I own nothing, Stephenie Meyer owns these silly characters. I just drove them to therapy.

Lots of love to jashaw...congrats ;) and thanks for Tara's Folly for pinch hitting for me on this one!

Jailbreak!

Previously on Family Therapy:

"6:58!" Alice hissed, her bouncing picked up in intensity as she began creeping closer to the door. Emmett took another step closer to his wife who started giggling.

"Better hurry doctor, you're losing them." Esme laughed.

CPOV

This was easily the longest 36 hours of my existence. Everyone in my family was ready to strangle one another, and being a logical man, I thought getting them some professional help was the answer. It seemed reasonable, but I guess with a family like mine, all reason goes out the window and you are left with constant, eternal and inexplicable insanity.

We had fights, kisses, accusations, lies, eating disorders, sex addicts, sexual counseling, half truths, molestations, a bare chest contest, strip poker, a naked Jasper, Esme threatened a woman's life, Bella had an erotic dream about the boys, Emmett hit on Esme, Rosalie had to be hidden to keep Emmett away from her, Alice created a fantasy shopping world, Jasper went into full confederate mode, and Edward was referred to as reasonable...what was the world coming to?

Just when I thought things couldn't get any more insane, here we sat at 6:58, two minutes until Emmett could have sex again and until Alice could shop again and the doctor was getting ready to launch into some closing statement that none of them were going to listen to a single word of. In exactly 120 seconds, Alice and Jasper, and Rosalie and Emmett would be gone, I prayed at human speed that everything would end well but it would probably be just Edward and Bella, Esme and myself left, sitting in the office, to endure the rest of Dr. Dover's torture.

I looked around the room at my loving family. Esme sat by my side, holding my hand, but thinking murderous thoughts about the secretary. Edward was pinching the bridge of his nose, I'm sure facing the onslaught of Emmett's mental imagery of Rosalie. Bella, bless her heart, was sitting there like a deer in headlights, her heart racing and cheeks red as a strawberry concerned that the topic of her lack of a sex life would come up again. Emmett was ogling his wife and she was, as expected...encouraging him. Alice however, was the best. She was bouncing up and down in anticipation of the clock chiming 7:00. Jasper stood stoically behind her, trying his best to calm her, with absolutely no success, she was completely out of control and you could see her pent up energy starting to effect Jasper. For now, it was only his knee that was vibrating, but in a few more seconds, I was sure that his whole body would be bouncing right along side Alice.

My focus turned to Dr. Dover who appeared to be sweating. His eyes darted from Alice to Emmett and eventually to Edward, I'm sure wondering why Edward looked like he was in physical pain. Anytime he made eye contact with Bella, she would blush. Esme and I sat calmly in our chairs, as the world around us crumbled into a million tiny pieces.

"6:58!" Alice chirped happily.

Esme gave my hand a tight squeeze of encouragement before she spoke. "Better hurry doctor you're losing them."

"You were saying?" I said to Dr. Dover who fumbled with his papers and started talking in a hurried voice, sensing the urgency in the room.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you all that therapy is an ongoing and long term solution to your problems. These things cannot be worked out in one or two sessions, they will take time, but I feel we have started to make some progress today...walls have started to come down and I can see...just how committed to your homework some of you were." He glanced nervously at Emmett who was whispering in Rosalie's ear now, checking his watch occasionally, then Dr. Dover glanced over to Alice who was holding Jasper's hand, her whole body shivering as she stared at her watch, trying to will the second hand to move faster.

"I think what I would like to do in future sessions is have the boys back in, there are a few things I would like to revisit with you in a group setting and the same with the girls. Of course I will have you come back as couples, especially Bella and Edward...we still have a lot more to cover with you since we were cut short."

I heard Alice start counting down 59,58, 57... Poor Jasper was stuck in emotional hell. On one side, he had Alice whose excitement was overwhelming. On the other side, he had Emmett and Rosalie who were throwing off so much lust I could barely breathe. And Jasper stood, smack dab in the middle of the barrage, visibly trembling.

"I think some of you have made a great deal of progress, Bella you and Rosalie seem to have taken a positive step forward in your relationship." Dr. Dover praised the two girls. Bella nodded her head enthusiastically while Rosalie mumbled "Yeah... sure...progress." From the back of the room, completely engrossed in Emmett's sweet talking.

42,41, 40...Alice chanted quietly.

"Carlisle you have an amazing family here. I can feel the love between everyone." Edward snorted at that comment. We all could feel the love from Emmett and Rosalie right now, even though that's not what the good doctor meant, it was true. Their lust was beating Alice's excitement and Jasper was losing control of the situation.

