Author: BREATHLESSFAITH

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

A/N: This is an Alternate Reality that takes place after Faith returns to work from having been shot. Faith isn't happy with her life and decides to change it.

I started this story sometime ago. So you will probably get at least two chapters a day until you're caught up to where I am now.

ENJOY

WHEN DID HE 1 of ?

I'm standing outside Emily's closed bedroom door. Folded laundry in my arms. She and her friends are giggling. How nice that sounds. She doesn't do much of that any more, neither does Charlie.

Hell neither do I or Fred. All we do is yell or snap at each other. If it wasn't for Emily and Charlie I swear I wouldn't ever walk back through that door.

I can't stand to look at Fred any more. It's only gotten worse since I've been back on the job. I had to go back. It's who I am. I'm so tired of not being me.

"Your mom's partner is hot Emily. Makes me wanna be a cop. Well only if I got a partner that looks like hers."

"Well I don't know. He's just Bosco. I guess he's okay looking." I hear Emily reply.

"Emily! Girl! OPEN YOUR EYES! That is way more than okay looking."

"Yeah Emily. I gotta agree. If I was your mom I'd be all over him every day. No offense to your dad mind you."

"That's enough. I've seen a couple of Bosco's girlfriends. I promise you he'd never go for my mom. She just isn't well...she's not even close to being hot like they are. Now can we move on to something else?" Emily asked.

I waited another minute then I knocked on the door handing Emily the clean clothes. I told them to have fun and that I was leaving for work in ten minutes.

Half an hour later I was tying my shoes, when Bosco came bursting into the locker room. Stripping off his clothes as headed towards his locker.

Sully and Ty left, as he rushed in leaving the two of us alone. Not that I think, he even knew I was there.

We're far from the partners we used to be. We talk and I don't worry that he'll watch my back. I'm sure he doesn't worry that I have his. But the whole Cruz thing damaged us. I almost think if it wasn't a matter of my enormous pride. I'd transfer.

Emily and her friend's words rush back to me.

Being here alone well...it gave me an opportunity to look at him. Look at him I did. I've always known Bosco was good looking.

"When did he get so damned handsome?"

You'd have to be blind not to notice. I'm not that sure, even that would work on 99.9 of the women in the world. Sexiness just oozed from him.

I suddenly realize he's about to drop his pants and I quickly look back down at my shoes.

When the hell did my hands start to shake? An image of a naked Fred pops into my head and the shaking stops toot-sweet.

It's in that moment I decided, I hear one more cross word from Fred and that's it I'm gone!

I stand up nod at Bosco on my way out the door to roll call.

In the time it took me to come in here and sit down I've decided, I don't care if Fred does say a cross word or not. I'm done being miserable. I'm done having my kids be miserable.

I have to find someone who will appreciate me.

Well first maybe I'll shop around. God knows I will be forever grateful to Fred for Emily and Charlie. But I should have shopped around for a better model husband.

Maybe that's what Bosco's doing. Shopping around for a wife. Only thing with Bosco is he found out he likes the shopping and test driving part of the trip.

I start looking around the room. Ninety percent of it is men...wait I take that back ninety-five percent are men.

Now Davis...he's a good looking man. Although I'm pretty sure he'd bore me after a couple of months. He's almost too sweet...but he'd be good to put through a test drive.

He'd probably think I'm too old for him though.

I let my eyes move over to Sully. Sully's a good looking man. It wouldn't hurt him any to do a few sit ups. Still though he's a nice guy. Doesn't take any bullshit. He's got great hair. Something Fred doesn't have.

I'm stunned! I swear Faith is checking out Sully, I think as I walk in, just on time for once for roll call.

I sit down behind her. She hasn't even noticed me! I watch as Faith looks over at Davis. She looks him over from head to toe and he hasn't even noticed.

Wait! Why the hell is she looking him over anyway?

Now she's back to Sully. Now back to it's like watching ping pong! Wait! Now she's looking at Johnson. I wouldn't look at him long either. The guy's short, round and almost bald.

I haven't heard a word Leiu's said. I'm too busy watching Faith check out every man in the room the Leiu included!

That new guy Peterson. Jez! She actually licked her lips! Okay so the guy's in his early twenties. Obviously spends half his off time in the weight room. So what if he's as tall as Davis. Blonde hair, grey eyes.

Oh my god! He caught her looking at him! I quick look at Faith and see a red tinge come to her cheeks. She hasn't looked away from him. She's smiling at him.

I snap my gaze back over to him and see him smiling at her. I'm gonna knock him on his ass, if he comes near her!

Wait! Why would I wanna do that? Faith's married!

Wait a minute! It suddenly occurs to me, I'm the only guy in the room she hasn't checked out!

Not once! What the hell's the matter with me?

Okay now I'm really pissed!

As I'm trying to figure out why the hell I'm so mad, I hear someone talking.

"Bosco I'm gonna go get our radio's. I'll meet you out at the RMP" I look up and see Faith turning away from me.

I sit there for a minute longer trying to figure out what is going on.

"Bosco! You gonna go to work for the citizens of New York today or you just gonna sit there?" Leiu barks at me.

I'm embarrassed and get up out of my chair and head out.

A couple of times I opened my mouth in the next 8 hours to say something to Faith, about how she was checking out the guys.

I never said a word. I just couldn't think of what to say to her. Hell maybe it was just some kind of fluke.

I was wrong! She checked out every man we came into contact with. Even the damn skels! Every man but me that is.

Still 8 hours later I have yet to figure out why the hell it bothers me so much.

"Night Bosco." Faith says and I watch her hurry out of the locker room.

