If he had known that Lulu would have ended up making him feel this way he probably never would have stopped and picked her up off the side of the road. He would have just passed her by and never looked back.
Even Johnny knew that was a lie.
He could push her away all he wanted and tell her to go be with the 'safe' guy, but he couldn't deny that he loved how Lulu made him feel. Even when she frustrated the hell out of him. He could make up any excuse to get her to leave him alone and she would just shake her head and stand her ground. She'd never back down to him which only made her appeal to him more.
There had been girls before, sure- but none of them scraped the surface that was Lulu Spencer in any way shape or form. She was her own person; no one in the world was like her. He didn't know if he'd ever find a girl who would willingly use herself as bait to lure out a psychotic, mobster to save some people. He was pretty confident there was only one girl who'd be up to that challenge. Well, maybe Carly Corinthos- Jacks, but she wasn't really his type.
Johnny had known from the moment he shook Lulu's hand and introduced himself that he liked her. There was just something about her that drew you in. He wasn't sure if he could name it or if he even wanted too.
He spent all night talking to her and he didn't regret or forget one second of it. Lulu didn't bore him and when he talked of himself she looked and sounded genuinely interested. If Johnny had known there was anyone out in the world like that he would have gotten out of the prison he called home more often.
Lulu was fiery, demanding, caring, loving, fearless, understanding and breathtakingly beautiful.
So of course she had a boyfriend. And a weird admirer that he could have sworn was on drugs.
Spinelli honestly wasn't all that bad. He was a hell of a lot smarter than he looked and truly cared about Lulu's safe being.
And Logan Hayes?
He was an ass and actually more annoying than Spinelli was. He was selfish and volatile. Not to mention the guy was missing a few screws. Every time he walked into the same room as the guy, he was all over him- in his face, telling him to stay away from Lulu.
Didn't that jackass get it?
He tried like hell to stay away from her, but it never worked. It would never work. He remembered the time at Kelly's before Christmas he had walked in and Hayes had accused him of coming in just to see Lulu.
It was the first time he realized that the guy maybe wasn't as dumb as he looked.
He also remembered Lulu acted like he didn't exist. He couldn't really blame her. If she had acknowledged him there was no doubt in his mind that Logan would have been all over her and accusing her of anything he could think of.
He didn't want that for himself, let alone her.
Johnny really didn't get how Lulu ever got involved with a guy like Hayes. She could do so much better.
That didn't necessarily mean him.
Just because he was the better man didn't mean he was better for Lulu.
He'd probably get her killed. And Johnny wasn't so sure that he could live with that. The perfect example was when he tried to blow Moreau's shipment up and he had quickly discovered that Lulu was onboard.
Never in his life had he held a feeling like that in his heart. He had choked on guilt when he saw her. He could have killed her. And if he had? He wouldn't have minded at all when Corinthos and Morgan came looking for him and decided he needed to be put down.
Johnny hated how she always got in between him and Corinthos. Didn't she get that she was nothing but collateral to them and that she was everything to him? Didn't she understand that he wouldn't know what to do if anything happened to her?
Or maybe she did.
Really, Johnny didn't have a clue and it gave him a massive headache just thinking about the whole damn thing.
Johnny gave a sigh and picked up his pace to Kelly's. She had to be there. Didn't she?
He didn't know why he was going through all of this again. He could battle with his contradicting thoughts over and over and over again and he'd still end up at the same result.
He wanted her.
Screw the consequences.
And that's exactly what he was going to tell her. The ball was going to be in her court and he was going to let her decide.
Did she want the thrill-loving, danger attracting mobster or the hot-headed, temperamental soldier?
Maybe it wasn't fair to put Lulu on the spot or in that position, but he couldn't take it anymore.
He couldn't take being away from her and not knowing if she was okay. He couldn't take that Logan, someone who didn't even appreciate it, got to hold her while her dad was in surgery and let her cry all over his shoulder. Hell, Johnny would be happy just to be able to ask her how her day was going and not receive that 'you're sending me mixed signals again' look.
Johnny deserved that look and he'd be the first to admit it, but he was done with it. He was done with his father and Trevor deciding everything for him. He was making his own decisions whether they liked it or not.
He didn't care if big sis Claudia thought loved killed. He'd much rather take his chances.
Kelly's came into his view and Johnny felt his feet slow and then come to a stop.
There was a good chance she was in there. He hoped she was in there.
If he could just tell her all that was brewing inside of him and how much he wanted to be with her then maybe his heart would get the hell out of his throat and maybe his hands would stop sweating and maybe a million thoughts and hopes would stop racing through his mind.
Maybe he could remember what it was like to be happy.
A/N: I always find Johnny much hard to write, but I hope you enjoyed it still. (: Let me know what you thought- it's always appreciated!