisle: Uhhhh, right, now who wants to stop at the Subway over there?
Alice jumped up, "Hell yeah, I'm gonna get a five dollar foot long!"
Jacob: You can have THIS five dollar foot long, if you want…
Everyone: Dude, no.
They all begin to walk away, but a spaceship beams them all up first, Bella was sucking blood through a straw.
Jacob: OMC, what the hell are you doing?
Bella: Drinkin' blood, bitch, whatsit to you?
Jacob: Uh, why?
Bella: It makes me feel kick-ass, you ought to try it.
Edward: Cool! This UFO is like space camp all over again!
Alice: This is the SHIT! It's like E.T. except this isn't crappy '80s special effects!
They all begin to explore the mysterious spaceship.
Jacob: OMC, they have a vibrating room!
Alice: Dude, no…
Bella: They have a suicide room with a cliff to jump off of…
Everyone: No one's stopping you, Bella…
Jasper simply disappeared. No one could find him anywhere. All together, they opened the door to a room no one looked in before and all fell in like morons.
Bella: AHhhh, it's a lion pit!
And seeing as Bella is the only human there, she kind of, sort of died.
And that is how Bella Swann became lion food.
Lauren: Hey, who wants go to and sleep with every guy in Forks with me?
Jacob raises his hand.
Lauren: Besides you?
No one.
Lauren: Naw, that's okay. They all have bad taste in girls anyway if they'd consider Bella… whoa what happened to her?
Alice: Uhhhhhh, (trying to lie quickly) she was making gang signs at those lions and they got pissed.
Lauren: OMC, Bella was in a gang? That's fuckin BADASS!
Alice: Dude no, it was a lame-ass gang that thinks motorcycling is dangerous.
Lauren: Wow, that is pretty lame.
They all went back to Forks to explain to Charlie why Bella was dead.
Esme: I'm so sorry for your loss.
Charlie: Really? You know, Bella was a test-tube baby.
Carlisle: Oh, isn't that interesting, well, have a nice day.
In the Forks Cemetery there is a tombstone that reads: ISABELLA SWANN, DIED IN A GANG FIGHT. REST IN PIECES (LITERALLY, THE LIONS TORE A COUPLE LIMBS OFF.)
Alice: Dude, this is some good shit.
Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Jacob, Edward, Lauren, Mike Newton, and Dumbledore all sit around her grave passing around a bong.
Edward: I think it's how she would have wanted to go…
"And I also think this is how she would have wanted us to mourn her," Jacob said, taking a hit on their small stash of weed.
Alice: Yeah, probably… DUDE, is there, like, spaghetti in the sky?
Jacob: Yeah, sometimes I think that too. Especially when I'm high… that's funny.
Jasper: Do you think those red and blue flashing lights mean something bad?
A cop car comes racing down the street, sirens on, and stops at the cemetery gates.
Everyone else: Nawww…
Charlie gets out of the cop car and glares at them, "Okay, now who did you buy that from? I thought I was the only dealer in Forks!"
Jacob: Yeah, in FORKS. I bought this weed in La Push, dude.
Charlie: Fine, that's a relief. I might have had to shoot somebody in that case.
Rosalie: You wanna join us, how much weed you got on you?
Charlie: Funny you should mention that, I have this baggie right here….
And they all sat around Bella's grave getting totally baked on cheap-ass weed.
End Chapter
Serena- Written in five minutes by a totally badass girl, don't mess.
Please review, flames accepted.
But anyone who thought this was funny is totally messed up. But that's okay, because even my issues have issues, so I'm pretty messed up too.