Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. But I do own the old drunk guy.
The Sake Cup
An odd old pair of legs traveled along a forgotten dirt path somewhere within the deeper regions of Fire Country. Not caring about the dangers that lurked beyond the flora at his sides. Walking slowly, within the blissful embrace of his beloved, he took step after unbelievable step towards an unknown destination. Travelling along the road that fate and destiny had originally set out for him, uncaring to the whims of time and memory. Wherever this dirt path should lead him, he did not know, what ever awaits him at the end of this one travel he did not care, all that mattered was that he got there, wherever his destination may be. With sake cup in one hand, and sake bottle in the other, he travelled tipsily onwards, onwards towards his destiny.
As the blazing sun above the treetops reached its zenith at noon time, the old wanderer, decided to stop and rest. He sat down and leaned on the nearest tree he could find. A giant of a redwood, as out of place as it may have been, it was there, standing tall, proud, and strong, protecting all within, around, and in its reach. As he laid his back against the old sage, his body stiffened and stilled. The air around him thickened. He felt a pressure about him. The forest stilled, silent, no sound was heard for miles around. Then he suddenly heard a whisper, the whisper of the wind.
The wind whispered into his tired ears about a cave near him that contained innumerable wealth, a cave with countless eons worth of wonders. There was a cave near to his location, its entrance a gaping monstrous hole on the side of a hidden mountain, the mountain hidden under an ancient illusion, the mountain unseen by normal eyes, as the message unheard by normal ears.
After a few hours of resting beneath the canopy of the giant redwood, hours after sound returned to the forest, hours upon hours of drinking sake from his bottomless cup and bottle, he, the wanderer stood from his sitting position, and continued his journey to wherever once more. Drunkenly swaying from side to side, constantly avoiding the various dangerous creatures that reside in the forest. The Gods of Luck truly watching over the apparently drunken wanderer.
Eventually the wanderer stood in front of the monstrous opening in the side of the whispered mountain. He heard the whisper of the wind once again. Beckoning him to walk into the abyss, walk into the depths of the unknown, Fate, Destiny, Time, Luck, and the Heavens laughing at his misfortune. The whisper along with a seducing sound was the smell of an age old thing, this thing being hidden deep within the darkness. While Fate and Destiny, wrote the path, Time left him alone, and Luck kept him alive. As it now stood, all four laughed at his apparent misfortune.
Walking into the darkness, the wanderer noticed the extreme lack of light, but there was a deafening noise inside the cave, reverberating throughout the space. There was movement but the wanderer failed to notice. With the total lack of caution, with the darkness swallowing him whole, with everything that he had let happen to him, he could not predict, much less prevent what was about to happen.
"Come closer, closer, closer. Long have I waited for another to come, long have I waited for another foolish enough to step forth and keep me company even for a while," said a voice within the darkness.
The wanderer stops on his tracks at hearing this new voice. He noticed a hint of mischief in the voice. He slowly closes his eyes, puts his sake bottle away. With sake cup in hand, filled to the brim with the wondrous liquid itself, he took a sip then calmly hid away his cup. Suddenly, as a flash of lightning briefly illuminated the cave his eyes violently flew open, with fire burning in his inhuman orbs he stared at the giant of a creature before him, for a few moment both gazes met, one of an unnaturally bizarre old mad, and one of a giant beast of legend.
In a booming voice he spoke, "You ancient fool! Giving such power to one undeserving! When will justice be served! When will you receive your justice! When will you, former king of hell, return to the regular flow of time! When will you do as the Gods commanded you! When will you pass on! How do you propose to ever reclaim your throne if you can never prove your worth, your innocent against the Heavens! The Gods forsake you! They brought me here, and if you shall not finally act," pausing momentarily, he brings out his sake cup, and swiftly hurls it at the beast, while declaring his intent, "DIE!"
Once the cup made contact the fight had begun the giant beast with its tails waving in the background rose to its full height, fangs bared, and claws brought forth ready to rend flesh, and crush bone.
"Those mortals can fight amongst themselves. There are more demons and devils in this world than in Hell. I need not return to there. I have planted the seeds for mass death and destruction. None may surpass me!" The beast exclaimed as it dodged a number of slashes and a stream of blue fire.
"That human whom you granted such powers has transcended past your expectations! He is even greater than you! His legacy lives on! He is still feared! Unlike you! Nearly forgotten with time! Pathetic!" The wanderer spoke in his booming voice, just as a swipe of the beast's claws sailed harmlessly above his head.
"Impossible! You lie!" The beast screamed, as its dragons of fire and acid flew around the cave in numerous attempts at harming the beast's opponent.
"I lie not!" the wanderer spoke as he dodged the dragons, and various other things that were allowed to fly around the cave trying to hit him, and failing miserably. He continued speaking, "The idiot with the white eyes that you granted an insignificant amount of your power was a power to be reckoned with when he was still part of the time line. But to this day, several decades after his time in the spotlight he is still remembered, revered, and feared. UNILKE YOU!"
