28Suracis: Thanks to the people who have reviewed and because of you, I will continue this story even though I have to force myself to do so. Enjoy the second chapter!
Disclaimer: I do not own Kyou Kara Maou or its characters but I do own the plot and the OC contained within.
Beta Reader: Nope, I do not use a beta reader. I proofread my own stories.
Warning: This story contains boy x boy. If you don't like it, please leave immediately. Otherwise, enjoy!
My Love for You – Reflection
Yuuri's POV
Why can't I understand you Wolfram? You know that I wouldn't want to hurt you on purpose so why have you pushed me away when I called off our engagement? You despise seeing me, talking to me… you despise everything that has to do with me. I sighed as I turned a corner to Greta's room in which Wolfram should be in. Wolfie… why can't I be friends with you anymore? I mean, there's no way you could have loved me in the small time that we have spent together… right?
Flashback
"I can't believe you! Do you always think of yourself when it comes to me?" I could only stare as Wolfram jumped out of the baths and had quickly wrapped a towel around his waist. "Why are you so dense that you can't even see that I'm already in pain that you broke off our engagement? I mean, breaking off our engagement broke my heart but I lost my heart when you immediately made another engagement soon after to that girl of yours!" What…? I just couldn't comprehend all of the words that he was jeering at me. I just lost all feeling in my body by all of the harsh words Wolfram kept saying to me. Before I knew it, Wolfram had stomped his way to the door and as he opened it, he left one final comment towards me. "And I would appreciate it if you would stop coming to me as if I was your friend! I do not want to be your friend any longer! If anything, I am just someone under your command! Understand? Good day Heika!"
End Flashback
Wolfram… did you truly have feelings for me? Do you really love me? I sighed as I tried to figure out a way to make everything work between us. Wolfram, even if you do love me, I have no feelings to return to you. I only see you as a friend and only that. And that's why I'm coming to see you… I have to talk to you about this. I just can't keep on living knowing that you hate me just because I couldn't return your feelings. I had finally reached Greta's room and as I did, Wolfram soon came out of the room giving me a disgusted look as soon as he saw me.
"Heika. How may I help you?" Wolfram… do you really have to speak in such a harsh tone to me?
"Do you mind if we… talk in private?" Wolfram seemed a bit suspicious as he got closer to me revealing Josh who had walked with him. As Josh was about to close the door, I could see Greta fast asleep in her bed and I immediately felt guilty. Greta… I'm not there for you when you need me am I? Instead, you always had Wolfram to comfort you.
"Of course Heika. Where should we talk?" Before I could have said anything, Josh suddenly laid his hand on Wolfie's shoulder, whispering something that I couldn't hear. Wolfram nodded to whatever he was saying and before Josh took his leave, he bowed his head to me before doing so. Gods Wolfram… you even hate it when I call you Wolfie now. I didn't even know how or when I picked up that nickname for you but you seemed to like it at first… but not anymore.
"How about in the garden? It's not too far away." Wolfram nodded as I began to walk with the blonde haired boy in tow. For some weird reason, I could feel my heart beating faster with every second passing us by. I haven't been this nervous for a while now… As we walked into the sight of the garden, it felt like forever since we had started walking together. "Wanna sit over there in the grove?" Wolfram only nodded as he took the lead; sitting in front of me as we got to the grove. I followed behind as I sat down as well.
"So, what did you want to talk about Heika?" As I observed the emerald eyed boy in front of me, he had never seen more beautiful as he did right now in front of me in the sunlight. He seemed so gentle… so unmoving like nothing could ever touch nor move him. I'd quickly shook my head removing those thoughts from my mind as I spoke.
"Well, I wanted to talk about what had happened earlier today." That's when Wolfram's eyes met with mine. Now I didn't know if it was just me but it was getting just a bit hot out here. "It may seem a little too direct but… um… do you love me?" Wolfram's facial expression seemed to have been a mixture of anger, love, and befuddlement if it was possible to make a face such as that.
"Why do you ask Heika?" I didn't know why but I would always feel pain in my heart every time he called me by my formal name.
