47Title - Just Stacey
Author - 4give4get
Rated - T
Pairing – CedricxOC
Disclaimer- I own nothing.
Serena- You all have no idea how miserable I've been since I've killed Cedric. I feel like someone I know actually died. Cedric and all of the characters I use are that real to me. Thanks for reading so far. Last chapter. Maybe a sequel.
Who I Would Have Been…
Dear Cedric,
As I write this letter, gray clouds cover the sky horizon to horizon and drop the rain miles from the sky down here to Earth where it lands on the roof and turrets of the castle that is our school and it washes down the upper windowsill and then slides across the glass of the window panes smoothly and in perfect grace, before the droplets then drip off the lower windowsill and finally fall to the forest floor below.
You are dead. But I'm not tell really telling you that; I'm telling myself that. Or trying to, anyhow.
People know how I felt about you. They always did and I'm only realizing it now. They're all walking on eggshells whenever they come within the same vicinity as me.
"Don't mention Cedric around Stacey."
In a way, I've been walking on eggshells to myself as well. I try not to think of you. Whenever my general thoughts begin in that direction, I quickly stoop myself.
I couldn't think about you because it was far too painful. The truth hurt—as it often does, I suppose. But remembering your life with pain is better than pretending it never happened. You deserve better than that, Cedric.
So I will get out all of the pain here so maybe later I'll be able to think of you and it'll be with happiness that you once lives as you deserve. You are dead. As I write you are as cold as a rock in the shade. Your skin is rotting. Soon you will only be bones in your grave.. And then not even that—you'll be dust and all of the world will still move on.
We all die.
Is my heart really broken, anyhow? I feel sad—but so does everyone. If someone had asked me, "Do you love Cedric Diggory?" I would have answered without a question, "Yes."
But I think I've learned something. That which is unquestionable is often times vulnerable. And I'll be honest, more to myself than anyone else: I do not love you, Cedric. I do not now, and I certainly never did.
I NEVER LOVED YOU.
Good grief, I'm fifteen years old! I don't even know what love is! As it would be lying to say I loved you, it would also be lying to say that I didn't care for you at all. I really liked you a lot. Maybe in time I wouldn't come to love you. But that is nothing now.
I was 100 percent smitten with you, however. Maybe it's good you're out of my life, because you were really an unhealthy obsession. Maybe I was oppressed. And now that the person that was on my mind 90 percent of the time is gone, I feel like I'm starting my life all over again.
I'm a new person now, and I'd really lie to meet myself.
But somehow, I can't chase away the pain bursting in my chest. Perhaps your death is still too recent. Perhaps time heals all. Either way, my mind seems to be stuck on useless thoughts: I'm thinking of who I would have been as much as I try to tell myself that it doesn't matter. The past is the past and wishing and thinking about it won't change it.
As soon as the rain clears I will throw this letter out into the wind and let it be lost. I don't want to see it ever again. If I just buried it one the bottom of my trunk with all of the miss-matched socks, pencils and gum wrappers, I would just dig it up again and all the pain I'm putting into this note would all come flooding back. But somehow I could never throw it away, though. I'll just get rid of it sort of like the note in a bottle out to sea cliché, of course minus the bottle and the sea and I'm not a man stuck on an island forced to eat tree slime until I'm rescued.
I should thank you. Your passing through my life however brief it was taught me about myself. And I will live on. You'd better believe I will!
Most importantly of all, I feel now lie the world is so big (bigger than I ever imagined) and I am only one girl. I am smaller than life, I realize and as I sit by this window, watching the rain, and thinking of who I would have been.
Warm Regards,
Stacey (Just Stacey—the smallest person in the world.)
End Chapter
End Story
Serena- It's over. Thanks for reading and thanks to everyone who reviewed! You all helped me so much through this and it deffinetly improved from beginning to end thanks to my reviewers! I owe you everything!
And about the sequel. No Cedric obviously, but it's going to be about year 5 for Stacey and her friends. It'll be… Stacey-ish. I'll get it up as soon as I can.
Thank you again!