4Goodbye My "Almost" Lover
Misstress Hanako.
Internet clip[I know that! But that doesn't matter anymore!-[Who says it doesn't?! Of course it does![No! What matters is that 'I LOVE YOU!' God fucken dammitt!With that said he crushed his lips onto hers roughly as she tried processing what he said.
"Did I make it that easy to walk in and out of my life...?"
Staring at the inaudible sound of raindrops that were dripping own on the muddy ground outside her window. Raindrops that fall from the cloudy, grey skies. It seemed like the heavens were empathetic to her emotions. The misconception and deception of her situation was specifically out of control and beyond her reach. The compassion she once believed she had for her significant other had slowly evaporated. The only thing lingering within her disassociated heart of every bit of faith that she once claimed. The bitterness was a new feeling she couldn't indentify. And she hated this feeling. Her entire mind, from head to toe was filled with anguish, hatred, and betrayal. She didn't know what had created these feelings...but she wanted to escape. Oh dear lord, she wanted to escape. Though she wants that, she can not. It would mean running away from her troubles. She wasn't a coward. She was going to step up and let that situation fall onto her. Ignore it. Leave it be. If he wanted it this way, than it'll be this way. No way on earth was she ever going to forgive him.
Her heart clentched in her chest and she held onto the shirt that was hovering over that specific area. Why did it hurt so much? She asks. How come she keep playing it over and over until time itself stops? She repeats. In heaven and earth, did she not want any of this. How could it end like this? Is it finally over? All these rebounded questions were flowing through her mind, over and over again. How could she let any of this happen? No, she didn't want any of this to happen. She just wanted a happy ending of a start of a new beginning. Never on earth had she ever thought about leaving. Looking over at the luggage supporting once was held of memories, she sauntered over to it lightly and sat down on the edge of the comfty bed and folded the last of her clothing in it. This was it. No turning back now. She had made it so far to not let go anymore. Stepping quietly out of the solemn looking house that once lived the memories, love, and happiness shared by the two significant couple, she walked and started the car.
"Goodbye..." Those was her last whisper to the wind before she drove off the driveway and into the roads of the nightly storm.
Her eyes were concentrated on the road but her mind was concentrated on only him. Was this the best idea for them both? Or was it only for herself? No, it wasn't for her. It was for them both. He wanted his freedom. She wanted her comittment. So she would end it, since he doesn't say nothing in the first place. He will never knew. Never knew how much it hurts to be the one that can truely forget him. As for he, already with someone else...can forget her like a train's empty railroad tracks that only echoes with a hauntly voice. Faded with the air and soon forgotten. Which is just like her...she will do the best in her will to live happily ever after. Even if it's not with the one she loves...as long as she finds someone who loves her more than he did.
Without thinking, she turned the corner abit fast and almost ran into a car. The person owning the car came out and scolded her only to be bestowed on her beauty. She apologizes while that guy eyes her from head to toe. He asked her a question. And to her only hesitation did she accept the offer that was generously brought upon her. Maybe, just maybe this was the beginning of a new life for her. Not only will she be able to move on, but it will bring a happiness that maybe only was given a second chance for her.
"Goodbye my almost lover...
...goodbye my hopeless dreams."
He stared at the empty house that was given an arid feeling surrounding what was once something special he had with the love of his life. He really didn't think it would turn to end like this. When anxious to be with the one you love, you become scared of being comitted for the rest of your life. Only to lead to an unhappiness, broken relationship. 'It was for the best' he mumbles. Was it...? Don't lie to yourself. Those words repeat. Was it really for the best that the only special thing was given to you for you to break it into small mirrored pieces? Second chances in life comes rarely in your lifetime and you must take the opportunity for everything you have...Can it be that it is really over? He follows in her faded footsteps in the empty house. Everything seems so distant...was this really what he wanted? Apart says yes, apart says no. So which one will it be...? No. None of this. It was all a mistake and can not be fixed so easily. Once you cut yourself with a shape bladed knife, you'll have to clean it off. No matter how badly the damage was...
"I never want to see you unhappy...
...I'd thought you want the same for me."