34, 33, 32...

"Alice Cullen, it is not New Years Eve, stop counting." I hissed to her. She stuck her tongue out at me. I then decided to try a different approach to speed up our escape.

"Doctor Dover, Ben, I never meant to keep you away from home this late, you're wife must be furious. Things seem to be more under control than they were before. We can pick this up at a another time." The children all looked hopefully toward the doctor waiting to be paroled, but no dice.

"Nonsense Carlisle. This is much more important that anything else I may have going on at home. And my wife is a very understanding woman." He replied. But from the smirk on Edward's face, I assume that was NOT what the doctor was thinking.

"You have a very complicated family situation, here Carlisle. With this many teenagers in the house at once, it would be complicated at best, but then when you throw in the fact that they are all in relationships with each other..."

23, 22, 21...

Edward, what are you laughing at? I asked in my head. His eyes darted to Alice and Jasper. How is Jasper holding up? He very subtly shook his head. Is she going to tear out of here when the clock hits 7:00? He nodded his head up and down. Do I even want to know what Emmett is planning? Again he shook his head no and shuddered slightly.

Dr. Dover kept talking "...the relationships complicate things to a whole new level. To be living with your significant other at their age is stressful. I think that may be this a major contributing factor to the problems at home. I have never dealt with a family dynamic like yours. I may need to call on some outside experts to get their perspective on things..." Blah, blah, blah

15, 14,13... Alice began inching toward the door. I had to stop her from making me look like a fool in front of Dr. Dover again, even though being shirtless around a colleague was a new personal low for me, I wanted to end this visit with some shred of dignity.

"Alice Cullen, if you leave this room before the doctor excuses us I will cancel your credit cards before your little butt hits the seat of the Porsche, am I clear young lady?" I hissed at vampire speed so the doctor wouldn't be able to hear. Alice's eyes got huge, and then narrowed to small slits as she glared at me. She folded her arms across her chest and huffed loudly.

"I still can't shake the feeling that there is something, something big that I am missing..." The doctor mumbled as he flipped back through his pages of notes, looking for something he may have missed. We all exchanged amused looks and hoped he wouldn't find what he was looking for.

"Well, that being said..."

Edward leaned over and whispered something to Bella that made her turn her head to Emmett and Rose with a look of horror and then she ducked her head so her hair completely covered her face.

Edward? What is he thinking... Edward raised an eyebrow at me. That bad? Esme looked at me nervously. I tried to give her a reassuring smile but she saw right through me. We both took a deep breath and focused our attention back on Dr. Dover.

"...I feel that if you continue therapy over the next few months I can teach you some strategies..."

3, 2, 1... 7:00 p.m.!

"Give me your phone" Alice hissed to Jasper who quickly tossed it into her hand. She furiously dialed and I heard " Neiman Marcus, how may I help you?" She pulled a large catalog out of her purse and began flipping pages and she slumped down, sitting against the wall.

"Yes, I need to make some purchases, I want them shipped overnight please." Alice muttered into the phone "This is Alice Cullen." I heard the woman on the phone squeal.

"Miss Cullen, we are so relieved to hear from you! We thought something terrible must have happened to you. Were you kidnapped? That's the only thing we could come up with to explain why we hadn't heard from you in almost, wow 30 hours!" My eavesdropping on Alice was interrupted by a loud crash behind me.

I looked to my left and saw Bella with the branches of a large potted tree on her head. Edward was cursing profusely. I followed the tree trunk to see that Emmett and Rosalie were now making out in the back of the office and in their fervor, they had knocked over the small shrub, causing it to land on poor Bella.

"Um...Emmett, Rosalie!" Esme said sharply causing the two to burst apart, looking extremely guilty.

Of all the days for her to wear red lipstick. I thought as I looked back over at Emmett who resembled some deranged clown with the smeared red lips on his face, caused by his wife's deep red lipstick. She didn't look much better.

"Um, well I guess since it is 7:00 you kids must have... things you want to go do..." Dr. Dover muttered, looking fearfully at Rosalie and Emmett who had big grins on their face. They looked to me for permission to leave and I muttered "Go!" They were out of the office in seconds. Alice cleared her throat to get my attention and squealed when I made my decision to let her leave too.

"Thanks dad!" she chimed and kissed me on the cheek as she and Jasper ran out the door. I looked to my left and saw Edward and Bella looking at me waiting to be excused.

Can you last a few more minutes...for me? Don't leave your mother and I alone with him. I asked him in my head. He rolled his eyes and sank back grudgingly into his chair. Bella sighed and mimicked his actions. I looked at Esme who had a beautiful smile on her face however the death rays shooting out of her eyes told me she wanted to go home just as much as Edward and Bella.

