This is How I Disappear

By: well, let's just hope that you know by now…

Disclaimer: not mine, ever

A/N: this is the end, so thanks if you reviewed, put this on your favorites or alert list, or just clicked on the name of the story and read. :D

The normal print is what happened as the year's progress. The italics are what happened after the fight between Harry and Sirius and is more recent.

Begin chapter six


"It's too fucking difficult, Remus!"

A light touch on the arm.

"Yesterday had a meaning, Moony, I know that it did."

"Lily and James are probably stirring in their graves as we speak…"

"…I know…"



"Yeh, Loony?"

"They didn't get off. They asked me to send their apologies to the Headmaster and to send an owl to the Potter and Weasley families."

"Bu—bu why wouldn' they come ere?"

Luna shrugged, muttering something about the past being realized.

Hagrid didn't pay attention though, instead focusing his brain on the real reason as to why the two people that he had been looking forward to seeing again most in the world had disappeared.

"Where'd they go?"

The woman stopped talking mid-sentence to look up at the half-giant with a hazy expression set in her grey eyes.

"They wouldn't say."


"Mum asked me to tell you that dinner's on the table. She also said that if you want, she can bring some up for you two later…"

Remus smiled tentatively at the barely open wooden door. Apparently the other children learned about what happened the other day.

"Thank you, Glen. We'll be down in five minutes."

The door snapped shut.


A sigh.

"Sirius, this has nothing to do with what you said."


"God-fucking damnit!"


"Ginny, I honestly don't care if the kids can hear me right now."


"But nothing. Two years have gone by already."


"It means that they're not coming back."

"How can you be so sure?"


"It's been made quite obvious that we aren't wanted here anymore."

"I hope that you don't mean what you seem to, we have nowhere to go, Sirius. Dumbledore is dead, McGonagall went missing around six years ago—"


"What? I'm sorry, Padfoot, but isn't that a bit extreme or at least a bit too complicated?"

"No, not in the least."

"So how are you suggesting that we do this, then?"

"We go. Just like she did."

"Love, I'm not too sure that she just went off on a holiday."

"She might've, Remus. She could have just gotten fed up with everything."

"Or been kidnapped and murdered."

Now Sirius exhaled.

"Remus, we've been over this already. No matter what, it'll still go down to the same thing: Are you in, or aren't you? I've made my decision, make yours by tomorrow, before the Express leaves."


"I can't believe that it's been four years already."

"They all mold together after some time."

"Don't speak like that, Arthur! It makes me worry."

"Any more then you should be? I'm in St. Mungo's again, love."

Molly busied herself with tucking her husband into the stark-white bed sheets.

"The time's got to be soon." She heard him murmur.

"I just wonder how they're faring out there." He heard her whisper back.


"I'm in."

The Animagus's face split into a wide grin as he paused in his packing.


"But that doesn't mean that I approve."

"Then why do it?"

"Because I love you."


"I miss them."


"It's been six years, I'm allowed!"

"You barely even knew the people, Florence!"

"And what, you were bestest buddies with them, Glen?"

"Stop being so mean to each other, you guys."

"Shut up, James!"

"Stupid twins."


"Do you two want anything from the trolley?" James asked as he held a pumpkin pasty out to the werewolf and Animagus sitting across from him.

Sirius smiled. "No thanks."

Glen shrugged. "Suit yourselves." And snatched the sweet from her cousin's outstretched hand.

Florence rolled her eyes. "So where d'you two think you'll end up this time round?"

"It depends on what you mean by that."

Remus didn't look away from his window.


"Eight years."

"They aren't coming back."

"I know, Hermione. I just wish that we didn't have to be so negative about it all."

"Oh Ron, I just wish that they'd get to meet Patrick."

"And say goodbye to Dad."

The baby sitting in Hermione's lap gurgled and looked up at his parents.

He sniggered and gave a gummy grin.


Ron and Hermione exchanged a glance.


"We're here." Remus had his head on Sirius' lap; the others didn't know how he knew their position with his eyes closed.

"I've got to go use the toilet," Sirius announced abruptly. Remus sat up to let his mate leave the compartment. He went back to staring out the window.

"Well, this is it," James tried to fill the silence. "Hogwarts. It's now or never."