"Well… it would help me to understand your actions if you told me." Wolfram's gaze fell downward and had stayed like that for almost a minute before looking up again.
"Yes Yuuri…" At that moment, I felt like celebrating with a huge party when I heard him call me by my actual name. "I do love you…" And that's when I decided not to have a huge party. He… did love me. He really did… Shit… what should I say? When I stared into Wolfram's eyes for a bit longer than I should have, I felt that if I said anything offensive to him, he would take it to heart and never forgive me.
"How… how do you know?" And I was actually asking this question honestly. How do you even know if you're in love with someone? Maybe Wolfram mixed it up with a crush or something… yeah, that's it! That must be it! Wolfram slowly turned his face away from me and towards the gentle breeze that was headed towards us.
"Yuuri," I gulped by anxiety as I awaited his response. "Do you love me?" That's when I was caught off guard.
"Wha… what?" Wolfram turned his head once more at me and stared hard and deep into my eyes as if he was searching for something. Shit… what should I do? As if the gods were answering me themselves, they gave me the opposite thing to do which was to do nothing as Wolfram slowly moved closer to me, inching ever so close to my face. I felt my body tense as he was literally an inch away from my lips and as he cupped my left cheek, I could feel myself quiver by his touch. What… is this feeling? His other arm slowly went behind my neck as if to embrace me and I was completely dumbfounded by what was happening to me. I was like a puppet under the strings of my puppeteer.
"Do you love me, Yuuri?" Again, he asked me the same question I just couldn't answer.
"I… I…" I didn't know what to say to him. Come on Yuuri, get yourself together now! You like girls, not guys! It's not right for guys to get with other guys… but then again in this world, something like that isn't so rare at all. Is it really that okay in this world? We stayed in that position which seemed like an eternity before Wolfram did something I half expected him to do. He… kissed me. As I can feel his lips over mine, his lips felt so soft… like milk I guess. And then, I did something I never expected myself to do. I pushed Wolfram to the grass below and I straddled his waist against mine as I began to ravage him for all he's worth. Oh Wolfram… you taste so good… The boy below me began to moan by my ministrations that I couldn't help but continue what I was doing. I was so enjoying the noises that Wolfie was making… I used both of my hands to hold his arms down to the grass as I proceeded to bring my mouth from his lips down to his neck. Man… Wolfram smells really good today.
"Yu… Yuuri…" I had no idea why but I loved it when he said my name so huskily like that. I started to nibble on his skin and as soon as his moans started to slow down, I took a piece of his skin into my mouth and began to do what came to my mind which happened to work in my favor since I got a nice big moan from Wolfram. I continued to taste him as he moaned my name over and over and before I knew it, a voice had appeared from a distance.
"Yuuri-Heika? What are you doing lying in the grass like that?" And that's when the footsteps that were coming towards us had stopped. I turned to see who it was and saw Conrad who was just simply shocked. Shit… what did I do? I quickly got off of Wolfram and immediately power walked away in embarrassment. I didn't bother to stop even when Wolfram or Conrad had called me to come back… oh gods… what have I done?
1 Hour Later
I could only cover my face with my hands by the embarrassment that I have caused myself. Why? Why did I do that to Wolfram? I don't have any feelings for him do I? I mean, I do care for him but I care about everyone else in this castle. But then again, I wouldn't ravage anyone else… would I? I heavily sighed as I wished there was someone who could help me with this predicament that I'm in. I slowly looked out of the window in my bedroom to see the sky in all its glory. It was so blue without a cloud in the sky… like nothing could ever change its color. It was as if, it knew it just had to be that color. If I was the sky right now, I'd definitely be black and white. I hastily walked over to my bed and slowly laid myself across it. My bed felt so soft… it was like sleeping in a bunch of feathers.
"Yuuri?" Two knocks were made as I recognized the voice of whom it belonged to. His voice instantly struck fear and anxiety into me. "Do you mind if I come in?"
"N… no! Of course not!" I said with fake laughter. I was definitely not in the mood for the guy who saw me making out with Wolfram. The door was slowly opened and closed as Conrad came in with a small smile on his face.
