225Disclaimer: I own Naruto! I finally called Kishimoto-san and he's given it over to me but only when pigs can fly and when hell freezes over! Itachi: My dear, pigs will never fly and hell will never freeze over…Me: Aw, dang! And I thought it was for real! Guess I don't own Naruto then!
Author's Note: I wanted to update sooner but I got caught up in a couple of things. It took me a while to get around this chapter too. I wanted to fit in a lot of things in this chappy! The thing is I already got my results! Whoopee! I wanted to update on Monday but I didn't finish typing yet so…Anyway, drop me some sugah and all the love I deserve cause guess what people? I got 5 As! It's more than I could ever dream of! I'm beyond happy! So give me sugah, lots of 'em!
A bright blue sky was stretched across the horizon. Birds were flying in that vast blue sky and a slight wind was blowing too. It hasn't rained for so long but it hasn't been too hot this past few days. When would it rain, I wonder? Maybe with the rain washing down on earth, I'd be able to get my sins washed away too.
I cannot remember what I have done wrong but surely I have done something. Surely all this confusion and pain I feel is the result of my sins. Emptiness is what I feel…Like a walking empty coffin, hollow inside.
My thoughts were interrupted by the chiming of our grandfather clock. I glanced at it, snatch up my books and ran up the stairs.
"Naruto?" I heard mother's voice calling after me from the kitchen. Pausing on the steps, I felt a sudden fear crawl up my spine.
"Y-Yes, mother?" I asked slowly, stumbling on the words. Hopefully she wasn't going to tell me to go on studying. I had already completed revising chapters and chapters of history and geography by four hours. Four hours was our agreement. It was written on my timetable, the one we both sat down and took an hour to make.
"Have you finished studying?" she cried.
"Yes, mother."
"Good. I'm making some apple pie tonight" she said as she walked out of the kitchen and looked at me.
"We can have it with some vanilla ice cream tonight, okay?"
I smiled at her. She knew how much I loved her pies and that I loved them almost as much as I loved ramen.
"Yeah, that would be good, mother…"
Mother beamed up at me. Her hand was clutching a slender wine glass and she wiped it gently and carefully with a clean white towel.
"If you want, you can go out for a walk in the garden and bring along a snack in case you get hungry," she suggested.
"I'll make some sandwiches for you."
I didn't say anything, just nodded.
Racing up the stairs, I trudged into my room and looked for the romance novel I had bought a week ago at The Red Kanji. 'Icha Icha Paradise' it was called and I had only read the first few chapters but already I was hooked. I couldn't stop reading it. For hours I'd finger through the pages and delve deep into this new romantic world that seemed so far away from the real world. It was like holding a new universe in the palm of your hand and throwing yourself head first into it. I wanted Icha Icha Paradise to take me away and sweep me into another realm that was just an all romance whirlwind.
The words were simple, easily understood. In fact, I didn't care about the grammar or its literature, the story was what made me so eager to find out more. The characters and the events taking place was what truly made me see stars. Such realistic people, it was difficult to believe they were only fiction. When I read Icha Icha I did not feel the jewels in my mouth like I usually do when I read great literature. What I felt was excitement and curiosity.
Junko, the heroine was so unlike me, I felt a deep twinge of envy for her. She was a woman who embraced her beauty and intelligence. Confident enough to believe she could maneuver every single suitor that came her way she wasn't at all prepared for the hero of the book; Kyo. Kyo was so…different is a good word to describe him. He wasn't like any other human being in the world. Kyo was described as a dangerously handsome shinobi who was determined to get to Junko in order to assassinate Junko's father who was an important daimyo. He was so cool, calm and collected I found that I favored him more than I did Junko whenever the two engaged in a little spat.
Well, the world of Icha Icha was far more interesting than my own world and if I was given a chance I'd trade places any time. I had to be realistic though and face the facts. I was still living in the real world and in the real world I am not about to get my feet swept off by a gorgeous shinobi and fall in love.
