Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything thus related to it. I do not own the Anita Blakeverse or plan on pretending that I do.
Edited by CajunMomma
I was determined. I knew deep in my soul what I wanted, no needed. I was tired of waiting to have what I wanted. I knew almost from the very beginning that I wanted not just Edward, but to be his equal. Now that we were on the same page, I knew that we had to do this in the right order. We have come too far to throw in the towel now.
But his eyes…
I had been lost in thought about how this is the right thing, truly the only thing I could do. I was unconsciously biting my lip while my heart raced with fear and anticipation of telling Charlie. On the one hand I wanted to do this for us. But on the other Charlie was my father, who didn't approve of my boyfriend now Fiancé, and most importantly I was 18. Marriage is a four letter word. But regret is a bigger one. I won't lose him, not again. Edward is my life surely Charlie sees that.
My thoughts buzzed in a circular motion I needed this but knew that it wouldn't be well received. So my best bet would be one step at a time, tell Charlie, answer his questions, take things as they come. Then I can focus on Renee. Oh God, Renee. Just as I had that horrifying thought of telling my mother Edward's patience ran out.
"Please love; tell me what you are thinking. I cannot bear your silence any longer. We can put this off; we don't have to tell Charlie yet."
But his eyes were smoldering, pleading for me to tell him my deepest thoughts that were still locked from him. Oh if you could only know how very much I love you, I thought, as I drowned in his eyes. He growled lowly in his chest unable to wait for my answer.
"I'm sorry Edward I was just trying to figure out how to drop this bomb on my father. And no, we won't wait; I won't wait for this any longer. We are getting married and Charlie will just have to find a way to handle that."
But inside I could feel the heavy weight of guilt settling in my stomach. I didn't want Charlie to have to handle it. It being the "marriage" thing, I mentally cringed again at the word. I wanted my father to be overjoyed, to love my fiancé, and part his blessings on us. In this fantasy Renee would gush over my ring and complain that she could not run the show as that was already Alice's job. Together my parents would boast about my lovely Edward and everyone would know how destined we were for each other. They'd at least know that we couldn't help it; it was really the only choice.
As I looked at the ring on my left hand I wished so deeply that my parents would accept my choice. I know they fear that I'll repeat their mistakes, or even that Edward might leave again, or that we'll out grow each other… There are so many worries to young marriages. But I knew deep in my soul, through my bones that this was it for me. Edward was my destiny, and oh what a destiny.
I lifted my eyes to my Greek god, marveling in his beauty. He is so very beautiful. I smiled, despite the thoughts of my parents, I couldn't help it. He caught my stare and smiled reflexively. His smile grew crooked and large as he realized that he now had the focus of my thoughts.
For him I could walk down the aisle, I cringed as I considered the likelihood of remaining standing until I reached him. I made a mental note to discuss the aisle with Alice. I wanted to be Edward's forever and if marriage was what that took; I guess I could stomach that. My stomach felt heavier.
My fantasy resumed as I imagined myself proudly showing of my ring amongst my female friends. I would flap my hand around to bring attention to it and to remind everyone that I had the most amazing man. I would discuss details like the dress, and the church, and wouldn't be able to stop smiling. I frowned again trying to imagine me ever acting like that. Surely, if Edward didn't make me like those girls I just couldn't be like them. I smiled; relieved to think that at least I wasn't a failure at being a Fiancé. Sure, I didn't do all those things girls getting married are suppose to do, but I'm sure I wanted him more than any of those girls have wanted anything.
Maybe those girls like the idea of getting married, or maybe they just like dresses and churches and rings. Maybe I'm not a failure. I returned my eyes to Edward; I hadn't realized that I was staring at the ring again. He was still smiling but I didn't understand why.
I spoke softly the haze of my thoughts still circling for my attention. He turned those dazzling eyes my way and smiled wider. Oh I'd marry you a million times to make you that happy.
"You can't keep your eyes or hands off the ring. If I would've known how much you'd love it I would've showed it to you a long time ago. Maybe then you would've agreed sooner."