"How are you Yuuri?" Please, don't beat around the bush with me Conrad. Just tell me how horrible I was to do that to Wolfram after I broke of the engagement with him. I sighed mentally as I decided to play along with his game.
"Not so good after what I just did." My brown haired guardian walked his way over to me and sat in the spot next to me making the bed lower just a bit. I stayed lying down in my bed looking up into my blue ceiling which had many sculptures within.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I turned my body the opposite direction in which Conrad was as I didn't want to see his face. "I understand. Shall I leave?" I nodded, hoping that he was at least looking at me. "Then should I stay until you're ready to talk?" I heaved a sigh as I removed my upper body from the bed and had put myself in an upright position by putting my two hands behind me on the bed.
"I'm just… confused by what I did Conrad. I mean, I broke off the engagement this morning and made another one with Sora and just a few hours later, I'm making out with Wolfram! I don't know what to do anymore…" I looked down in my white sheets as I awaited his reply.
"Yuuri, I hope you don't mind me asking but, do you love Wolfram? Or Sora as matter of fact?"
"I'm not even sure myself… I mean, how do you know if you're in love with someone?" I looked into Conrad's eyes and could see that he was trying to help me with my problems but I don't think he was an expert in relationships such as this.
"It's easy to tell… well, it is once you've fallen in love before." I gave him a puzzled look as I urged him to continue. "Let me make an example using Gunter and Gwendal." Okay, now where was he going with this? "You'll understand what I'm trying to do at the end of this." I nodded slowly as I listened to him with utmost attention. "If Gunter was in love with Gwendal, there's a good chance that Gunter would think about Gwendal almost everyday whether he wants to or not. Also, Gunter would always try to do what was best for Gwendal and not for himself and even though he may get a little jealous if he saw Gwendal with other people, he would trust and love Gwendal with all of his heart. Do you understand a part of it?"
"Um… kind of. It's just a bit weird on how you're using Gunter and Gwendal for this example." Conrad gave a small chuckle as he continued to talk.
"Well, they were the two names that popped up first. Anyway, if Gwendal on the other hand does not love Gunter, then what do you think he sees in Gunter's actions?" As I thought about his question, I slowly came up with an explanation.
"I guess Gwendal would see Gunter's actions as being a good friend."
"Exactly Yuuri but how do you know if Gwendal is in love with Gunter but doesn't know it himself?" I shrugged as I waited for Conrad's answer.
"Yuuri, this is an answer you must seek yourself. Hopefully, my explanation has helped you somewhat." I sighed again as I looked out the window to see a few clouds starting to cover up the sky.
"I got part of it Conrad…" Suddenly, Conrad stood up from the bed and started making his way towards the door.
"I'll leave you to your thoughts Yuuri." We both smiled as each other and before Conrad had closed the door, I had just remembered something.
"Conrad, about what happened…" Conrad brought his hand up to his mouth and had moved his hand across it.
"Don't worry. My lips are sealed and I doubt Wolfram would tell anyone of this event. You were lucky that everyone else was too busy eating lunch to come out into the garden." I gave a grin as I lay in my bed again, trying to figure out Conrad's little riddle for me. If Gwendal was in love with Gunter but doesn't know it himself, how would Gwendal be able to find out about it? Hmm, I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask Gwendal himself now would it? I stood up from my bed with new inspiration to get to the bottom of all of this and as I was about to walk out of my room, I had bumped into a certain blondie.
"Sora! What are you doing here?" My newfound fiancé gave a small smile before she began to talk.
"Well, I kind of missed you ever since you left me in the dining room saying that you had to go talk to Wolfram." I laughed nervously as I brought a hand up to scratch the back of my head. "So… how was your talk with him?"
"Um… well, I guess I could say it could have gone better." Please don't ask anymore questions about Wolfram…
"I see… I guess Wolfram really did get hurt by all of this." I gave a confused look as she stared at me like I was from another world.
"Yuuri… you do know that he loved you right? I mean, no one could get hurt emotionally like that without being rejected by the person you love most." Now I was totally confused.