Getting on all fours, I looked down under my bed past all the shoe boxes filled with useless trinkets. I pushed some boxes out of the way and saw the orange book jacket, made a grab at it and pulled it out successfully. I kept it under the bed because I didn't want mother to "accidentally" read it. The novel hasn't included anything inappropriate so far but it did have an 18 and above label on the back so I wasn't so secure about letting mother come across it. When I got it home that day after going down to The Red Kanji I had it wrapped in an orange wrapping paper just so mother wouldn't get interested in it.
I grabbed my orange breaker and went downstairs again to put my sneakers on.
Lacing up the shoe laces and tying them to a secure bow, I looked up to see mother grinning at me with a hand extended, holding out a brown paper bag.
Taking the bag, I gave her a quick kiss on each cheek. I wasn't in my jutsu form yet so I was still shorter than her and I had to get on the tips of my toes so I could reach her. Mother doesn't put the jutsu on me when I'm going to hang around the house. I think she feels that people won't discover about my real gender when I'm just around my own house. Nobody comes here and I think no one will. Hopefully…
Of course when I stretched to her, mother pretended not to notice. Like I said, everything that has to do with me being a girl is cast aside and I'm very used to it.
"Thanks, mother," I yelled over my shoulder. I was already going through the door.
"Be back before dinner, Naruto!" I heard her call but the door was already shut and I couldn't even hear her properly.
Jogging slowly to the back of our house, I watched out of the corner of my eye what was going on in the little cottage next door to us.
I saw a young woman, not much older than I stumble into the little cottage with an armful of boxes.
She seemed to be cursing when the wind suddenly picked up and made her hair blow in her face. At this, I couldn't help but slowing myself down to a walk. The girl, I noticed, had soft bubble gum pink hair. Pink hair! I'd never seen anyone with pink hair before! It made me feel like I had to go up to her and eat her hair. The pinkness reminded me so much of cotton candy…I licked my lips and kept on walking, this time I kept my eyes away from her.
I didn't want her to see me staring at her. I didn't want her to suddenly notice me and wave her hand at me like the last person who lived there did. The man had waved at me and even called out to me but I left him completely ignored. My secrets are to be kept hidden, under lock and key for the rest of my life and I didn't want to get close to anyone and have them find out about what I really was. My whole world would collapse if they did. Everything I've ever had that was real would be ripped out of my arms and taken away from me forever. People, I imagine, would be angry and who knows what human beings can do when they are angry. Things that they do not understand they fear and that fear would morph into hate. In their anger they might light up torches, set our house on fire and send mother to an asylum. Who knows what they'd do to me…Beat me maybe or worse rape me…
No way was I ever going to let anyone find out our secret. So to avoid spilling out the skeletons I have in my closet, I keep away from people, especially the ones who have the potential to become close to me and neighbors was just that. It's okay if I was friends with people like because he lives far away and the possibilities of him finding me naked in my shower are like completely zero. But with neighbors and especially nosy ones they would get up to all kinds of nonsense and they also had better chances of getting to know me. So generally I behave like a very rude and hostile person when they try to talk to me. I will label the neighbors as 'nosy neighbors' and they will label me as 'the stuck up brat and his prissy mother' which is fine to me just as long as they didn't come poking about to spy on us or something equally dangerous. That would be like judgment day for me if it ever happened and I think I would have a heart attack and die. Some secrets are bound to be discovered and when they are sometimes it is for the better but no matter how I look at it I know I just cannot afford anyone finding our secret. This whole thing would ruin my life and mother's life too if it did come out in the open.
At night in my sleep sometimes I dream about people finding out our secret. One of them included me in a bathtub, bathing and washing my naked body and suddenly the bathroom door bursts open and a stream of people with cameras in their hands barge in and start photographing my naked form yelling "Why're you a girl?", "Why do you have boobs?", "What have you got to hide from?". I would just stare at them stupidly with my mouth hanging open and not bothering at all to try to cover up my body.
My other dream was different and even more frightening. This time I wasn't exposed to a crowd of crazy photographers; I would reveal my secret myself! I dreamt I was at this strip club and I was in nothing but bra and panties dancing and swaying my hips seductively at ugly old perverts with body odor. My breasts would be jutting out and bouncing as I moved vigorously to the sleazy music and all these old men would keep cheering for me. Amongst the crowd of men I would see mother looking fiercely at me. She would tell me that I really was a whore and slut, a cheap woman that was just useless. I'd scream at her and tell her that she was wrong but it would only get worse because this man would come up and start squeezing my large breasts.
