Authors' Note: We apologize profusely to the fans who keep urging us to update "Edward in PE" and "Cullenary Education: Forks Sex-Ed!" Though this story is less popular, it is infinitely more fun to write.

Stephenie Meyer is the creator of these characters. We just…erm…torture them in cruel and unusual ways.

Chapter Two: A Cruel Experiment Done By Psychotic Royal Vampires

My hands were shaking as I approached the Cullen mansion. This was a very bad thing, since I was trying to steer. My truck veered back and forth across the long driveway like an eight-pound bowling ball flung by a six-year-old onto a bumper lane.

My God! What did they do to me? I thought frantically. Have I become the lab rat in some cruel experiment done by psychotic royal vampires? What do they want? I tried not to panic, but the swells of nausea were washing over me, making me feel dizzy. I parked, hopped out of the truck and ran up the steps. Fighting to keep balanced in the midst of my growing disequilibrium, I wrenched the door open.

The moment I entered the house, however, I stopped worrying about the situation and relaxed. Everything seemed to be right with the world. Contentment and happiness flooded over me, trickling down to my toes like a warm frothy drink on a snowy winter evening. I felt elated, euphoric even, as if there was nothing that could spoil my perfect day. I was the most beautiful woman in the world. I could accomplish anything I set my mind to. I could seduce any man who came my way. I could…"

"Jasper…that's overkill," Edward's velvety voice said, with a hiss. "I said to calm her down, not to make her feel high."

"Oh. Sorry." Jasper said sheepishly, running his hand through his silky blonde hair. The euphoria vanished, and was replaced by a thrumming calmness.

"Drat," I said. "That was kinda nice." I sighed and glanced around. "Where's Alice?" Edward's expression was unfathomable. He ignored my question and instead leaned in close to me. He lifted the hair from the back of my neck and ran his nose along my skin. I shivered at his touch. His nose felt strangely colder than usual. He suddenly pulled back, as if he'd been stung by a bee (not that a bee sting could hurt a vampire very much). He wrinkled his nose, eyes wide.

"Alice is right…" he muttered to himself. "This is bad. Very bad."

"Are you wearing cologne?" I asked suddenly. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"No. Why would I do that?"

"You smell different than usual." I frowned. "I don't think I like it." Jasper let out a low whistle.

"That confirms our suspicions," Jasper said ominously. Edward clenched his jaw.

"We can't assume anything until Carlisle does the test," he said through gritted teeth.

"What the heck is going on?" I said. My voice would have risen to a hysterical shriek if Jasper hadn't been pumping me full of endorphins.

"You need to go see Carlisle. This is urgent. Come on. Jasper, we'll need you to come along as well." He took my hand and together we ascended the huge staircase leading to Carlisle's study.

I'd only been in the library-like office a few times in the past year, and it had usually been to borrow books. I'd never seen it set up like this before. The leather sofas had disappeared and were replaced with an exam table and several pieces of high-tech diagnostic equipment. Carlisle and Rosalie were measuring out chemicals into little vials with syringes. Alice was perched on Carlisle's desk, holding perfectly still.

"Will someone please explain all this to me?" I said, with a strangled cry. Alice sauntered over to me, picked me up, and dumped me unceremoniously on the exam table, and rolled me onto my side.

"Bella, where did Luke give you your FSH shot?" she asked.

"Right here," I replied, pointing to my butt. "It hurt like nobody's business," I added. Without another word, Rosalie and Carlisle pulled my jeans down.

"What the crap?" I yelled. "Edward…what is all this?" to my relief, he had politely turned his back, giving me my privacy.

"Bella…they need a sample of your bone marrow, as well as a sample of your blood."

"But…why?"

"You'll know soon enough," he said, his melodious voice low, laced with undercurrents of growls. I could see him clenching and unclenching his fists. I banged my head against the exam table. Could he possibly be any more cryptic?

I felt the panic begin to well up within me, then almost immediately fall away again. Jasper was struggling to keep my emotional state balanced, the result of which was a tidal swell and ebb of panic and elation.

"Edward," I gasped. It was becoming difficult to breathe.

"I'm here, Bella. I won't leave you," His velvety voice was infinitely more soothing than Jasper's emotional manipulations.

"The blood samples are really just for you to snack on, right?" I aimed for playfulness.

Edward's lips curled into an answering smile that didn't quite meet his golden eyes.

"Of course. You're a delicacy. We've decided we could make more money selling bits of you than we can by psychically playing the stock market. You're onto our evil vampire scheme."

"As long as that's all." Why am I getting so sleepy? I could just close my eyes and take a little rest. Yes. Rest.

"Sleep Bella," Jasper commanded.

The last thing I heard before I closed my eyes was Carlisle ordering everyone but Edward out of the study. He must be about to draw my blood…And then there was only blissful nothingness.

I awoke in the comforting presence of Edward's room. I was lying on the right side of the giant bed Edward purchased the first time Alice held me hostage. The room was dark, with the exception of the shell nightlight Edward and I bought when we visited Renee in Jacksonville. What was I doing in Edward's bed? And why was I alone in Edward's bed? I pushed the plush comforter off of me and was startled to feel a sharp pinch in my right hand. I glanced down in search of the source of the small pain, expecting a spider or some other small disgusting creature. What the… There was no insect bite on my hand. Instead there was a needle, some tape, and a tube. Oh, crap. Why am I hooked up to an IV?