What in the world had he ever sacraficed for her? Nothing. What had she done for him? Happiness emotions. That was what completed his world. Only to have it shattered by him. No, he wasn't obligated to her. He loves her. How could he? How can he be so damned to not realize any of this? Of course he wanted his entire to wake up to have only her in his arms. The sun's rays shining on her angelic face. That was what he was born for. This realization is too late now...she had already left. So he will let her go, it was for her happiness. But she probally left for his happiness also, didn't she? Her characteristic says all. And he knew. How could he get her back though? He couldn't. She left for the sake of him. He had kissed another, while she had stayed faithful and loyal to him and only him. What was the cause of all this? Was this his punishment for not being the perfect son to the perfect mother? Yes, and only yes. He opened his eyes to look around...where did he go? How could he forget that his life remains so distant now...? He should move on with his life. How can he though? Where is he to start from...? Now that everything he has worked for is gone. Shattered. Dispersed. Evaporated. Gone. Simply gone.
"Will you marry me, Kagome Higurashi?" InuYasha Taishou's voice, soft and sincere. He looked up, anxious for an answer. Only to be bid with a sight that may have for once brought fear and rejection to his musculine features. She was crying...tears that were formed in a geometric shape, rolling with intense burst down her cheeks. His throat dried and he felt numb all over. Was she not going to accept, after all they have been through? He begged for a satisfying answer. Let that answer be what he had dreamed for since he met her.
"Oh, InuYasha Taishou...nothing will make me more happier than to spend the rest of my life, waking up in your arms..." The woman infront of him had surpressed a soft smile under the crying, tumbling figure she portrayed. And that was the most satisfying answer he could ever recieve in his entire lifetime. With no doubted hesitation, he pulled the frail body into his arms and embraced her with light and joy. Something he has always felt everytime he made connection with her. His angel. His sunshine. His love
All those distant memories can bring tears to him if he wasn't so broken. How didn't even realize it when he became for caniving. He had ripped out her love for him in agony and threw it back into her face as she stood by him throughout the rough times he had. He broke her spirit into more than a million pieces and only he, himself can fix that. But how can he now? Now that she is gone. He knew she wasn't running away. She was strong and courageous. She was only doing what she thought was right. And what she thought was right...was wrong. But it wasn't her fault, she probally thought it was for the best if there was more than a distance. Especially since he pushed her so far that she finally decided to leave. Forever. Leaving Forever: A word that scarred him for eternity with his loved ones. First his mother, now his lover...
"InuYasha!?" Shouted a startled and heart-brokened Kagome. Staring into the eyes of her fiance. Whom she will be spending the rest of her life with in a short amount of time. All her earlier thoughts were blurred with only the picture of him kissing her best friend. Her eyes widen and for once in a long time did she cry of sadness. No, she never cried. Not for anyone. But why now? Because she loved him.
"Should've known you'd bring me heartache...
...almost lovers always do."
"...I-" He didn't know what to say. He sat wide-eyed at the woman of his dreams. Mind clearly blank of no ideas or excuse to get him out of this. Sure they had arguments before on their weddings and all, but he never thought he would sank so low. Even he, himself is ashamed at his actions.
"No...I understand. I see that this is what you were talking about, wasn't it? You aren't ready to be a comitted man. This is why you have chosen to distant yourself from me. You felt obliged to make me happy and in the end, it only ruined you. I'm sorry...I never ment for your pity." Her words cut deep into his soul. No, that was wrong! He really meant every little promises he made...He only broke one and that is: To protect her. How shameful was that. And right now, she is still understanding from his point of view. Yes, he realized a bit ago that he didn't want to be a married man yet. He still wanted his fun and still wanted to go around with the reputation of a youngster. Now, he didn't know what he wanted or who? But surely after her words, he knew what he wanted. And it was for her to stay by his side. She could only stare at him before walking away, slowly. Releasing every exhausted energy she had and tried making her way to her friends.
"I see. Your silence says all. I'll be leaving now, InuYasha Taishou." She informed him before stepping into her friend's car and driving off, leaving a man...emotionless, in the middle of a parking lot. Only to think for himself.
"I'm trying not to think about you...
...can't you just let me be?"
He sent her millions of messages to imply how much he was sorry. But to no avail, she had never picked up any of his calls. In no less time was he going to go insane without her to keep him sane. She was his stress-free guide to lead him to the heavens above. To accompany him, through his years of loneliness. As for her, he will do the same. Now that will is to a would, because she is not by his side anymore.
