A/N: This is just a random thought that popped into my head on a plane. It is a letter that Lily sent Snape in the event of her death. It explains her feelings towards him. Sorry if it sucks, it has been while since I've written something. R&R, please!
If you're reading this, then I am dead. I know that's rather blunt, but there really isn't any other way to put it, so there it is. I've written this letter because I don't think I will ever get the chance to say what I want to say in person. You hurt me too much for that. And besides, this war doesn't really guarantee that I'll live to a ripe old age. But I don't want to leave things the way we did. So I've enchanted this letter to find you upon my death.
Severus, what I wanted to say is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the times I ate your chocolate frogs without asking. I'm sorry for all the times I borrowed and subsequently lost your best quills. I'm sorry for all the times my sister was rude to you. I'm sorry for all the times I chose my other friends over you. But most of all, I'm sorry for all the times I had the chance to tell you how much you meant to me and didn't. You see, we were in a good place at the time. People had stopped bugging me about being friends with a Slytherin and James wasn't being a complete prat for once and we were acing Potions together and I didn't have any over due library books for the first time in years. We were in a really good place. I didn't want to ruin it with my stupid feelings. I know how you feel about feelings.
So I never told you how much I loved your determination and your ambition. I never told you how much I loved the way you curl the corner of the page when you read a book. I never told you how much I loved that secret smile of yours, the one you used to save especially for me. I never told you how much I loved that sparkle you would get in your eyes when you were looking at me and you thought I wasn't looking back. I never told you how much I loved that warm, nervous feeling I would get in my stomach when you would sit just a little too close, or touch my arm just a little too long. I never told you how much I loved everything about you. I never told you a lot of things.
I never told you that I loved you. I should have. Maybe if I had used a little Gryffindor courage and said just the right words, you wouldn't have let the wrong word slip out. But I didn't and you did, and so here we are.
After the… incident, you came to the dormitory one night and begged for forgiveness. And you almost said something important, but you stopped yourself just in time. I think I know what it was. But you didn't say them, those three words, and I was so tired of waiting for you, Sev, that I decided I couldn't wait for you anymore. It hurt too much. I couldn't forgive you for that word you said and the three you didn't. I couldn't forgive you. And I'm sorry for that as well.
I let go of you, Sev. We could have had something beautiful together, but we messed it up and so I had to stop dreaming and get back to reality. And that's where James came in. He grounded me, kept me in the present instead of in a past that was lost to time and a future that would never be.
I am happy with James, I really am. I love him as much as I loved you and I don't regret loving him or marrying him. What I do regret is that we'll never know what could have happened between us, Sev.
All my love,
Past and present,