Here's chapter 4. Again no idea where this is going the plan for each chapter has gone mumbles stupid computer losing things on me


General Hammond was eagerly awaiting any news that would come through the Stargate regarding SG-1 or SG-4 in reality it wasn't that long but to him it felt like a life time. He new he wasn't supposed to have favourites that every member of this base was to be liked and disliked on the same level but there was something about SG-1 that made him like them more than workmates more like family. He was pretending to do some paper work that anyone who comes into his office often would know that it wasn't done correctly.

"Off world activation," Walter called over the microphone George had descended down the stairs at a faster rate than usual.

"It's SG-1's IDC code sir." Walter said Hammond walked to the end of the Stargate ramp to see Carter leaning on Teal'c in a semi hug and Jack holding her upright by the scruff of her shirt.

"Colonel O'Neill what in blazes is going on?" Hammond asked Carter then started to laugh before she could say anything West and Daniel went to cover Sam's mouth in haste.

"Sam what was the deal?" Daniel asked Sam rolled her eyes and closed her mouth West removed his hand only to have Sam poke her tongue out at them.

"Uh we found the people on P3X-hell hole didn't allow unmarried women to be walking the streets with out her husband or male blood relation walking with her so after having to do several tests Carter seems to somehow got drunk on water." Jack replied Hammond was trying to remain focused on Jack but seeing Sam laugh and unsuccessfully sliding to the floor as Teal'c was holding her upright he was losing the battle fast.

"Take Major Carter and yourselves to the infirmary, debrief in 2 hours." Hammond replied hoping that was enough time for Sam to get past tipsy though seeing her guided by both teams he thinks the debriefing may be post poned till the next day, around dinner time.


Janet was stock taking her medicine cabinet when she heard Jack yell "Fer cryin' out loud—Carter stand up!" Janet walked past her staff to see Sam on the floor leaning against the wall with her knees up and head down all Janet could see was her shoulders shaking walking up to Daniel she went into friend mode.

"Daniel is Sam alright?"

"Oh Janet hi, umm yeah she's not crying well not tearfully crying she's umm…laughing." Daniel replied

"Laughing about what?" Janet asked only to see Lt. Hailey and Maj. Hallows step apart from each other.

"Long story we need Sam to sober up in 1 hour 30 minutes." Daniel replied

"We have a debriefing two-hours after we got through the gate…its taken us all 30 minutes to get Sam this far…anything and everything sends her into 'giggle mode'" Daniel replied Jack took one look at Carter before getting Teal'c to pick her up and set her on the nearest bed.

"Oh that was too fast." Sam replied holding her head.

"Ok she's getting passed the happy stage." West replied Janet's newest nurse came up with a bucket and placed it next to Sam.

"Ok how did Sam get drunk?" Janet asked Jack and Daniel both started to talk about the planet.

"Then Daniel goes and tells Carter "Oh its water from God nothing to worry about."

"God Jack I apologized to Sam who laughed it off, I made one simple miss translation and it's the end of the world." Daniel said Janet who was writing down the tests to run asked

"What was the translation supposed to have been?"

"Water OF god, alcohol if I new that I would have told Sam but I had to translate for everyone and listen to the Pastor and Judge…translators have been getting things wrong for years Jack lay off me." Daniel pleaded; Janet took blood samples and set her up an IV of fluids and vitamin B to help lessen the likely hood of a hang over. Unfortunately only time will be able to sober her up, for the moment she was sleeping it off though Teal'c was looming over her watching to make sure she doesn't run off.

"Well all Sam needs now is time, lets get you all through your post-mission examination so you can get ready to talk to General Hammond." Janet replied the post-op examinations didn't take long as all the nurses helped with the large crowd, Janet was asking Daniel if he ingested any of God's water to get a half hearted glare.

"No only Sam was told to drink something we were all given tasks." Daniel then described the tasks to Janet who laughed when Jack had to show compassion.

"That is a hard task to ask anyone to do, compassion can be anything from talking to someone to doing their chores…what would have happened if one of you didn't complete the task?" Janet asked

"Oh we would be sent to more punishment, I don't know what the punishment would have been but I'm glad I didn't find out." Daniel replied.

"Ok your free to go, if you do feel strange or abnormal then come back." Janet said as Daniel got off the bed.

"Thanks Janet…See you later." Daniel said as he followed Jack to the showers they left Sam behind who was sleeping under a blanket, the nurse just then inserting the IV to Sam.

Debriefing room

Hammond was waiting for everyone to come to the briefing sitting in his chair he saw all of SG-4 and SG-1 minus Carter come in and sit down.

"Ok SG-1 why don't you start telling me why I have a drunk major in the infirmary." Hammond suggested, Jack cleared his throat and began the debriefing.


Janet heard Sam giggling and looked behind her to see Sam curled up in a ball on her side looking at Janet.

"Ah you're awake earlier than I thought. How do you feel?" Janet asked Sam started to laugh.

"I feel fine Janet why am I in the infirmary? I could leap tall buildings in a single bound." Sam replied then started to sing the Superman theme.

"Sam. Listen you need to be quiet there are sick people in here who need their rest." Sam stopped singing looked around then drunkenly whispered.

"Oops sorry, your right. Sorry guys." Sam yelled at the end only to be rewarded by a glare from Janet.

"What? I had to apologize." Sam replied with a grin.

"You haven't been drinking you should be sobering up." Janet muttered to herself.

"I'm drunk? On base great April fools joke Janet. See if I sit up like I am now I can prove to you I am sober." Sam said Janet then lifted her so she was in the upright position not laying on her back.