"How do you know if Wolfram loved me?" Sora lowered her eyes a bit before speaking.
"Yuuri, how could you not tell?" What is with everyone telling me I'm like dense or something today? "Wolfram… he…" Sora seemed to be hesitant but I was really curious as to what she was going to say. "Never mind Yuuri. I shouldn't talk if I don't know the whole picture yet."
"Well, you can tell me your theory then right?" I gave a smile hoping that would convince her to tell me as to what she was thinking about.
"I can't but if you wait a little longer, I can tell you more. Until then, I can't say anything."
"It's okay Sora. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I laid a hand on her shoulder as we both smiled at one another. Suddenly, Sora moved closer to me and gave a quick kiss before she left with a giggle and a wave goodbye. It was now I couldn't comprehend as to what had just happened… her kisses… were different now. It was like they meant nothing to me and it was like there was no feeling. Why did her kiss feel different? I remember before that they tasted good but they didn't taste as good as Wolfie… gah! What am I thinking? Ugh! I have to speak to Gwendal about this. I hastily left my room and down the corridor to Gwendal's office in the castle.
"Josh, you'd better be careful up there. I wouldn't want to see Heika's grass get destroyed by your fall." Gunter? I wonder what he's up to… As I brought my body against the wall and my head around the corner, I could see Gunter and Wolfram looking up at Josh who was currently up on the roof doing something. Wolfie…you have such beautiful blonde hair…
"Now what was it that I had to get up here again?"
"You have to get Heika's baseballs that had gotten stuck up there." My baseballs? Oh yeah… I had forgotten about all of those games we've been having lately.
"Wait a second, why am I the one doing all of your dirty work?"
"Because you have to at least do something for the castle during your stay here after the little entrance that you've made." I could hear Josh groan in agony as he continued to look for the baseballs.
"Man, it wasn't even my fault that I came in that way! Hmm, I found one!" As I saw Josh drop a baseball to the two people below him, I could see that neither of them were paying attention as the ball had fallen right on top of Gunter's head.
"Ow! Josh! You'd better watch where you're throwing them!" Heh, I'd never seen Gunter get that mad at anyone before.
"Sorry!" As he turned back to retrieve a couple more baseballs, I saw Wolfram picking up the baseball and throwing up and down into the air with his right hand.
"You know, I could never understand the game of baseball." That's when Gunter's attention had been drawn from Josh to the emerald boy besides him.
"Perhaps if you ask nicely enough, Heika will teach it to you." Wolfram suddenly threw the baseball behind his back as he gave a disgusted sound.
"You mean that wimp we call a King?" I could feel a smile making its way towards my face at the word wimp. It's been a while since I heard him say that… such memories that we had. "Forget it!" And that's when my smile had quickly disappeared. "I bet he's off with his new fiancé!"
"Wolfram, you know it isn't right to talk badly about Yuuri-Heika behind his back like that." Without warning, another baseball had fallen, hitting Gunter on the head again. "Josh! What did I say?"
"Sorry Gunter!" Josh game a small apologetic smile as Gunter muttered something under his breath from what I can tell. Wolfram… how long have you been talking badly behind my back like this?
"Does it look like I care Gunter?" Before I could have heard anything else, I felt a hand grasp onto my shoulder as I felt myself jump into the air by the shock.
"What are you doing?" I quickly tried to catch my breath as I stared at the man in green in front of me.
"Gwendal! Don't scare me like that!" He didn't seem to care as he only shrugged his shoulders. "Anyway, I was just on my way to see you." Gwendal stared at me for about a second or two before I decided to continue. "I wanted to ask if…" I was soon cut off as a man in white soon approached us.
"Heika!" I soon found myself in an embrace by the silver haired man as I was soon losing oxygen. As I somehow managed to pull Gunter away from me, I could see that Wolfram was still over by where Josh was located as I continued to catch my breath. Wolfie… I still remember how you always tried to pull Gunter off of me every time he touched me but now… you don't seem to care anymore.