Contrary to mother's belief, my chest did not stop growing; it grew instead. And boy did it grow. My breasts are now quite big as I can fill them with my hands and even then they are still spilling out. It hurts like hell when I have to put on the corset but I bear with it. My whole body went through a process and I think if people saw what I really looked like they wouldn't think I was a boy at all. And this really makes me feel so much fear that I just get nightmares all the time. One day, I couldn't help feeling that if I wasn't so careful, someone will find out my secret. I just wish that would never happen though.
Walking past a clump of nettles I walked briskly to the back of our house. There's a forest behind our house and I heard somewhere that most of it belongs to the Nara family. The Nara family were said to be a family of shinobis, not powerful ones but reliable ones. During the time the topic came out, I asked mother if she knew the Naras and she said she did. When I asked her what they were like she only muttered something about them being lazy sloths all the time. I dropped the subject immediately.
The forest is big but the little part behind our house belongs to us and I go there quite often after my studies. There is something magical in that big shady place of gigantic leafy green trees. I would listen to a babbling brook and all the other noises that the animals and birds would make. They painted a sweet picture of serenity and peace. When I visited this place I felt all my troubles would fly out the window.
My thoughts stopped when I saw a doe chewing on a patch of grass. It looked up at me with its large black eyes and its ears tweaking. When I didn't make a move it went back to eating.
I sighed in content, my eyes taking in every detail of this place, my favorite spot of the forest. I loved everything here; the woodsy earthy smell, the sweet songs of nature, the steady flow of water at the brook nearby all of which enchanted me. From the first time I came here with mother, I fell under its spell. I think I love it here more than I love my house. At least this place makes me forget who I am. My house only reminds me.
Squatting down on one of the large rocks at the side of the brook, I tentatively flip through the pages of Icha Icha Paradise until I got to the page where my bookmark was stuck at. I took the bookmark out and placed in my jeans pocket. Inhaling deeply, I began reading eagerly, every world falling down my mouth in a raspy whisper.
It was only after a few minutes that I felt my heart start going pitter patter like a rabbit ensnared in a trap. Oh god! What was Kyo doing to Junko?
Kyo's whole body shook with the force of some inner battle.
Looking down at Junko, he groaned.
Suddenly his mouth came down on hers. It was a bruising kiss, thick with the taste of sake and mindless desire. His arms slipped about her waist, locking her to him, holding her helpless. She struggled and made a frightened sound of protest, deep in her throat but he only kissed her harder, held onto her tighter until her feet left the floor and she was suspended against the hard length of his body.
He began trailing a path down her neck, nuzzling and nipping.
"Don't" she rasped, twisting in his arms, trying to escape his questing mouth.
"Kyo, don't." There were tears in her eyes now.
"I didn't mean what I said. I'm sorry. I do know how important our agreement is. I won't break it again…" but Kyo silenced her by pushing her down on the bed, pinning her with his weight before she could scramble away. He used whisper sweet words to tell her of the most erotic things he was going to do to her, the places he would touch, the places he would kiss. He lavished attention on her body, ignoring her protests, pleas and tears. His palm found her breast, feathered over the nipple before giving it a light squeeze.
Junko groaned and buried her face in his hair, inhaling the fragrance, her mind reeling at the sensations he was inflicting on her body. She knew her resolve was breaking and what was more she wanted it too. She wanted to feel his skin on hers, the feel of his lips on her neck, his fingers in places she'd never been touched. Junko wanted all that and more, her own desire was making her insane and she needed the release he sought. So when she kissed him, Kyo responded passionately, happy that all the fight had left her.
He reached a sly hand across her ribs, past the curve of her waist, lower….
My breath caught when I looked up at the voice calling me. My blue eyes met with bright green ones and realized it wasn't mother I was looking at; it was the neighbor with pink hair. She was standing right in front of me, her head bent over so that she was at eye level with me and she was smiling.
