25 Ways to Annoy Tia Dalma/Calypso

Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean.

1. Shave her head.

2. Burn her shack to the ground.

3. Schedule her for a long-overdue dental appointment, without her knowledge or permission.

4. Buy her extra large supplies of toothpaste and mouthwash.

5. Give her a huge toothbrush and extra long dental floss.

6. When someone addresses her as "Calypso", play Calypso music.

7. Ask her where she got the dirt for the jar of dirt.

8. Tell her Jack broke the jar of dirt.

9. Tell her that her accent is even harder to decipher than Davy Jones'.

10. Help Ragetti steal that jar of eyes from her shack.

11. Glue, tape, staple, tie down, etc. her feet to the ground, so that she would HAVE to stay there and wait for Davy Jones while he was away for the 1st 10 years.

12. If she tell you that you have a touch of destiny about you, randomly start hitting yourself, and shouting "Where?! Where?! Get it off of me! Get it off of me!

13. Ask her how she knows people's names, before she ever even meets them.

14. Make a voodoo doll out of her, and torture it endlessly.

15. Give her a plate of calamari, and say it's all that's left of Davy Jones.

16. Say to her "If you're the goddess of the sea, I'm the queen/king of England."

17. Devise a plan to drain all the water off the face of the Earth.

18. Hide crabs in her bed.

19. Steal her locket/music box.

20. If she demands payment, run out of her shack screaming.

21. Run out of her shack screaming anyway, for no apparent reason.

22. Make her an actual dress out of rope.

23. Teach her some of the lamest magic tricks on Earth.

24. Yell at her in some unknown language.

25. Spread rumors about Davy Jones being a eunuch.

The End.

A/N: Numbers 3-5 came from how gross her teeth are. To understand number 9, read number 9 of 25 Ways to Annoy Davy Jones. To understand number 10, read Ragetti's list in 20 Ways to annoy Pintel and Ragetti.