"I have work to do." Gwendal began to walk away towards where Wolfram and Josh were as I tried to call him back but thanks to Gunter, I wasn't able to do so until I ran up to Gwendal stopping him in his tracks. I wasn't so lucky at the moment since I was kind of near Wolfram and I don't think we needed to see each other right now.
"Wait, I still have to ask you my question." As Gunter soon approached us, Gwendal stared off in Wolfram's direction as Gwendal soon did the same thing. I was feeling so nervous by the unnerving atmosphere until Gunter had broken the silence.
"Wolfram, aren't you going to greet Yuuri-Heika?" I could see Wolfram roll his eyes as he forced himself to turn in my direction.
"Good afternoon … Heika." He didn't even look at me when he said that… My heart began to ache by his use of my formal name again but this time, it was worse than before.
"Wolfram, you could at least treat Heika in the same way you used to before this morning." Gunter… as I looked at him, I could see that he was trying to help but I know it's not going to be of any use.
"I don't think Heika needs to see me as a person but as a soldier. Besides, I'm sure he's had enough of that these past three years." Wolfram… why do you do this to me? Before I knew it, I felt something hit my head as I fell to the ground with my hands on top of where I was feeling the pain.
"Heika!" I felt Gunter trying to pull me back up to my feet in which he succeeded. "Josh! You struck Yuuri-Heika! For that, you must pay dearly!"
"Huh? Oh Heika! I am deeply sorry! I didn't mean to hit you at all!" As I looked up to the roof, I could see that Josh was being sincere but it seems that Gunter didn't believe him.
"Come down here and take responsibility for your actions!"
"Now why would I…" Suddenly, Josh had somehow slipped atop the roof and had begun to slide down. I was in the perfect position to catch him but I felt someone push me into Gunter and just a second later, I could see Josh in Wolfram's arms. Oh, you had no idea how pissed off I was at this moment seeing this scene before me.
"Wolfram, Yuuri could have caught Josh himself." Gwendal said in a rational tone.
"I know but I didn't want Heika to go through all the trouble of doing so." What an excuse… he's causing this pain to me on purpose! As soon as Josh and Wolfram looked into each other's eyes, I could see both of their faces getting a bit red and at this, I was really upset.
"Thanks for catching me Wolfie." Wolfie…? How dare he use that name! Oh I am so going to kill you… only I can use that name for Wolfram! "I don't even know how I slipped up there."
"It's no problem Josh." He said as he laid Josh back to his feet. Grr… why do I feel this way? Why do I feel like wringing Josh's neck all of a sudden? This isn't like me…
"Heika, your hands! They're bleeding!" Huh? My hands… are bleeding? As I brought my hands up to see, Gunter was right. They are bleeding… but how and why? "Don't worry; I'm sure Gisela will fix that right up." I could feel myself being dragged away by Gunter but before we were out of proximity of the others, I gave a yell to make sure that they had heard me.
"Wolfram, I want to see you later tonight after dinner in my quarters and Gwendal, if you don't mind, please come with us because I still have to ask you a question." Wolfram gave a confused look as Gwendal began to follow obediently. I sighed as I didn't even know why I had just told Wolfram that I wanted to see him later tonight but the only thing I knew is that I had to talk to him again… and I will make sure that whatever happened last time won't happen again.
"That Josh disgusts me with his manners and his ill-temper… he's just like Wolfram. I wouldn't be surprised if those two got together, wouldn't you agree Heika?" Before I knew it myself, words came flying out of my mouth.
"What? No way!" Um, what did I just say?
"You're right Heika. Those two would never get together. What was I thinking saying something like that?" I started to observe my left hand in which Gunter's hand was pulling me with and saw that the bleeding had slowed down. Strange… why were my hands bleeding? My thoughts soon went onto Josh and Wolfram… ugh, the sight of seeing them together disgusts me! Josh will never be good enough for someone like Wolfram who is just perfect in almost every single way even though he has that attitude of his but that's why I love him. What… the… hell… did I just say? I… love Wolfram? No… that's not possible. Nope! A guy can't be with another guy is what they always say in my world. "Gisela!" Gunter's voice soon got me out of my thoughts as I saw Gisela walking towards us from those three maids she usually hangs out with.
