Gah I'm not too sure about this one. Feels a bit off, like it mirrors the original too closely. And the plot is too cheesy. But this is the best I got so far. Hopefully I can get it to go somewhere deeper.
Lesson 4 A Rotten Student Ed
"Mr. Tubifor! Get down from there this instant!" Mr. McKenzie yelled.
Johnny had done what he always did during lunch period. He climbed trees. And he got his massive head caught in one of the branches, which seemed to happen 3 out of 4 times.
"I can't sir! I'm stuck."
"Don't give me that Tubifor! You always got out of it before."
"But that was because the janitor helped me."
Right around this time, Onizuka had found his way over, a "Krispy Krud" chocolate bar hanging from his mouth like a cigarette. "Hey what's going on here?"
"Nothing you need concerning yourself Mr. Onizuka, just some discipline."
Onizuka looked up. "Looks to me like that kid got himself stuck."
"He's not, just trying to get attention as usual" McKenzie waved dismissively. "No need to trouble yourself Mr. Onizu- MR. ONIZUKA, COME DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT! YOU'RE DRAWING A CROWD!" McKenzie screeched. Onizuka was up in the tree crawling over to Johnny like a caterpillar.
"You're drawing the crowd with all that yelling." Onizuka replied, digging a pinky into one of his ears. He crept over, and with a sharp tug, ripped the branch off, slowly letting Johnny down. The crowd cheered, not so much that Johnny was safe, but that it was resolved in a way besides the usual method teachers used: yelling.
While the students were happy, McKenzie was riled, angered that his authority was compromised. But he kept his anger to himself, causing a scene here would only invite more unwanted trouble. However, if looks could kill, Onizuka would have died several times over.
The Eds were in there usual spot during the lunch period, Eddy trying to scam a few extra quarter for and extra dessert, and Ed happily staring at the hole his biohazard of a meal burned in the floor.
"Hey Eddy what're we gonna do today?" Ed asked
"Same thing we do every day Ed. TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD! Wait no-I mean…ah forget it. I dunno and to be honest, I really don't care right now. That Onizuka has overstayed his welcome here, and I gotta figure a way to get rid of him."
"And I will sit here and drink my tea." Ed replied happily, picking his ear, sculpting the earwax into the 'Venus de Milo'.
"Y'know I think that Skip kid had something going there for a while. Wonder why he doesn't try something new?"
"I don't feel like it." Skip said, appearing as if by magic behind the two Eds.
Eddy jumped. "Whaddya mean you don't feel like it? You mean that last gig you pulled was some kinda spur-of-the-moment thing?"
"No, I just lost interest." Skip said nonchalantly and made to leave. Right at the exit, he turned and looked at the two Eds. "Say aren't there usually three of you?"
"Oh yeah no that you mention it, where's Edd?" Eddy asked Ed, regretting it almost a moment later.
"DOUBLE D IS MISSING?!" Ed exclaimed.
"You just realized that?"
"WE MUST FIND HIM BEFORE HE IS MESSILY DEVOURED BY THE STANK BEASTS!" and Ed grabbed Eddy by the collar and ran out the cafeteria, Skip stayed behind and smiled. "I think I have a good idea where he is." He said to himself and started off for the girl's locker rooms.
"Why am I coming along now?" Edd asked.
"Cause I wanna get some good pictures." Onizuka smiled evilly. Holding up a camera, sweating profusely.
"But these girls are sixteen that's kinda…sick."Edd hissed through his teeth.
"Well in my country, sixteen is the ripe young age. It's sick if their twelve. Besides I'm after the older ones with larger assets." Onizuka smirked, his fingers groping the air in front of his chest.
"And that country would be what?"
Onizuka gave no sign of listening and jumped over the bushes and slid into the girls' locker room, wearing a ninja costume. A real ninja, not the orange leotard ninja.
"Again, why am I here?" Edd said to no one in particular.
Onizuka had snuck into the locker room for less than a minute when there was a chorus of screams, and the sound of heavy objects being thrown. Onizuka came running out of the locker room, his suit torn in various places, a pair of underpants strapped on top of his head, tripping over himself and skidding to a stop at Skip's feet. Skip clenched the bridge of his nose. "This is the guy who saved me?"
"Hey, a guy gets lonely!"
"Then get a date." He retorted, before turning to Edd. "I think you friends are looking for you. Last I saw, they were heading for the bleachers."
Edd looked surprised for just a moment before recovering. "Oh my, Ed gets awfully dangerous when he thinks one of us is lost." And he hurried off.
