"I'm here to bring Harry to his aunt," Dumbledore stated firmly.

"You don't mean- you can't mean the woman who lives there!" Shouted Professor McGonagall.

"She is his only living relative..."

(A/N Don't skip Minerva's great rant. It's funnier if you read the entire thing. By the way, the following paragraph seems like a great work of literature at one in the morning. By the time you read it, it will probably be stupid. Sorry for that. Read it anyway.)

"She's the worst sort of... Muggle imaginable!" McGonagall exploded. "No wonder her husband- that fat oaf with a big mouth... What was his name? Vernon!- walked out on her this morning- not that he can afford to be choosy, mind you, awful man. How could they have ever gotten married and had a daughter- Spoilt little tart she's turning out to be... Saw her kicking neighborhood boys until they brought her ice cream... Maybe that's how dating's done in the Muggle world, but I for one- You know it's the girl's mother who sets that kind of influence in the first place. If this awful Petunia woman didn't place so much emphasis on material items, her daughter-Lydia, I think her name is- wouldn't have this kind of attitude towards men. I realize she's only two years old, but come on... Kids remember things that happened to them in early childhood- Haven't you ever read Freud- Fascinating man; his insights on the human psyche are absolutely brilliant. I for one can't imagine working in a profession that deals with children without a thorough background in all forms of child psychology, both Magical and Muggle. I don't care whether or not it's required to get a teacher's certificate. It just seems like knowledge you should have with you, helps understand why students misbehave or, even better, predict which ones will misbehave before they start trouble. Have you noticed that chronic misbehavers seem to have similar characteristics- not to say I believe in stereotypes... Good Heavens, no... I always get to know the person before I make judgements, and even then, I'm cautious. No matter how good at reading people you think you are, they always do something to surprise you. One of the most important rules of psychology is that there are no rules to psychology... Everyone is too different for the study of the mind to be a rigid science. It is absolutely fascinating, though it can be frustrating, can't it? I mean, if you want to know someone, just get down deep inside their mind, you have to be subtle- that's very important. People are defensive of their mind, What they see as their personal haven... Can't say I blame them, actually. I can understand why they'd be creeped out by the idea of Snape of all people reading their minds. I heard about a petition parents have been signing to make it illegal for teachers to practice Legilemancy on students. I have to say, crushing power when things seem safe can only lead to less power when things go wrong. I say, this mind-reading thing is Snape's way of getting to know his students, seeing as how it would ruin his Mysterious Dungeonmaster image for him to bond with them. Couldn't you just see him, getting all chummy with the Weasley twins, trying to understand their obsessive need to break rules? No. I have my psychology books; Snape has his penetration of the complex layers of his students' minds- Nobody has to be misunderstood. Except possibly Harry. My God, this woman will never understand him. She can't take care of her own daughter as it is. She left to go work in some skanky bar she got a job at after Vernon left- which is a good thing; a woman should make her own way in the world, not depending on alimony... Oh, I hate people like that. 'Men are pigs,' they say. Well, what does that make you if you're living month-by-month on what the 'pigs' dole out to you- But if you can't hire a sitter... She tried to hire one, but all the teenage girls on this block have sat for Lydia before, and want absolutely nothing to do with her... If you can't hire a sitter, you should at least get one of those cushy work-from-home jobs. I always wanted to do that, work from home. Earn a small fortune without leaving my house. But you know all that's too good to be true. The fact of the matter is, Albus, I don't care for Petunia's parenting skills and that's that. And that's not just because she willingly spends a fortune on parenting books written by quacks who wouldn't know a child from a brand new dildo, while neglecting her study of the old intellectuals, such as John Locke and Sigmund Freud, whose opinions on the human mind, continue to shape the world today. I don't think Petunia's ever going to get the hang of parenting. I mean, they say practice makes perfect-which is debatable, since obviously if you keep doing something the wrong way, you won't be learning how to do it right, unless you're like Thomas Edison; every time he failed to invent the lightbulb, he said, he merely learned another way his experiment wouldn't work. Which is all very well and good if you have unlimited time on your hands, but we don't. Boy, I hate people who are always late, don't you? Where the hell is Hagrid?"

Albus was relieved when he heard the roar of the flying motorcycle. With a triumphant smile, as would be worn by a man who has just gone through a tiring ordeal, he laid the sleeping baby on Petunia's doorstep and relit the streetlights. He gave a tiny sigh as Minerva again tried to engage him in conversation. He hated it when she became a cat for a long period of time- it gave her too much time to thing. Then, she transformed into a woman, and was naturally, desperate to disclose the secrets of the universe onto an unwilling populace. One day, she was going to go into cat form and never, ever come out.