I glared at her furiously when I realized she was on our land; our property. I didn't care if my cheeks were still red from my earlier readings. I got even angrier when I realized that she had also disturbed my reading. My blue eyes blazed at her with an intense fire.
"Hey, now kid," she said cheerfully, "Don't be like that, I only wanted to get to know you, you know. See if we can be friends."
"What are you doing here?" I cried out, "Do you know that this is our property and I could shoot you for trespassing? Get out! Get out! Get off our land!"
The pink haired girl only laughed at me. Apparently, she thought I was being so funny. This made me feel an irresistible urge to slap her face.
"Aw, come on, kid," she laughed softly and I fumed at the stupid word she used on me. How dare this pink haired flamingo call me a kid when she was barely out of her teens herself? I gritted my teeth. What gave her the right to call me a kid when she was only a few years older than I was?
"I only wanta be friends with ya!" she continued, "I was feeling all bored arranging my stuff and I thought I'd go out for some company. Surely you can spend some time with your new friend?"
"Get off our land, you hag!" I yelled at her, jumping off the rock and snapping my book shut.
"I don't want to be friends with stupid superficial girls like you! Mother says you're all sluts!"
The girl's eyes lost all her mirth and she narrowed them instead.
"What did you call me, gaki?" she hissed. She lunged at me, her hands held up like claws and her short pink hair streaming backwards.
She disappeared in a flash before my eyes and I gasped in surprise. In less than a minute, she had one arm hooked around my neck and the other bashing my head with blinding force.
"Ow, ow, ow!" I cried as I struggled to get out of her grasp but she had me locked in her arm.
"There! How do you like that, huh, you nasty little gaki!?" she screamed furiously and continued bring her fist down on my head.
"Don't you dare mess with Haruno Sakura! I'll kick your butt so hard, you wouldn't be able to walk for a week!"
Choking and gasping, I tried desperately to get out from her vice-like grip.
"Where'd you come off getting such bad attitude on me, anyhow!? You think you can get away talking like that to a lady? Well, there are no such ladies who enjoy being called a hag and slut, I'll have you know!"
"Okay! Okay!" I tried saying through all the hits she was giving me, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
She gave a snort of satisfaction and punched my already throbbing head one more time before loosening her grip to let me squirm away. I glared her when I was a couple of feet away from her. To me, I thought she was the most evil woman on earth! She was more like a monster by the way she beat me up.
"I don't ever want to see your face again, you psycho lady!" I barked at her, "The next time you bring your ugly face here, I swear to god, I'll have the Hokage send in her packs for you before you can say a word!"
She smirked at me; this evil stupid smirk that sent a blazing fire roaring up my spine. Her eyes glinted knowingly. Wait a minute! Knowingly? What the hell did she know about me? More importantly how could she?
I tried to calm my nerves and think logically. Of course this girl couldn't know anything about me. She couldn't have, could she? Suddenly I was overwhelmed with a sense of deep fear.
"You know, I knew you were going to be difficult but I didn't think you were going to be such a jerk," she said haughtily.
I gasped when I heard what she said. How did she know I was going to be a pain to her?
How on earth could she have found out?
Her eyes met mine and I allowed myself to look at her properly this time. Her pink hair was cut into a short spiky kind of bob that reached only above her shoulders and were flared outwards. She was quite pretty actually, in a sweet and cute kind of way. She wasn't gorgeous but attractive. Her arms and legs were lean but quite muscled and I saw that she had on a hitai-ate on her head which she wore like a headband. My jaw dropped when I realized what this pink haired slip of a girl was.
She was a kunoichi! A bloody meddlesome kunoichi!
I realized that this was going to get a lot trickier than I wanted it to. What I really would have wanted to happen was for me to keep being rude to her until she got the idea that I didn't want to have anything to do with her and leave me alone but now that looked unlikely. Aware of the known fact that all shinobis were trained spies and assassins I couldn't help but feel it was going to get worse for me if this girl ever poked her nose in my direction. She might just sniff out my biggest secret if I let her get too close! Heck, she might still try to sniff about even after I chase her way. That might even make her want to do it even more (females were vengeful creatures...)! It's one thing to know that shinobis are born to spy but it is another to know that women were gossiping, nosy, prying little creatures.