As the numerous whirlwinds, tornadoes, rocks, boulders, dragons, spikes, bones, blood, and all sorts of things flew around the cave, the roof of which having been blown sometime during the fight. Claws, paws, and fangs, swiping, clawing, biting, as well as punches flying, legs kicking, head butts, and a number of other movements. After long hours, probably even days, the battle continued. The beast and the old wanderer never letting up, never tiring continued their fight, no end in immediate sight.
The battle between the two would have lasted for years if it had not been for the unexpected arrival of a mere man. A man whose identity at the time was unknown. At his arrival, within the span of less than a second the man's hands flew through a hundred seals while ink flew forwards towards the figure of the giant beast, not paying the wanderer any attention. He released his hidden power upon the seal. His seal of chaos, he had weakened the beast and caused it to finally do that which he wished. Chaos and destruction. He had unleashed finally upon the world nine powers of hell. This one act leading to a dark future for the world.
As the wanderer watched such an event transpire, he did not interfere. This event was supposed to take place in a way anyway. The unknown man had made his job easier. If only he could lead the beast in a direction that would lead in the destruction and more or less annihilation of the man that had been granted that insignificant amount of power by the former king of hell. The balance in the world would be restored one way or another. The beasts and its kind were not meant to roam this plane of existence. The plane of humans was not meant to be a permanent residence of some beings that were meant to reside and continue to perform their duties and responsibilities in another plane of existence. Angels and demons were not meant to spend their whole existences away from their own planes of existence, away from their own worlds. One way or another it would happen, the sooner the better. The sooner it would be accomplished, the sooner the old man could get back to his wanderings and his drinking. Good sake can only be appreciated when there is nothing wrong in the one's immediate universe.
This is going to be one long adventure. Oh joy. Great Gods above and below. I want you to know that I never really wanted to fix your mistakes. Can't I drink my sake in peace? The wanderer thought in an attempt to communicate his thoughts with the four who so loved to play with his life. He finally regretted pranking Fate, Destiny, Time, and Luck. Stupid flea bag.
The great beast lumbered as if in a drunken state, now and then sending its claws flying in whichever direction it please. It then started to jog, then walk, then run, this way and that way, it went here and there, no distinct path in its whirring mind filled with chaos. Struck with an idea the pursuing wanderer conjured up some sake cups and bottles, empty bottles, and with all his strength hurled them one at a time at the face of the beast, while at the same time running in the direction of where he knew the descendents of the foul creation of the beast resided in. Throw a cup or bottle, then run a mile or two, rest for a few seconds, take a sip of sake, then repeat. Once the duo of drunkards, or rather the human of the pair, sighted a village in the distance, the drunk one on alcohol took off at breakneck speeds hurling the heavier empty bottles at the beast along the way trying to lead the beast away from the direction of the village and more towards the direction to the fouled byproducts. But alas, not all things go as planned, an example being that the local militia protecting the village from bandits just so happened to spot the beast. They had the civilians evacuate, while the militia assembled their forces and marched valiantly and bravely to their impending doom. A previously unknown aspect of the seal on the great beast then activated at the sight of the mortals with their blades and spears at the ready, the aspect being total rage and unyielding bloodlust towards all that opposed it. The old drunk not fitting that category due to his being annoying and irritating, well as irritating and annoying as a drunk throwing cups and bottles at a giant beast can be.
The drunk upon seeing that his efforts had no effect on the beast decided to just hang upside down from the nearest tree branch take out a newly refilled bottle of ambrosia-like sake, pour himself some of it, take some sips from his special cup, relax, attempt to get drunk again, and watch the massacre of epic proportions, then once that is done return to harassing the giant beast once more.
Once the two opposing forces met somewhere along the straight line leading to one another, the great beast struck, a small earthquake was formed, the splitting of the ground swallowing fifty out of the one hundred something armed men, out of thin air a large wave smashed into the remaining resistance. The sword and spear bearing men were not even given the chance to attack before they were all killed in two moves by the great beast. Once it consciously as well as subconsciously realized that the ants that were at its feet were no longer a part of the land of the living it started to look around unconsciously searching for the irritating insect that threw things at its face earlier in its trip to no where in particular. After several hours of unsuccessful searching, the great beast ,not having realized that the old drunk had blissfully fallen asleep on a branch close to one of its massive tails, wandered away in the opposite direction of where the old drunk had planned on leading it.
As the drunk slept, the great beast, after travelling a long ways away from the sleeping pest, came upon another village or rather a city. Well the city was still somewhat in the distance, but the beast saw it anyway. Somewhere near its paws was a team of shinobi on their way home from a mission, in his fear one of the more junior members panicked at the sudden arrival of the towering monstrosity hurled everything he had in his weapons pouch, from kunai to katanas (how in the world they all fit in a tiny pouch will remain a mystery to him, even in death). The feeling of being scratched somewhere near to his more sensitive areas he giant beast gave of the most earsplitting roar it could, and in one giant leap it was upon the unsuspecting city. Apparently having a lax security, especially during the celebration of the founding of a city near a great big body of water, is a bad thing, especially when dealing with a monstrous beast that could wipe out said city with just a wave of one of its massive tails. The city unprepared for an attack by such a large creature was destroyed faster than the last village, wherein the last village wasn't destroyed at all but the militia was. So if taking out the last village was never done, the total destruction and annihilation of the aforementioned city took as long as it took for a tsunami no wreak havoc with its outer defenses, aka its walls, and make short work of the buildings and panicking populace any and all civilians that actually managed to escape the water, but unfortunately ran in the direction of the beast were made into finger food for the great big thing that was destroying their city. Any other survivors that were lucky enough to escape the beast would soon be telling tall tales starring the giant monstrosity to anyone who would lend an ear to a babbling fool.
