twas the night before xmas
and Cameron was through with House
cause him and Wilson
were trying to see who could be the bigger louse
Cuddy's stockings were hung
from the Princeton sign with care
in hopes that the ethics committee
soon would be there

the interns were nestled all snug in their beds
with visions of House and his cane ripping through their heads
and house in jeans and Wilson in slacks
had just settled down after Cameron claimed they were going to give her a heart attack
when out from the clinic arose such a clatter
that House only shrugged and said "fucked if I know what's the matter"

away to the call room flew Cameron like a flash
tore open the door and tripped over the trash
the moon on the breast that the fall had exposed
caused an intern to exclaim, hey, free show

when what to their goggling eyes should appear
but a pissed off doctor House muttering look much longer and you'll owe her a beer
the interns were out of their beds so quick
they knew in that moment that Doctor House was gonna be a dick

more rapid than eagles his prospectives came
and he whistled and shouted and called them by name
Now dumbass, now moron, brickhouse and Nixon
on vomit, on stupid, on Donna and blitz-on
half of you on the case, the others to the end of the hall
now dash away, dash away dash away all

As they leave before the wild diagnosis fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, claim this ones gonna die;
So up to the House the top contenders flew,
With the day full of oys - and Kawasaki too:

And then a sprinkling, we heard on the roof
That nearly drowned out the pawing of a little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
out of his office came Chase and he was bound

He was dress'd all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnish'd with ashes and soot;
A bundle of sex toys was flung on his back,
And he look'd like a smut peddler just come off the rack:

His thighs - how they were bruised! his pants cut out to expose his deri'
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry;
His bowl cut head was tied with a bow,
And the crust on his nose was Columbian snow;

The top of his cane, House held in his teeth,
and the smirk on his face encircled it like a wreath.
Wilson had a broad grin and a little round belly
That shook when he laugh'd, like a bowl full of jelly:
Chase was pissed and knew he'd be dismissed, cause he'd been made a fool of his self,

And Cameron laugh'd when she saw him in spite of herself;
A wink of House's eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave her to know Chase was lucky he wasnt dead.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

Returning to Cuddy her stockings; so she'd turn to that jerk,
And laying his finger aside of his nose
And giving a nod, their attention was drawn to Chase's toes.
They were painted a lovely shade of rose

to his team he gave a whistle,
And away they all flew, like the down of a thistle:
But I heard him exclaim, ere he hobbled out of sight-
Take advantage of Cameron when she thinks she has Aids, that just ain't right