Four years later...
Even though she had despised him, she invited him. To one of her most happiest moments. Though to this day, she still loves him secretly. She knows he doesn't. He probally moved on with his life and have a new woman standing in her place, by his side. In her wedding gown she stared at the mirror that reflected her inner emotions so weakly. Had she become a source of evil? Now that she doesn't display any emotions of sadness. Sometimes, Kouga (her soon-to-be husband) would stroke her hand softly and ask if she was okay. Only to her hesitation, would she shake her head solemnly. Implying she would be fine. Her lies grew more self-conscience in her mind and maybe even onto Kouga. But he still kept with her. Since that day she almost bumped into him with her car. The faithful day when she finally left.
"Kagome...Are you okay?" Sango, the maid of honor (also Kagome's best friend) asked, worried. Kagome, startle by that abruptive voice, shook her head no, vigorously.
"I'm just a bit nervous, is all." She reassured the woman next to her. As Sango adjusted her tiara, she took notice in what Sango whispered to her.
"Are you nervous? Or depressed?" The whisper was faint, but it brought shivers down her spine. Was Sango right? She was happy, wasn't she? It was her wedding day and she should be jumping with joy, not stuck in the past. It wasn't a place she belong anymore...
...InuYasha.
Kagome's eyes suddenly widen and everything around her felt dizzy. Like a pressure of an aura. A familiar aura that she can somehow sense was near her. Turning around, she saw the last person she expected. Him...
"...It's been..quite sometime now, Kagome." His voice softly slurred. Kagome turned to Sango, indicating she wanted some time alone to talk with this mysterious man. So quietly, she left the room in abyss for the two.
"Yeah, it has, InuYasha. It has." Kagome spoke back to him. With a stern, confident voice. But even behind the image she was hiding herself in, she knew he could tell that she was still the fragile Kagome. He knew also that she was still that Kagome that he had met, cared, and fell in love with long ago and even 'till this day, does she still take his breathe away with her marvoulous beauty. Her in that wedding gown, it would be him up at the alter, but he had lost his chance some time ago...some time ago, did he lose his chance.
"Finally, after years, are you getting the happiness you can recieve, huh, Kagome?" He spoke, softly yet sternly. Demanding a non-hesitant answer. She sighed a bit, but more the less, spoke.
"It has been a while since I dreamt of this day. But it never did come to my intentions that it was actually going to be like how it is now..." Kagome stopped in her sentence, not wanting to hint anything or lead this to something she may regret. She already sworn never to interwine with him anymore but stay at an aquaintaince level companionship.
"What do you mean, Kagome? Youre statement got me curious? Care to elaborate more on that, m'dear?" His flirty actions took no abide to Kagome, nor did she react to any of his menuvers.
"I have no statement what so ever that I shall clearify for your dimwitted brain." She tried maintaining her patience. Bursting out with anger was not something she would wish upon, on her wedding day.
"Oh but you do, your majesty. You shall explain to me how you actually dreamt your real wedding would be. And I demand that answer." He retorted back at her.
"You shall recieve no answer from me, you..you..urggghhh! Just leave me alone, InuYasha! I always dreamt my wedding with you! There! Are you fucken damn happy?!" One second she was shouting at his face, then another second she was crushed against his chest. Shocked a his sudden affectioness, she stood as he embraced her tightly to him.
"I am really fucken damn happy." He breathe, her eyes soften but went bold again and she struggled out of his grasp.
"Let me go, you unbearable, caniving, deprived monster! This whole thing was your fault! Don't go changing your mind! You made it loud and clear that you didn't want to marry me! So leave me alone, you evil bastard!" She shouted on the top of her lungs. He just stood there, and absorbed every bit of her venom she was making him drown in.
"You're right, Kagome. I didn't want to marry, at the time. I wanted to still enjoy the life of youth. I didn't want to be in a comitted relationship that somehow may end up hurting you in the end..-"
"But you did anyways..." She interupted. He nodded, slowly. Like he was in deep thought.