"And be careful." Skip added. "Kevin's in a real bad mood today."
"Wonder why." Onizuka asked, still lying on the floor, the pink underpants shaking slightly loose.
"You pulled him from practice for flunking the pop quiz. Remember?" Skip replied, taking the camera away, much to Onizuka's protest.
"Hey! That's mine, well actually its McKenzie's but it's still expensive!" Onizuka yelled.
"You give me those underpants first!"
"Never, you just wanna keep em for yourself!" Onizuka yelled back, pulling them even further down his head.
"What?!" Skip yelled, turning red. "What kinda place you come from anyway?!"
"None of your business!"
"Gimmie those pants!"
Kevin was in a real sore mood. Onizuka had the gall not only to give a pop-quiz, but also flunk him and then hold him after class. Didn't that idiot realize the team needed him? Apparently not. The team had a big game while he was stuck in the classroom, reciting historical names Kevin could barely pronounce correctly. The team lost badly and Kevin was blamed for it, much to his chagrin. Only he and Rolf remained on the bleachers. "I'm telling ya, that Onizuka's getting to be a serious pain." He grumbled.
"I am sure that the new teacher is becoming a malady Kevin." Rolf replied, more focused on an abnormally long strand of hair dangling from his scalp.
"You know normally I'd not get involved with the dorks, but I think eddy's on to something. This one's gotta go, he's holding me down. I mean, why can't he just give me a C like all the other teachers, they actually know the team needs me if we even wanna stand a chance at winning at, pretty much every game. I'm the star player, without me, the team's nothing."
"Uh…football? Duh? Are you even paying attention?"
Rolf looked up from his hair. "Attention, I though currency here was called dollars."
"Ugh…never mind." Kevin got up and left, leaving Rolf to pick at the hair.
Maro and Sienko Case were fraternal twins, the sister being born a day later than the brother. Maybe it was this reason they stayed so close to each other, maybe something else, but regardless, they were all they had. They stayed with themselves, blending in with the crowd so no one would notice them, which made it perfect for them to play their many pranks. Maro, the brother stood at six foot wearing his usual black vest, with chain-lined, urban combat camo pants. The two seemed to match each other very well, in stark contrast to his bone white shoes, but he didn't mind. He blew a stray strand of his jet black hair out of his face. "It seems Onizuka is making a real name for himself. Already, he's marred our star athlete's…average record."
"Why should we care?" Sienko replied, looking up briefly form her cell phone, a small yellow star dangling in front of its camera. It was hard to see her face with it covered by the shadow of the bleachers, but her neon green bandanna still shone from the gloom. She peered over to her brother over her small sunglasses. The jacket she always favored lay beneath her to keep the grass and dirt from staining her white shorts, leaving her only with her pitch black tank top. From a glance, one could never tell the two were actually siblings. "We know nothing about the guy, other than that he obviously bleaches his hair, and that Skip tried something on him and failed miserably."
"At least keep note of it. Si." Maro replied, stretching himself out, chewing on a toothpick. "He's fresh game. Something juicy oughta pop up."
Right at this points the Eds showed up right above them. True pranksters and scammers, Maro thought admirably.
"Double D! You are found! Rejoice!" shouted Ed.
"I was never lost Ed! Now please put me down before you snap my spine." Replied Edd, his face turning an interesting shade of blue.
Eddy was next to speak. "Well where the heck we're ya Sockhead?"
"With Onizuka…getting pictures…"
"What kinda pictures?"
"Indecent kinds." Edd stammered. "But he wasn't going for the underage girls! Honest!"
"Ugh, that Onizuka's one sick weirdo."
"He was raised in a different culture! You can't expect all of them to match ours!"
"So you're saying what he did is okay?"
"What?! I-no! I mean-er…I uh…"Edd was beet red, and at a loss for words, eventually just locking up. Ed poked Edd.
"I think you broke his brain Eddy."
"Ah great, that's a lunch period wasted. Come on Ed, and be sure to take Sockhead with ya."
Ed saluted and trundled after Eddy, a dumbstruck Edd slung over his shoulders.
Maro turned back to his sister. "Okay maybe you shouldn't have heard that."
"Why not?" Sienko grinned devilishly. "Onizuka has a sweet tooth for forbidden fruit. I think I'll play with him for a while." She got up and stretched before putting her white jacket back on. "Looks like school's gonna be fun again."
