Notes: Okay, I've kept you guys waiting for over a week, so here's the next chapter, I hope you like it! I don't think this chapter is quite on par with the others but I'll let you decide that!
"I now declare this court session…open!" Xemas declared as he slammed his gavel onto the wood of the desk he was sitting in. He, Axel, and Saix were all sitting in a court-like room. Xemnas occupied the judge's position and Saix formed the one man jury. The rest of the organization was still incapacitated from the hangovers they suffered because of Axel's brilliant idea to pass the time by having a total piss up of a party. "Before we begin the sentencing…I mean, trial, of Axel, I just need to ask him one thing…how are you able to stand while the rest of the organization, not counting Roxas who is too young for jury duty, is still unconscious?"
Axel shrugged sheepishly in reply; despite the fact that he was pretty much screwed given Saix's chances of acquitting him were zero. "Well, before I had my heart torn out by a passing heartless, I had quite a reputation for being able to drink unholy amounts of beer and be perfectly fine in about five minutes! Actually, I had a nephew that always called me Uncle Ale…Ven always was a good kid!" (A/N: This is just a nod to my other story; pay no attention to it if you're not reading it!)
"We didn't come here to hear about that nephew of yours, number eight…" Xemnas said as he held his head in his hands out of frustration. "We came here to solidify your sentence…"
"Wait, you haven't even found me guilty yet!"
Saix smirked when Axel said this; the time to get revenge on the pyromaniac had finally come! "Very well, I find that you're guilty on the grounds that every single member of our organization, not counting me, the superior, Roxas, and Demyx, is currently comatose…" Saix took a second to fully absorb and enjoy the look on Axel's face before he continued. "Also, I'd like to take this opportunity to sing a song regarding your mother…"
Axel suddenly looked downright murderous form where he stood while Xemnas shot Saix a curious look. While this was certainly a breach of discipline, he didn't order Saix to stop, a morbid curiosity held him back.
"This is all your mother's fault, she only gave birth to you because she's a big fat stupid bi-!"
"Don't say it, Saix!" Axel was barely able to stop himself from sprinting up to Saix and strangling the Lunar Diver himself.
"WEEEEELLLL!" Saix started as a wicked smirk wound itself across his face. He did have a surprisingly good singing voice….
"Don't do it Saix!" flames began to wind their way down Axel's arms as he strolled to not to blow up the entire room.
"WEEEEELLLL!" Saix started again, his smirk was even smugger.
"I'm warning you!" Axel's chakrams had materialized into his hands. They were already on fire and were spinning in circles. They would be like chainsaws on fire if they came into contact with the Lunar Diver's skin…
"WEEEEELLL, Axel's mom is a bi-!"
"ENOUGH!" Xemans roared, instantly silencing the two nobodies. "We unwittingly did a South Park joke in the last chapter. The readers will hate us if we keep recycling the same joke over and over! So no more South Park songs…the readers won't like them, and if they don't like the jokes then they'll stop reviewing, and when they stop reviewing, our favorite author on the internet (A/N: That's me!) won't continue this story, and if he doesn't continue this story, then our current incarnations will be stuck in limbo…which is kinda bad!"
Both Saix and Axel exchanged looks of mild confusion and would have had anime sweat drops coming out of their heads if they were in an anime. Xemnas could get a little weird when he got emotional, not that he actually had emotions.
"Great, so lets just skip to the part where you guys sentence me to…whatever it was you were supposed to sentence me to…I haven't been able to read the script to this chapter since we already just broke the fourth wall back in that last paragraph so we can't do it again in this chapter…goddammit!" Axel slapped his forehead when he realized that he had broken the fourth wall…again. "Just sentence me already…"
"Very well, since you seem to cause pain and misery wherever you go, I hereby declare that you can not leave The World That Never Was unless you're in the company of another organization member…the only exception to that rule is Larxene." It didn't take a genius to know that leaving Axel and Larxene alone together was the height of folly!
Axel stood there, dumbstruck, for five seconds before he nodded and calmly left the room. A chorus of "goddamits" was heard just outside the door.
"So, Saix, now that this section is coming to a close in this chapter, would you mind telling me the lyrics to that song?"
"Gladly, sir, gladly….."
Axel stormed through the halls of the castle that never was, practically fuming. What as he supposed to do now? All the rest of the organization was incapacitated or unwilling to come with him on an outing ever since they had heard about what he did to Demyx, what the hell was he supposed to do for fun now?
Suddenly, The Flurry of Dancing Flames heard footsteps coming from down the hall. Out of curiosity, Axel hid behind on of the corners of the hall, and sunk a peak at who was walking. He grinned when he saw who it was. Roxas and Namine were walking side by side, with Roxas holding what appeared to be a list of some sort in one hand and a pencil in the other.
"Okay, markers, paint, some extra paper, and a few more pencils. Is there anything else?" Axel heard the Key of Destiny ask as he and Namine slowly walked in his direction.
