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Butter! Ch 5: The Phone Call (dundundun!) Part Two


Both of our expressions turned mildly wicked and intensely knowing.

I felt the small prickle of worry that struck every time before we made love again, but, as always, it was soon won over by determination.

"Think that'll be enough time?" she teased, breaking me out of any lingering seriousness.

"Oh, there's never enough time...but it will do."

Needless to say, her lunch was quite forgotten.

It wasn't long before whatever minimalistic conversation there was between us desisted entirely.

Not that either of us minded.


We lay together, panting in each other's arms, and feeling quite satisfied with ourselves for the time being.

I, however, felt rather sticky; ridiculously warm weather combined with the...ahem...Edward-induced heat made for a terribly sweaty Bella.

"Edward," I yawned as I stretched, trying to work out the soreness in muscles I'd previously had little use for. "I think I need a shower."

And I began to roll off the bed.

I was a trifle surprised when I found myself wound firmly around Edward's cool body once more. It was a nice surprise.

"Bella," Edward intoned seriously, "I'm afraid that one of the rather unfortunate limitations of being my wife is that only in the scarcest of happenstances would you be even grudgingly allowed to leave my sight-or my reach."

Mm, I liked the sound of that.

"Ah," I returned, "but one of the potentially vexing hindrances that come with being my husband is that I am determined to be in your presence every waking moment of my existence...and every un-waking moment there besides. Did you really think I'd intended to go by myself?"

He chuckled, then looked at me somewhat more sternly.

"'Potentially vexing hindrances'? Bella, you know I could never consider you an encumbrance. Not in a million years-and that is no exaggeration."

My forehead wrinkled in consternation.

"But I slow you down all the time."

He smiled softly, considering his words carefully.

"I suppose that there is some truth to that. However, there are certain...compensations which eradicate any and all feelings of even the remotest frustration."

I raised an eyebrow.


He beamed smugly.

"There are a few areas in which you have most assuredly not in any way cumbersome..." He smirked. "In fact, you've been quite...expeditious."


"Such as what, pray tell?"

Edward's grin augmented significantly.

"Allow me to demonstrate."

'Here we go again!' I rejoiced mentally.

Unfortunately, somewhere along the line, Edward's cell phone began to ring.

Surely, it couldn't be five o'clock already, so who...?

Edward rolled us deftly toward where he'd left his phone, and, still kissing me senseless, reached over and dismissed the call.

That's my man.

Now, back to business...

A few minutes later, it rang again.

Edward groaned against the bare skin of my shoulder in frustration, causing it to tingle deliciously.

He was being quite stubborn, holding me even closer and worshipping my neck with newfound determination.

The phone continued to ring, and, eventually, I pushed gently him away. He allowed this with aconfused look on his face.

"Edward, you may as well answer it. They aren't going to give up any time soon."

He sighed ion defeat, at last flipping it open and putting it on speakerphone directly, rather than wait to see if it was a private call.

Apparently, he was not in the mood to carry on an extensive conversation without me. That though made me smile.


I picked up the phone, per Bella's request, but immediately put it on speaker, as I was unwilling to take any private calls at the moment.

It was Alice again.

"You, my dear sister," I gritted out, "have an amazing propensity for-"

"Anticipatory reactions? Yes, I know."


"Well, I was thinking more along the lines of perturbing interruptions, but-Alice, how can they be reactions if they're anticipatory?"

Her high pitched laugh floated fuzzily through the tiny speakers of my phone.

"Easy. My premonitions are more accurate than those of most people; therefore, I may react to them."


She cut me off again.

"Edward, Edward, Edward. Don't you see? I may act on my anticipations, but I react to them. It all makes sense."

I sighed.

"You are quite decidedly ridiculous at times, do you know that?"

"Thank you."

I waited.


'Fine,' I thought.

"Alice, what do you want?"

She huffed.

"Oh, Edward, really. It's four-fifty! If I'd let you continue, you'd end up being so far gone that both of you would remain oblivious to poor Renee's phone call!"

Bella sat up, wide-eyed, and looked at the clock for confirmation. Her lovely mouth popped open.

I myself was rather startled. Well, you know what they say about time when you're having fun...

I gazed at Bella, unabashedly enjoying the view that her new position afforded...

"Edward!" Alice snapped.

I blinked, shaking my head minutely to regain some portion of reason.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Well, I'm going to hang up in seven seconds, as Renee's call will be coming in five seconds thereafter. Be good. Bye, Bella. Edward."


I snapped the phone shut.

Bella gave me a quick but lingering kiss before the phone rang again, and I handed it to her, saddened by the prospect of separation.

I was about to leave when Bella grabbed my arm, and I stopped, looking at her questioningly.

"Every waking moment, remember?" she reiterated fiercely.

"I'll be able to hear everything, Bella, whether it's on speaker phone or not," I warned.

She rolled her eyes.

"Just get back here," she muttered, acting irritated.