I stared in his eyes lost in him; my only thoughts now were Edward, Edward, Edward… His name was a soft mantra in my mind. The thought that his name could be a soft mantra on my lips as a lover made me start to blush. I was a little shocked that the thought appeared but then realized we had almost crossed that boundary. I could have been his lover. My blush grew dark as I replayed his earlier advances again in my mind. I could feel a different weight in my stomach heavier and lower than the guilt felt. I squirmed in my seat feeling uncomfortable as I started to feel myself growing wet.
If I thought that I was a new shade of red before… I was now mortified. I'm sitting in his car and I am getting turned on from nothing. He must think I'm some lust crazed teenager. I groaned and put my head in my hands trying to hide my face and empty the thoughts from my head. I felt his hand on mine pulling my hand from my face, then the other, placing them both on my lap. He then used his hand to turn me towards him.
"Love, I thought I told you to never hide that beautiful face from me. You know you have nothing to be embarrassed about; you can tell me whatever is on your mind, whatever it is you want."
His eyes were smoldering, relaying his intense desire, and I shivered when he said want, as it was heavy and laden with innuendo. I squirmed again and he noticed. His eyes traveled the length of me and seemed to settle on my lap where my hands were resting. He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes for a brief moment enjoying whatever he smelled.
Smelled. The thought slammed into me, making me realize that he could smell my arousal and guess my train of thoughts. He opened his eyes and stared into mine. His look was dark and inviting, telling me that I should come closer, but should probably run before he had his wicked way with me. I was so lost in his look and deciphering this new side to him that I didn't blush. He took advantage of my preoccupation and leaned closer taking a deeper breath as he came nearer.
"I didn't think you could smell any more divine but I was wrong. You are exquisite; please don't be embarrassed, if you only knew your effect on me."
His words trailed off but he continued to take deep breaths with small exhalations. I watched entranced with his every movement. His chest heaved with his intake, bringing my eyes to his remarkable chest. I followed the trail of his button up shirt down to his very expensive slacks. He caught my gaze once it settled in his lap and I immediately blushed. His smile grew smug as he watched his effect on me. I was panting trying to regulate my breathing. My legs had slightly parted
while I watched him and I pushed my knees together so quickly that they hit against the other. I held onto the door for support and used the dull ache in my knees to focus on my new mantra, "the right order, the right order, the right order." Even in my head it sounded breathy and at a higher pitch than normal.
He reached over me, unsnapped the buckle, and pulled me on to his lap. His lips were on mine before I registered that he wasn't driving any longer. His lips were hard against mine, demanding my attention, and possessing me. There was no room in his seat so I was straddled against him. He spread my legs apart and pulled me onto his lap, the movement caused me to moan. I blushed realizing my blunder and tried to remove my lips to breathe.
Edward caught on to what I wanted and moved his lips to my neck. His kisses trailed to my collarbone, he stayed there for a movement. My head dropped back forcing my back to arch myself further into him. It also moved my pelvis closer to his and this time he moaned. That sound was so exquisite that it stopped the mantra that I had been maintaining in my thoughts. I suddenly couldn't think, my thoughts were hazy and unfocused, and all I could focus on was how good it felt to be like this with Edward. His name escaped my lips softly.
He kissed the path of the V on my shirt and lingered at the point. He took another deep breath and then kissed each breast on the outside of my shirt. My breath gushed out and I suddenly had none. He pulled me close and tight and gave me another intense kiss. When I thought that I might faint if the kiss continued Edward pulled away and opened the door. He stepped out picking me up as he did. He gently placed me on the ground but my knees were weak from him. He laughed joyously as I floundered.
"I'll hold onto you my love."
He kissed my forehead and carried me through the rain to my father's doorway. He set me down again at the door and this time my knees were stronger. While he held my waist I managed to open the door.
"Char..Dad I'm home."
I called out. I realized that I hadn't looked for the cruiser before I had entered the house. I turned to Edward my eyebrow raised in silent question. He smirked and pointed to the living room.
"I'm in here Bells."
Charlie called from the living room with the soft sounds of the TV drifting in. I blushed, thinking that Charlie may have seen our little show. Edward smiled and leaned into me whispering in my ear.
"He didn't hear us pull up."
I smiled knowing I was safe from having "that" talk again. I followed the path that my father's voice had led to the living room. Commercials were on giving my father time to look me over before he got lost in the game. I smiled when I walked in holding Edward's hand. My father nodded to Edward and looked closer at me. I was alarmed, suddenly realizing I had been thoroughly kissed and hadn't checked my clothes or hair to make sure I was presentable. Charlie frowned and Edward looked down to hide his smile.