"Edward why don't you go take Bella home." To our house "Esme and I will meet you there. And if you could check on the others, that would be helpful." Please find Emmett before security is called! A huge smile sprang onto Bella's face.

Edward helped her up from her chair and extended his hand to Dr. Dover. "Thank you for everything doctor. I'm sure we'll see you soon." Quit sucking up just because he called you 'reasonable' and get out of here before I change my mind Edward.

"Bye Dr. Dover." Bella said quietly before coming over to hug Esme and I goodbye. "Thank you Carlisle." Bella whispered in my ear as she hugged me tightly. She gave Esme a hug and a kiss and they ran out the door. I heard Edward say "Oh thank God that is over!" As he walked down the hallway, Bella giggled and must have kissed him because I heard her heart rate soar.

"Sorry doctor, but I think we both know they were all just a little preoccupied right now." I laughed trying to make light of their hasty exits. Even Dr. Dover had to chuckle.

"You all love each other very much Carlisle, I can see that. Everything is going to be OK, they are good kids, all families fight. As long as they can resolve their issues like adults, things can and will improve. You made the right decision bringing them in to talk to someone." Dr. Dover tried to reassure me.

"Thank you doctor. So where do we go from here?" Esme asked quickly.

"I'd really like to see them once a week for the first few months and then we can reevaluate their progress and see if we can cut that back a bit."

Once a week? They are definitely not going to like this...

Esme leaped to her feet at his pause and held her hand out. "We will give you a call to schedule our next appointments. Thank you doctor." She shook his hand quickly and said "Please give our apologies to your wife for interrupting your evening. Carlisle are you ready to go home?" Esme said in that 'you don't have a choice, so get off your butt' voice of hers.

"Ben, thanks for everything." I said as I shook his hand and headed to the door.

"I'll see you tomorrow Carlisle." He waved from his desk. Esme took my hand as we headed down the hall.

"Do you mind if we swing by my office, I may as well grab a few files and bring them home with me so I can get some work done." I asked Esme.

My beautiful wife smiled and said "No problem. Now that we don't have to babysit the children tonight, life can return to normal and perhaps we can even have a relaxing evening together." She gave me a wink at the thought of all we could do to relax tonight.

As we rounded the corner, we ran into a very angry Edward leaning against the wall with Bella. This better be important Edward. I thought as we approached the couple.

"She stole my car." He hissed.

"Who stole your car?" Esme asked. Alice? I thought. Edward nodded his head yes.

"Why would Alice steal the Volvo?" I asked. Bella thrust a crinkled up note into my hand. Esme leaned over as I flattened it out, and read it with me.

Edward-

I borrowed your car, I didn't steal it, stop telling Carlisle that. It has a bigger trunk that the Porsche so I needed to take it. I didn't hurt your car, Jasper taught me how to hot wire it. Isn't that cool? Rose can fix any damage relax, it's just a couple stupid wires. Stop pinching the bridge of your nose and don't even think about doing that to my Porsche or I'll take the Volvo to the junk yard and have my packages shipped home.

Your loving sister,

Alice

I did my best to not laugh at the note because I could just imagine Edward's fury as he found his beloved car missing, and a note from Alice in it's place.

"Yes Carlisle, it was hilarious." Edward said sarcastically. Sorry Edward... I apologized in my head. He responded by rolling his eyes and asking for the spare set of keys to the Porsche. As I reached into my pocket to find the keys, my pager started beeping. I didn't recognize the number but could tell by the extension it was coming from inside the hospital. "Sorry, everyone, this might be important." I quickly dialed the number on my cell phone and waited.

"Hello?"

"This is Dr. Cullen I was paged."

"Hi doctor Cullen, this is George with security. It looks like someone has broken into your office. Are you by any chance still in the hospital?"

"Yes, George, my wife and I are actually on our way down there now. We'll be there in a second." I snapped the phone shut and my mind raced. It had better not be what I think it is... I glanced at Edward who was doing his best not to burst into laughter at my thoughts, but he was failing miserably He buried his face into Bella's shoulder and began shaking with laughter.

"Carlisle what is it?"Esme asked, her voice full of concern at the look of fury on my face.

"Apparently someone has broken into my office. We need to get down there now." We exchanged a glance that told me she too had an idea who the perpetrators might be. Bella's hand flew over her mouth and then she too joined Edward in hysterics.

"We'll be back you two!" I said as we strode down the hallway.

"On no you don't" Edward choked out "We aren't going to miss this one! After the day we've had, you owe us this much Carlisle. " I turned to see him dragging Bella by the hand after us.

