So we all know that all the professors in the books know about pretty much everything going on all the time. Here's a possible solution as to how they do it.
MAURAUDER ERA – First Year
HA! Imagine that! A Black in Gryffindor!
Young Sirius has problems in store for him, I'm sure Walburga won't be too pleased.
Let her scream.
You aren't going to have to deal with her screaming! I am!
Minerva McGonagall! A BLACK!? I was really rather hoping to have him in Slytherin…
Indeed it is. However, I hope he does well. And there is still his younger brother.
For all we know, he might be a Hufflepuff! Houses don't necessarily run in families. Mine has been all over the place.
Oh yes. I remember you're parents were a few years behind me! Your father was a Ravenclaw and your mother a Hufflepuff, no?
Correct, though I'm a little frightened you remember.
Minerva McGonagall, frightened? It can't be!
Ah ha ha ha.
I remember a lot of things. Example, I have just remembered that we actually have to wake up tomorrow for classes, and it is therefore bedtime! Goodnight, Albus, Minerva!
…He really needs to go to sleep at nine to wake up at seven?
Horace has always needed more sleep than most. I've seen him when he doesn't get enough sleep. It's quite an entertaining sight, actually…
Right, I'll just take your word for that one. Please tell me I'm wrong when I say that I've heard tales of James Potter being an extreme prankster…
From what I've heard, I can't tell you wrong. Mr. and Mrs. Potter haven't ever been terribly stern with him.
I just had the last school pranksters in my house! Don't I even get a YEAR to recover?
Minerva, when you were in school the staff didn't even have SUMMER to recover.
Not my fault that my father taught Magical Creatures and my mum liked having parties, and that they let me have Rolanda and Pomona and Poppy over when said parties occurred. You never had to go, you know.
Yes, but it would seem rude and they actually were rather fun.
Speaking of "fun" how are we going to deal with Remus Lupin?
I didn't talk to you about that?
Well… we have until the next full moon to figure that out.
ALBUS PERCIVAL WULFRIC BRIAN DUMBLEDORE! IT WAS YOUR
RESPONSIBILITY TO TAKE CARE OF THAT!
I was too busy trying to find a new Magical Creatures teacher.
It only took you a week to settle on Kettleburn!
Oh, yes. I suppose it did….
Look at that! Time for your patrol!
Lies! My patrol isn't for another half an hour!
Not anymore! I changed it.
Then I'll be late. We need to figure this out NOW!
Might I suggest talking to Poppy? After all, she will be the one taking care of him afterwards and all…
Wait a second! You're not trying to pin this on ME?
You are his Head of House…
This was supposed to be sorted out before he was sorted!
Ah ha! Very punny!
ALBUS! Focus, or I'll make sure the house elves don't serve you hot chocolate for a week.
Fine by me. I have my own super-secret stash!
ALBUS! REMUS LUPIN! WEREWOLF AT HOGWARTS!
Alright! Well, he definitely needs to be off grounds…
Oh, there's a stroke of genius.
I really don't appreciate the sarcasm, Minerva.
I really don't appreciate the fact that you didn't sort out the problem of having to deal with a werewolf.
Point taken. Well, you're the former prankster here, how do we get him off the grounds without others noticing?
Well, Rolanda and I didn't start sneaking out until fifth year when we managed to become animagi…
We could've had PLENTY of time to sort this out –
What about a secret passageway?
I'm sure it would be discovered.
How about you do what you should have done over the summer and think of a better way. I have to go patrol now. But remember this, by failing to come up with a plan you have managed to endanger everyone within Hogwarts!
You're too good at laying on the guilt.