A/N: Hey, everyone! Instead of writing the almost-last-chapter of If Only… I decided to write this one-shot that's being sitting in my head. This is from Snape's point of view, though I never mention his name. Mysterious, no? Anyway, this is directed at Lily. Please review, I love feed back.

I Tried

I tried, Lily. I always tried with you.

When we were young, before Hogwarts, when only your sister was keeping us apart, I tried not to feel this way about you, but you always knew how to pull at my heartstrings. You were so kind and intelligent and brave and beautiful that it was too hard not to feel.

And so, as we waited for the letters that would set us free from the restraints of an ordinary world, we became friends. I thought that was all I need to satisfy my heart. But I was wrong. I wanted more.

At school, I tried not to do dark magic because you didn't like it, but it was just so easy. I was so good at it. And the praise I got for doing those dark things made me think I had friends, a commodity that was rare in my world, except for you.

I tried not to hurt you, but one day, that hateful word just slipped out: "Mudblood". I was just so angry, you know I hate not being in control and that boy was humiliating me.

I didn't mean it, but that didn't matter.

I tried to fix it, but the cut was too deep. You were hurting too much to listen. And that boy whispering poison in your ear didn't help.

I tried to tell you everything, but I couldn't. Our friendship was too fragile, I was too fragile. I couldn't bear to lose the only real friend I had. And when you asked me what made you so special, that I could hate all muggle-borns except you, I wanted to shout "Because I love you!" But the words stuck in my throat and then you were gone.

Afterwards, I tried to be brave, I tried to resist. But the dark magic was so easy for me; it made me feel in control again. And without you there to tell me no, there was nothing to stop me, just friendly hisses egging me on. When the Dark Lord offered me a place in his circle, I readily accepted, hoping I could banish you from my thoughts.

I tried so hard to forget you, but I never could.

And when the Dark Lord went to rid the world of the one threat to his power, I tried to save you. But you were brave like I was.

After you died, I tried to make it right. But your boy was too much like him, it was too hard. I never found the strength to love him or even like him, but when he would look at me with your eyes, so full of hate; I would remember the day I lost your friendship forever. And then I would do my duty.

And when I died, I tried to give him the memories, so someone would know. But I don't know if he got them, or if he even understood. I can only hope for his forgiveness, and for yours.

I tried to tell you so many times, but words always failed me. And now when I finally know how to say what I feel, death has made me mute.

A/N: So tell me what you think! I know it probably needs work, so tell me what needs improvement and maybe I'll repost this later on. But please REVIEW!