Part 2

Part 2

Uncomfortable silence.

"Well? Steve, why were they following them?"

"Um. I don't know."

"Stupid, some story! Now give me the keyboard back!"

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to give them a reason, duh."

"Is it going to be a valid reason?"

"Of course. Totally valid."

…it's like this: we were walking in the woods the other day…

(Flashback)

James: I'm hungry. And tired. And I think we've been past this piece of forest sixty-four times in the last hour!

Jesse: Would you stop whining?! I'm trying to meditate!

Meowth: (to James) Do you think it's at all possible dat we've been walking a circle through the forest the entire morning?

(Aerial view of the forest showing a giant circle of worn down grass through the trees.)

Jesse: You imbecile cat! How stupid do you think we are?! Besides, I've been leading us the entire morning so we can't be lost!

James: (dryly) Yep. One giant circle.

(Jesse whacks him hard and he starts pouting some more.)

Misty: Can you get to the point?

James: (archly) You wanted me to tell you what happened. I'm trying to build suspense.

Misty: I don't care about suspense! I just want to know why you were following us!

Jesse: Just skip to the good stuff, James!

James: (whining) I'm getting there!

Misty & Jesse: DO IT FASTER!

Um, let's see…oh yeah! All of a sudden…

Meowth: Huh? Did youse guys hear dat?

James: Hear what Meowth? Was it a Greyhound, by any chance? My feet are killing me!

Meowth: It sounded like hummin'.

Jesse & James: (nervous) H-humming?

(Flashback of the Beedrill swarm from the third episode.)

Meowth: Yeah! Sorta' like a swarm a' Beedrills, or sompin'.

(Jesse and James begin to quake and whimper nervously when a giant shadow falls over them.)

Jesse: WHA—?!

Meowth: YAAGH! What is dat thing?!

James: A spa-spa, space—spa, spa-space…IT'S A SPACESHIP!

Jesse & Meowth: A SPACESHIP?!

(Jesse and James both scream and hug each other while Meowth backs up against their legs in terror.)

Jesse: (whimpering) What's it doing?!

Meowth: Maybe it's gonna' abduct us!

James: (crying) We're gonna' die!

Jesse: I'M TOO GORGEOUS TO DIE!

James: I'M TOO CUTE TO DIE!

Meowth: I JUST DON'T WANNA' DIE!

(A glowing red beam shoots out of the UFO and sucks the three villains into the ship.)

Alien 1: Greetings, humanoids! We are the Snorfplumps, from the planet Jinglehimerschmidt.

Meowth: Your name is my name, too?

Alien 2: Curse your planet and its stupid songs!

Alien 1: Silence, Weeder! (to TR) We have come in search of human brains to power our electric toenail clippers back home. Do not be afraid, you shall feel no pain.

James: AAAGH! THEY WANT OUR BRAINS!

Jesse: Guess you have nothing to worry about.

Meowth: (inching away) Well, looks like you won't be needin' me. I'll just be goin' now…

Jesse: Meowth, you traitor! Aren't you going to save us?!

James: Yeah, you can't leave us here! We're a team!

Meowth: Not anymore, ahm not! You've got a new job on the planet Jinglehimerschmidt. It was nice knowin' ya!

Alien 2: Stop right there, Furry one! We are in need of new slippers and you have a nice shiny coat.

Alien 1: Ah, yes! He'll go perfectly with our Ugbot-skin robes!

Meowth: SLIPPERS?!

Jesse: I think we may have gotten the better end of this deal.

(James nods as one of the aliens ties Meowth up and throws him over his shoulder.)

Alien 1: Well, off to the ship tailor's! I'll see you after you've had those humans' brains sucked out, Weeder! Ta ta!

Jesse: WAIT! If we find you some other humans instead for your brain machines, would you let us go?!

Alien 1: Hmm, probably. But we'll still keep the furry one for our slippers.

Jesse: Sounds good to me. Bye.

Meowth: AAGH! JESSE, JAMES, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!

Jesse: (sighs) He's right. What was I thinking? (goes over and pats Meowth on the head) Bye, Meowth. It was nice knowing you.

James: Wait, Jesse! I've got an idea! (to the aliens) What if we also brought you something to make your slippers out of?

Alien 1: Well…I don't know…

Alien 2: (crossly) I like this one!

Jesse: (catching on) Would bright yellow with brown stripes be good?

Alien 1: Ah, splendid! Those shall match my Ugbot robe even better!

Alien 2: (cross and pouty) I still want this one!

James: (taunting tone) I could get you a plush orange-ish pink with brown…

Alien 2: I dunno…

James: With six fluffy tails for added style…

Alien 2: (sighs) Okay. Go get us those humans. (throws Meowth) And you can take your furry friend with you!

Alien 1: Bon voyage, earthlings! (opens a trapdoor beneath TR and they land roughly in the forest) Meet us back here in two days with the humans and slipper material!

Alien 2: They better be as plush as you say, Green-eyed one, or I'll feed you to my Ganorf!

James: (nervous) Would you like it brushed?

James: Then they flew off. That was a day ago. We still have one more day to pay them back.

Misty: (shaking him by the collar) YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT LOAD OF BULL-SHI—

Brock: (sobby voice) You were going to give them Vulpix?!

Ash: You three have made up a lot of crazy stuff before but this takes the cake! Right, Pikachu?

(Pikachu nods but looks uncomfortable about becoming slippers for a Snorfplump.)

