Author: Ignorant One
Rating: M: Mild Curse, some sexual references.
Summary: The Fourth Hokage meets Kyuubi for the first time… XD
Disclaimer: Me no own Naruto, but if I did...
"All right mortal, I will listen to your wish, but first, we will play a game."
"Oh! A game!? I'm all for it!" a then Jounin Kazama Arashi cried.
"Very well, this is a game of cunning, patience, and most of all, intense observational skills. We will play…" The future Hokage audibly gulped, much to the disembodied voices delight, "Hide-and-Go-Seek."
Future Yondy face faulted, he thought he was going to be doing battle with some creepy skeleton nin, or seeing how long he could hold his breath in a pool full of salt water crocodiles, or hell, even seeing how many Godless Furbies he could destroy with a single Katon technique. Yanno? MANLY SHIT!
It wasn't the fact that a great ninja such as himself had been reduced to childs play, it was because he was so out of practice! Kazama Arashi had given up on Hide-and-Go-Seek before he turned eight years old for the very reason that he was absolutely horrendous at hiding! His loud hair and ridiculous fashion sense ratted him out every time. This was not good.
"What 'sa matter mortal? Getting cold feet?" The unknown voice laughed harshly.
Broken from his pity moment, the blond took to his feet and proudly proclaimed: "HELL YES I AM! But I've never backed down from a challenge before, so why start now!?"
If the voice had some eyebrows, they would have arched. "Fine. Here are the rules. I am hiding somewhere in this large underground complex, if you can find me, I will grant you a wish. I give you one hour."
"Tee-hee, that silly blond will never find me," Kyuubi giggled to herself. When hiding in her secret place, no one has ever found her before. The nine tails was impossible to be found-and she felt a soft pressure on her outermost tail.
"Found you!" the blond Jounin enthusiastically shouted.
This was absolutely mortifying! No one had ever looked behind the curtain before!
"Your tail was sticking out….."
A lloooonnnngggg silence passed before either of them spoke.
"Cheater. Since you don't know how to play fair, we are going to play another game,"
"But I didn't cheat…"
"I said silence! Now, new game, new rules."
The future Yondamie Hokage scowled, him? Accused of cheating? Now he really wished that event was to destroy as many furbies with a single fire technique… The kitsune noticed that the human was spacing out, so she thwaped him upside the head with her tail, "Pay attention, 'cause I'm only going to say this once. Your task is to guess my name. I give you five minutes to guess, then its game over."
The fox was taken aback by the sudden outburst. "What? No…my name is not Cindy…"
"Candy?" "No." "Jordy?" "No." "Mindy?" "No." "Stewart?" "No." "Andy?" "No." This went on for three more minutes before it finally came to him.
"Oh God! Why didn't I make the connections before!? The games…and the…and the names! I knew I heard of something like this in a fairy tale before! You must be…no…you couldn't be…"
Kyuubi loomed over the human, her body tense as a bowstring; she was eager to hear the blond's answer. "Are you…RUMPLESTILTSTAILS!?"
In an instant, all of the tension left the kitsune's body…and she crumpled to stone floor in a heap and began to froth uncontrollably at the muzzle. "What? Really? I was sure that one was going to work," the future Yondy tapped his chin thoughtfully, "well, the only name I haven't tried is…Kyuubi."
The frothing slowly stopped, and the extremely large fox sat up on its haunches, nine tails curling around her forepaws demurely in a desperate attempt to regain her composure. "Congratulations, you now know my name. However, I am NOT 'Rumplestiltstails'! There is a crotchety old coot named 'Rumplestiltskin', but he is just a fairytale creature, and therefore only exists in the minds of children. Now, out with your wish."
A cheery grin spread across the blonds face. "Okay, this is kind of a multi-part wish, so bear with me."
The kitsune arched a furred brow, but nodded for him to continue. A geeky giggle escaped his lips, "OK, I wish that I could be all totally serious like, 'cause chicks dig the serious types." "Hmm…remove the stupid from your brain? It would be a pleasure."
"I also wish that I knew one thousands techniques and how to effectively use them in combat and in everyday situations. And for the last part, I wish I had the strength to be Hokage, so I could protect my village and woo any woman that strikes my fancy."
"If it gets your annoying ass out of my fur, then done!"
"-and that's how I met your father, kit," a naked Kyuubi spoke before taking a long drag from the cigarette and passing it to an equally naked Naruto, who accepted it and took his own puff.
"Fascinating, now can we please go to sleep? I've got a mission in six hours and…"
"Hmph. You males are all the same, a little bit of sex and all you want to do is sleep. What ever happened to good ol' days when guys used to pillow talk? "
Naruto nuzzled the soft flesh of her neck before kissing his way up to one of the soft and fuzzy ears nestled on her cranium. After nibbling on the furry tip he responded huskily, "Listen, if I promise to eat you out tomorrow night, will you get off my case?"
"Oh? You'll eat me?"
A smile, "Like a starved lion, now go to sleep."
Soon, all was silent.
Ahhh…the way to a woman's heart starts off with a few kind words and so very good head.
A/N: There we have it! A brand new fic by me, IO. Albeit crack and some poorly written hilarity, but it was fun for me. Please review for the sake of my self-esteem! XD