36DISCLAIMER:After much deliberation between me and Jo we've finally come to the agreement that everything from the 'Potter' universe belongs to her. Unfortunately for me I drew the short straw and have resigned myself to the fact that I gain no royalties from this story.
Chapter Ten: Fear That Binds All But One.
It had been three uneventful weeks since she'd crawled her way into the common room and fell asleep on Sirius shoulder, and contrast to her naive exterior, she had noticed the curious glances and the subtle hints Sirius had been giving her. She'd ignored him, so far, in favour of the far greater problem known as Remus Lupin.
She had seen every mistrusting stare he'd directed at her and read every calculating thought about her; he'd hardly been subtle about either action. Thus, she was thankful that it was Thursday evening and the only occupants in the common room consisted of herself, Sirius and Remus. Everyone else was tucked up in bead dreaming of their fairytales. Well everyone except Peter, who was plotting the murder of his friends in cold blood, or so Hermione distastefully liked to think.
If she was going to have this conversation then she'd rather not have it all out at once with the whole gang; they would ask too many questions and wouldn't understand the answers. But if Remus was going to be the one to find out first then she'd resigned herself to that fate. She'd been reading the sandy blond haired boys mind for the past ten minutes and he'd waged a full blown out war with himself on the issue of whether to bring up the subject or not. Hermione, from the growing pain of a headache, decided for him and broke the silence surrounding their 'study' group.
"Just ask me Remus" she snapped her head up from the potions text laying before her in time to see the 'deer-in-the-headlights' look smeared all over the boys open face. When their eyes connected he quickly wiped his face clean and mimicked her by dropping all pretence of doing assignments. After a moment of silence, she regarded the curious stare she was receiving from Sirius and focused back on Remus.
"You've practically been screaming at me for the better part of a month for some kind of attention. Well now you've got it, so just ask me and let's get this over with." She massaged her temples trying to ward of the unwanted headache.
To his credit Remus didn't stammer and create incoherent sentences, when he spoke it was clear and precise.
"Who are you?" Hermione had to stop the small smile from forming on her lips. It was such a simple question that was riddled with more complicated ones. Hermione determined the best way to answer it was with a simple answer.
"Hermione Jean Granger."
"Don't give me that bull Granger, you know very well what I meant. Tell me who you are, now." Suffice to say that Remus didn't appreciate her version of casualness. She gave an audible sigh and turned towards Sirius who looked at her with panic written on his face. Before she could give him a look to stop his outburst the words had already poured from his mouth like water cascading over the edge of a waterfall.
"No Hermione don't tell him. Please?" Her eyes softened as if explanation of her actions to follow. She knew that he liked being the only one to know her secret, it was their bond and she was about to break it. But if anything this was more for Sirius than herself. She couldn't care less about what Remus thought about her but she knew it was killing Sirius (though she wasn't sure if Sirius himself knew it yet), to have to keep her secret behind steel bars. He was the type of person who thrived on conversation of the unknown and plotting ways to be in the know, something that Hermione refused to do just by never answering his questions. She hoped that Remus would be able to help him with that. Before she turned back to Remus she took the moment to bathe in the love, fear and understanding Sirius was giving off. He had always been one to accept her actions and love her all the same for them. Once again she was reminded of what she would lose in the future and it tore at her heart.
With a flick of her wand she cast a quick Muffliato around the three of them; she knew only too well that there could be all types of rats and bugs hidden in the shadows of Hogwarts.
"My name is Hermione Jean Granger, I was born October 12th 1979, and I've been attending Hogwarts since I was eleven." She was expecting some momentous uproar of fear, mistrust, anger and everything in-between. What she wasn't expecting was the resounding silence that met the end of her words. As the seconds trickled on by Hermione grew more and more unsettled, she decided to give him the time he needed to process what she'd just confessed and come to a logical conclusion. She picked up her forgotten text book and began to read the remainder of the paragraph on 'Scintillation Solution'.
"How do you know Sirius then? You arrived with him to the train station; therefore you must know him somehow." Remus had always been one to ask all the right questions.
She took a moment to think of the best way to answer him. She could say that she would know him in the future but that would bring up the question of Lily, James and, ugh, Peter. She could easily blag her way through that one though; she'd heard enough stories and tales about them all to piece together a half truth.
"I've know Sirius since my third year, he's been like a big brother to me ever since." She felt Sirius eyes on her, this was new information to him; he knew that they would meet in the future but he knew no specifics on the matter. She remembered the day they first met each other as if it were her favourite movie. She could remember every symbol and foreign word written across the mad mans bare chest, his prison shirt in tatters as it hung around his skeletal frame. She could remember the feeling of rage welling up in her chest as she watched her trusted professor Lupin embrace the escaped convict and she could hear her outcry of mistrust as if it were the perfect background symphony to the memory.
