Hi guys.

So I think the last chapter was kinda bad, but it was because I had NO ideas, so I was trying to keep it going as best I could. Sorry.

Thanks: Kateg123, Lutherian, Souless-tears, doctor-who-mad-gal, timelady1210 and Lyra The Badwolf for reviewing.

Muahahahahaha... New chapter.

Guillemots-Last Kiss.

Listen to it, and watch it's video. BRILLIANT.

"WHERE IS JACK!" Gwen screamed.

"Did I ever tell you how lovely you sound when you're angry?" I asked.

"Shut it, I will kill you!" She snapped.

She needs a counsellor.

"Tell us now!" Someone yelled from behind me, poking their gun at my head.

"He is... Somewhere" I said.


"OUCH!" I yelled, wriggling on the spot "NO NEED TO SLAP ME!"


"I DON'T KNOW!" I shouted "I'M NOT A HUMAN MAP!"

I'm not even human.


"What's the point?!" I said "I just said something, and you totally ignored me!"

"Because what you told us was crap!" Tosh said.

Wow... She swore.

This has to be serious then.

In a serious situation, a boy has to become a man.

"WHAT'S THAT?!" I said, looking up into the sky.

"What?!" They all looked up.

"ME RUNNING!" I laughed, sprinting forward (which is rather tricky when your hands are tied behind your back) "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"What was he looking at?" I turned around.

The idiots are all still there! Staring up at the sky, with their guns still pointing at where I was.

"FOOLS!" I yelled, running off.

"SHOOT HIM!" Gwen yelled.


"Okay, okay!" I said, stopping, "There's really no need for that!"

I walked back to them...

I would have gotten away, if it wasn't for the meddling twats.

Gwen muttered something about gun not really being loaded, and grabbed onto my arm.

"We have a deal for you" She said, suddenly calm (it's scaring me) "Jack's gone, and we have a great big shitty mess to deal with..."

Oh God, I can see where this is going...

"So, I want you to..." Gwen paused.

"No need to explain, I understand" I said, smiling at her.

Gwen looked shocked, "You do?"

"It's okay" I said.

There are times when a man must be understanding.

"Because it's just been so hard, and I don't know what to do" Gwen sniffed "All we want, just once is for you to..."

"You want me to sleep with you" I said, nodding.


I knew she fancied me.

"I get the condoms, you find the lingerie" I said.



"What?" I said, staring at her "So... You didn't want to sleep with me?"


I choked...

A girl... Knocked me back...

I might as well commit suicide now.


"I have a husband!" Gwen snapped.

"Well he can join in if he wants!" I reasoned "It's all the same to me, I mean-"


"OUCH!" I yelled again "STOP HITTING ME!"

"All we want" Gwen was suddenly calm again (split personalities?) "Is for you to work for us, just for a week, until we find Jack"


This feels good.

Must savour the moment, the feeling that I can do good, save the world, be the hero... is overwhelming...

"No fucking way" I said "Now release me from these oh-so-kinky bonds"

"Sorry, it's either a date with the weevil, or you work for us"

The weevil isn't that bad looking.

"Weevil! Weevil!" I said, jumping up and down.

Gwen looked at the others "This isn't what was meant to happen" She muttered.

Owen stomped forwards (sometimes he reminds me of a troll) "You're working for us, because the weevil will eat you"

"Yes Sir" I muttered.


"Right, you start monday..." He said, taking the cuffs off of my hands.


"So... You expect me to feed the weevils?" I asked Ianto.


"Whilst you guys go out and do your James Bond thing?"


I hate this man.

"And then you expect me to clean out their cages?"


Curse his good looks.


There is no such thing as a fun job.

Trust me when I say that.

"Now all you need to do, is put all the bits of the body, into the bag" Owen said, stifling laughter.

"OH MY GOD!" I yelled "What the fuck is that?!"

"I believe that is a part of his brain" Owen smiled.

Arrogant fool.


"So there I was, with an alien in front of me, and JUST as the lady was going to die, I killed it with a mere swoop of my sword" I said proudly.

"You were the lady going to die" Gwen said "And it was a bee that was going to 'kill' you"

"So?" I said.

"Go play with the Pterodactyl" She snapped.


"When do I get to leave?" I asked Tosh.

"Never" She said.


"Because you spilt coffee on my computer!" She yelled, throwing a mug at me.

I KNEW she'd bring that up!


"Whistle as we work!" I smiled, Gwen muttered something under her breath "What?" I said "I can't help it if the weevils have a cold!"

"Yes you can"Owen said "You didn't have to sneeze on them"

"I HAVE HAY FEVER!" I yelled.

"WHEN?" Gwen cried into the air "When will Jack be back?!"

"Hey that rhymes!" I laughed "We could make a song!"

"I will shoot you"

Please R&R.

I wanted to show that John could work, and in the next chapter, I'm gonna bring Jack back (that still cracks me up.)

Jack is Back.

Back again.

Jack is back

Jack is back

Jack is back

Harkness is markless (couldn't find anything that rhymes)

Jack is back (back, back)

Gwen says when.

Owen says ten

Tosh says... Mosh!

Ianto says... Ganto?