"Ch..Dad um. I'll make dinner."
I started out slow and unsure and sounded very excited to make dinner, Edward knew that I was stalling but Charlie was none the wiser. That is until I turned with newfound enthusiasm to the kitchen exposing my left hand as I passed him.
The tone was warning, and I immediately turned to look at him, processing why his tone changed so quickly. I frowned not understanding what I did. I looked deeper at my father wondering about his change in mood. His face was angry and seemed to be throbbing with the pressure of restraining himself. I looked down, the ring catching my eye again and gasped. "oh."
This seemed to further inflame Charlie and he stood abruptly from his chair, knocking down an old soda can from beside his seat.
"Isabella, what is that? What is the meaning of this?"
Edward stepped closer to me putting his hand on my waist and kissing the back on my head. The pressure that had built up as I processed Charlie's anger released and I relaxed in Edward's loose embrace. Distracted by Edward I turned my attention back to Charlie. I realized that I had just added to his anger. I needed to calm him before he built up anymore.
"Ch..Dad, um…" I paused briefly stymied on how to calm my father down.
"EdwardaskedmetomarryhimandIsaidyes." Came out quickly in one breath
Charlie took a deep breath while he deciphered what I said. I saw the recognition as it splashed his face. There was a vein in his forehead that seemed to jump with his anger. I watched it hoping for some sign to calm him.
"Sir, I asked Bella to marry me, in fact I asked her months ago, but she only agreed recently. Until today she wouldn't accept the ring."
Edward's velvet words seemed to wrap around the room and caress me. I burrowed further into his embrace and took a breath. I had been holding it somehow thinking that would ease things with Charlie. With my next breath, I took in my love's scent, my body relaxed against my will. Charlie watched me, as he processed Edward's words this time. The furrow in his brow was deep, cutting jagged lines in his face.
The question was thick in the way he said my name. But I didn't know what question he had so I remained silent. Any anger that Charlie had lost was quickly regained by my silence. He yelled out from impatience.
"What do you mean you asked her months ago?"
I flinched instinctively when he yelled and stepped back into Edward. Edward wrapped his arms around me pulling me into him and leaned into my neck. His breath tickled my skin as he spoke.
"When I, when we came back I asked her. I knew then that I couldn't live without her. I knew that she needed me and I wanted to protect her. I wanted to make everything right and show her how very much I love her. But she still didn't believe that I loved her, so she denied me. I'm not sure why she accepted now, but I know what she has said, and that is that she's ready to move on with her life."
Her life was heavy with the implication that it was my choice. I nodded along with Edward as he spoke. I wanted so badly to turn and see his face; I yearned to look at him. Charlie must have read the yearning on my face because he slumped back into his chair putting his head in his hands.
"It's been clear for months that you two are inseparable. It's even clearer that my daughter loves you deeply. I understand why she chose you. I don't understand how she could let you be a choice though. You left her and she withered without you."
Although Charlie was calmer his words were angry and heavy. I felt the guilt settle in my stomach as I thought of how much my actions had hurt Charlie.
"I agree, sir."
Edward's voice was crisp and to the point. Charlie looked up from his hands shocked by Edward.
"I will never fully deserve her, but I made a mistake in thinking I could save her by giving her the option to choose someone else. Whether I deserve it or not I am her choice. Now I must do all that I can to deserve it, because I won't let her down again. I love her with everything that I am."
Edward's voice wrapped around me and I smiled against him, he was my everything. Charlie watched us with narrowed eyes.
I looked up startled by my father's acceptance. "Whhat?" I asked
"I knew this was coming, I tried to stop it, I tried to get you to fall for someone else, but I was wrong to try. I just didn't want to see you hurt Bella. I know how much he means to you. I just didn't want him to hurt you again. But if he can be there for you, then there's no choice really. You'd never be happy without him."
My father leaned back in his chair seemingly finished with the discussion. I stood shocked staring at him until my stomach grumbled. I blushed and hurried to the kitchen to cook. As I cut vegetables for pasta I wondered if telling Renee would be anything like telling Charlie.