"Uh, no, I think that's it!" Namine replied brightly. "Hey, Roxas, I'm sorry if I'm being a burden…you really don't have to do this…"
"You're not being a burden!" Roxas shot back. "I'm glad to help…besides, it's not like I have anything else to spend the munny I get off heartless on!"
"I know…" Namine was clearly nervous about something. "I just…" Roxas rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around Namine's shoulder.
"Seriously, it's no big deal…the food here really gets old here after awhile." They both exchanged looks and burst out into laughter, with Axel quietly snickering to himself from the inside joke. The food on The World That Never Was was sub-par to put it mildly. All of the Organization members kept their own private stocks which they usually acquired from other worlds…the method of acquiring differing from member to member.
Roxas's joke was simply poking fun at how no one was willing to eat the gravy-like substance that Xemnas tried to cook when he first started the organization. It was ancient, if not fossilized!
"Saaaay, Roxas buddy…" Axel started as he surprised the blonde pair by emerging from his hiding spot. "I can't leave this place unless someone is there to guard me, and if you're leaving, then can I come with you?" Axel smirked as he said this. It was easy for him to figure out what Roxas and Namine were planning.
While they were undoubtedly planning to get art supplies for Namine, from the sound of things, they were also going to take the chance to get something to eat. It was lunch time after all!
"What, Axel? But we…" Roxas had yet to recover from his surprise.
"What's wrong, Roxas?" Axel's smirk widened as his words left his mouth. "It's not like the two of you were going to do anything bad that you wouldn't want me to see…right?" Roxas and Namine both blushed as they looked down at the ground, prompting Axel to smirk. While they were both too innocent to actually plot anything like that, it didn't mean that he couldn't tease the pair in order to get his revenge for the prank they pulled on him only a few days ago.
"Great, then there's nothing wrong with me coming!"
Roxas moaned as he rested his head against the table that he and Namine were sitting at in the restaurant of their choosing. Axel had been embarrassing them during the entire trip by not only poking fun at their relationship, but also by shamelessly flirting with every cute girl around his age… "cute" being a relative term…and "girl" as well since Axel was a full grown man and not a pedophile!
"Roxas…are you alright?" Namine asked concernedly. She was as embarrassed and annoyed with Axel as Roxas, but she did have her replacement art supplies now, so she did have some comfort, unlike Roxas…
"Ugh, yeah I'm fine!" Roxas replied as he raised his head to look up at Namine. He smiled weakly in an attempt to prove his point, but only succeeded in worrying her more. "It's just…Axel…" As if in response to his words, the pyromaniac began strutting out of the bathroom and towards their table.
Axel was wearing a pair of khaki jeans, and a red T-shirt in order to more or less fit in with the inhabitants of Twilight Town, the world that Roxas and Namine chose to go to.
"Phew, sorry about that, I was just taking the biggest crap ever!" Axel inwardly took joy in Namine and Roxas's expressions as he said this. His revenge was even sweater than he had imagined! "Seriously, it was huge! I mean, could've stuffed a turkey with it!"
"Axel, shut up!" Roxas yelled in a display of rage as he jumped out of his chair, just barely suppressing the urge to summon his keyblades. "You're making Namine sick!" While Namine did indeed look like she was going to hurl due to the images Axel put into her head that made her food seem uneatable, a degree of her ire was stemming from the fact that Roxas's yelling had just attracted everyone who wasn't already disgusted with Axel to their little argument.
The good news was that they were all glaring at Axel, not Roxas. "Whoa hey, chill out!" the redhead cried out as he took several steps away from The Key of Destiny. Roxas could beat him even if he wasn't angry, Axel really didn't want to picture what would happen if Roxas summoned oathkeeper and oblivion… "Er…I have to go to the bathroom…again!"
Roxas's face returned to its usual expression as he sat back down in his chair, laying his head upon the table in exhaustion. He didn't know if Axel was doing this as a kind of revenge for the prank he and Namine had pulled on him, but the redhead had pretty much ruined this outing…it didn't help that Roxas now had a headache from having to put up with Axel.
He suddenly felt a somewhat soothing pressure on his shoulders and looked up to see Namine attempting to give him one of those shoulder rubbing massages that people on TV do a lot to keep the stress off…the key word being "attempting".
It's the thought that counts you know!
"Thanks Nam…" Roxas muttered. While the massage wasn't exactly the best, due to Namine's obvious lack of experience, when it came to this kind of thing, but it was soothing nonetheless. Namine simply nodded in response. "Wait…I've got it…a plan to get Axel off our backs!" Namine tilted her head sideways in confusion at Roxas's words. Her confused face soon changed to one of glee as she giggled to herself after Roxas whispered his plan to her.
"Let's do it!" Namine said after she managed to stop giggling at the poetic justice of Roxas's idea.
"Yeah…" Roxas and Namien both got up and walked up to the owner of the relatively small restaurant, chubby, but kind faced man, and whispered something to him. He nodded in reply and moved next to their old table with a glint in his eye. Roxas and Namaine both left the restaurant, without paying for their food, snickering.
