Signing Up for Akatsuki
Summary: Team Kakashi is assigned to spy on Akatsuki, but what happens when Naruto puts down all the correct information for himself?
DISCLAIMER: IF I ACTUALLY OWNED NARUTO OR BLEACH, I'D BE MAKING THE NEXT CHAPTER IN THE MANGA INSTEAD OF THIS FANFICTION
Chapter 1: Bleach What?
Kakashi, Naruto, Sakura, and Sai were all waiting impatiently for Tsunade, the Fifth Hokage, to show up. Naruto was pacing her office, muttering things like "it was never this bad waiting for Kakashi" and "if Grandma Tsunade doesn't get here soon I will be Hokage sooner than I thought."
Finally, Tsunade showed up and offered up the excuse, "Sorry guys, I got lost on the road of life."
This made Kakashi furious. "GET YOUR OWN DAMN EXCUSES YOU LIAR!"
"Well anyway, I want you to join Akatsuki," Tsunade said without a second's pause.
All four members of Team Kakashi's jaws were dropped so far, even Gaara could tell that Naruto hadn't brushed for four months. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY!?"
"I said I want you to join Akatsuki. I want you to spy on them for us."
At the Akatsuki Hideout:
"OK, apparently we have some new recruits," said Pain, the Akatsuki Leader. "Go get the application forms now you idiots."
Meanwhile, Sakura, Naruto, Sai, and Kakashi were waiting patiently at the waiting room (A.N. Yes, apparently the Akatsuki have waiting rooms in case they have company) when Itachi came out with their applications. "OK, just fill these out. Get them back to us when you're done."
"Remember Naruto," Sakura began, "don't use your real name for anything, OK?" Apparently they did not want their status known to Akatsuki. They had even chosen to dress differently… well, almost all of them.
Sakura was wearing a light blue cat suit with green polka dots and a Leaf Headband with a slash through it. Sai was clad in a green jumpsuit similar to Rock Lee's. He claimed he stole it from Lee before defecting. Kakashi was wearing an outfit similar to Kakuzu's, only pure black.
Naruto on the other hand, was wearing his customary orange jumpsuit. The only difference was that he was wearing a Sand Village headband.
"Umm… not that it's any of my business, but where did you get that headband?" Kakashi asked while working.
"Just found it lying around," Naruto said.
Naruto went back to his application.
After they were all done, they showed each other their applications.
Sakura's was thus:
Name: Kuchiki Rukia
Date of Birth: Well I don't have one but my date of death is December 15, 1492
Previous Affiliation: Soul Society
Previous Occupation: Shinigami
Likes: Abarai Renji, Kurosaki Ichigo, Inoue Orihime, Juice
Dislikes: Kon, My brother, hollows, Urahara Kisuke
Jutsus: What's a jutsu?
Any Special Abilities That We Should Know About: I have a zanpakutō.
"Nice one Sakura. Let's hope none of those guys are fans of that show. What was it called again?" Kakashi said.
"I think it's called Shaman something," said Naruto.
"IT'S BLEACH!" Sakura and Sai said in unison.
"And who did you say you were, Sai? Kurosaki Ichigo?"
"No… I mean… yes."
Name: Kurosaki Ichigo
Date of Birth: October 24, 1991
Previous Affiliation: ME
Previous Occupation: Temporary Shinigami
Likes: Inoue Orihime, Kuchiki Rukia, Chad, my sisters, my dad, my mom
Dislike: Grand Fisher, hollows, other shinigami, Urahara Kisuke, Kon, Ishida Uryū
Jutsus: What the hell is a jutsu?
Any Special Abilities That We Should Know About: None that I want to tell you.
"Good job Sai. I seriously hope that these people are not fans of Cowboy Bebop," said Kakashi.
Naruto said, "That's not right. It's Naruto."
"BLEACH DAMN IT!" Sakura and Sai scream.
"My turn," said Kakashi.
Name: Turd Ferguson
Date of Birth: October 19, 1985 for 500 Alex.
Previous Affiliation: Rock Village
Previous Occupation: Jeopardy Contestant
Likes: Jeopardy, Alex Trebek, Rock Village, Deidara, Money
Dislikes: Sean Connery, Miles Davis, Hatake Kakashi
Jutsus: Lightning Blade, Sharingan, other stuff
Any Special Abilities That We Should Know About: Mangekyou Sharingan
"Good Kakashi-sensei," said all three of the ninjas that were not Kakashi.
Naruto gave them his without a second thought.
Name: Naruto Uzumaki
Date of Birth: October 10, 1993
Previous Affiliation: Leaf Village
Previous Occupation: The Leaf Village's Number One Hyperactive Knucklehead Ninja
Likes: Ramen, Hyuuga Hinata, Kicking Itachi's butt, Leaf Village
Dislikes: Waiting three minutes for the ramen to cook, Sasuke, Sai, and THE AKATSUKI
Jutsus Known: Shadow Clone Jutsu, Summoning Jutsu, Rasengan
Any Special Abilities That We Should know About: I have the Kyuubi sealed inside me.