"And I didn't mean to. What I forgot to realize was that all my youth was spent with you. You were there for me in every memory I can think of. And I wanted my older days to be spent with you also. I just became petrified at the thought of a married man. Everyone gets scared when it comes to the thought of marriage and being with someone for the rest of their lives. That there may be some regrets...but I never regretted you at all, in my whole entire life. So that's when I realize, that you were the one that I would spend my life with..." He spoke shakily. By now, Kagome was at the brink of tears. Well it was certainly too late for him, because in probally an hour or so, she was going to be spending her life...with a different guy. Kouga...
"Everyone gets scared when it comes to the thought of marriage and being with someone for the rest of their lives..."
His words echoed into her brain.
"You were there for me in every memory I can think of. And I wanted my older days to be spent with you also..."
"...but I never regretted you at all, in my whole entire life. So that's when I realize, that you were the one that I would spend my life with..."
Kagome broke down, tumbling to the ground, to have only InuYasha grabbed her with haste and wrap his arms around her. She clutched onto his tuxedo and cried loudly.
"Why...? Why...are you doing this to me, InuYasha...?" Kagome asked shakily, her voice, sounding like shattered glass.
"Because, I've always dreamt my wedding with you also." InuYasha stated. Looking straight into her eyes. His emotions were sincere and compassionate. "I love you, Kagome...and I always have been."
Kagome's breathe was hitched into her throat. How would she respond? She was now with Kouga, and this was their wedding day. Has she sunk this low to actually used Kouga for her own happiness? Yes. She would repair it. Kagome broke away from InuYasha and walked over to the mirrors to fix a bit of her make up before turning back to the love her of life.
"I have no comment what so ever. Just give me time..." Kagome said monotoneously. He nodded in hesitation before hugging her softly and leaving the room. Kagome had the urge of kissing him, passionately and she did. She ran over to him and kissed him hard with passion. Had she wanted this for so long, he would've given it to her. He just returned it and smiled softly before leaving her in the room to think for herself.
Staring out into space, she failed to notice her best friend coming up to her and asking her who that mysterious guy was. Kagome only soften her posture and stared down at the ground. What had overcome this? Why was he back when he knew this was her special day? Did he want to make her regret?...because she already has.
"Sango...I really don't know what to do. I can't just end it now with Kouga. I mean, we both have come this far...! But I can't stop these feelings I had for InuYasha in my heart. It just hurts so much to be stuck in between everything and everyone. Why couldn't he just let me get married peacefully? I'm dying here, on the inside, I'm cruppled like snow. I'm apathetic because I'm deprived. Oh god, help me...please?!" Kagome cried, shaking miserably. "I can't do this...I can't!" With that said Kagome ran out of the room and franctically looked around. Scaring the wits out of Kagome as well.
"Kagome! Come back here! Where are you going?!" Sango cried behind her. Kagome looked around, every direction. Trying to find her target, that person she so franctically needed to see.
"Kouga!" Kagome shouted and ran over to him and hugged him. He was stunned but held her tightly. Kagome looked up at him, with tears falling down her face. His eyes widen and he quickly embraced her so she seem secure and safe.
"Kagome? Tell me, what's wrong babe?" Kouga whispered lovingly, trying to sooth his soon-to-be wife. Kagome shook her head violently and sobbed into his chest.
"I can't do this! I can't...please understand...It's too much pressure on me...please, please, please!" Kagome cried even louder, trying to choke back another sob escaping her lips. Kouga pulled back, abruptively and stared into her eyes, sympathetically.
"Kagome...do you really want this?" Kouga asked softly, sounding rejected yet relieved that his fiance was opening up to him for the first time.
"I don't know what's over come me...but I just can't do this. Not with so much on my mind. I'm just scared I might do something I regret...I'm sorry! I'm sorry I wasted so much life span that was given to you..." Kagome cried, unable to control her self-posture. Kouga held onto her tightly before slowly letting her go and nodding. He understood her. She wasn't as ready as he was, but he thought she would be happy if they were settled together.
"I guess that this is what you want, right?" Kouga whispered to Kagome. She nodded sofly before releasing her firm grip on him. He smiled down at her. "I knew that you weren't as ready as I, but I only chose this path because I wanted the best for you. You were the one that suggested this ceremony, I was the one that suggested your happiness so I went along. I hope you understand that whatever path you take, I will support you because all I want is, your happiness."
Kagome smiled as more tears broke and she kissed Kouga one last time before turning away. Walking away slowly. Only to be stopped by his soft, rejected voice.
