Part 3

Part 3

(After a day's hike, the group makes it to the landing site.)

Ash: Where's the spaceship?!

Pikachu: PI-ka!

Jesse: (irritated) Just be patient, little boy! They'll be here!

Ash: You didn't tell us we'd have to wait!

(TR rolls their eyes and sigh.)

Meowth: Boy, James, this kid whines more dan you do.

James: I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or an insult.

Misty: (looking around critically) This better not be one of your guys' stupid hoaxes. Thanks to you, we're now a day behind in our journey.

Jesse: No, thanks to your curiosity, you mean. We didn't make anyone do anything.

James: (irritable glare) So sit down, shut up, and wait. (to Jesse) They better get here soon or I'm going to kill them myself, starting with the redhead.

Jesse: (to James) In the meantime, we've got more important things to take care of.

James: Such as?

Meowth: Like how we're gonna' keep dem brats in dis clearing when da aliens get here.

James: Oh that's easy. Ash will get all excited at meeting them and forget they want to suck his brain out and skin his Pikachu. We don't have to do a thing.

Jesse: All we'll have to do is sit back and enjoy our freedom!

Meowth: (rubbing his chin) Maybe so, but dem other two are pretty levelheaded. They'll fight back, ya know.

Jesse: Hmm, I guess you're right. But the only thing we could do about that is to confiscate their Pokémon.

James: (whining) And we promised not to!

Meowth: (evil look) Not exactly…

Jesse: And what exactly do you have in mind?

Meowth: There are other ways to render them helpless…

James: (malicious grin) I like the sound of that…

(Meanwhile, on the other side of the clearing…)

Brock: I don't trust those three. They look sneaky.

Misty: I wonder what they're up to this time?

(Not paying any attention to the other two…)

Ash: Wow! This is so cool! I'm gonna' see a real spaceship! Woo-hoo!

Pikachu: Pika, pikachu!

Ash: I wonder if it'll have lasers?! And those beamy things on Star Trek! (imitating Capt. Kirk) Beam me up, Scotty! Ha, ha, ha!

Misty: (dryly) At least Ash's excited.

Brock: A little too excited, if you ask me. I'm going to move over here, now. (scoots over a few inches in the other direction)

Misty: I hope we don't have to wait too long, it's really boring here. I wonder where that brown path leads? (walks off)

(TR has finished with their discussion and come over to Ash and Brock, smiling cheerily.)

Jesse: Hello, Ash. Hi, Brock!

Brock: (nervous) H-hi, Team Rocket…

Jesse: (losing her cheeriness) I have a name, you know.

Brock: Er…

(Jesse begins to look violent when James intervenes.)

James: (cheery) Jesse just loves Vulpixes. Don't you, Jess?

Jesse: (cheery again) Why yes! They're so adorable! (clasps her hands under her chin in a dreamy expression)

Brock: (looking less nervous) Oh, well I have a Vulpix.

Jesse: (excited) You do, don't you?! Do you think I could see it?!

Brock: (torn) Well…

James: (shocked) Jesse, I think that Brock's afraid you might steal his Vulpix!

Jesse: (looking hurt) But I promised not to! I never go back on my promises! (batting her big blues eyes at Brock innocently) You would never think I'd take your cute little Vulpix now that I promised not to, would you, Brock?

Brock: (blushing from "pretty girl flattery") O-of course not! I'll let you see my Vulpix, Jesse!

(Brock lets out Vulpix and him and Jesse settle down into conversation while James walks away in the direction Misty went.)

James: (evil snicker) One down, one to go!

"Action, Flin?"

"Shh, don't interrupt! I'm not finished!"

"Oh brother!"

I wonder if letting Flin help was such a great idea…

(We find Misty exploring the path TR left earlier by herself.)

Misty: (irritated) Stupid Ash! Why do I let him talk me into these kinds of things?!

(Something rustles in the trees behind her.)

Misty: (nervous) What?! W-who's there?!

