DISCLAIMER: I am not now nor have I ever been in charge of these guys. Meaning I don't own them, don't get paid for this, and basically I'm just borrowing them. And if you sued me, you wouldn't get much anyway. I'm a college student.

Rated for mild swearing.

She's been coming around a lot lately. I mean, more than usual. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I mean, she's great and we all love her, but...

I don't know. Maybe I'm just angry. Heh, maybe. Probably. Definitely. Never been a question about it. It's just that...gah. I just don't know. Donnie would know. He'd know in layman's terms and still be able to say it all smart-like and scientific-y. Hell I think it's cool that I know "layman," thanks to him of course but it's just not in my nature to show gratitude. I feel it, sure, but, well you know me. I do have a reputation to protect.

Which is why you can't tell anybody I'm talking to you, okay? One, Leo would go bananas; I swear he just LOOKS for a reason to pick at me. He's always held the opinion that I'm jealous that he's the so-called "leader" of our little family. Well I have news for him. I'm not. Honestly. Gah, can you imagine what it would be like if I led? Can you? I can, and it doesn't end well for anybody involved. I couldn't have Mikey and Donnie looking to me for advice and guidance like they do Leonardo. I can't handle that responsibility. I can't even handle me.

You can't say anything about that either, got it? About me saying "I can't." Because I can. Well, far as they know anyway. Me and my reputation. Which, again, is why I'm talking to you, 'cause you don't know me and you don't care. Hell tomorrow you won't even remember this probably. I wouldn't if it was me. Some jerk bitching to me about his problems, I'd have told him to shut up by now.

Anyway, back to her. She's just so...human. I know I know, duh, but listen. She doesn't get it. She can hang out and laugh and cry and just be here and be the best friend we've got and stuff but, at the end of it all, she goes back up top. Back to her world. Back to her people. She says we're her people too, but I don't buy it, not totally anyway. And I mean, I can't blame her for that; I mean that's not fair. She can't help it. We're lucky to have her in our lives, and that's a fact, Jack.

And it's not like she doesn't know she doesn't get it, and sometimes in between Mikey cracking us all up or me and Leo picking at each other and Master Splinter basically telling us to shut it up, I can see it. She lets it on her face just for a second that she knows she doesn't really "fit in" fit in. I mean we all love her and stuff like I said, but sometimes... It just sounds kind of silly to hear her bitch about Casey and how he never wants to take her out to anywhere where hot wings and beer don't make up the majority of the menu. And here we are listening to her and I know for a fact that even Donatello would leap at the chance to go to one of those places for a night. He'd probably bring a legal pad and take notes.

And maybe I'm a bad friend. Maybe I'm just a bad person all around; I know one or two people who'd agree with me. One of them would mean it, and the other would follow it with wheezing laughter and tell me to throw him another cold one.

You can't tell Leo that I drink either, capisce? He'd have my shell for...I don't know. I'm sure he could find a use for it. A table or something. Put all his candles on it. Humans don't like skeletons. I'm not too crazy about the thought of an empty turtle shell. Fact of the matter is, it creeps me out. Yeah yeah, you know it by now. You can't tell that either.

So what ARE you supposed to do with all this that I've put in your head? I don't know. Do with it whatever you always do with somebody else's problems. They're not your problems so they won't eat at you, and I'm sorry but I needed the vent. I would gripe to Casey but I've been getting the feeling lately that he doesn't care. Is that how everyone feels when they're talking to me? Not real cool. I should do something about it...and maybe I will.

And, yeah, right. I didn't say that too. You're getting the hang of this. Thanks.