Standard disclaimer applies.

May seem to be NaruSaku, but it's not.

There was once a time when she supposed that she was happy. Her Genin days were, of course, not it, because those were her most awkward years, including the year after Sasuke left and

(Don't go there Sakura, that's not a time you need to remember—)

Sakura would have estimated that the best years of her life were when she was fourteen to when she was sixteen. Naruto was gone for half of it, yes, but she still found a way to be happy before he came back. Her teammate's presence just enhanced her smiles.

At fourteen she was completely on her own. Tsunade had taught her the basics and then told her to practice for exactly one year before coming back and then Tsunade would teach her the rest. Naruto was gone and sent her a resounding zero letters. Kakashi just seemed to disappear for a while, Ino was learning to run the flower shop and had to work every day, Hinata (who, while she was not Sakura's best friend, Sakura did like her) was striving to impress her father and so was totally devoted to training, just like Sakura, and anyone else whom she might have even talked to seemed busy.

She didn't really have a problem with that. A year of solitude was what she needed, really. That was her second major life lesson.

That's right, The Pain of Solitude—

(I said don't go there, Little Sakura, that's too far—)

And her first life lesson was Never Let Another Own Your Heart—


So Sakura spent her year learning what her naive mind had always blinded her from.

Then her fifteenth year, that was interesting. Naruto came back three weeks after her fifteenth birthday and Tsunade had just agreed to take Sakura back under her tutelage. So things were looking up. The Naruto asked her on a date again, and the most amazing thing happened.

She said yes. He had been ecstatic.

And her night was just as amazing.

He took her to ramen, predictably, and then led her a hillside to watch the stars. Naruto said that he remembered the night from so long ago when all of Team 7 had been on a mission and Sakura had spent that night staring at the stars. He told her that she didn't know that he was awake and observing her. He told her that she had the most brilliant smile on her face and that he wanted to see it again.

They laid on the hill from twilight to dawn, and he got to see her smile all night. And for a year Naruto saw the same smile on Sakura's face each time they went out.

Those were her last happy days.

Three weeks after Sakura's sixteenth birthday, exactly one year after Naruto returned, Sasuke was found and captured. ANBU Black Ops reported that he had a body with him, and after further scrutiny, the hospital found the cadaver to be Itachi Uchiha.

Very few times had Sakura ever seen glee in Sasuke's face, and when the medical reports came back and Itachi's death pronounced, that one and only emotion had free reign over Sasuke's countenance.

That night, Sakura had a date with Naruto, but Sasuke intercepted her while she trekked the familiar path to Ichiraku's. Blood was sprayed on his left sleeve and Sakura, on instinct, immediately grabbed his arm and began examining the small gouge in his shoulder.

As her mind was wrapped around his wound, he had transported the two of them to his apartment. She noticed immediately and was building up her strength to punch him and then ask him why the hell he'd brought her there when he touched her arm softly.

Sakura stiffened, not knowing how to react. Sasuke did always seem to have that effect on her.

Apparently, though, this was what he wanted and in her moment of hesitance, he quickly slammed her to the floor and

(Too far, way too far, too much, again I say don't go there—)

had his way with her. She did try to fight, of course, but the cliche still stands. Sasuke was too strong for her to have any chance (so much for all of that training, huh, so why did you even try in the first place, just a waste of time).

As Sakura guessed Sasuke had wanted, she became pregnant and had it confirmed a few days short of a month later. And they say that you can't get preggy the first time (those goddamn losers what the fuck do they know).

Naturally, both of her parents insisted that she marry him. They wouldn't have a bastard grandchild. Afterall, what would the neighbors think?

Sasuke brought her the marital papers after only the third day of knowing about his coming son/daughter. Sakura was too wary to sign the papers all at once, but Sasuke shoved them under her nose and began explaining to her exactly what he wanted and what environment his child would be growing up in. Sakura would have never thought Sasuke would ever act like that, but then again, the Sasuke she knew was long gone. Nevertheless, after spending a whole minute thinking over her situation, Sakura signed.

Konoha's council of elders and the Godaime Hokage hadn't held a trial yet for Sasuke, but soon after the news spread through Konoha that Sasuke Uchiha and his old teammate were getting married and that the girl (what's her name I don't know who cares) was pregnant, the council agreed, without the Hokage's input, that Sasuke should be allowed to stay. The Uchiha bloodline was too damn important to lose.

Tsunade was furious, but because of her attachment to Sakura personally, the elders overruled her opinion, stating that it was completely biased.

Sakura had thought about pressing charges against Sasuke, but whenever she attempted to get up the courage and tell someone, whomever she was speaking to would her tell how happy he/she was for Sakura, because he/she knew that Sakura had wanted this since she was twelve.

Sakura never knew what Naruto thought of her nor was she allowed to explain herself to him because Sasuke utterly forbid her to ever speak to another male unless Sasuke himself was there. And this wasn't something that Sakura wanted to discuss with Naruto in front of her fucking fiancé.

Sasuke had officially tied her down two months later when the marriage papers went through and were stamped. Ordered by Sasuke to move to his apartment only four weeks earlier, Sakura was again uprooted when he sent for the Uchiha compound to be cleaned so they could become the brand new inhabitants.

The night of their marriage approval, Sasuke fucked her hard enough to slam her head against the headboard, just as he had done to Sakura since the day she moved in with him.

She gave birth to a boy six months later. She went through hell with that kid.

And despite what many other women said, she didn't entirely feel that the child was worth it. She felt that she had paid nine months of pain and in return got eighteen years of more. But she loved Kazuki more than anything else.

She supposed the bitterness was more directed toward her husband.