(Silence.)

Misty: (doubly irritated) Stupid Pokémon! Yeah, that's what it is. Probably a bunch of wild Rattatas. Or Pidgies.

(Something skitters across the path.)

Misty: (jumping) Aagh! What was that?!

Mysterious voice: Eee, ee! Oo-eee!

Misty: (terrified) That sounded like a—

(A Caterpie drops right in front of her from the trees.)

Misty: AAAAGH! A BUG! (runs back the way she came in terror) GET IT AWAY FROM MEEEEEEEEEEE! EEEEEEWWWW!

(James pops out from behind a bush snickering and Meowth sticks his head out of the foliage of a nearby tree, a fishing pole in one hand with a rubber Caterpie tied to the end.)

Meowth: Heh! Dat was easier dan I thought!

James: (snickering) I'll never get over the look on her face! Ha, ha, ha!

(Both burst into evil laughter and disappear back into the underbrush and trees.)

(Meanwhile…)

Brock: …and I feed it my own special blend of Poké Chow to keep it's coat nice and shiny and healthy and brush it five times a day.

Jesse: Wow, you're really devoted to your Pokémon! (in her head) What a loser!

Brock: (proud) Oh, it's nothing. I'm just working on being the world's best Pokémon breeder.

Jesse: Really?! That's so exciting! (in her head) Somebody shoot me, please.

Ash: Hey, Brock! What are you doing?!

Jesse: Oh, Brock's just so sweet! He's showing me his Vulpix! (in her head) I think I'm going to puke!

Ash: (to Brock) You're letting a Team Rocket member look at your Pokémon?! Are you crazy?!

Brock: Oh, Ash, lighten up. She just wants to see my Vulpix. Besides, Team Rocket promised us they wouldn't try anything.

Ash: (incredulous) Yeah, but—

Brock: (behind his hand) And if you don't leave us alone, I won't cook for you for a week, get my drift?

Ash: (shocked) Brock! What's up with you?! (Anime rivers) No, she's brainwashed you!

Brock: (warningly) Ash…

Ash: (grabbing Brock's head and shaking it roughly) Brock, old buddy, can you hear me?! Talk to me!

Brock: (growling) Ash, stop it! You're embarrassing me in front of Jesse!

(Ash continues to shake Brock while Jesse sneaks away snickering to herself.)

Brock: DAMMIT, ASH! SHE DIDN'T BRAINWASH ME!

(Pushes Ash away and notices Jesse's gone.)

Brock: (Anime rivers) Not again! I can't even get a criminal girl to go out with me! Grrr…(smacks Ash roughly over the head and storms off with Vulpix.)

(All of a sudden, with a whir of glowing lights and such, the spaceship lands.)

Brock: HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF GOD! IT'S REAL!

Jesse: (acting cutesy) Told you so.

(James and Meowth pop up from nowhere, looking at the spaceship with bored interest.)

James: Has anyone seen Misty recently?

Brock: (still slack-jawed and staring at the ship) Um, she was just here a few minutes ago screaming something about slimy insects but I don't know where she went.

(Ash comes to.)

Ash: (calmly) Oh, the spaceship's here. (double take) HOLY MOSES!

Meowth: Damn! I forgot ta get film.

Misty: Would everyone stop gaping at that overgrown saucer and help me out of this tree?!

James: (craning his neck and looking up at her) Oh, there she is! (waving) Hi, Misty!

Misty: *censored for your well being*

Meowth: She seems unhappy.

James: If words were rainbows…

(The Snorfplumps come out of the ship, dressed as tourists.)

Alien 1: Excellent! I see you made good on our deal, humans!

Alien 2: Where's my plush slippers, Green-eyed one?

(James grabs Vulpix from Brock's slack hands.)

James: Right here, all brushed and ready.

Alien 2: Gimme, dammit! (grabs Vulpix who promptly burns him to a crisp)

James: Did I forget to mention it bites?

Misty: Agh! As if bugs weren't enough, now we've got aliens!