She battled to stop the sadness flitter across her face. She hadn't time to linger on it however as Remus was on point again and giving her the third degree of interrogation.
"You know me as well don't you? I've noticed it in your eyes every time you look at me. I don't know how to explain it, but there is something there for the briefest of moments before you push it away."
Sorrow, is the word you're looking for Remus; came her minds dry inner monologue. Sorrow for what you'll lose and never gain.
"You always were the observant one Remus." she didn't smile at him for it seemed to be inappropriate in her mind. "You will be my professor in the future; that is how I will come to know you. After that I will know you out of school as well." She became slightly perplexed as Remus' face grew pink with embarrassment, and then lose its colour completely in the next instant. Her answer came in the form of Sirius' deep voice.
"Moony you bloody pervert. Honestly using your position to take advantage of young students, I would never think you capable of such an atrocity. You sick bastard." She nearly blanched at the thought of her Remus being that way with a young girl of only 13, the boy in question was obviously thinking the same as he exposed his canines to Sirius and growled at him like the wolf he was.
"NO! No, no, no, Remus you were the most respected teacher in the entire school, you were the best teacher we ever had. You would never do anything like that at all, I'm sorry if I made it sound that way, I apologise it was never my intention." She couldn't hear Remus acceptance for Sirius took the moment into his quarters.
"Whoa, this is not fair. How come you're answering all of his questions but you refuse to answer mine?" he gave a split second to answer before he stole it back and continued on with his rant. "I think I deserve some answers, after all I'm the one who knew first. Like tell me how we meet. Now that I think about it you promised me an answer once and I never got it. Remember? What did I ask? Oh now I remember. What is it like in the future? It's a simple question and I demand an answer!"
Hermione knew Sirius could act on impulse but this was pushing it too far. How dare he demand something he didn't deserve?
"Demand?! Demand! Sirius Black if I didn't love you as much as I do then what you just said would have been the last words to formulate from your mouth! And if you think that any question you or anybody else could pose to me would have a 'simple' answer then you are sorely mistaken! You think that if I had a choice I would choose to keep you in the dark? If I could I would sell my every possession, my body and my soul to warn you of every unfortunate mistake and event that will affect you." The words rolled of her tongue like frost creeping in a death filled graveyard; her chest was heaving with the effort of trying to remain in control. If the boys could have described her in that instant they would have said "dangerously truthful", and for that they would have wondered what could be so terrible that one little girl would have given her everything for.
Hermione looked to the hand resting on her forearm and shook of the instinct to pull away from Sirius. If he thought a simple gesture of penance was all it took then he was wrong.
The minutes ticked by in heavy silence with Sirius feeling guilty and ashamed, with Remus feeling as if his systems were on over load and with Hermione feeling detached. It wasn't the natural kind of detachment that came with shock or a surplus of emotions; it was magic. To be exact it was an Occlumency technique she had learned from Kingsly during her summer holidays, to cut off ones feeling from the brain, to push them away and find a strain of peace. It was something she knew she would rely upon in the coming months.
Hermione let herself restraint go and snapped back into the innocent and apologetic school girl role that she had mastered so well.
"I'm sorry Remus this was supposed to be about you. I shall try to answer both..." she gave a pointed look to Sirius "...of your questions if I can but know that when I refuse it is final. No if, buts' or maybes." The both nodded.
"So do the Chudley Cannons ever win the world cup? Because frankly I'm getting sick of losing bets all the time." Sirius gave her a cheeky, but unstable, grin. Hermione stroked his arm and shook her head solemnly. Sirius looked as if he'd been told his favourite aunt (if he'd ever had one) had just died. She hugged him and over his shoulder she mouthed the words 'payback' to Remus.
Had Hermione been paying more attention Remus all throughout the rest of the night then she would have noticed the worry that etched round his every smile, and had she read his mind she would have found the reason why. There was only one thing Remus wanted to know about but dare not ask.
Did she know what he was? What he would become in 2 days time?
-Break-
The last three weeks for Severus had been anything but a pleasure. He had been in a whirlwind of emotions, and none of them were the good kind. He ranged from rage to fury, regret to acceptance and from hatred to barely feeling anything at all. The only peace he could get came around four times a week in potions class, and if anyone else besides the Granger girl had been his partner then he would have hexed them three times over each lesson. It was his release from everything going on in the world outside and inside of his head and he was sure he'd have gone insane if he hadn't been allowed this one release due to the incompetence of some other student as his partner.
