Under Arrest Emmett, Edward & Jasper
I do not own these characters, Stephenie Meyer does, I just got them arrested!
The boys and their adventure :)
Come on Edward, this will be funny..." I begged. I loved my brother, but he was the biggest stiff I had ever met. Every day I would try and get his to do something to loosen up, but it never seemed to work. I went back to my begging. "Come on Edward, please... for me?"
"If I do this, and that is a big if, I want no jokes about my sex life or lack there of for the next month is that clear?" Edward demanded. I thought about it for a second, a month is a long time for me to not say something about the fact that the neighbors dog has had more action than Edward, or the fact that too much pent up sexual frustration might lead Bella to take matters into her own hands... I started laughing at my own joke when I felt Edward glaring at me.
"Fine, I promise no jokes about that for a month. If I forget, Bella can drive my Jeep for a week. Deal?" I held out my had to him grinning. Edward grudgingly shook it but eventually smiled.
"OK where are we going to do this?" He asked looking over his shoulders.
"Well, he likes to go to the pond and feed the ducks some days, he really is one strange vampire that brother of ours." I mumbled as I scanned the park. There weren't many people out today, so it should be perfect, no witnesses. I stepped off the path so a biker could pass.
"Let's go this way and just keep your eyes open for him." Edward and I headed along the path, toward the pond. It was just up a small hill and then the path started curving to the right, the pond was just beyond the curve.
As we started to reach the top of the hill, the most horrible smell hit our noses. "Ugh, what in the world is that god awful smell?" I was looking around for a dead animal or something.
"Ew, I think it's coming from there." Edward pointed at a small wooden building that was right across the path from the pond.
"Is that a bathroom? What human in their right mind would use that place? It smells awful.." I said as I coughed from the smell. The smell..."Crap!"
"What's wrong?" Edward stopped in the middle of the path.
"Smell, he'll smell us coming a mile away... we won't be able to sneak up on him here." I said sadly kicking the asphalt at my feet. My fun for the afternoon was ruined.
"Well, we could go hide in that bathroom, he'd never be able to smell us then. He'd probably stop breathing as soon as the scent hit him." Edward speculated. I was impressed, there might just be hope for him yet.
"Good thinking Eddie! I think I'm starting to rub off on you..." I teased as I threw my arm around his neck, rubbing my fist into his hair.
"Emmett, get your hands off of me." He growled as he thrashed to escape.
"Come on, he should be here any minute, you listen for his thoughts, and when he's close, we'll jump out and flash him the moon." I said gleefully. Edward rolled his eyes as we headed toward the foul smelling building.
When we opened the door, I think the condition of the interior was even more foul then the scent. "Does no one clean this place?" I shuddered as I looked around to see toilet paper strewn across the floor, the toilets were unflushed and there were wet puddles of what I could only assume was urine all along the wall. "Human are so disgusting." I mumbled as I folded my arms across my chest to avoid touching anything. Edward stood in the center of the small room, refusing to come in contact with a single surface, for fear of bringing some horrible germ home to his dear Bella.
It was probably only a few minutes, but when you are trapped in a cramped, smelly, disgusting place, very second feels like a decade, until I saw Edward's face change.
"Do you hear him?" I asked with a hint of excitement in my voice. Edward nodded his head. "Is he close yet?"
"No, he's just starting to come up the hill." Edward said quietly.
I immediately started to undo my belt. Edward's eyes got huge. "Gotta get ready to drop them Eddie." I teased as I gave him a small punch in the shoulder, which made him fall back onto the putrid sink.
"Emmett, yuck." Edward jumped away from the sink, his face crinkled in disgust. Grudgingly, he started to loosen his belt also, if for no other reason than to get out of this bathroom.
We stood there in filth, our belts loosened, and flies open while we waited to attack. Edward gave me a nod and I opened the door wide, so when Jasper walked past, we could jump out and flash him. I heard his footsteps approaching and pulled Edward toward the door. "Get ready" I mouthed silently to him. He gripped the waistband of his pants and got ready to pounce.
"GO" I shouted and we ran onto the path and dropped our pants. I heard Jasper let out a scream and began laughing my head off.
"Emmet you are the biggest moron!" Jasper began shouting at me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward panicking to get his pants back up. I looked over my shoulder and saw a female bike cop coming to a stop behind a horrified Jasper.
"Uh- oh..." I mumbled as I quickly refastened my belt. Jasper giggled, I'm sure feeling the fury of the officer behind him.
She looked at Jasper and said "Sir, what is going on here?" as she climbed off of her bike and waked toward us. Edward was shaking his head grimly.
Jasper looked at me and grinned evilly "Officer, I was simply walking up the path to feed the ducks and these two...gentlemen jumped out of the restroom with their pants down." He said innocently as he showed the officer his bag of bread he had to feed the ducks.
The officer eyed us cautiously as her hand moved to the radio on her shoulder. "Bill, I need some backup here by the pond, we have some flashers. We need to take in for public indecency."
"You are dead Emmett" I heard Edward hiss, but I refused to look at him, I knew the rage in his eyes was nothing compared to what I was going to face when I got home to Rosalie.
Under arrest Jasper
We had been at the ridiculous sports bar the entire afternoon, Emmett kept making bet after bet with me. I believed we had money wagered on any game, horse race or swim meet in the United States. Edward spent the afternoon laughing at us and being happy that he was smart enough to not get involved in the wagering.
Currently, Emmett owed me 200 dollars and was desperate to win it back, I knew he was going to push the issue, he didn't like to lose.
"Come on Jasper what are you chicken?" Emmett taunted me from across the table. "It's just a friendly bet."
"I don't want to bet on a wrestling match Emmett, it is such and uncivilized 'sport' if you can even call it that..." How he could consider professional wrestling an actual sport is beyond me. Everything was choreographed form the second they stepped into the ring. But Emmett insisted it was all real, I called it his male soap opera.
"Fine, you pick the sport, we'll bet on it. Ladies choice." He sneered at me, trying to entice me into a fight, however I was the bigger man, and I refused to stoop to his level.
"Emmett for the last time, I am not going to bet on any more events, lets go home." I stood up and took my jacket off the back of my chair to show him I was done. Edward was already walking away from the table and heading for the car. Emmett stood up and started mumbling to himself while his back was to me.
"Now I know why the south lost... they were all chickens!"
As soon as the words left his lips, I reacted. I leapt onto his back and started hitting him as he fell to the floor. I was shocked however, when instead of fighting back, Emmett crumbled into a heap on the floor, covered his head and started squealing like a girl. "Don't hurt me, please stop, don't hit me... please stop!"
A crowd started to gather around us and I felt a few arms wrap around me, pulling me off of Emmett. I was so stunned by Emmett's reaction that I let them drag me over to a chair. I looked around and saw a table had toppled over in my rage, not to mention two broken chairs. A number of people were huddled around Emmett checking him for injuries.
"He just came out of nowhere..." I heard him say to one of the men examining him. I looked over my shoulder and saw Edward, near the door, laughing.
"Uh- oh" I said out loud, as I realized, it was all a set up.
The police siren wailed outside the bar. I looked over at Emmett who was now smiling, and heard him say at vampire speed "Pay back's a bitch Jazz!"
Just then, I heard my cell phone beep... 10 missed calls, all from Alice.