All during the shift I checked men out. On the ride home on the train I checked men out. Okay I didn't check out men. They were bums. However they were the right sex.

What the heck was up with Bosco tonight? I could have sworn a couple of times he was going to say something, but he never did.

I'm still waffling about what to do. I let out a long sigh and unlock the door to my apartment.

The first thing that hits me is the stench of spilled beer. The second thing is Fred, passed out in his recliner.

I turn towards the kitchen. Forget it! It's a mess. I am not cleaning that up!

I make my way to the bathroom, stopping to check on the kids first. Sound asleep, thank god.

I spend the next twenty minutes, in a hot shower crying my eyes out. I can't do this any more. I just can't! I get into bed and cry myself to sleep.

I jump at the banging shut, of a dresser drawer hours later.

I peer at the bedside clock. Ah...Saturday! Fred plays softball on Saturday's. Not even a good drunk, could keep him from waking up on time and getting to his game.

I pull the pillow over my head and go back to sleep.

The next time I wake up it's to the sound of cans clanging. I look at the clock again at least I got in another two hours of sleep.

I drag myself out of bed and go down the hall to the living room. My eyes fill with tears again, as I watch Emily and Charlie trying to clean up Fred's mess.

"Stop!" I didn't mean for it to come out so loud and sharply. I regret scaring them.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell." I walk over kicking cans out of my way as I move towards the couch. "Come sit down next to me."

They drop what they're doing and come sit down.

"Mom, Charlie and I can clean up. It just looks worse than it is." Emily says, trying to defend her father.

"Emily, Charlie...I have something to tell you. You're not gonna be happy, but I want you to know my mind's made up. You wont be able to change it."

They both look at me. Fear written all over them.

I take a deep breath and continue..."I'm leaving your father."

"Noooo!" Emily cries.

"I don't understand Mom?" Charlie says his eyes filling with tears.

"I can't live like this any more! I won't allow the two of you to either!"

I wave my hands at the mess of beer cans that surrounds us.

"Mom I'll talk to Dad...please ..." Emily begs.

"No!" I say grabbing her hands.

"Look around. Those cans have never been gone more than a year at a time, since I've been married to your Dad."

"Well if you'd give up your job everything would be different!" Emily snapped at me.

"No it wouldn't Emily. I'd be more unhappy and so wouldn't you and Charlie.

I'm sorry Em. I've tried. I have. I just can't do it any more.

I can't stand being sad, and angry all the time.

I hate you and Charlie having to listen to your father and I do nothing but fight!"

"I hate it too."Charlie whispers as he leans his head against my shoulder.

"Emily, I know you'll think I'm crazy. But I truly believe if your Dad and I get a divorce. He'll stop drinking.

He's unhappy too Em. I can't change who I am. I love being a mother and a police officer.

I hate being an unhappy wife! It's not fair to your Dad. It's not fair to me.

Somethings just can't be fixed. No matter how much we wish for it."

"What about me and Charlie?"

"That's up to you two. Your Dad and I can work out a schedule.

You two decide who you want to live with.

I have to tell you one thing though first.

I can't change my shift. So if you want to be with me. You're going to have be alone a lot.

If you want to stay here with your Dad. I'm alright with that. I'll give you my work schedule, so you know when I'm off and you two can be with me."

I wrap my arms around them and say..."It's not going to be easy, but if there isn't all this arguing, it won't be so bad any more either."

Two hours later, I'm standing in the parking lot waiting for Fred to leave the ball field.

"I'm surprised to see you here!" Fred snapped at me.

"We need to talk Fred." I said trying to hold my temper.

"Not now! The guy's and I are going out for a few drinks to celebrate. Go home." He snarls turning away from me.

I grab him and force him back around..."I said we need to talk. NOW!" I growled at him. I watch as he gets angry at me.

"I SAID LATER!"

"NO! NOW!" I lower my voice..."I don't care if you wanna do it here in front of your friends. That's your choice. So whats it gonna be?"

"Say what you gotta say Faith!" He says rolling his eyes at his friends.

"I'm leaving you Fred." Now it's my turn to roll my eyes, as his face turns the color of a ripe tomato.

"That's not funny Faith!" He barks at me and at least his friends, have the decency to move away from us now.

"I'm serious Fred. Our marriage is over. I'm miserable. So are you and the kids. It's the only way Fred. We've been hanging on to a dead marriage way too long.

I don't want to hate you Fred. You've given me, two of the most wonderful gifts, any one could ever give me.

But I can't stand to come home any more. I can't stand the yelling, and I can't stand the drinking." He goes to reach for me and I quickly back away.

"It's Bosco isn't?" He snaps.

"No Fred. It's not Bosco. He and I don't speak about anything but work any more." I wipe at the tears now running down my face.

"You and I don't work any more Fred. We haven't for a very long time."

"If it wasn't for that guy, getting you shot this wouldn't be happening now!" He insists refusing to take any responsiblity for our broken marriage.

"Jesus Fred! Would you stop about Bosco!"

"You back in his bed now? Is that it Faith!" He shouts at me.

I shake my head in disgust at him..."Give me a break Fred! You've seen Bosco's girlfriends. Do you honestly think he'd want me, when he has women that look like cover girls!" I shout.

"No I guess not." He snips. I shudder as I see him hold back a grin, at my response, to his well placed insult.

"I've talked to Emily and Charlie. They want to stay with you in the apartment.

I have no problem with that. I expect to see them when ever I like. I'll give you money every week for support.

I don't want to fight you over this Fred. Do what's right for your kids and yourself.

I sent them over to your Mom's. When I have a permanent place I'll be back for the rest of my things.

I'm sorry Fred. More sorry than you'll ever know." I walk quickly away from him.

TBC