He had been called to his master (who he was seriously beginning to think of as nothing but a pain in the arse) more times than he could count on his fingers, which to Severus seemed like over kill in the top degree. They were only junior death eaters for Merlin's sake! But some of the things they'd been asked to witness and do at those reveals were horrendous. His body shivered at the memory of it... the blood, the screams, the blood... it was everywhere.
Every time the mark had burnt red hot on his flesh something in his soul snapped and he lost himself to the darkness that resided there. During those evenings that he'd been in attendance he had changed, grown up maybe, and he felt chained to it for the rest of his days; as if it were a stain he was unable to wash off. This wasn't what he signed up for when he had gone to Lucius asking for an in on the latest way to gain power. The only thing he desired from this 'Lord' was the power and he had yet to receive an iota of it.
He was stirred out of his nightmarish memories and thoughts as Granger whispered to him that the Veritaserum was complete.
"Do you want to bottle it up while I get Professor Levesque?" the girl had already begun to walk away without waiting for an answer. Severus noticed that her ridiculous hair had been pulled back into a tight messy bun and he found himself missing the sight of it bouncing all over the place as she walked; like it normally did when it was down. He'd barely had time to think twice about where that thought had come from as the Professor and Granger came back to their desk in the next second. They waited while Professor Levesque run her inspection on the potion, of course both students knew it was a trivial thing to do as both had never produced a potion that was less than perfect.
"Well everything seems to look fine, but there is only one way to be sure. Finish bottling it up and then we shall have a test run with it, if you both agree?" The professor waited for their nods before addressing the class to put their potions under stasis while his and Hermione's demonstration took place.
He chanced a look, only slight, as if only turning out of curiosity; it was definitely there, hardly noticeable but still definitely there. The slight hesitation as she picked up the Veritaserum and dropped it into the two conjured goblets of water, it told him that she wanted to do this no more than he himself did. She had secrets that she wished not to pour out in front of the student body. He stored that piece of information in his back catalogue of students; her file was looking more and more suspicious as the days wore on. He took the offered goblet out of Grangers hands and listened to the professor as she addressed them both.
"You'll take the potion and then you'll be asked two questions by me. The first of which will be a tester to make sure your telling the truth, then maybe after that a question or two from some of your fellow students?" Severus and Hermione locked eyes with each other and they both came to a silent agreement. Without realising it they had both just broke the barriers, which had been standing between them for the past three weeks, in a single glance.
"No, we would prefer to just be asked the two required questions from you." The professor looked slightly downtrodden at the refusal of being able to expose them to public humiliation, but agreed none the less. From the corners of his peripheral vision he noted the shining looks of excitement on some of the other student's faces. He looked back to the girl facing him on his right and watched as she bravely downed her goblet. He copied her and slammed his now empty goblet down on the table's surface. He felt the serum seep into his bloodstream and sneak its way up to his mind where it immediately began to fog up and take control. He tried to fight it off but it was to no avail as the Professor asked him one of the allotted two questions.
"What colour is Miss Grangers hair?"
"Normally it is a mousy brown but when it is up in a bun it becomes more of a rich chocolate brown. I like it best when it is down though because when it hits the light it shimmers golden-brown and brings out her other features." Severus could have seriously beaten himself up for that answer. He'd not forgotten that the potion not only made you answer truthfully but it also induced the need to explain that answer in detail. Before Hermione had the time to react to his answer it was her turn to be asked the first question.
"What colour is Mr Snapes hair?
"Midnight Black with subtle hints of natural dark blue, and contrast to popular belief it isn't greasy but more of a natural sheen" he watched her face for some mental reaction to her words but none was visible, she had no qualms about the answer. It was simply the truth.
"Second question," He watched as the Professors eyes lit up with exhilaration for the next question.
"Mr Snape, what are you most scared of?" In the seconds it took for his Veritaserum induced brain to seek out the answer his hands had become clammy and damp with sweat. The answer that came out was not what he had expected.
"That I'll amount to nothing more than a lowly used servant and never have what I truly desire"
Well that wasn't too bad; at least I never mentioned his name. What I said could be construed in an academic way rather than a 'he-who-must-not-be-named' way. He mentally cheered and patted himself on the back. Grangers answer should be interesting. He smirked and thought of all the childish fears she could have; failing a test, Spiders, clowns snakes, war, death all the things normal nightmares comprised of.