"For what?" asked Glen curiously.

Florence didn't look away from Remus as she answered.

"If we leave now we won't be able to come back."

"Why's that?"

"Because the train moves on. Like life. It's always moving."


"Ten years."

"Do you still trust me?"



"You're my best friend, my mate…we're in this together you know."

"I know."

"There's no turning back now anyway, we're twenty-one already."

"You look exactly the same, Remus…"

The werewolf blushed and looked down at Sirius' hand. "You ready to do this?"

"I was ready ages ago, we just weren't allowed."

"Will we ever see them again?"

Sirius smiled up at the clouds over their heads as Remus continued to look at him fretfully. The Animagus played with the ring on his finger.

"Of course, love. They're our family. I just need some more time, give it another couple of years."

Remus stayed silent, worrying his bottom lip as he thought about what would eventually come to pass.


"And here's the letter that we wrote to them, send it as soon as you can."

"Alright. Are you two positive that you want to do this?"

Without any hesitance, Sirius nodded his head. Remus took one look at him and followed suit.

"We need to."

"Alright," Luna repeated, sighing. "And I suppose that you're not going to tell me where you're headed to?"

Sirius smiled lightly and shook his head. "Can't tell a soul."

"We need time to think," Remus added quietly. "Tell everybody we're sorry."

"Will do Professor."


"Where are they?!"

"Don't know, Lily-love," James answered with a shake of his head as he skimmed over an article in his grandson's Quidditch magazine.

"And how can we not find them? We can go anywhere we want and not be seen, it's like we're in a permanent invisibility cloak!"

"Not to mention we don't have to breathe."

"Oh now this is just getting silly! They can't just up and disappear for twelve years without telling us!"

"Well it's my understanding that it's relatively hard to speak to somebody who you can't see."

"Oh shut it, you."

James shrugged, non-pulsed.

"Just stating the facts, dear," he said. "Ah, look here, there's a lovely pair of gloves half-off—only one galleon and—"

"GIVE ME THAT RUDDY MAGAZINE!" Lily snatched Quidditch Weekly from her husband's hands and ripped it down the middle before throwing it to the floor and stomping it into the carpet.

James stared at it for ten minutes before looking up at his wife pathetically. "Did'ja really have to do that?"


"Well I reckon that nobody'll ever guess that we chose to live here." Sirius smiled broadly at the pub nestled in the town center of Godric's Hollow. He looked down at Remus as he put an arm around his shoulders. Five months had passed since they decided not to re-enter Hogwarts, and the two boys had shot up like weeds.

"You want to go inside, don't you?" Remus asked dryly. Sirius nodded happily. "Well I don't think that they'll let us, we still look too young to be allowed."

"D'you want to go see the graveyard then?"

It took a moment for Remus to answer, "if you want to. It'll be lovely to see Lily and James again though."


So there we have it, it's been fourteen years. All over again.

I suppose that the pain, if that's what you want to call it, still hurts sometimes…but I know that I deserve it, after what I did to them and all.

I keep wondering what my parents would think if they knew about this entire ordeal. Would they be mad at me, or at Sirius? Possibly even Remus for running away with Sirius, instead of facing his problems. Then again, I suppose that they didn't really have a choice. It was all my fault anyway, just like the first time, although this time it was more direct.

The years have been long and restless.

They've missed so much because of me and my blasted stubbornness.

I bet that they wanted us to be a family again, and now they'll probably never be able to get that.

They left. And it was all because of me.

I doubt that anything'll ever compare to how they felt about my betrayal. Even I still need to come to full terms with it. They really do love me as much as they love each other and my parents. Because of myself I lost the only true parents that I still had, even if they did look like they could be my sons and probably still do.

Those two weeks were the slowest ones in my life, but just like that night in the Department of Mysteries, they were over in a beat. Looking back now, I've realized that they've blended in with the background amazingly well, especially when they're new to the age and they each turn into animals.

Fourteen years have passed once again and neither hide nor hair has been seen of those two, they're pretty much like Sirius' spell, and that was just how they had happened to disappear…

But then again, just like Sirius' school trunk, they're bound to reappear at some point - even if it takes them another fourteen years.


End chapter six

Thank you for reading! :D

-justification to wormtail