Aaahhh, the angst... this is the reason why I've been so angsty all the time.

Disclaimer: The characters are from Scare-Enix, the plot is my life, so it's pretty much mine. Well, I haven't died yet, so some is made up. But just the dying part.

ENJOY at own risk.

And don't even think about going all 'it's unrealistic' cuz it's damn fucking true.

I'm keeping the tradition: Italics are flashbacks.


He fell.
Alone.
The pain.
It was just too much to bear.

The car door opened.
"Hey Roxas! Thanks you could pick me up! I owe you, man." the silver haired said as the golden haired jumped out.
"No worries, Riku." They both got back in in red car, driven by Roxas' father, Axel. The way to the silver haired's house wasn't very far. They both exited the car, Roxas saying goodbye to his friend. Or that's what Axel thought they did.
"What about-" Roxas' whisper was interrupted.
"Dumped you. Sorry man. We'll talk some more on msn, hey? See ya."
Roxas got back into the car, not showing, not believing what he had just heard.
Arriving at home, he jumped onto the computer immediately.
BleachBoy says:
it cant be, rigt?
SilverSurfer says:
sorry man but thats wat she said
BleachBoy has logged off.
The golden haired fell asleep, crying the living daylights out of him.

Two months passed since the twilit evening that pressed the trigger.

Christmas break was over and students streamed back into the deserted schools. He returned, starting his second last year at high school. Everything was as it always had been. Only one thing had changed.
Kairi shrieked at Roxas' slashed arms.
"What did you do that for?" Roxas shrugged.
"I just wanted to see blood." His eyes held an empty stare.
"Don't do it again, okay? It's not helping, ya know?"
He faked a smile for her. "Sure, Kairi."

He saw her walking by. He grinned at her, acknowledging her. She didn't spare a glance.

"Roxas! You said you wouldn't!" This time it was Riku who yelled at him.
"Sorry. I promise I'll try not to again."

The blond waited for Axel to pick him up. Then she walked by, with another friend.
"Hey, isn't that your ex?" he asked.
"What? Him? No, he's... nobody."
Roxas cried all night.

"Your friends are very concerned about you, Roxas. Is it true that you've been cutting yourself?"
"Yes."
"Why did you do it? Is there something wrong?"
"Yes." he whispered the second time. He wasn't sure if the counselor heard him.

He was standing with Sora, his cousin, when he overheard the whispers coming from the bushes nearby.
"She asked me out."
"That's great Riku! But, did you thought of how-"
"He'd be devastated. So I said no."
"Maybe you should just tell him. The truth is always better."
"Kairi, you can't tell him! Then he'd think she never truly saw him at all."
Roxas made a mess with his ice cream as excuse to get away.

"What did you do that for?" he pointed at her name carved into his skin.
"She hurt me."

Oh boy was he lucky the school uniform had long jeans. He didn't want to scare Kairi with his new scratches again.

"Do you cut elsewhere? Or just on your arms?"
"Just my arms." he lied. He really didn't like this interviewing. It was as if he'd been caught by the police whilst committing some crime, and now he was being questioned in that awful, dark, lonely and guilty room where everyone was watching him through the mirror glass.

He had a brilliant plan. If he'd throw himself in front of her car, she was bound to feel guilty of him. It was foolproof.

"Well, Roxas, I haven't seen a cut on you for over four months. Do you think you're better now?"
"Yes. Thank you." Lying was so easy. Fake happiness was easier, especially if one had been practicing it since three years.

The only thing on his mind that night, was the memory of Riku kissing her in that car. But the pain didn't numb when he slid that silver blade along his pale skin.

"Roxas, what are you doing?"
"ROXAS!"
The car screeched, a pitch higher than the auburn haired's and silver haired's screams.

When the golden haired opened his ocean blue eyes, the first thing he saw was the blond hair and pale skin he had dreamed off.

"He's waking up! Kairi, come quick!" Her voice was music in his ears.
A patch of auburn appeared on his side.
"Roxas, we've been so worried!" she said, hugging him tightly. "Don't ever do that again!"
The blond on his other side froze.
"He did it on purpose?"

Six months passed, but he never recovered from the accident.

"Roxas, you gotta let go." Kairi said to him, finally seeing the hidden cuts on his thighs.
"I can't. It's too hard."
"Why not just... love someone else?" she said, looking at his fixed body, yet seeing a broken soul.

He was back at school, earning various frightened and surprised looks from the others. They all wondered how he was stable, not physically but mentally. But there was one person that completely ignored his existence. The plan hadn't been as foolproof as he had thought.

"I'm here for you." she whispered when she hugged him. Though she didn't see it, he was silently crying on her shoulder.
"I love you, Roxas."

For the first time in four years, he truly smiled. At Kairi.

It wasn't right. It wasn't supposed to be the auburn hair he'd see at his side. It was supposed to be blond. His insides cringed when he saw said girl walk by. She saw the entwined fingers- was that a glance of jealousy in her crystal blue eyes?

But his suspicions vanished as he saw Riku show his true colors in front of him and Kairi. Now it was official.

"Kairi." He had decided to end this facade.
"What's up, Rox?" she asked, happy that he hadn't been so angsty all the time.
"I'm sorry." He kissed her goodbye.
The auburn haired had a feeling what the blond was up to. Again.

And he fell.
Alone.
The pain.
It was just too much to bear.

The only girl he'd ever love was Namine, not her red haired twin.

He thought she didn't know him, didn't want to know him. If only he knew that she was the one crying the hardest at his funeral.


ZOMG, could it be? ME writing Roxas/Kairi? Though I can't stand that pair? Well, it is Rokunami at heart, sooo...

confused 'bout the first flash? Well, apparently, Roxas asked Namine out, she never turned up but he didn't go to school the next day and had nothing to contact her with. So he sent Riku who told Rox that she had dumped him. Sad, isn't it? Now you know a little more about me.

and yes, I threw myself in front of a bloody car to get my ex feel the least bit guilty about me. I mean, he is the actual trigger for me now being so god damn bipolar. Yeah, mood swings all around... like when I wrote this, about 20 minutes ago, I was being all angsty emo bitch, now, I am pretty much laughing the shits out of me. But I stretched the time a little. The car accident had only been three weeks ago. Neva fear! No serious injuries, just a fractured bone. Heh. I'm going to kill that little fucker now while you review.