I grinned in relief and pleasure, beginning to settle into the bed and pulling Bella into my arms once more as she answered.


"Bella! How are you?"

"…um, I'm fine, Mom."

"Just 'Fine'?" she asked skeptically.

I could practically see the raised eyebrow, and I laughed silently, earning a half-hearted glare from Bella. This would be interesting.

Bella's lips pursed, then turned upward in an indulgant smile.

"Alright, I'm spectacular. Definitely no complaints."

Renee giggled youthfully.

"I'm glad. So," she began in a mock-business-like tone, excitement creeping through. "How was it?"


"What? I'm genuinely curious."

"Yeah, but—well—I mean—"

"Oh, Bella, you know you've been dying to spill. So spill. And I want a few details."

"D-details? I—Oh, Edward, wipe that ridiculously cute smirk off your face."

I couldn't help gut grin.

"Ah, Edward's there, and that's why you won't talk. So send him into another room."

My grin dropped.

"But I don't want to!"

...and returned immediately.

"Should I call you later?" Renee asked, sounding unsure.

Bella sighed.

"No, Mom, I didn't mean it like that, you know I didn't…I just…I really, really don't want to talk about this."

"But what else could we possibly talk about? You're on your Honeymoon!"

"Good point," I muttered, just loudly enough for Bella to hear. My shoulders shook with suppressed laughter at the look she shot me.

"There's plenty else to talk about," she said forcefully


"...Such as...?"

Bella covered the mouth piece and hissed, "Edward, what else could we talk about?"

I was near hysterics at this point, but managed to hold it back fairly well.

"Try the local flora and fauna," I suggested mirthfully.

She thanked me, uncovered the phone, and said, "Well, for one thing, the island is gorgeous."


Bella jumped in surprise, and I steadied her, letting loose a few chuckles.


"Are you alone?"

I could have laughed at how conspiratorial and sneaky she sounded.

Bella's mouth quirked, finally discovering humor in the situation.

"Relatively," she told her amusedly, though she blushed a delicious shade of pink. "There are some people who come to clean and restock the place with food, but, other than that, yeah, we're pretty much secluded."


Renee squealed. Loudly.

I swear, sometimes I wondered if our ages should be reversed. Her youthful attitude was part of her charm, though, and I loved her for it.

"Well, since you're so…secluded, you must be fairly…busy…"

"Mom," I warned.

"Sorry, sorry. How do you like being married so far?"

I grinned at Edward, and he brushed his lips adoringly against my cheek.

"It's pretty wonderful," I sighed.

Renee chortled lightly, as did Edward.

"Oh, come on, Bella, you can give me more than that. Or have you really been doing nothing but—"

"No, no, we do plenty of other things," I interjected hastily, causing Edward's lips to twitch in amusement. "We go on a lot of walks, and we go snorkeling pretty often. We've gone on a few picnics, too. It's too lovely here to stay indoors all the time, and it is secluded…"

I stopped. I couldn't believe I almost told her that we had sex out in the middle of the wilderness on a regular basis!

"…I'm not saying any more than that."

My mom laughed giddily, forcing out, "Oh, you're enjoying yourselves, all right…ah…that island sounds very nice…"

Obviously, I had told her enough for her to interpret plenty.

I let her laugh for a bit, and glared at Edward when he started shaking even harder than ever before, his lips pursed and his eyes crinkled in mirth.

"So," she gushed, "What do you like using the best so far? Grass, sand, or the bed?"

Edward's head perked up in curiosity.

"Well, I...Mom!"

We were not having this conversation.

"Oh, come on, if you can't even talk about that..."

"But-well-I don't know! It depends on the mood, I guess..." I trailed off, my voice getting smaller and smaller with my deepening embarrassment.

"Hm. Interesting."

'I can't believe this,' I thought, groaning inwardly, placing my hand on my forehead.

Edward was trying desperately not to laugh, and I resisted the urge to banish him from the room.

...mostly because I would just miss him entirely too much for it to be proper punishment for just him.

"Mom, can we please talk about something else?"

She sighed into the phone.

"Alright, sweetie. I'm sorry. So. Phil's doing well..."

The conversation remained blessedly sexless (for the most part) after that.

Edward took to playing with my hair, doing his best not to distract me overmuch while keeping himself relatively entertained for the remainder of the call.

"Bella, look over there."

Edward and I were yet again wandering the heavenly, white beaches of Isle de Esme. It amazed me that there were still new things for him to point out to me.

"What is it?"

Edward stopped and pulled me to him.

"I've changed my mind; I want your full and exclusive attention."

I beamed adoringly up at him, and he grinned crookedly back.

"You have it," I informed him.

He kissed me.

The End! Oh, wait...

Edward held me flush against him as we kissed, but then he drew back a few inches, cocking his head thoughtfully.

"You know, we never did get around to that shower..."

Ah, the perks of marital hygeine...

There it is!

Did you like it? Please tell me. And was Renee over the top, or was that okay?


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