"Ummm… maybe you missed the point in TRICKING the Akatsuki," said Kakashi.
"We are soooooooo gonna die," said everyone but Naruto.
"OK, finished already? OK" Itachi said after taking their applications.
In the Interview Area:
Sakura was standing in a room with Pain, Kisame, Zetsu, Hidan, Kakuzu, Konan, Itachi, Deidara, Sasori, and Tobi.
"OK, Miss Kuchiki Rukia, it says here that you are a shinigami. What's a shinigami?" said Pain.
"It's the death god and the main characters in a show called Bleach," said Kakuzu. "I have it on right now."
"Wait? Kakuzu has his laptop here too? Why couldn't we do this as an online chat?" said Sasori.
"Sasori, Sasori, Sasori… this is an interview. We have to follow certain protocol. Interviews have to be live or over the phone," said Itachi.
"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT WE COULD HAVE DONE THIS OVER THE PHONE!? I am so gone!" Sasori gathered his things and left.
"Why is he in such a hurry?" asked Zetsu.
"He needs to go update his W.I.T.C.H. fanfiction. I don't get why he likes that show," said Deidara.
"Tobi likes that show too." You can guess who said that.
Konan said, "I think it's pretty good."
"Don't we have more important things to do?" asked Kisame as the phone rang.
"Hello? You've reached the Akatsuki Headquarters. This is Tobi speaking. May Tobi ask why you are calling?"
"Tobi. Put me on speaker," said Sasori.
"Who is this? Tobi doesn't need any speakers," said Tobi.
"TOBI! PUT ME… give the phone to Itachi."
"Itachi? He's busy with an interview. May Tobi take a message?"
"Who's on the phone?" asked Kisame?
"Tobi doesn't know. He's trying to sell Tobi speakers," Tobi said as he hung up on Sasori.
"Tobi was that Sasori trying to get on speakerphone?" asked Itachi.
"Never mind that. The fanboy and the fangirl are getting into it," said Kisame.
Sakura and Kakuzu were currently arguing about how strong Zangetsu was, what episode they were on, how they were going to cosplay at the next anime convention, which they were exchanging information for.
"God. I hate fangirls. NEXT!" said Pain.
Sai walked in.
"OK Mister Kurosaki Ichigo. Wait a second… this is the same kind of application as the last one. I'm glad all these death gods are deciding to join," Pain said.
"He looks nothing like he does on the show. Looks more like Uryū," said Kakuzu.
"Why the hell would you mistake me for that bastard!? I'm obviously in disguise," said Sai.
"That's definitely Ichigo. He acts just like him," said Kakuzu. "I believe the application."
"WE HAVE TO RESCUE RUKIA!" said Kakuzu's laptop.
"Is that Episode 52? I thought that that one didn't come out till Saturday," said Sai.
"It's on YouTube right now. Wanna watch?" asked Kakuzu.
"Do I!?" Sai and Kakuzu sat in the corner watching Bleach.
"'Next', said Itachi with a sigh."
"TOBI WOULD YOU STOP NARRATING MY LIFE!?" said Itachi. "NEXT!"
Naruto walked in.
"OK so Mr. Naruto Uzumaki. OK Mr. Naruto, so it seems like..." Pain read through the application and said, "Wait a second. Itachi, did you read this application?"
"Yes. I did. I think that this is the Kyuubi brat, Uzumaki Naruto," Itachi said.
Naruto gulped. They found him out.
"Naaah. He can't be that stupid. After all. This guy is Naruto Uzumaki of the Sand, not Uzumaki Naruto of the Leaf," Pain said.
"But it says he's from the Leaf Village."
"But he's wearing a Sand headband. It must be a typo."
"He HAND WROTE IT!"
"This must have been forged."
All the time this was going on between Itachi and Pain, Kisame was pointing at Naruto with his jaw touching ground somewhere in the middle of New Jersey.
"See, Itachi?" Deidara said. "Kisame likes him already."
"He's pointing out that it's… nevermind. NEXT!"
"Wait. Wait. One more thing before you leave," said Tobi. "Tobi sees that you dislike the Akoo-seki. Tobi doesn't like them either."
Itachi sweatdropped. "Tobi, it says Akatsu… nevermind. NEXT!"
Kakashi stood before the Akatsuki.
"OK Mr. Turd Ferguson. OK. Mr. Turd. It says here you have Shareengone. How is that possible? Only him, him, and some other guy have Sharinpong.
"Pain, it's Sharingan, and I really think that Turd Ferguson here is Hatake Kakashi," said Itachi.
"But it says that he's Turd Ferguson of the Rocks."
"I've never seen that guy before," said Deidara.
"I moved there after you left. I am a big fan," Kakashi said without missing a beat.
Pain gave everyone a glance and said, "HE'S IN!"
"But… Can I come back to the Leaf?"
"NO!" yelled Kakashi.
Meanwhile in the Hidden Sand Village:
"Temari, have you seen my headband?" asked Gaara.
"Naruto asked if he could borrow it when he was over playing you Xbox 360. He said something about needing it for a mission," said Temari.