"Why'd you do that for?" Sam asked

"Now you are sitting upright." Janet said with half a smirk, Sam looked around her to see

"Oh, well here let me touch me nose." Sam said Janet was worried Sam's hands were shaking and it took several attempts to touch her nose with her finger still on her nose she looked triumphantly at Janet

"See Sober." She said as she got off the bed and fell on the floor.

"Hmm Janet? Your floors nice and clean." Sam said before going into hysterical laughter.

"I can see my face it's a pretty face." Sam said Janet with the help of one of the make doctors got Sam back on the bed she was swaying side to side back to front looking at anything nothing could hold her attention.

"Ah Carter you're awake." Jack said walking through the infirmary doors.

"Ah my buds," she went back to looking at Janet "Their my buds, they are my fam-family, I love them" Sam replied Jack and the rest of SG-1 looked taken back including Teal'c Sam laughed behind her hand and said loud enough for everyone to hear but acted like it was only for Janet to hear

"I think I em-embar—embarrasmented them." Sam replied with a grin

"Ok Carter why don't you go to bed and sleep?" Jack suggested

"Jack, you know why I love you?" Sam asked

"Sleep Carter" Jack replied

"Because you treat me like an equal none of this 'you're a female you do woman's work' you allow me to do men's work" Sam said Janet was hoping no one else was able to hear the conversation but looking around only the minimum staff was working and Sam was the only patient in the room. When it looked like Sam had gone back to sleep Janet motioned them to follow her but Daniel stayed with Sam.

"Janet what was that about?" Jack asked Janet shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know after you left and the IV went in she started to laugh and become drunk it took her 3 minutes to be able to touch her nose." Janet replied

"Ouch, glad she wasn't pulled over." Jack replied earning a glare from Janet.

"Major Carter became more intoxicated when ever she had liquid could this be a cause?" Teal'c asked

"99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer shoot one down turn it around 98 bottles of beer on the wall. Come on Daniel you know the words." Sam said jumping up and down while sitting on the bed

"Err I don't think you should be jumping there Sam." Daniel replied.

"Lets try removing the saline drip for a while see how she goes." Janet replied Janet, Teal'c and Jack walked to Sam where Janet removed the IV line.

"Yay I can go?" Sam asked

"Not yet, but if you are hungry you can go as far as the cafeteria to get something to eat…if you need to come back for any reason—do so." Janet said to Sam but leant over to Jack and Teal'c "If you feel she needs to come back bring her. Do not take her anywhere but the cafeteria." Janet replied

"No gizmo's can do doc." Jack replied with a grin

"Indeed" Teal'c acknowledged bowing slightly.


Sam was playing with her blue jello before eating it, Daniel noticed that she was not the hyped up bouncy drunk she was but since sitting down became quite emotional.

"I can't believe I can't go do my work, Daniel I feel fine." Sam said Daniel wished Jack and Teal'c would hurry up it looked like Sam was going to cry all over him.

"Sam it's ok you can do your work tomorrow, Hammond allowed us to have today as an R&R after the mission to 'unwind' as he put it." Daniel made up hoping Hammond wasn't going to be angry at Daniel for putting words in his mouth.

"Oh that doesn't sound like him…why can't I go to my lab? I won't make a fuss—he won't even know I'm there." Sam said oh no the tears are falling JACK WHERE ARE YOU Daniel thought to himself.

"Hey Carter you being a pain to Daniel?" Jack teased

"Sir, please tell Daniel I can go to my lab…make it an order." Sam asked with tears welling

"Ah but carter if you go to your lab what will we do all day?" Jack asked as a way of distracting her. This was not the reaction Sam was after and burst into tears in the cafeteria thankfully it was only nine at night so only cleaning/cooking staff and one or two personnel were witnesses.

"Ok let's get you out of here and cleaned up." Jack replied while Sam was crying they led her to the infirmary

"Oh Do-oc we have a surprise for you." Jack called Janet came in and saw the state Sam was in.

"Sam what's wrong?" Janet asked

"They won't…let me in my lab…I want to go." Sam cried

"Ok sit here and we can talk about it I'll get the ice cream ok?" Janet asked

"OK the liquids not what's making her drunk." Daniel replied

"Actually the alcohol Sam drank is not like normal Earth alcohol this stay in the system the more you eat or drink the more pickled you get." Janet replied

"So what your saying is…?" Daniel prompted her

"We need to stave out the organism and hope that works." Janet replied

"Could we not consult the Tok'ra perhaps they can be of assistance?" Teal'c asked

"Oh that would go well 'Hi Jacob how are you? Oh were good except we got your daughter so drunk we need your help.' That would go by so well." Jack replied sarcastically

"Sir, Teal'c does have a point…maybe we can get their help?" Janet asked

"We'll try the starvation for a day then try them." Jack decided everyone looked at Sam who had fallen asleep again and hoped that it would work.

Next Day

Jack was bored, they decided the best way for Carter not to eat or drink was to go to her lab and look at something new thankfully SG-5 bought in a doo-hickey two days ago and Carter could look at it. She had stopped talking to Jack 2 hours ago, Daniel was catching up on sleep after chasing Sam down the halls all night and Teal'c was teaching sparring lessons to the new recruits. Jack was spinning on Sam's spare office chair when Jacob walked through the door with the "You did what to my daughter look" Jack followed Jacob outside

"Now what is this I hear about you getting Sammy drunk?" Jacob asked in a cold voice that sent more fear down the spine than yelling ever could. Jack gulped and wished Daniel was there.


Leaving this chapter here. Sam's drunkenness was based on one of my friends I have never been drunk (if you can't remember it and there is no video evidence it doesn't exist ;P) please R&R.