"Edward?" I attempted to say his name conversationally, keeping both my volume and tone neutral. I succeeded at the volume, but I couldn't keep the shrill edge of panic out of my voice.

The door opened, and the room exploded in light. I adjusted to the brightness of the overhead fixtures while me otherworldly fiancé rushed up beside me. "Lay back down, Bella. I'm here."

"What…why am I…what's going on?"

"Shhh." I felt his cold lips brush softly against my forehead. "Lay back down for me, and I'll explain everything."

I lowered my head back onto the pillow and caught a quick glimpse of what I was wearing. I had never seen anything quite like it in my life. It was an eggshell white cotton dressing gown with lace panels inset along the neckline, and lavender satin ribbon work acting as a loose corset. It was the type of lingerie that Alice had hinted at buying for my honeymoon with Edward. Oh, no. Had we?

"Edward! What, how?"

"What's the last thing you remember from yesterday, Bella?" The velvet voice calmed me.

"Yesterday?" What was yesterday? My mind was pulling a blank.

"Yesterday. You had a doctor's appointment in the morning."

"Doctor's…" It all came flooding back. The humiliating examination. The frantic drive. The horrifying and confusing phone call. And the panic in Edward's eyes. Tests. Carlisle had done some tests.

To anyone but me, Edward's expression would have appeared calm and relaxed. But I knew him well enough to see the fear and anger hidden beneath it. Something was very, very wrong.

"I remember," I whispered. "Tell me what's happening, Edward. Please."

Edward's eyes did not meet mine. Instead, he stood up and began pacing back and forth across the room. He paused by the humongous window and rested his beautiful marble forehead against the glass. When at last he spoke, his silky voice was as still and soft as the moonlight that caressed his flawless form.

"Aro has had a special interest in you since he first encountered you in Italy," he said carefully. His tone was guarded, as though he was afraid of giving away too much too quickly. "Though he never expressed it out loud, Alice has seen that he is afraid of you. Terrified even."

"What?" I'd always been the damsel in distress, surrounded by creatures too big for me to handle. The idea of a three thousand year old royal vampire fearing me was unusual, to say the least.

"He is concerned about the potential of what your powers may become, once your natural abilities are enhanced." Edward said quietly. I stared at him blankly.

"What on earth does he have to be afraid of?" I said in a half-serious voice, hoping to remove some of the tension from the air. "Is he worried that my powers of klutziness are going to increase tenfold, making every speck of dust on the floor a tripping hazard?" Edward ignored my attempts at humor. He continued to stare out the window.

"For months, the Volturi have harbored a fear that once you become a vampire, you will gain the ability to shield not only your mind, but the minds of others as well. This would cripple his army's strength." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh come on. You don't honestly think I will be able to do that…do you?" I scoffed. Edward walked back to the bed and took my free hand in his cold one. At last, I saw his expression break from its stoic mask, as sheer panic broke loose in his gold eyes.

"You've been doing it for the last twelve hours," he whispered, his voice shaking. "I can't read minds at all." My heart began to race and I felt sweat trickle down the back of my neck. I reached up to push my damp hair away, and inadvertently yanked the IV from my hand. Blood spurted from the palm of my hand, and I cried out in pain. I glanced around, desperate to find something that would stop the flow of blood, stop the pain that I knew he must be experiencing. But at moment, two things occurred that I had not expected.

The first was that Edward's nose wrinkled in disgust, as though a skunk had walked past. Not his typical reaction to smelling my blood.

The second was that the wound closed instantly, its edges sealing themselves together like magic. I gasped.

"What the hell did they do to me?" I whispered. Edward curled himself into a ball, hugging his knees to the chest. He was very still…statue-like.

"Carlisle never told you why he left the Volturi, did he?" he whispered ominously. When I didn't respond, he continued.

"Many centuries ago, when Aro was building his army, he sought out the humans who already possessed certain skills and abilities, with the hope that once he changed them, those talents would grow into powers. The only problem was that he didn't have a reliable way to screen his potential guard members. Turning a human into a vampire is difficult. The transformation itself is physically taxing for both parties, and trying to train and control the newborn during that first crucial year takes an incredible amount of time and effort. Aro kept running into the same problem: he'd find a human who looked like they'd develop superpowers, but end up being just your average Joe vamp."

"Like Emmett or Rosalie?"

"Exactly. Aro has no use for vamps like that." He lay back, staring at the ceiling, breathing evenly.

"For many years, the Volturi would simply execute the newborns who were found to be too weak. Then, Carlisle came along."

"They tried to execute Carlisle?" I shrieked. Edward rolled his eyes.

