Okay, so me and my friends were talking one day, and we were talking about the men in Torchwood, what if Rhys, Ianto, Owen and Jack all got together one day?

Not in that way, perves!

It's in Ianto's mind, I know my friends love him!

This should be fun.

"You ready Jack?" I asked him.

He gulped and looked around "Do we have to go in? I mean we could always pretend that I've died again!"

Does that mean he's done it before? I KNEW that he was lying when he stood me up!

"Before you say it, it's the truth that I managed to get my hand caught in a shredder and died from blood loss, I did not blow you off" Jack said hurriedly.

"I wasn't thinking that!" I snapped.

Psychic boss.

"Let's go in before Owen kills Rhys" Jack said, "You first!" He pushed me into the door.

"No! Don't!" I yelled "We can still get away! I hate uncomfy silences!" I said, attempting to escape.

"Really? Because last time when your Mother came to visit and I was there, you didn't seem to notice!" He snapped.

"That is UNCALLED FOR!" I tried to dive out of the pub (I could practically SMELL the germs) "I SAID that she was coming over, but NO NO NO! Jack HAS to come over wearing nothing but a tea cosy! HAS TO!"

"Considering the fact that you're trying to get away from the others so that we don't have to create an uncomfy silence, you're not helping! They've noticed us!" Jack hissed.


I looked over at Owen and Rhys, Rhys was waving at us happily, and Owen looked murderous.

"Act normal" Jack muttered, dragging me over "Hi guys!"

"Hi!" Rhys said "And how are the lads of the group?"


Me and Jack blinked at each other.

"I'll get the drinks in, shall I?" Rhys laughed nervously and hurried off to the bar.

"You're late!" Owen snapped, kicking me under the table.

"Sorry!" Jack rolled his eyes "I... Um... Died?"

Good one!

"Oh REALLY?" Owen glared at him "And what did you do this time? Stab yourself in the eyes with a pencil? Trip onto barbed wire? Choke on a Smartie?!"

"No!" Jack snapped "...It was a Minstrel"

Owen rolled his eyes "We just spent ten minutes in an uncomfortable silence!"

I looked at Jack "Ha!"

"This is pointless" Owen said, standing up "I refuse to spend the night in silence, when I could be out doing something better! Say bye to Rhys for me" He started to walk off.

Me and Jack stared at each other petrified.

"If Gwen finds out..." Jack started.

"... She said she's skin us if one of us left without getting to know Rhys..."

"... AND I CAN'T DIE!" Jack wailed "So she'll just keep on tearing the skin off!"

"Get Owen!" I snapped.

"Rip, rip, rip..."

"Owen!" I yelled "GET BACK HERE!"

"NEVER!" He shouted, breaking into a run.

"GRAB HIM!" Jack screamed, suddenly rugby tackling him.


"AARGH!" Owen yelled "GERROFF!"


"YOU HAVE A PIMPLE!" Owen yelled.


The whole pub was silent, staring at us.

I had grabbed onto Owen's legs and taken his shoes.

Jack was lying on top of him, crushing him.

Rhys was clutching the drinks, looking gormless.

"TAKE THAT BACK!" Jack shouted.




In A&E.

"Sorry about breaking your nose" Jack said to Owen.

Owen grunted, and looked at me "Sorry about dislocating your collar bone from kicking you"

Me and Owen looked at Jack "Sorry for accidentally killing you" I muttered "I didn't know the glass was broken"

Jack shrugged "No harm done"

Gwen walked in "So!" She smiled "Did you guys all get along?" She paused "Where's Rhys?"




"We managed to knock him out..."

"...By accident..."

Jack smiled.

"But apart from that, I rather enjoyed myself"

Please R&R.

This is a one shot, and a very strange one.