A mental picture of Sakura holding me upside down by the ankle flashed in my mind and I shuddered to think if she was going to present me as a girl in front of the whole village like the way one of those creepy fishermen would if they thought they'd caught a big enough fish.
Whatever it was, I knew having Sakura here trying to poke and pry was a bad idea. She had to leave; now!
"Okay, look," I started anxiously, "I don't care how you found out that I was going to chase you away but I don't care and I don't want to know. All I want is for you to leave right now!"
Crossing my arms over my flat chest (I was wearing my corset), I pinned her with a firm look.
"I don't need any friends and I don't need you so you can leave right now, pinky!"
Sakura groaned and brought her hands up to do a silent plea to the heavens. I heard her whisper something but I couldn't really make out the words.
"Kid, you don't know anything about me but I will tell you this; people like you are going to live a sad and lonely life if you keep up with this kind of attitude," she spoke softly and patiently as if speaking to an infant.
"When I first laid eyes on you in the town streets that day I thought you looked a decent kid, with your hand holding onto your mother's like a sweet boy…Oh, you may not feel all so lonely right now, what with your mother still being young and everything but trust me, when she dies, and believe me kid, she will, who's gonna be with you then, huh?"
She laughed humorlessly when she paused for breath. I only watched this fascinating being with her pink hair waving slightly in the wind; I thought she looked like a magical being. With that pink hair and her twinkling green eyes, she could have made for a pixie of some sort.
Listening to her words had made me feel a pain in my chest and I had felt like running away then sitting there and listen to her lunatic ramblings- except I knew that it wasn't lunacy in her words but wisdom…
"No man is an island, kid. You'd do yourself some good if you got out of that cocoon of yours and meet a few more people," Sakura turned and began to walk away.
"Think about it…"
Heart thumping in my chest, I brought a hand up to it and began rubbing slowly. What she had said affected me more than I thought it should. I guess deep down inside I do know that mother will leave me and then I would live alone. I didn't want to live alone. I didn't think I was capable of living alone.
Moments later, I knew that I should have been relieved, at least for the time being, that she was gone. I wished she would never come back but something told me that that was highly unlikely. She would be back; I was ready to bet that on my life.
That night at dinner, I felt scared enough to cry. I knew the jutsu mother made me go through also works on other shinobis but I still couldn't help feeling afraid.
This kunoichi, my neighbor, would come by and keep following me around until I became her friend. The idea hit me with such force that I finally knew how serious the whole situation was; that my deepest and darkest secret might be discovered. She could find out through various means and ways. She might find out if she just started to spy on me. That was part of her job anyway— to spy on people.
The worse thing about it was that I cannot tell mother about it. My being a girl is a fact we do not discuss, ever! My being a girl is a fact we keep quite among ourselves. Mother and I don't talk about it and I dare not mention anything at all about Sakura.
I chewed on my apple pie numbly. The smell of apple and cinnamon with vanilla ice cream didn't seem to increase my appetite which was very rare. Normally, I would eat like a starved pig but I just didn't feel like it at all due to my earlier encounter with Sakura. Every time my fork went into my mouth I couldn't taste the crumbly pastry and instead tasted saw dust. Poking and playing around with my food made me wish it could all just completely disappear. All I felt like wanting to do was crawl under the table and wait for the ceiling to come crashing down on me and rid me of my existence. Alas, mother would probably go berserk if she saw me scuttle under the dining table like a freak…If I started doing weird things even she would notice.
"Naruto, honey?" she said softly, concern in her eyes and voice, "Are you okay? You're not eating all that much pie and you usually gobble them up."
I smiled at her, trying to look cheerful even though I wasn't. Did I look tired when I smiled? I didn't know but I shook my head anyway.
"I'm fine, mother. I just feel a little tired. Can I skip our night study tonight and rest instead?"
Mother giggled and ruffled my hair.
"Come now, Naruto," she said in a teasing manner, "If I had known better I'd say your trying to wriggle your way out of your studies."
I leaned forward and went face down in my apple pie and ice cream, groaning loudly.