After Kazuki left her womb, Takeshi entered. Then Ryota, Ryuu, Masaru, and now (assuming the baby would be male) Yuudai. Every one of the children were male. All sons.

Sasuke seemed pleased.

The new baby had only begun to show, but the pregnancy was already getting old to Sakura. After Kazuki, Sasuke had kept her from getting pregnant for the next two and a half years. Then, once he turned eighteen, he gave Sakura Takeshi. After Takeshi, again, there was a two year limbo before Ryota. Ryuu, however, came right behind Ryota and those two were very close in age. Then it was two years until Masaru. Finally, predictably, two years after the fifth son and only a month ago, Yuudai was detected.

Enough with the fucking kids! I'm tired of sharing my uterus with you things!

Alas, her wish would never come true.

So as Sakura sat beneath her tree in the Uchiha


gardens, she found herself wishing that she wasn't twenty-five and half years old with five boys to take care of, and that she was fifteen again and with Naruto on the hillside where she smiled so brightly because she was delighted to see the stars and flattered to know that Naruto cared enough to remember such a small thing like her attraction to the nighttime sky.

The grass beneath her sighed with the wind that blew, and the morning glories in front of her bent to the wind's will.

Sakura leaned back on her hands, almost hitting her head the wisteria tree behind her, and sighed in a desperate manor. Damn, she hated these days. This sunny day was a mockery of how Naruto used to make her feel.

You know, you used to enjoy sunny days, back when you loved Sasu—

(Don't make me fucking tell you again. Don't go there—)

Back when you loved Sasu—

(I'm warning you, if you go there you'll fall for him again—)

Back when you loved Sasu—

"Sasuke." She said his name in a determinedly neutral voice, so as not to betray her less-than-joy at the sight of him.

He stepped from behind the tree with an expression that was as neutral as her voice.

"Where are they?"

Worried only about the boys, as usual.

She didn't glance up from watching the morning glories dance on the wind. "Ryota and Ryuu are at the Academy because Iruka wanted to have extra training time with them. Takeshi went with them because he bored. Kazuki is off with his team. My mother took Masaru for the day and she's keeping them all tonight as well."

Damn these boys for being so advanced. The oldest isn't even ten and he's already about to take the Chuunin Exam. Makes me feel less accomplished every day.

Sasuke was looking off at something only he could see, so Sakura decided it would be acceptable to turn her attention back on the flowers.

Ask him.

(Don't you dare think about doing that, if you do then you'll regret it, I promise—)

Open your mouth and ask him, you moron!

"Sasuke," she said before her nerve could leave her as it usually did, "why did you do all this?" Sakura didn't want to elaborate, because it made her feel like she was twelve years old, explaining her feelings to this shell of a human being.

He didn't say a word, and though she didn't turn around Sakura knew that he had just tilted his head the slightest bit.

(I told you not to say anything, now you've got explain ad then he's gonna tell you it's because you were an easy, quick fuck because even though you fought against him you liked what he did to you and you're glad it was him and not Naruto because Naruto can't make that fire in your belly light up like Sasuke can. After all, his specialty has always been fire, and he certainly his like fire when he's ravishing your body and your arching your back, trying to get closer, closer, tighter—)

Sometimes Sakura wanted to blow her own brains out just so that annoying little twelve-year-old voice would go away.

"Why did you, all those years ago... come to my house and impregnate me?" That was the least embarrassing way that she could say it.

She didn't expect an answer. He hadn't given her one every other time she'd ask him, so why now?

It was such a long time before Sasuke moved or said anything that Sakura was almost sure he'd left. Then he spoke in a low voice, like he was wishing he could say it without Sakura even hearing.

"Because I never wanted anyone else, even when we were young."

Sakura wanted to be flattered. For the first time in a long time she wanted to go back to being twelve again and be able to love this brooding man that she'd forcibly wed for saying something so sweet and kind because

"You never wanted anyone else." She said, feeling a cold something fill the space in her chest and behind her eyes.

He didn't say anything, but she knew he was still there because she shifted his stance and the grass whispered beneath him.

That's not to say I never did.

The words almost spilled out of her mouth. Yet she stopped herself because something in the back of her mind told her not to, and this time it wasn't the voice of an annoying fangirl of twelve years old. It was a Sakura at fifteen, wearing a khaki skirt and a red top with a zipper, sitting on a hill and staring at the stars.

She kept her mouth shut and listened to the retreating sound of her husband's footsteps.

Watching the morning glories fade in the sunset, Sakura stayed in the gardens.

The familiar footsteps thudded across the gardens and stopped behind her. It was nighttime by now, and dimly Sakura thought that he'd come out here to drag her back inside with him.

Yet he did no such thing. He didn't move or speak.

Intuition slammed into Sakura' brain like Chidori.

She kept quiet as she stood up from the ground, brushed the dirt from the bottom of her dark blue kimono (that Sasuke insisted she wear around the house while she was pregnant), and turned toward her husband. He stood there with a rather indifferent yet curious look on his face, one that only he could achieve. Sakura looked Sasuke squarely in the eyes for a moment before turning to the violet sky above them.

"Do you remember all those missions we took when we were kids? I looked forward to them every time."

Sasuke stood by her side silently. She wasn't quite sure why she'd said that, but the voice in her head kept telling her what to do, and if Sakura believed any of the voices in her head, it was the fifteen-year-old one.

"Aa. You liked sleeping under the stars."

For the first time, Sakura loved the way her life had played out.

I am so sorry that you had to read that. I myself really hate it.

But I started writing this about a year ago and it was just sitting in my hard drive, taking up space. I needed to finish it and post it up.

Well, maybe you liked it. Or maybe you didn't. Either way, reviews are appreciated and so are flames that give constructive criticism.