Ash: (reality kicking in) AAAAGGH! THEY WANT OUR BRAINS!

Brock: (taking Jesse's hands) Jesse, please! Grant this dying man's last wish! Go out with me!

Jesse: I wouldn't date you if you were the last man on earth, creep! Now let go of my hands!

Alien 1: Could we just get this over with? I've got a hotel in Vegas with my name on it.

James: Whatever you say. I'm looking forward to dumping these annoying little brats. (kicks Brock into the ship's tractor beam)

Brock: (getting sucked into the ship) Jesse, my love, I'll never forget you as long as I live! Farewell, sweet flower of life!

Jesse: Thank god that won't be too long!

Misty: Ash, do something! We're going to die!

Ash: Why do I have to do everything? (sighs) Hmm, maybe my new Pokemon would work…

Misty: What new Pokemon, half wit? You haven't caught a Pokemon in ages!

Ash: I found it while we were hiking here. I think it's really rare or something because it wasn't in the Pokedex.

Misty: Just shut up and call it out.

Ash: (traditional battle stance) Pokeball, go!

(An enormous wall of red light transcends from the little ball, forming into a gigantic black furred beast with huge curved horns, glowing red eyes, and dripping claws and fangs.)

Meowth: Whoa. Big Pokemon.

James: (cowering in Jesse's arms) That's about the world's biggest understatement!

Ash: (nervous) Uh, big hairy monster, use your…crush attack or something…

Monster: (confused shrug) Arrr? (stomps on the spaceship)

Brock: (from within the ship) Ow!

Aliens: OUR SHIP!

Ash: (jumping for joy) Woo-hoo! I've got the coolest Pokemon ever!

Brock: I'm in extreme pain, you know…

(The monster looks around in confusion and scratches its head.)

Monster: (thinking) Who the hell are these people?

Jesse: (looking sneaky) That thing must be invincible! James, we have to figure out a way to steal it from that brat!

James: (cowering) Do we have to? It looks hurty!

Jesse: Jaaaames, don't be so woosy! We have to get that thing for the Boss—he'll probably give us the biggest raise in the history of Team Rocket!

James: (sniff) We can't even capture Pikachu, Jesse! How are we supposed to steal that huge beast?!

Jesse: We always come up with something—stop whining!

James: (straightening up) I guess you're right…

(Meanwhile, the big black beast starts roaring and smashing things for no apparent reason.)

James: EEEE! (starts panicking)

Jesse: James! Calm down!

Meowth: Do something, Jesse! He's flippin' out!

(Looking irritated, Jesse grabs James by the collar and kisses him hard on the lips.)

Meowth: (shocked) Jeez, I didn't mean anything dat drastic…

Misty & Brock: OH MY GOD!

Ash: (hiding his eyes) EEEEEWWW! GROSSS!

Monster: (thinking) Wow.

Alien 1: Amazing! What is this human activity that causes so many differing reactions?

Alien 2: I think they're mating, sir.

Alien 1: Ooh! I must get this on film!

(Jesse finally finishes with her lip-lock and pushes James away, smiling smugly and pulling out her compact.)

James: (shocked) !…!

Alien 1: Did you get all of that, Weeder?

Alien 2: (patting his video camera) All here, sir!

Alien 1: The educational society is going to love me for this! Come on, Weeder! Let's go jack a shuttle from NASA and get this stuff home!

(Both dash off.)

Misty: (relieved) Well, that got rid of the aliens.

Ash: YAY, THEY'RE NOT GOING TO STEAL OUR BRAINS!

Brock: Can somebody please help me?

Vulpix: (sniffing at Brock) Vol! (tries to pull some of the wreckage off of him with her teeth)

Jesse: (sweet voice) Now that those aliens are all taken care of—thanks to my genius—let's steal that monster, James!

James: (still stunned) Uuuuhhhh…?

Jesse: (irritated) James! (punches him over the head)

James: (shaking himself) Uh, yeah! Right, Jesse!