The one thing Severus Snape had forgotten to account for was the fact that Hermione was not a typical 'normal' teenager.
"What are you most scared of Miss Granger?" As the minute ticked by with no answer he became interested as to why. His eyes scanned her face for any sign of recognition to the question. What he saw he could only describe in one word.
Cold.
-.-.-.-
She heard Snapes response to the second question and she felt a stab of guilt towards him. If only he knew that he would always be a servant to not only Voldemort, but to Dumbledor as well. Both men would be his masters, only his true one was still uncertain to her. She looked out towards the other students; they murmured their agreement with Snape that they neither wanted to amount to nothing. There were only two other students in the room, beside herself, who recognised that what he said was in connection to the 'dark lord' and not in the scholarly sense.
The professor broke through her observations.
"What are you most scared of Miss Granger?" She was forced to think of scenario after scenario, each one more frightful than the last, but she found that she wasn't scared by them. Nothing seemed to provoke that fear in her like it would have been able to do to any other person.
The only childish fear Hermione had ever had was of heights but compared to everything she had witnessed in her short life a few feet upwards in the sky had become a mute point. She wasn't scared of war after living in one for most of her adult life, so far. She didn't fear death, not for herself or anybody she knew, she had seen far too many fall to think of it as anything other than a certainty. She had no fear of the men and women who bear the death eaters mark, she'd faced too many too often to not realise they were power hungry due to the fact that they had no actual power themselves. And there was no way from heaven to hell that she was scared of the man who called himself a 'Lord'. He was barely what you might call human and after seeing him reduced to nothing more than a face attached to another beings body, she had nothing to fear.
The answer hit her like an iceberg, her blood ran cold and her whole body froze.
"I am scared of nothing." She had tried desperately in the last seconds to force out a lie, but the Veritaserum hadn't allowed it. It was one hundred percent the truth. She wanted nothing more than to flee the room but her stubborn pride kept her rooted to the spot. She looked towards the other students who stood shocked to their cores; she chanced a glance towards Snape and was met with his suspicious eyes. She prayed that by some miracle they would all let it go and move on with the remainder of the class. She knew that her prayers would be in vain though, it wasn't everyday that you'd come across somebody who had no fear. Especially not a teenage girl.
"I'm sorry Miss Granger could you repeat what you are scared of again, I'm not quite sure I heard you correctly the first time." The professor's voice and her incessant questions were starting to grate on her every nerve.
'No.'she thought stubbornly, her mouth had other commands to follow though.
"I am not scared of anything Professor Levesque." The other students had apparently snapped out of it and began their gossip mill mouths.
"How can she not be...?"
"Is that even possible...?"
"Perhaps she's lying..."
"Maybe the potion didn't work..."
"Maybe she can rise above the effects of the potion..."
One voice stood out above them all, it was the shout of Professor Levesque telling them all to
"GET OUT! CLASS DISMISSED!" The students seemed only too keen to comply and with scratch of chairs against floor they were all disappearing through the door, leaving the lab vacated except for herself and Snape. He had a nasty scowl plastered over his features; it reminded Hermione eerily of his older counterpart. She almost gave an involuntary smile, almost.
Before she could begin to grasp what was happening she felt an iron hold on both of her upper arms, long nails dug into her soft skin and she was confronted with the penetrating dark eyes of her professor. Hermione knew what the woman was going to do before she had even instigated her first move. Their professor may have been fast but Hermione was nothing if not faster. Only once before had somebody forced entry to her mind; she liked it no more now than she did then. The pain was excruciating and if the pressure of the older woman's nails digging further into her skin was anything to go by then it was just as bad for the attacker as well as victim. Without thinking she pushed the pain away from her senses and erected barrier after barrier; each one as seamless and impenetrable as the last. It may not have been the smartest thing to do but it was an immediate reaction for her protection.
Hermione was overcome with the urge to laugh as she felt the woman's feeble attempts to infiltrate her mind because she knew it was pointless, there was no way to breakthrough unless you knew Hermione like you would know yourself. So, as much as Hermione knew she could play this game for hours and still be left with hundreds of barriers standing firm she just wasn't prepared to allow her professor to turn her own brain to nothing more than dead blood cells and an inanimate neuron highway.
She shoved the intruder from her mind and watched as the woman was thrown against the opposite wall, hit her head and fall unconscious.
"Bitch." She said, not caring as a flurry of black school robes flew past her and lean over the unconscious woman to check she was still alive, Hermione was positive she was for she could see the unsteady rise and fall of the professors' chest. Snape turned to glare at her; she stood unflinching and hard as a rock.