"Know that...I will always love you, Kagome."
Kagome turned her head to face Kouga in the eyes and smiled at him. And hugging him tight and whispering somethng into his ears before running away the opposit direction as well.
"And as far as I will live, I will always appreciate the love you give me...Arigatou Gozaimasu, Kouga-kun."
Kouga turned away and wiped his eyes as he notice tears formed. Smiling sadly to himself, and preparing to disassemble the audience that had crowded in the church. He sauntered his way towards the main hall...
Kagome made her way out of the church, she wasn't going to deal with Kouga nor InuYasha. She hurted way too many, so she wasn't going to start more. With a last glance, she started walking away. She sighed, "Here I go, running away again..." But Kagome had no choice. Was she going to be a fool and walk up to InuYasha and declare her love for him? Even though he did, she wouldn't. She's stubborn and the only way for her to be able to move on with life, was to step forward. Not linger in the past. No matter how much memories she shared with both Kouga and InuYasha. She wasn't going to do the same to any other man. Even though most are jerks and bores, she rather live alone then be tortured in the drama...
InuYasha ran over the whole place, looking for the woman of his dreams. Where could she have gone? Kouga had just announce that the wedding was cancelled but there were no traces of Kagome anywhere. He ran out of the church and saw no signs of her, but he did she her flowers and some white fabric that was laying on the ground, which indicated she was out here not too long ago. So he ran towards the direction he hoped was hers. He called for her in many directions but still couldn't trace her anywhere. Then over at a corner he saw a white puffy dress turning.
"Kagome!" He shouted as loud as he can. Kagome turned a bit skeptical at who would call her name, then recognized the voice as a body came tumbling down at her. Scretching shetried to push InuYasha away.
"Let me go!" Kagome shouted, trying to push him away as he ket a firm hold around her upper shoulders. Her nails digging deep into her upper arms. He just held still as she struggled. "Leave me alone!" He finally snapped a vein and retracted.
"Shut the FUCK up, will you!? You whiny bitch! Can't you see I care about you!?" He screamed in her face, shaking her shoulders violently. She only struggled more.
"Well I don't fucken care, you asshole! If you cared, you wouldn't of embarrased not only me but my dignity! My love! and my feelings for you!" Kagome shouted just as equally loud as him.
"I know that! But that doesn't matter anymore!-"
"Who says it doesn't?! Of course it does!"
"No! What matters is that 'I LOVE YOU!' God fucken dammitt!" With that said he crushed his lips onto hers roughly as she tried processing what he said into her head.
"No! What matter is that 'I LOVE YOU!' Good fucken dammitt!1"
Kagome was stunned but she relaxed and kissed InuYasha back passionately. Nothing mattered anymore...not as long she was still in his arms. She didn't care anymore. He had proclaimed his love for her, and that was all that she needed to be non-self-conscience.
"Arigatou...InuYasha. Arigatou..." Kagome's tears rolled down and for once, in a long time did she cry for happiness.
"Goodbye my almost lover...
...goodbye my hopeless dreams."
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Did the ending seemed okay? Did it remind you of when she first cried for sadness in her flashback? Yeah, I tried to make it more opposit. I hope you aren't too bored with these kind of stories. I know it's boring because that's all I've been writing is Suspense/Romance, but I'm trying. Really, I'm trying to open up to new ideas. Just be patient with me on my other stories as well. I don't know when I'll update...I'm just more comfortable with one-shotters. I'm going to be redoing "To have destiny changed." I'm going to make it a better one-shot, if that's okay with everyone. And I'm going to make a new one-shot called, "Sweet nothings." It's about Kagome and InuYasha dating in high school but loosing their connections when they go to different colleges(Inspired by Anatomy of a boyfriend by Daria Snadowsky). Just a bit different. Give me more suggestions too alright? I just want it good enough to be a one-shot, but a very long one-shot. So it'll be enjoyable. Thank you so much! Please remember to help me with suggestions of any choice! Arigatou! (Thank you)...You don't know how much this means to me, oh and btw. I'm sorry the fic is lame, but I took one week writing it so no flames and it's just a bit corny. Deal with it. Okay! TTYGL!(Talk to you guys later)
Misstress Hanako.
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