We made a quick left at the visitors desk and then hopped in the elevator to reach the floor my office was on. As the elevator doors opened and I saw the big 4 on the wall in front of me, I paused and wondered just how bad it was going to be. Was the door just kicked in, the intruders having made off unnoticed, or I shuddered at the thought, Were the intruders caught in the act...Please God, let them have at least got away...

Esme took my hand as we took the first right and started down the long hallway. I could see two uniformed police officers in the hall, but I only picked up parts of the hushed conversation.

"Dr. Cullen...young guy...all the nurses are hot for him." Great Esme will love that. I stole a peek and saw the wrinkle in her brow. Yep, she heard...this day just keeps getting better and better. When Edward stopped walking about two thirds of the way down the hall because he was doubled over in laughter, I knew they hadn't escaped. My son and daughter were sitting in my office, awaiting my arrival. Please God, again I beg you, let them have clothes on...

Esme looked like she was as terrified as I was about what we might find. Clutching her hand, I approached the officers.

"George?" I asked. The taller officer with black hair came over and held out his hand.

"Dr. Cullen? Sorry to bother you, but well...something like this has never happened here and so we wanted to call you before we did anything further." I closed my eyes and waited for him to say it. "We caught the intruders, but they asked us to call you. They said they know you." I felt Esme give my hand a squeeze of encouragement as I opened my eyes. George was being a complete professional. His sidekick however, Andy, from what his name tag said, was grinning from ear to ear.

"Carlisle, please..." Esme said at vampire speed so the officers wouldn't hear. "They are just children."

"They are not children Esme, they are both 92 years old! They know better." I hissed back.

I cleared my throat and addressed George. "Are they inside?" I asked in the most professional tone I could muster given the circumstances. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward had picked himself off the ground and was walking in this direction with a red faced Bella at his side.

The door to my office had obviously been kicked in, small fragments of wood were dangling off the door jamb. I pushed open the door and could see my coat rack, lying across the office floor and the contents from the top of my desk scattered across the floor like a tornado had ripped through the room. Esme gasped and covered her mouth as we went further into the room, only to find an annoyed Rosalie sitting in the armchair in nothing but her bra and panties and Emmett standing next to her, wearing my long white lab coat, a stethoscope and nothing else, except the goofy grin on his face.

Without a word, I walked over to the shelves behind my desk and picked up the beautifully framed picture of my family that Esme had taken just a few months ago. The eight of us were smiling out in the backyard, looking like the picture perfect family.

"Dr. Cullen?" George asked from the doorway. I looked at my children, then looked at the framed picture in my hand and laid it face down back up on the shelf. Grasping Esme's hand in mine, I headed for the door and said "I've never seen them before in my life." And walked out the door.

Esme hissed at vampire speed "And on your father's desk..."

I heard Emmett screaming "Mom, Dad! We're sorry...don't leave us here...can I please put some pants on before you do that?"

Edward, you and Bella follow them to the station and bail them out at the last second. Tell the officers I was mistaken, the shock of seeing my children like that. Make them take the mug shots, so I can add them to my collection. Charlie will help...I'll call him on the way home. Oh, and throw the lab coat and stethoscope away...I will not being wearing either of those ever again.

Esme and I rode home in complete silence. I still couldn't believe they had done that. Actually, I could easily believe they had done that, I just couldn't believe they were dumb enough to get caught.

"It could have been worse Carlisle." Esme said quietly as we walked into the house. I sat down on the couch and pulled her next to me.

"Yes, you're right. I suppose they could have been found in a compromising position in the fountain in the main lobby, that would have been worse, or on a gurney in the OR, that would have been worse, but on my desk..." I whined like a child.

"Don't worry. I'll order you a new one in the morning dear." Esme said with a giggle. I gently kissed her head and enjoyed the silence of our home for a while. Our short lived peace was interrupted by the ringing phone.

"Hello?" I said quickly.

"Turn on the news." Edward said quickly, and then hung up.

"Esme dear, can you flip on the television, that was Edward." She reached over and found the remote control, the local news had interrupted regular broadcasting.

"Hello John, the scene down here is unlike anything I have ever witnessed before. I am standing outside the local mall at Port Angeles where recent lottery winner Alice Cullen is on an unbelievable shopping spree with her boyfriend Jasper Hale. We had a chance to talk with her briefly as they were exiting this designer dress shop with an armful of packages."

"Miss Cullen, first congratulations on the lottery win. You must be ecstatic."

"I am very happy." Alice said sweetly.

"can you tell us how much you won exactly?"