"And that, is how, with the help of Chinese allies, Silla ended the Three Kingdoms period of Korea. Quiz tomorrow on all three chapters! Study hard and succeed!" Onizuka yelled enthusiastically. The response was a wave of groans, Onizuka may have been fun as a home period teacher, but he was brutal with his history class. Everyone slowly filed out, except for Skip, who suddenly woke up when Onizuka slammed his chalk down, and Sienko, who made a beeline for Onizuka's desk.
"Oh Mr. Onizuka.", Sienko began in a honeyed voice. "I didn't really understand the lecture. Could you help me?"
Onizuka looked up at Sienko, eyed her for a moment, and then went back to dozing off at his desk. "That's why you have a textbook. You can read that."
Sienko, unfazed, climbed on to Onizuka's desk, 'accidently letting her sleeve droop down her arm. Skip, who was still in the back of the classroom, raised an eyebrow.
"Could I please get a private study session?" Sienko asked seductively, "I'm sure we'd both enjoy it a lot."
Onizuka recoiled in his seat. Crap! He thought. My sexiness is too much! I knew this would happen! He gripped his head, his lips curled up for some reason in horror. I'll be branded a pervert and forced to run again! Agh! Why must the road to being the ultimate teacher be so hard?!
Sienko, seeing her tactics having not the desired effect, edged closer, her hands slightly holding onto Onizuka's shoulders. "Teacher you're so tense. Let me relieve you."
Onizuka slapped her hands away. "Yeesh get away from me! I'm not into that! (Even I have standards)" he huffed.
Though they aren't too high Skip thought.
"What?! This wasn't right! You were taking snapshots of girls like me! Why aren't you accepting the fact that you want me?!" pouted Sienko, like a child denied candy.
"Where'd you hear that? I will deny it up and down!"
Sienko grinned again devilishly. "Well who would believe you anyway? A teacher, with no past record, or an innocent student? Let's face it, I hold all the cards, and all I gotta say is that you groped me and I can have you deported to whatever stink hole you came from." Sienko was only an inch away from Onizuka, hands gripping his face like she would forcefully kiss him.
"Yeesh, and you could use that time trying to seduce me to study." Onizuka said, his face still scrunched between her hands.
"Who needs study when you got blackmail. My parents are the heads of the PTA board. I just need to turn on the waterworks and I can have whoever I want blacklisted. All I ask is a simple 'A' in your class. And that you lick my toes clean."
"Well you can get an A if you stu-wait what?"
"Lick my toes you foreign bastard."
"I'm having déjà-vu now." Onizuka said to himself. "And you have a serious problem. My cure is discipline." And he grabbed Sienko by the back of her pants and pulled her away. "Hey, put me down asshole! You can't do this to a student!"
"You're my student now? But class is over. Now you're just a brat in need of a good spanking."
"You. Wouldn't. Dare." Sienko growled.
"I guess there's nothing else for it." Onizuka said resolutely. He hoisted Sienko still struggling, over his lap, and raised his hand. "This is gonna hurt me a lot more than it'll hurt-ah who am I kidding?" and spanked her rump hard.
Skip, who was silently watching the entire event stared dumbfounded, blushing slightly. "…whoa." A slight red trickle came out of his left nostril.
Onizuka wasn't finished with just one. He spanked her again, and again, until tears welled in Sienko's eyes, and Onizuka was slightly blushing as well, a small grin on his face. Edd had then chosen that time to come back into the classroom. "I'm sorry Mr. Onizuka, for interrupting your spanking session, but I forgot my notebook here and"- he stopped as he realized what he just said sounded wrong. He gaped at the scene in front of him. "Oh my…"
Onizuka then turned Sienko right-side up, letting her go. "Now let that be a lesson to you. Go to your room and think about this."
Sienko was crimson, the humiliation not only by Onizuka, but was actually witness by another student. "You'll pay for this you bastard!" she screeched and ran out, pushing Edd down.
"Mr. Onizuka, I realize that the Case sibling are troublesome students, but was that really necessary? You can easily get fired for something like that."
Onizuka shrugged. "Well I was just doing what her parents shoulda done. Besides, I doubt anyone here will remember this by tomorrow." He waved dismissively lighting a cigarette.
"And the smoking? Can't you save that till your outside?"
"Oh yeah." Onizuka sighed, hoisted himself up from his chair and made for the door. Edd shook his head, grabbed his notebook and followed after Onizuka, afraid he might do something rash again.
Skip on the other hand stayed. Once everyone left he clapped his hands. "What a show. (Now I know Onizuka's crazy!)"