25Hello again, my faithful readers. It has been far too long since I've seen your lovely little faces smiling up at me. I know you're curious about my other fics, but in the process of completing those, I was struck by an inspiration. A beautiful, wondrous idea came to me on the wings of a golden dove. I unfurled the scroll of knowledge, and there- in beautiful calligraphy I have yet to see paralleled on this earth- laid the words which would change my life forever.
SKA,
You will write some poetry.
Your Muse
"Brilliance!" I shouted. "Sheer genius!" And down I sat, with my snazzy three-dollar pencil and my secret notebook full of unfinished fics, and I wrote. I wrote like no tomorrow. I stocked up on my materials, so I could post on time for at least three installments. Which is a pretty big deal, for me.
Truth be told, however, I was actually inspired by boyamiconfuzed's "The Fun with Harry and Ron Reader," from which I built what will be the foundation of this series. The "my life" poems. You'll understand soon enough, dear reader.
If any of the following makes you smile in the least- even if it's one of those involuntary lip twinges that lasts for a second and a half- go read boyamiconfuzed's fic. These are paltry morsels compared to their bountiful feast of joy. Go, my child, and be entertained.
All of the characters mentioned herein are the property of J.K. Rowling, and I am not making any profit from the following work.
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Oh My God, My Life Is So Hard
By Harry Potter, age 11
Oh my god, my life is so hard.
My parents are dead.
Waaah.
Oh my god, my life is so hard.
The Dursleys don't love me.
I'm so lonely.
Oh my god, my life is so hard.
I'm a wizard.
Weird.
Oh my god, my life is so hard.
Hagrid has a dragon.
He's not very smart.
Oh my god, my life is so hard.
Malfoy is really mean.
I'm angry.
Oh my god, my life is so hard.
Snape's up to something.
He smells bad.
Oh my god, my life is so hard.
Quirrell stutters.
What a pussy.
Oh my god, my life is so hard.
I'm so rich and famous.
Don't look at me!
Oh my god, my life is so hard.
There's a giant dog!
We're screwed.
Oh my god, my life is so hard.
This mirror just gave me a rock.
Um, thanks?
Oh my god, my life is so hard.
Quirrell's acting super creepy.
Get away from me.
Oh my god, my life is so hard.
Voldemort!
Oh shit.
Oh my god, my life is so hard.
I ate too much at the victory celebration.
My tummy hurts.
Boohoo.
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Yes, yes, I know, I know- it was sheer brilliance. I will be taking requests for any character from any time- that is, anyone from Tom Riddle in second year to the Giant Squid on his first day in the Black Lake. Not all of them will be from the "my life" series- I have a haiku by the Whomping Willow and a limerick about Harry's talking third nipple (I'll tell the story when I post the poem)- but if I have enough information, I'll probably be able to do one of those for you if you ask me nicely. And if you review.
Reviews are good,
Reviews are great.
But flames are bad,
So don't leave one.
Man, am I good at rhyming!