"Will you please refrain from interrupting?" he said, exasperated. Amusement flitted across the golden pools for a fraction of a second. I made a motion like I was zipping my lips. He gave me a warning look before continuing. "When Carlisle arrived at Volterra, he was horrified by the needless slaughter of the confused and struggling newborns. He was morally and ethically disturbed by what he saw and expressed his concerns. Marcus promised him that if he were able to develop an alternative, they would use it." He paused, drawing close, bringing his trembling lips up against my ear. His hushed velvet whisper brought chills up my spine.

"Carlisle rose to the challenge. He developed a way to temporarily bring a human's potential power to its full capacity before they were turned into a vampire." I began to hyperventilate.

"How," I asked. My voice cracked.

"There is one other creature that begins as a human, but when transformed, gains abilities that are enhancements of their human talents. Typically, it is not possible for someone to become one of those creatures unless the potential for it is stamped into their genetic code. The transformation caused by a mutation on the x-chromosome…a rare recessive trait. But Carlisle found a way to make the transformation occur even in those who weren't born with the gene." I bit my lip. Edward closed his eyes, unable to meet my nervous gaze.

"Lycanthropy is caused by altered erythrocyte production in the red bone marrow. Those who express the lycanthropy gene produce abnormal red blood cells, which have a violent chemical reaction when exposed to the cortisol, the hormone that is released during the fight-or-flight response. Carlisle discovered that if he were transplanted werewolf marrow into a human recipient, they would, for a time, produce the mutant red blood cells as well. It doesn't last long…usually just three or four weeks…the normal life cycle of a red blood cell, but it served Aro's purpose. By temporarily turning humans into werewolves, the Volturi were able to see what those humans would be capable of, should they be turned into vampires. Carlisle told Aro that he would perform the procedure on potential guard members, on the condition that those who developed no special powers would to be released back into human society."

" Aro didn't release them back into human society, did he?" I said, holding back my horror. Edward shook his head.

"They knew too much. They became food for the newborns." There was silence between us, as I processed all the new information I'd acquired. I stared at Edward, dumbfounded.

"Bella…what are you thinking?" he asked cautiously.

"Does this mean that I'm…I'm a werewolf?" I said, trying to keep my voice from squeaking. I wanted to be sure this wasn't a joke. Or a nightmare.

"Just temporarily," he assured me.

My heart sank. "Three weeks?" I asked softly.

"Three or four," he stroked my chin and gave me a crooked smile.

"The wedding is in two," I reminded him.

Pain flashed behind the golden blaze of Edward's eyes. He stood and began pacing silently back and forth, three times, four, five, nine, before he finally spoke. "We're going to have to postpone the wedding, Bella."

"After everything I went through with Renee and Charlie to have it this soon? I don't want to postpone it! I don't want to be a werewolf!" I waved my bloody hand in the air for emphasis, and saw Edward grimace. "And I don't want you to think I stink!"

He crossed the room to stand by my side with his usual blurring speed. I was surprised, however, to realize that he didn't actually blur like he usually didI could follow his supernatural movements with my newly supernatural eyesight. That was sort of cool.

"Do you think I stink?" he asked, self-consciously. I sniffed carefully. A sickly sweet, icy fume burned my nostrils like ammonia mixed with bleach.

"Actually…yeah." I stared at him, astounded. "Edward…I never thought I'd say this…but you smell terrible. Ugh. Do I smell that bad?" He laughed.

"You know how sometimes, when humans stink up the bathroom, they try to cover up the poop smell with that awful potpourri spray?" I nodded, wrinkling my nose. He laughed. "I suppose this is sort of the reverse of that phenomenon. The wonderful, awful, mouth-watering aroma of your blood is now covered up with the smell of wet dog. It's actually kinda nice. Well…not nice as in 'it smells good.' Nice as in 'now that you put horseradish sauce on my ice cream, I'm not temped to break my diet' good.'"

"This sucks," I moaned. Edward looked tenderly at me, his liquid gaze drinking me in. For the first time, I could see moonlight sparkling lightly off of the facets of his skin. Momentarily I forgot my trials and was lost in his beauty.

"Bella. Even as a werewolf you are the most beautiful, most wonderful thing in my world." Suddenly, his spell was broken. I cinched my eyebrows together, and actually growled at him.

"I didn't say I wasn't beautiful and wonderful. I said you think I stink."

"It's only temporary, Bella. You aren't worrying about the right things! The Voturi, Aro, my inability to read minds. Those are all a lot more concerning than your new odor." I winced.

"Do I really smell that bad?"

"Actually," Rosalie's voice entered the room before her obscenely perfect body did. "You do. It's disgusting." At the sound of her voice I pulled the covers back over the revealing nightgown as high as they would go. I wish they would turn the lights back off.

"Sorry, Bella," Emmett said, following Rosalie into Edward's room "She's right. You stink. But hey! At least nobody will try to munch on you!"

"Yeah, Emmett. Thanks. That glass is really half full," I replied bitterly.

Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, and Alice filed in behind Emmett, forming a circle around the bed. The way they were all staring at me made me more than a little bit uncomfortable.

"So, what do we do now?" I asked to no one in particular.

Rosalie's red lips spread into a wicked smile, and she raised one perfectly arched eyebrow. "We're going to do what we should have done a year and a half ago, Bella. We're going to kill you."