"Alright, alright. I believe you. But you better make it up when tomorrow comes!"
"Thanks, mother…" I mumbled absently in my pie.
I crawled to bed that night with a heavy heart and I wished I would never see tomorrow. If I died in my sleep then so be it. I think I'd rather die than have a kunoichi living next door and always following me about.
If mother ever found out about Sakura…Well, she knew that we had a new neighbor but she didn't know that I had talked with that neighbor.
Pictures and scenarios of my biggest fear kept flying through my mind as I tossed and turned in my bed, struggling for sleep. Cold clammy hands grabbed at the bed sheets as I tried to fight off the horrible images in my head.
Things would happen and I would get separated from mother. I loved her dearly of course but I knew once I'd completed my studies I would leave her anyway but what I feared most right now was that if they took mother away from me then what would happen to me? Surely such scandal would not be tolerated and the villagers would call me a gender bender or cross dresser and burn me at the stake.
Trying to stay positive, I tried to tell myself that there was no way my secret would be out if I stayed careful. Maybe I should keep the corset on even when I'm asleep. I wasn't so sure how I would hide if I was in the bathroom…After all, the only ways Sakura could possibly find out about my real gender would be through only a few ways. She would know about what I was if she spied me when I was sleeping. I don't ever wear the corset when I go to bed. It's far too uncomfortable for me if I didn't. The other ways for her to discover my true gender would be if she saw me bathing and if she saw me changing. Otherwise there really wasn't any way else for her to know the truth.
'Maybe you want her to know the truth…' a voice in my head echoed and I stilled in alarm.
'Yes, why don't you just let her be friends with you, kit…After all, you've got no one else…'
I started breathing heavily, my eyes wide open and I sat on my bed.
"Who are you?" I whispered cautiously, my voice cracking.
'I am the prisoner in you. Your body is naught but my container, my prison. I cannot ask you to free me but perhaps you may at least loosen the bars of my confinement, eh, kit?'
I held my breath in anticipation. A million questions raced through my mind and I wanted to voice them but what I said next surprised me.
"How can I do that?"
The voice rumbled with laughter, a deep fearful voice that sounded like thunder clapping in the sky. I knew immediately that this voice was not my own, that this time it wasn't the me who would fight mother's decisions. This voice belonged to an entirely different creature; one that was beast-like and way more hostile than I could ever be.
'Be friends with that kunoichi. I need someone who is capable of setting me free. Your mother could do it but she wouldn't and I know better than to ask her…' the voice paused as if to be thinking silently.
'And if this kunoichi couldn't set me free, she might at least widen your circle of acquaintances since you barely have any. If she is able to do so then perhaps I might meet someone else with the caliber and might to take on the task at hand.'
I sat there in the darkness, my back straight and pouring with sweat. This fear I felt for this voice, this creature, was for greater than anything I ever felt before.
Something in its deep piercing voice told me it was not of good intent, that it had a bad disposition. That if it wanted to, this creature could hurt people and kill them without blinking.
"Who are you?" I croaked out. I didn't want to sound like a frightened mouse but this whole thing was really freaking me out. I steeled myself for its voice.
Another rumble of laughter, this time louder than the first and it sounded like it was howling.
I shut my eyes at the volume of the voice and only then did I see a pair of red demonic eyes glaring at me evilly. What I saw next was a pair of massive jaws filled with rows and rows of large sharp teeth and fangs. A moment later, I realized I was looking at the face of a fox; a giant and demonic fox.
Its fur was a brick red brown and it was unruly and shaggy, curling through the contours of its large powerful body that stood proudly in front of me, ready to pounce if I so much as made a move he didn't like.
The fox exhaled and two stream of air blew out of his nostrils. I could feel the warm and torrid breath touch my cheeks and my bare neck but I held firm.
"Who are you?" I demanded, sounding even braver than I felt.
"Where am I? What do you want with me?"
The creature looked at me with amusement. Then it threw its head back and howled a laugh so loud, my ears ached form the sounds it made.
Suddenly I was thrown into darkness and I felt myself fall through nothingness, the fox's laughter ringing in my ears…
A/N: Send me some sugah! Winks!