"Heika." She said as she lowered her head before facing her father. "Father, do you need something?"
"Would you please take a look at Heika's hands? They just started to bleed for some reason! It's like there is some magical force out there making our precious Heika bleed." I chuckled at Gunter's innocence as Gisela soon held out my hands before her.
"Hmm, we're going to need some privacy if you don't mind father. Heika, if you don't mind, can I please work on your hands in your room?" Gunter seemed reluctant to leave me but did so when some soldiers came up to him as they started to talk about Josh but none of it concerned me so I didn't decide to stay. Gwendal sighed by his impatience like he always does as the three of us started to work back in the opposite direction.
"Gwendal, if you don't mind me asking, if you loved Gunter but didn't know it, how would you know?" That's when I saw some sweat start to form at Gwendal's face as he gave me one of the oddest looks I've ever seen.
"What are you talking about?" I could hear Gisela giggling besides us as I tried to explain myself.
"Well, what I'm trying to say is that if you love someone but you don't know it yourself, how would you know?" Gwendal stared at me for about a minute before turning away.
"How am I supposed to know? I'm not an expert in love relationships. Now if this was all you were going to ask me, I'm going to take my leave now." Gwendal left without saying anything else as he made a left to another hallway while Gisela and I made a right.
"If I may ask Heika, why did you ask Gwendal that question?" I laughed as I scratched the back of my head in embarrassment as I knew what she was trying to say to me.
"I was just trying to solve a riddle that Conrad gave me."
"Ah, I see." Soon enough, we both returned to the courtyard where Wolfram and Josh had been and it seems that they were still trying to get those baseballs up there.
"Ugh, doing this is stupid! I can't believe how many baseballs are up here!" When I looked down to the ground where Wolfram was standing, I too was surprised to see the amount of baseballs that were up there.
"Don't complain. You should be thankful that they're even letting you stay in this castle."
"Yeah, I'm definitely thankful for doing this type of work." I silently grasped my hand onto Gisela's shoulder and held her back so I would be able to hear their conversation. Gisela seemed to have understood as she smiled and stayed back a bit. "So Wolfram, what do you think about Yuuri-Heika?" Wolfram hesitated for a moment before exploding.
"I have nothing to say about him!" Still he was talking about me in a venomous tone.
"Oh come on Wolfie." I could feel my hands clenching at how he was still using his nickname. "You were his fiancé for goodness sake! You must have something good to say about him." Wolfram remained silent as Josh continued to talk. "Well, if you can't say anything about that, then I'll ask you something else. What do you think about his current fiancé?" Wolfram could only shrug his shoulders as he caught one of the baseballs Josh threw down. "Okay then, what do you think about me?"
"What about you?"
"Well, do you like me?" Wolfram only made a humph sound as he looked in another direction.
"Aww, you do!" Suddenly, Josh jumped down from the roof landing safely and as soon as he did, he quickly took Wolfram into his arms and started to hug him. That's when I felt my teeth and fists clenching at the sight before me. Who does Josh think he is?! He only arrived here today and already he thinks he can touch Wolfie!
"Well, looks like my suspicions were correct." My attention was soon diverted to the girl next to me as she took a hold of my hands again. "You did cause the bleeding yourself Heika." When I looked closely at my hands, I could see that they were bleeding badly… I did this to myself? When I had clenched my hands tightly? Weird… I didn't feel any pain though… "Heika, you should really tell Wolfram how you really feel about him instead of giving Josh a chance of taking him away. I really don't want to see you consumed by hate and jealousy." I sighed as my thoughts had fallen upon my current fiancé. What about Sora? I can't just leave her by the wayside… Soon enough, a small green light appeared simultaneously as some of the bleeding had stopped. When I had turned back, I felt my mind and heart snap in two when I saw Josh kissing Wolfram… "Oh no… the Maou."
Suracis: So, how was this chapter? It was somewhat shorter than the first chapter but I felt like giving you an update. Have fun critiquing it!