Alchemy for Drunks

Disclaimer I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or any of the characters in it!

"Al, did Mustang explain why he wanted to see me this time?" Ed asked annoyed.

"Sorry brother he didn't. I guess that you're just going to have to figure that out when you walk inside."

"Fine, Al I will see you later" He said getting more annoyed. He stepped inside of Mustang's office. He was sitting there signing papers awaiting his arrival patiently.

"Hello Edward, sit down." He said gesturing to a chair. Ed sat down putting his head into his head showing his annoyance.

"So what do you want?" He asked trying to get it over with as quickly as possible.

Mustang smiled smugly. "You know Ed, that's no way to talk to your boss now is it?"

"Whatever..." Ed replied not even caring.

"Fine, then lets move on to why I have asked you to come here today." He said pausing. "There is a party that is going to be tonight, here. You are expected to come, only state alchemists invited."

"And if I don't want to go?" Ed asked hoping for options.

"That is not up to you. This is mandatory Ed."

"Can I at least take al?" He asked

"No, I told you only state alchemists." He repeated. "See you tonight Edward." Edward got up and immediately left afterwards and met up with Al.

"Brother, why do you think they're making you go?" Al asked, confused.

"Beats me, Al you know Mustang, he does a lot of mysterious things." Ed answered. "I'm sorry that you can't come to this one."

"It's okay brother, it's not your fault." Al said quickly. "I'll find something to do while you're gone."

Edward arrived to the party on time, grudgingly entering and sitting down on one in a seat. Mustang came up to him.

"Edward, you know that you're not supposed to be sitting doing nothing during a party, at least get one of these special drinks." He pointed to a big punch bowl. "its juice, just drink it and loosen up." He said and walked away after getting himself a cup of the juice.

Finally Edward got up and got some juice. He realized how thirsty he was and drank it down quickly. He filled it up and chugged it again. He did this for 2 more glasses and then sat back down. He began to feel a buzz and a little light headed. Mustang who had 10 glasses of the "juice" came up to him and put his arm around him.

"You know Ehward, hav you…tried this juise? Its ghhhhreat; and you know what?... you're ghreat too! Cause this is a ghreat parhy you know?" Mustang slurred obviously drunk.

"I think I'm just going to go over there…" Edward replied as he got up unsteadily and walked over the other side of the room.

"You're a vehry nisssseeee lady! Will you mahrry meh?" Edward heard Mustang ask Armstrong as he walked away.

As Edward walked across the room he has four more cups of the "juice". He stumbles off into another seat. He looks up to see Mustang on Armstrong's lap stroking his mustache and whispering into his ear. Armstrong then looked disgusted, dropped Mustang off his lap and stumbled away obviously drunk too.

"NO BABYH DONHT GO!" Mustang cried as he ran after Armstrong. Ed looked around. Everyone was drunk! He got up.

"You know whhhat! I thinkhh that punch had alcohol in it!" He stumbled off until a random alchemist grabbed him and started dancing with him. Ed danced for a while. He looked over to Mustang, he was throwing up in a corner and then transmuting it into sexy pictures of Armstrong.

Edward walked over and transmuted his hair into a blindfold and blindfolded Mustang.

"Hey! Where did all theh lighhht goh?" He asked.

Too drunk to notice what he was doing, Edward walked over to the punch and transmuted it into a Jell-O sword. He picked it up and hit Armstrong over the head. The sword broke but Edward moved onto another alchemist and raised the sword to hit him. He noticed it was broken.

"HEYH! WHO STOLEH MEH SWORDIE!" Edward started crying holding the sword. "POORH SWORDIEH DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU!"

Edward woke up holding a random shoe, he then noticed that it was still on somebody's foot. He looked over to see a random hobo sleeping next to him. He got up and started walking away.

"Man what happened last night?" He asked himself rubbing his throbbing head. He put his hands in his pocket and felt a sheet of paper. He took it out to see that it was a picture made from alchemy. It showed Edward asking the Iron Blood Alchemist to marry him. He shoved in his pocket. As he walked back to the hotel room he saw Mustang walking home, still wearing the bunny ears and sombrero that he had transmuted. Mustang saw him and walked over.

"Edward, the Iron blood alchemist asked me to give you this." He held out a sheet a paper folded. Edward took it. "Now I order you to change my hair back!"

Edward just laughed and said "sorry got to run!" He ran away, when he was out of Mustangs view he opened the note.

Dear Edward,

I have decided, I want a summer marriage. I

Don't want it to be too big, but it's not going

to be us eloping either. Al can come, but no

one else because I want you all to myself! I

Can't live without you and I wont let anyone

like Mustang or Hughs steal you again! Hughs

isn't allowed to come to the wedding so nah!

I fart in his general direction. Hope to see you

soon my dear Eddie-poo.

3 The Iron Blood Alchemist 3

P.s. I will treasure the gift you made me forever.

Edward tore up the note and let it blow away in the wind. "What was the gift I gave him?" He went back to the hotel and went to sleep. When he woke up he remembered the gift he gave him. "OH NO AL I'LL SAVE YOU!" He cried as he ran out the door.

A/N: Please don't ask me what I'm on because the doctors are not sure yet. Just kidding but seriously REVIEW! Even if they are flames I want to know what I did wrong.

I do realize that this one is a bit…out there….