Soon enough, Axel came out of the bathroom when he was sure that Roxas had calmed down. He went up to the table to find the owner of the restaurant waiting for him with his arms crossed. "Ah there you are," he started "I believe that you need to pay your bill…"
"Huh, what?!" Axel exclaimed as he looked around for Roxas and Namine. He'd been set up! They were leaving him to pay the bill…and he happened to not have any munny on him…
"You heard me, you can either pay your bill or wash dishes until your dept is paid…"
Axel snorted in reply, his rebellious side emerging. "And just what'll you do if I decide not to wash dishes, huh, pops?"
The manager raised an eyebrow in reply. "Bruno!" Axel could have sworn that the ground beneath his feet shook as a huge giant of a man walked up behind him. The guy could be Lexeaus's brother for crying out loud! "Bruno, this is the man who drove off half of our customers with his potty mouth…he's refusing to pay…"
The bear of a man growled and firmly pressed his hands down upon Axel's shoulders, immobilizing him. "Eheheehe…can we, uh, talk about this?"
"Yes…scrubbing clockwise is the best way to clean the dishes…welcome to the club…" The manager wore a grin as he handed Axle a rag to clean with. Axel's ruining of Roxas's and Namine's technical date hadn't exactly made a very good impression on him.
"…Right now, I hate my life more than I hate water…"
Roxas and Namine sat on the clock tower that overlooked the main square of Twilight Town. It was one of Roxas's favorite places to just hang out…but right now, it was where he and Namine would truly get even with Axel…maybe even scare him into never even thinking of pulling another prank again! Roxas gently nudged Namine, who had placed her head on his shoulder with her eyes shut.
"Namine, he's coming!" Kairi's nobody moaned a bit before she sleepily rubbed some life back into her eyes. While Roxas did feel a little guilty for waking her up, it was quickly overcome by a sense of smugness as he saw Axel stumble towards the tower. Roxas and Namine had anticipated that he would manage to escape from the restaurant before too long, which was why they had even bother to prepare this little prank.
"Very funny you two…" Axel darkly stated as he walked out of a dark door next to where Namine and Roxas were sitting side by side.
"Well you what did you expect?" Namine asked as she grinned slyly in reply. "You're the one who thought it was a good idea to try and get everyone in there to puke!" Axel scowled in reply, he couldn't beat Namine's logic.
"Yeah…so what have you two lovebirds been doing while I was away?" Axel winked suggestively in an attempt to get a rise out of the two.
"We've just been sitting here…you know, taking in the view…" Roxas replied without a hint of shame as Namine nodded in affirmation.
"…Oh…" was all Axel said as he inwardly scowled. His entire plan was falling apart! It was then when The Flurry of The Dancing Flames noticed there was some room between Roxas and Namine…not much, but enough. Say, you won't mind if I just kinda plop down right here?" Namine let out a grunt of protest as she hit Axel's shoulder with her sketchpad, but the older nobody merely shrugged it off.
"Alright, Axel, you win…" Roxas sighed in a resigned tone. Axle grinned and nodded while mentally patting himself on the back.
"…We hope you like your prize!" Axel's eyes widened as he felt both Namine and Roxas shove him off the clock tower as soon as Namine had finished. He couldn't help it, Axel let out a scream as he fell, and he couldn't open a dark door in mid-air. To his relief, he landed on something that felt soft and yet…wet…
Axel groaned as he shifted, he was too disoriented to realize what he had landed in. He suddenly felt something poking him in the side as he shifted. Axel reached down and felt something scaly. A revelation dawned upon Axel…wet and scaly…there was only one thing that that could mean…
"A FISH CART?!" Axel yelled as he held up the offending halibut that had been poking him in the side. Axel began to feel a wave of dizziness in his head as the world began to spin around him. To make things worse, he suddenly heard Roxas and Namine laughing their heads off…he must have looked utterly ridiculous…
"Roxas…I'm going to…to…" Axel was interrupted when Namine suddenly forced one of the countless fish into his mouth, effectively gagging him. Her laughter did little to soothe his shame…this was the second time the blonde couple had set him up! How was he supposed to know that they would have moved a fish cart where they had been planning to shove him off the clock tower?!
The last thing Axel saw before he blacked out, was Roxas and Namine literally having to support each other in order to stop themselves from falling to the ground with laughter…that and Namaine reaching for her sketchpad with a mischievous expression on her face.
Axel's fan girls would be VERY happy with the picture she was about to produce…especially after the artistic nobody had taken some…artistic license in regard to Axel's position…the phrase "fish rape" sprang to mind in Namine's vengeful mind.
Nobody screwed with her and Roxas, especially when they were on a date, without being severly punished...
Okay, I know that this wasn't as good as the other chapters, but it's better than nothing, right? I'm sure I'll come up with another idea fairly soon…sorry if this one was a disappointment due to the lack of fluff and good humor!