"SNORFPLUMPS?! THEY WERE ABDUCTED BY SNORFPLUMPS?! THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR VALID REASON?!"

"Look, you have to jazz it up a bit to give it excitement. I thought a UFO and brain sucking aliens would really give your story punch."

"PUNCH?! PUNCH?! I DON'T WANT "PUNCH" I JUST WANT TO WRITE A GOOD FANFIC, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!"

"This is good! Everybody likes UFO abductions."

"Yeah, if this was "The X Files"! This is "Pokémon"! There are no UFO's, no brain sucking aliens, no "Ugbot" robes! Just Pokémon and Pokémon characters!"

"But Pokémon and Pokémon characters are boring, Steve. All they do is battle and try to get badges and gloat about how good a trainer they are."

"That's why it's called "Pokémon"!"

"Yeah, but if you had ever read a fanfic, you'd know that they add things like that to make people want to read them. Nobody wants to read a fanfic about stuff that happens on the show. They can watch the show for that crap!"

"I've read fanfics!"

"I meant decent fanfics, Steve. Not crappy 2nd grade level stories with titles like "Ash Catches a Mewtwo"."

"Hey, that story was good, Flin!"

"Yeah, Steve. Just keep telling yourself that."

"Don't dis the story, man! It never did anything to you!"

"Except torture me with the possibility of Teletubbies with super powers. I still can't get over that nightmare of Tinky-Winky attacking me with Leech Seed."

"Okay, okay so the dialogue was a little childish—"

"A little?"

"Shut up, Flin…"

"Okay, fine."

"Aaanyway, I'll let you leave the alien stuff in if you let me write the next part and promise to not add any more weird stuff like aliens who make slippers out of Pokémon and UFO's and nuclear warheads and stuff."

"I don't know what you're complaining about. When I came in here last night you wanted to give a Mewtwo "pony" wings and have Richard Simmons the Teletubbie sell rainbow wigs to polka-dotted Chanseys and dance the Hokey Pokey."

"Flin…"

"Okay, okay! I won't add any of that stuff you said! Sheesh!"

…Jesse: You don't believe us?!

James: This is an outrage!

Meowth: (under his breath to his partners) I've got an idea…

J & J: Huh?

Meowth: (to Ash-tachi) If ya don't believe us, why don't you come see for yourself?

Ash: Well…

Misty: Don't listen to them, Ash! They're just trying to trick us.

Ash: But what if there really is a UFO? I wouldn't miss that for the world!

Brock: Ash, don't be silly. There's no such thing as UFO's. Remember the Clefairy incidence?

Ash: But this time it might be real! Come on, you guys! What have we got to lose?

Misty: (dryly) Our dignity for one.

Brock: Come on, Ash, let's just get out of here. We can't trust Team Rocket anyway.

James: (shrugs his shoulders apologetically) If that's the way you feel about it…

Jesse: It's your loss.

Meowth: Come on, you two. Let's go buy some film so we can sell pictures to The Enquirer.

(The three start walking away nonchalantly.)

James: Ooh, great idea, Meowth! I never thought of that!

Jesse: We're going to be rich!

Meowth: This sure beats gettin' turned inta slippers!

(The three laugh.)

Misty: Wait!

(TR looks back over their shoulders.)

Jesse: (disdainfully) You rang, little girl?

Misty: Okay. We'll go see your "spaceship". But you've got to promise us not to try anything.

James: (wide innocent eyes) Not to try what?

Ash: No tying us up, or stealing our Pokémon—

Brock: Or badges.

Ash: Right! And certainly no handing us over to brain sucking aliens!

Misty: (dryly) Don't you think that's going just a little too far?

Jesse: (false benevolence) Of course not, little boy! We wouldn't dream of it!

James: (mock crying) I'm insulted!

(Meowth pretends to cry, too.)

Misty: (dryly) I'm sure you are.

Jesse: (cheery) Well, if that's all settled, let's be on our way then!

James: (equally cheery) It's a long walk to the landing site!

(All start out.)

Ash: This is so cool! I'm going to get to see real aliens and a real alien spaceship!

Pikachu: Pika!

Misty: I don't know about this…

Brock: Come on, Misty. Lighten up. What could go wrong? You said yourself that there's no such thing as aliens.

Ash: (chanting and marching) I get to meet the Snorfplumps! I get to meet the Snorfplumps! Woo-hoo! Yippee! La-la-la-la-la!

Misty: I know. I just have this bad feeling…

(Ahead of Ash-tachi, Team Rocket turns to each other and snicker silently in triumph.)

"Well, what did ya think?"

"Eh, it was okay Steve. Let me write the next part, though, when they meet the aliens."

"Okay…but why?"

"I don't want you to dork it up. This part's gotta' have action."

"I can do action! What are you talking about?!"

"You'll do something predictable. You always do. Face it, Steve, you're a regular Joe."

"If I'm so predictable, then guess what I was going to do!"

"Okay. Ash-tachi would get to the clearing, the aliens would come, Team Rocket would laugh and gloat then shove Ash-tachi towards the alien tractor beam, there would be a battle and Team Rocket would be blasted into the horizon. Then the aliens would feel bad for stealing people's brains, make friends with Ash-tachi who'd forgive them and remark on the "important lesson" they learned, and the aliens would fly off to their home planet and live happily ever after NOT stealing people's brains or skinning cute little animals."

Silence.

"I was right, wasn't I?"

"Just write you're stupid part, Flin."