Once its gargantuan stomach was filled, and its bloodlust satiated it searched its surroundings once more for the drunk, which at that exact same time was running towards it in an attempt to lure it back towards the chakra using part of the globe.
Why the heck did the damn thing have to run across an ocean! was the most prominent thought flying through the old man's mind as he flew across an ocean in search of the gigantic flea bag.
Back with the beast. After randomly deciding to head back in the direction from where it came, and after leaping gracefully over the pursuing old pest, as well as after several days of leaping and massacring and destroying a number of villages and lives it accidentally came upon a hidden cove in somewhere out in the ocean but still slightly close to land. Well to the beast it was a cove. Right smack dab in the center of it was a whirlpool, said whirlpool made the beast go crazy after hours of staring at the massive thing. The whirlpool actually resembled all its tails being curled up around its body, and like its body being at the center of it all there was a city at the center of the whirlpool. Not as big as the city it last decimated, destroyed, demolished, etc., but it was big enough to be considered as a city. But there was one thing that separated this city from the past human settlements that the thing had encountered. The people were armed, and they were prepared. Like the first village they had swords and spears, like the one frightened ninja the soldiers had all sorts of weapons, like the other city it had walls, but unlike all those it had attacked in the past, killed in the past, minus the ninja that it didn't notice, these people knew how to fight, they knew how to fight with all their being, they knew how to use chakra.
The sky had grown eerily dark above the battleground as the old man finally arrived. He arrived to witness a great spectacle. A battle the likes of which he had witnessed only once before. Even the four gods, stopped their meddling to stare at the sight. Fire, Lightning, Water, Wind, Earth, all the main elements of the worlds were being used. Not a bit of anything wasted by each of the combatants, when one of the men saw darkness never to see the light of day again, another ten would retaliate dealing heavy blows to the beast. For every wound the beast received fifteen to twenty men would fall to its use of the elements or to its fangs and claws. The sky as dark as night even thought it was day everywhere else, the waters of the land surrounded by the whirlpool had turned from as blue as the heaven to burning crimson as the blood that mixed with it. The survival of the hidden country was on the line, and its people would not go out without a fight. As the gods and a drunk as their witness, they would do battle with their all. They would only rest once their life was spent or the beast defeated. They might have had a chance at surviving if the gods that mattered had not been staring shocked at the scene before their immortal eyes. They might have had a chance if the drunk had decided to interfere. But no the gods were busy gaping, and the old man was busy watching as thunder and lightning clashed with fire, water, and wind. Hundred died in that one battle, a battle which lasted for more that a day, but only for less than a week. Just as the last warrior fell, the wounds of the beast had already stopped healing, all its wounds had already disappeared. As the beast looked around, its bloodlust once more satiated, it finally found what it was looking for. All the chaos in its wise and ancient mind parted giving way to one train of thought, and one train of thought alone, I'm gonna kill that damnable pest once and for all!
And so continued the game of cat and mouse between the wandering old drunk and the drunk on chaos ancient and giant beast. Every few miles a conjured sake cup or sake bottle (complete with sake) was thrown at the face of the beast, and the beast in its irritation filled rage would try and run faster or try and leap farther. After avoiding a number of human settlements the duo was finally back on track after a year or two of running around. Finally the duo was back in Hi no Kuni where they belonged. As well as closer to their goals than originally planned. One old man had more or less successfully led the great beast to the rat infested shit hole known to others as Konohagakure no Sato, and the beast was nipping at the heels of the old wanderer.
In a sudden burst of speed, just as the beast's massive maw was about to envelope the old man's body, the old man flew over the tree tops headed straight and right into the walls of the Hidden Village. He was quickly made aware of his surroundings, and would later wake up in a white room, with a splitting headache and would find himself sake less as well as giant monster less.
The giant beast truly was finally out of luck, due to the village having been briefed on the appearance and possible attack of a giant tailed beast resembling a red rabbit with nine gorgeous tails protruding from its rear end. The shinobi team that the beast failed to find and eradicate was surprisingly from this Hidden Village. The most powerful Shinobi Village against the most powerful of the Bijuu, add two Kuchiyose no Jutsu, and one Shiki Fuin, and you get one sealed kitsune. Of course one should not fail to add into the equation a number of dead shinobi, one self-sacrificing Kage, one newly created Jinchuuriki, and one drunk, well the outcome is obvious. The story of Uzumaki Naruto begins! or at least it should…