"I'd like to keep the amount a secret if that's OK with you Chris."

"What prompted the spending spree this evening?"

"Chris this has been the longest day of my life so I decided to blow off a little steam and spend my winnings." Alice chimed in her perfectly sweet voice.

"Are you going to spend all your winnings tonight?" The newsman asked incredulously.

"HA...you never know Chris, you never know..." she teased.

"Mr. Hale can you make a guess as to how much she has spent so far this evening?" the newscaster shoved the microphone in jasper's face.

"Just under $150,000 dollars by my calculations." Jasper guessed.

"Well I won't keep you from your shopping any longer. Thanks for talking with us."

"Bye Chris thanks! Hi Edward and Hi Bella, sorry about the Volvo...it does have great trunk space though! Rose and Emmett, you should have known better shame on you and Carlisle...no don't do it! Please..." Alice screamed as Jasper pulled her off camera. I could still hear her begging when the newscaster signed off.

"This is Chris Peacock at the Port Angeles Mall for channel 10 news. Back to you John."

Esme's mouth was wide open in shock. The whole town would know of Alice's lottery winnings by morning. Thankfully, by her school records, she had just turned 18 or we would have had to explain that too. I reached my hand out to the coffee table and picked up a cordless phone and dialed a phone number in Switzerland. As soon as I dialed the last number, my cell phone also started to chime.

"Wait one minute Esme..." I held my hand up so she wouldn't answer the cell phone yet.

"Hello?" I heard a male voice in my ear.

"Arthur, this is Carlisle Cullen. Freeze all of our accounts immediately." I nodded to my wife who answered the phone sweet as ever.

"Hello Alice. What can I do for you?" I heard Alice's frantic screeching as Esme held the phone out to me snickering.

"OHMYGOSHYOUCANTDOTHATTOME..." I heard her scream.

"Alice dear, what is wrong?"

"Carlisle, you can't freeze the accounts please, don't do that." Alice begged into the phone. "Jasper stop trying to calm me down!"

"Alice I'm sorry, but it has already been done. Don' worry, you'll be fine. Just use your LOTTERY WINNINGS to finish your little shopping trip." I said sarcastically "Goodnight Alice." After turning off the power I snapped the phone shut and threw it onto the table.

"Now where were we?"

Dr. Dover POV

1:00 am the clock read. I had been glancing at it every ten minutes for the last hour and a half. I heard a loud sigh next to me.

"Benjamin Dover, what is wrong., You have been tossing an turning for over an hour now. I'd like to get some sleep. Is there anything you want to talk about?" Eileen asked in frustration.

"I'm sorry dear, it's just these patients...I have a lot on my mind. I think I'm going to go downstairs for a while so you can sleep." I whispered as I kissed her gently on the forehead before climbing out of bed. I slipped my feet into a pair of slippers and headed down to the kitchen for a bowl of ice cream.

The Cullen's. What am I going to do with the Cullen's? I asked myself over and over as I sat at the counter enjoying my chocolate fudge swirl. They are keeping something from me, I can feel it, but what?

They all had been so guarded at one point or another through our sessions. I felt like I was missing out on some big joke from all the sideways looks that passed between them. Sometimes I could tell they were telling me the complete and honest truth, like when Carlisle and Esme spoke of their children and Bella, they genuinely loved one another.

Other times, when they spoke I was reminded of the phrase "Things aren't always what they seem...". Who makes being a vegetarian a requirement for all of their family members? And why is their 'way of life' as they kept referring to it, so difficult for them? No one would die if they changed their minds, but to hear them talk about it, it sounded like being a vegetarian was a matter of life or death. Or at least they seemed to think so.

And all the issues between them. This could take years to resolve. I admitted to myself. Am I up for that? Can I break through their carefully constructed walls to find out their secrets and find out what they are hiding underneath that tough as granite exterior?

I would need to confer with some colleagues on this case. A sex therapist, a marriage counselor, someone specializing in abnormal psychology, an adolescent psychologist and I should probably look into finding them a vegetarian support group. I wonder if those even exist? I asked myself as I dumped the melted contents from my bowl into the sink. I rinsed my spoon and bowl, placed them into the dishwasher and tip toed back upstairs to bed where I heard Eileen gently snoring.

I'll sleep on it tonight, and decide tomorrow.

Only one more chapter...I know I know.,...but the end is here... My last poll was a statistical dead lock only 4 vote difference so it is now a head to head competetion...give it a vote. I'm gone for a few days...be back soon so if I don't reply quickly, it's not because I don't appreciate you, it's because I am visiting with the relatives...tis the season. Review please :)