"What the hell was that Granger? For Merlin's sake you could have split her head open."
"That was me forcing her from my mind" Oh crap! Apparently the Veritaserum was still in effect, but it was wearing off fast. Snape made no move other than the rise of his left eyebrow as if to say, 'No shit. I was here the whole time; I know what Legilimency and Occlumency looks like'
"Don't you think we should get her to the nurse?" she gave a nonchalant shrug and answered him by moving towards the woman and putting her under a 'Levicorpus' charm with a flick of her wand.
"If we must." Before they left the classroom they both grabbed their belonging; Hermione discreetly took a vial of the serum from their workspace and shoved it in her robes pocket. It might come in handy one day.She reasoned to herself.
They left the dungeons together and took the unconscious body with them to the infirmary. The halls were lifeless and bare, only the noises of their footsteps were keeping it alive. They walked in a thick silence only broken when they were mere feet from the infirmary doors.
"Were you lying?" Hermione subtly cranked her neck to look towards the boy. He wasn't looking anywhere but in front of his feet and Hermione would have swore she'd imagined him question her if it weren't for the slight stiffness in his jaw. He had changed so much in the past weeks; it was the understated things as he moved or when he would become distracted in class. It was the darkness creeping in. She gave him a brilliant genuine smile that caused his jaw to become tighter with repressed emotion.
He still had a long way to go.
"No. I honestly do not fear anything." They turned the corner and pushed the doors open. "Maybe by tomorrow I will, but for this moment I am not afraid."
No, he didn't understand her, but for a heartbeat, her braveness took his breath away.
They were greeted by the hustle and bustling Mediwitch known as Madam Pomfrey and were assaulted with questions from all directions, as soon as Hermione mention the word 'Legilimency' the witch made a sound similar to a cry, but not quite, and immediately began to perform advanced diagnostic spells over the professors brain.
Both students watched as one of the spells came out as an angry looking red puff of smoke, the Mediwitch turned to Hermione ready to pounce.
"What did you do Miss Granger?" Severus watched as the girl standing next to him answered in a perfectly controlled calm. Not a crack in her facade.
"She would not leave of her own free will so I had to push her out. Honestly, would you rather I have left her in my mind trying to get through walls she couldn't smash? She would have been hurt both ways; this was the lesser of the two." She made a gesture with her entire arm towards the woman laying unconscious on the bed. "Perhaps this school should make it clear to the teachers that it is not ok to mine rape helpless students. It's very painful and draining for both participants."
"I think, Miss Granger, that maybe you should lay down as well." All three turned around to see the long white bearded man walk towards them. He gave them all a shining grin. "How is our Professor, Poppy?"
"She shall be fine with a few hours bed rest Albus. No long term damage."
"Wonderful, Wonderful." He rested his hand atop of Hermione's shoulder "Miss Granger, please, go sit down on one of the beds, I shall be along in a moment."
She did as she was told but not before giving an indignant huff and a roll of her eyes, Severus noted.
"Mr Snape I thank you for your assistance with the professor; let's just keep this little incident between us five shall we? I fear the other students have much gossip to satisfy themselves with for now." He agreed to keep the past events to himself and left the hospital wing. He smirked to himself at the thought of Granger getting a privet tongue lashing from the Mediwitch and Dumbledore.
He would rather face the dark lord.
-.-.-.-
Hermione settled herself on the bed and slipped her outer robes off her shoulders. She was met with the sight of blood dripping down her arms, on both sides, from ten crescent moon shaped nail marks.
She quickly covered herself back up when she saw the headmaster walking towards her, Madam Pomfrey in toe.
She would rather face the dark lord, than this frail man and the harridan.
Authors Notes- Did anybody else feel totally awkward when I referred to Severus as 'Mr Snape'? It nearly killed me to write it, it felt so unnatural and uncomfortable, and I felt like I had butchered his character by calling him a 'Mr'.
Side Note- Is anybody buying 'Tales of Beedle the Bard' when it comes out or pre-order it? I was thinking about buying the deluxe edition, it's only £50.00. My reasoning is that it's for a good cause and I'll get something I want at the same time. Everybody wins?!
Side Note #2 (fan girl moment to follow) - Squeeeeeeeeeee! Have you seen the new 'Half Blood Prince' trailer that was released today? I literally screamed when the fight between Harry and Snape started. "FIGHT BACK YOU COWARD!"... With all this promotional stuff that Warner Brothers are releasing it's just getting more and more frustrating that we have to wait until next summer.
Review... Please?