Ash: (indignant) You're not stealing my new Pokemon, Team Rocket!

Misty: Hey, you three promised not to steal any of our Pokemon! Double crossers!

Jesse: Imbeciles! It's obvious that thing's not a Pokemon!

James: (evil grin) So stealing it wouldn't be breaking our promise!

Genius.

"Genius."

"Genius."

Meowth: Genius! Mwa ha ha ha ha!

James: (low evil voice) I have no idea how we'll do it, but I have a feeling this is going to be a piece of cake.

Jesse: I told you!

Meowth: Would you two stop yapping and help me figure out how we're gonna' do this?!

J&J: (irritated) FINE!

James: (thoughtful) Hey Jess, why don't we try something new?

Jesse: Like what?

James: (turns to the monster) Hey, big monster! You like to smash things, don't you?

(Monster roars and pounds on its chest, then knocks a tree over which lands on Brock and Vulpix.)

Brock: OW!

Vulpix: Voooool…

James: Uh-huh…Anyway, if you came with us, you could smash and destroy things all you want.

Jesse: Brilliant idea, James!

Meowth: You know, he has seemed smarter ever since—

J&J: MEOWTH SHUT UP!

Ash: Monster, don't listen to Team Rocket! Attack them!

Jesse: See, Monster. They don't care about you—they just want to use you to beat up on others.

(Monster looks thoughtful.)

Meowth: If you come with us, we'll let you do whatever ya want!

James: And you won't have to take orders from anyone.

Monster: (thinking) This is sounding better and better…

Brock: (crying) I've lost the feeling in my leeeeeeeggss!

Misty: This is ridiculous! Monster, Team Rocket is just lying to you! They're the one's who would use you—they don't care about anyone or anything!

James: (hurt) That was harsh!

Jesse: (furious) WHAT?! Don't care about anyone?! How dare you say that about us!

Meowth: (snicker) Yeah, she cares about someone alright… (snicker)

J&J: WE'RE BAD, NOT INSENSITIVE!

Misty: Alright, alright! Bad choice of words. You don't care about anyone but yourselves!

Jesse: (satisfied) That's better!

James: (wobbly eyes) You care about me, Jess?!

Jesse: (embarrassed) Well…I…

James: (hugging her tightly) I LOVE YOU JESSE!

Jesse: (crying) I LOVE YOU TOO, JAMES!

Meowth: (also crying) I LOVE YOUSE TWO!

J&J: WE LOVE YOU MEOWTH!

(All start crying rivers.)

Misty: I'm sorry I even said anything!

Monster: (thinking) They don't seem that bad…

Ash: ENOUGH! I'm going to stop you three once and for all! Pikachu, thundershock!

Pikachu: PI-KA—

Monster: (thinking) Hey, can't you see they're sharing a special moment?!

(The monster suddenly puts a hand in front of the crying trio, blocking the jolt of electricity.)

Ash: Hey! You're still mine—you can't attack my Pokemon!

Monster: (thinking) Not anymore, you mouthy little brat! (Makes as if to stomp on the young trainer.)

James: Cool! He's on our side!

Jesse: Woo-hoo! (squeezes James happily)

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"HA HO HO HO HO HO HO!"

J&J: Huh?

James: Was that you?

Jesse: Wasn't me.

(Two figures leap into the clearing, which has begun to turn dark.)

Figure 1: (to Monster) You bad little puppy—running away from home like that. Mommy's going to have to punish you for that! (sound of a whip cracking)

James: AAAGH, IT'S JESSEBELLE!

Jesse: No, I'd recognize that hussy's voice anywhere…

Figure 2: Darling, why must you run from my love?

Monster: AAAAAAGGGGHHHH! (thinking) KEEP THEM AWAY!

Brock: (finally jumping out of the spaceship rubble) WOMEN!

"Darling? Flin, is this going where I think it is?"

"CROSSOVER! ^_^"

Groan…